"I don't know why you're trying to deny it, tiger." Vanessa sighed. "You seem to forget that I was standing right there and saw the entire thing. The look on your face was love at first sight and the sooner you admit that to yourself, the easier it will be to deal with."
"That was not love, Vanessa, it was lust. I don't know why you seem to feel the need to keep going around in circles about this." Alec sat down on the couch with a sigh. They had returned from the main island twenty minutes ago and Vanessa had been going on about Joshua non-stop since Sabrina left. "Besides, how you could know what was going on between Joshua and me when you were too busy giving Sabrina evil looks."
"I told you, Alec, that there is something about that woman that rubs me the wrong way." Vanessa exclaimed for the hundredth time. "She was looking at you..."
"Like a piece of meat." Alec finished for his sister, his voice dripped with sarcasm. "It might be difficult for you to believe this, Vanessa, but some people actually find me attractive, believe or not."
"Don't you even think about talking to me in that tone of voice, Alec Kent." Vanessa growled back at him. "If you don't stop I am going to be spending half of the night kicking your smart ass all over these god forsaken islands. I NEVER said you weren't attractive, Alec. You have to admit that Sabrina gives off a weird vibe and there's just something about her I can't put my finger on. It's almost like seeing something out of the corner of your eye, but by the time you turn around it's gone."
"First of all, you couldn't kick my ass all over the islands, and secondly, you don't like Sabrina because she easily dismissed you when we first met. You need to realize that there still are stereotypes in this world, and maybe this will make you think twice before you try pulling another stunt like this in the future." Alec lectured to his sister.
"So why are you so afraid of Joshua?" Vanessa asked to change to the subject.
"Who said I was afraid?" He asked her back, but the look on her face told him that he better start talking. "Fine, Vanessa, you win. Okay? There's only been one person, one guy, that I've been interested in..."
"Yeah, it was Joey." Vanessa interrupted.
"How do you know it was Joey?" Alec asked incredulously.
"I'm not as blonde as I look, tiger." She replied smoothly. "I was thinking about our past the other day after you came out to me, and I remembered the big falling out the two of you had. It didn't take a rocket scientist to put two and two together. You and Joey used to fight like cats and dogs all the time, but it never affected your friendship. Then all of a sudden he was just gone."
"He made sure to do some damage before he left." Alec murmured.
"What did he do?" Vanessa demanded. She would hunt Joey down and kill him for whatever pain he caused Alec.
"Look it doesn't really matter, Vanessa. He hurt me, and made sure that it hurt badly. It's all over now and there is nothing we can do about it." Alec quietly replied.
"I think we should use our contacts to hunt Joey down and do insanely horrible things to him." Vanessa said with a vengeance. It was obvious Alec wasn't ready to talk about whatever had happened, but she had to try and pull him out of this funk. "We could find him and dress him up like a woman then let him loose in a prison where all the men have been in solitary confinement, and they haven't had any human contact in at least ten years and..."
Vanessa never got to finish her tirade because Alec's laughter interrupted her. She was happy to see him releasing some of that pent up emotion at least. He was laughing so hard that tears began streaming down his face, but after a few moments the laughter stopped and the tears did not. Years of pent up emotion broke through the surface and Alec couldn't stop any of it. He tried to hang onto any remaining control that he had, but it just wasn't possible. Vanessa quickly wrapped her arms around Alec and pulled him against her.
Alec's silent tears quickly became sobs, gut wrenching sobs that broke Vanessa's heart. In her entire life she had never seen anyone, especially Alec, ever in so much pain. Vanessa was disappointed in herself because she couldn't believe she never realized the amount of pain her brother was in. She had a feeling that there was more to his tears than just Joey, a feeling that was confirmed a moment later.
"I miss them, Vanessa, I miss them so much. Why did they have to die?" Alec asked through his tears.
Vanessa couldn't answer his question; instead she pulled him closer and rocked him back and forth. She couldn't imagine having all of that pain locked up inside and she was surprised that he was still mourning their parents' death. Vanessa hadn't seen Alec cry even once after their parents' passing, but she assumed he just wasn't letting her see him mourn. She thought he was putting up a strong front in front of her. Alec had always been there to support her through anything, and the tables had been turned on her. It was time for her to help and support Alec through his pain.
Vanessa's intentions were good, but she never had to comfort Alec before, and she wasn't really sure where to start. Vanessa continued to rock him and started to rub his lower back trying to soothe him. She suddenly remembered something from a long time ago; something she hoped would help calm Alec down. Vanessa quietly hummed an old Irish lullaby their mother used to sing to them. She couldn't sing to save her life, but she could at least carry the tune enough to serve its purpose.
Alec's arms tightened around her as his mind recognized the song. After a few minutes his breathing evened out and the tears had stopped falling. Alec felt better after all of that emotion finally burst out of his inner prison, but his mind still felt cloudy and confused. He relaxed in his sister's embrace for a few more minutes before he stood up. Alec leaned down gently kissed his sister on her forehead.
"Where are you going, tiger?" Vanessa asked. She didn't want to let Alec out of her sight.
"I need to clear my head a bit, Vanessa. I'm going to go over to the park and do some more recon work." He smiled her concerned tone. "I appreciate you being here for me, but I just need a little bit of time to myself. Okay?"
Vanessa nodded her head and watched him head out the door. She wanted to warn him to take a weapon with him, but she realized he could handle himself. Vanessa felt a bit uneasy after what just happened. It wasn't every day her baby brother had an emotional breakdown in front of her. On one hand it unsettled her a lot to see it, but on the other hand she felt more connected with Alec since he let her in just a little bit more. Vanessa hoped he was able to find some of the answers he was looking for out there in the darkness.
* * *
There wasn't anyone running the boats from island to island that late at night, but it wasn't something that Alec couldn't handle. He quietly started up the small boat and deftly maneuvered the craft to the opposite shore. Alec hopped out and made sure that the boat was securely tied to the small dock. He paused for a moment to look at the scenery that unfolded in front of him. The air was crisp and clean as a soft, easy breeze circled the island. Alec thought that the jungle would have looked more intimidating at night, but it was far from that. It could have just been all the other situations he'd been in before, but he didn't feel any fear looking into the dark jungle.
Alec was still in shock about what happened back there with his sister. He always had careful control and made sure he kept all of his emotions in check. Alec didn't know what was happening to him. Everything seemed to be shifting and changing since he met Joshua hours before. Was it only a few hours ago that they met? Alec felt like he had been thinking about Joshua for a lifetime and maybe in some way he had.
Alec had imagined what it would feel like to be with someone for a long time. He didn't really focus on the sexual parts, though it did come up from time to time, but instead he focused his thoughts on sharing his life with someone. Alec thought about quiet Sunday mornings lying in bed and just watching his partner sleep. He thought about waking up on his birthday to find breakfast in bed waiting for him. Quiet nights of falling asleep together watching television also ran through his mind. He wasn't looking for a fling or a one-night stand because Alec obviously wanted something more long term than that.
Thoughts of Joshua floated through his mind and Alec tried to push them away but couldn't make the images leave. Alec could see Joshua's firm, muscled chest and how his t-shirt had clung to the contours of his body. The jean shorts that hung down just low enough to reveal just enough skin to be sexy. Alec's demons plagued his mind, as they normally did when Alec found someone attractive. How could someone be in an honest, open relationship if their job is shrouded in so much secrecy? How could Alec go on missions and leave behind his heart, not knowing if he would return?
Alec took his time and walked along the paths between the rides and attractions in the park, his mind trying to memorize every step of the way and take in all the surroundings. Alec circled around the park in a matter of hours, though time wasn't a concern to him. He decided to check out what was off of the beaten path. Alec hopped over a fence and headed into the jungle itself. He was almost immediately overcome with a great calming feeling. It was therapeutic to be walking through nature's beauty and allow his fears and frustrations to slip away.
Alec was a few hundred feet into the jungle when he heard it, the sound of rushing water. He didn't remember Sabrina mentioning anything about any rivers or creeks running through the island. Alec carefully made his way through the foliage and walked closer and closer to the source of the noise. Alec was beginning to feel like he was never going to find the cause of the sound when the jungle suddenly opened up and he was standing in a large open area, almost like a meadow. Alec gasped at what he saw in front of him and completely in awe of its beauty.
On the opposite side of the clearing, about two hundred feet away, stood a tall waterfall. The water cascaded down into in a large pool that formed at the base of the falls. The night air was sticky and humid, which made the water look very refreshing. Alec walked towards the water and gazed up at the falls. It didn't even compare in size to Angel or Niagara Falls, but it was a few stories tall. Alec sat down in the grass and watched the moonlit water drop for the falls' summit. He was mesmerized by the beauty and motion of the water. Alec leaned back on his elbows and looked up at the night sky. He could have been sitting there for a few minutes or for a few hours; time seemed to have stopped completely. The sky was amazing clear, even more than it normally was at home, and his eyes automatically searched for his parents' star. It took only a few moments for Alec's eyes to focus on what he was looking for. He hadn't felt so calm and relaxed for a long time. Alec realized that getting out and being out here in the jungle allowed his mind to clear and regain its focus. A focus that was lost as the sound of a twig snapping shattered the silence in the clearing.
Alec immediately rolled onto this stomach and kept low to the ground. How could he have been so stupid to totally lose concentration and allow someone to sneak up on him? His eyes scanned the tree line trying to find the source of the noise. Dead silence had engulfed the clearing again and Alec's ears strained for any sound at all. His breath caught in his throat as a figure stepped out of the shadows and one word echoed through his mind. Joshua.
* * *
