To Now the Touch of a Man

I sat on the edge of the sofa in my studio, palms a little sweaty and my chest thumping. He was on his way over and would be arriving at any moment. I had never been with a man before, but I was sure it would happen tonight.

He had been over the night before last and I knew he'd wanted it then. He knew I'd wanted it too. But he also knew I was scared. He waited patiently the whole night and I never made the move, even when he scooted so close to me that our legs touched. We looked at each other, knew what the other wanted, but he needed me to make the first move. And I was just too damn scared.

We talked over the TV for a few hours as he waited for me and I tried to work up the courage. I walked him to the door as he left. My heart sank when he said in his sweet, effeminate voice, "I had fun, Chase. It was...nice." And then he walked away.

But that was the day before yesterday. We had texted since then. He knew my situation, knew I was shy. He wanted to see me again. He had found me sweet in person.

Months before, we had met on an app where men go to find other men. Chatting with each other once or twice a week, we had gotten to know each other decently well, and I felt comfortable "taking the plunge" with him.

I felt a little odd about our age gap, him being only twenty-four and I ten years his senior, but our rapport was smooth and we spoke as peers. I was his type and he was mine. He was slim and smooth, as pretty as a man can get. I was husky and covered in hair from neckline to ankles. Opposites attract, it seems.

I had known I loved men since I was fourteen years old, but it took me until thirty-four to be brave enough to accept it. To say it out loud. It had taken twenty years to finally be brave enough to act on it.

Except I hadn't acted on it the other day. I froze up, scared for my life. But I was sure I wouldn't let that happen today. My phone buzzed and I picked it up. The text stated, "I'm standing outside."

I shot up, went straight for the door, opened it up, and there he stood. I'm not sure how long I stood there before he came in, but I absorbed that moment in time like I was stuck in it.

He stood there, looking so...lovely? I couldn't quite describe it. I just knew he was gorgeous to me. He was so small, both in height and his slender frame. He was maybe five-foot-six and I looked like he weighed as much as a large dog. He wore a burgundy dress shirt with a black vest over it and a pair of ironed slacks. He looked quite sharp, night black hair combed back and parted. He was Hispanic and his skin glowed like caramel under my porch light.

When I saw him, my heart went from a nervous thumping to a beating wardrum. When he spoke, my knees became weak and my right leg buckled. "Can I come in?" And he stepped inside without waiting for an answer. He walked over to my sofa and had a seat.

I went to my kitchen area, poured an iced tea, and presented it to him. "It's nice to see you again, Juan. I really enjoyed our time together the night before." I sat beside him, to his left. Netflix continued playing whatever nature documentary I had on before. We danced around small talk. We sat close enough that we were shoulder to shoulder and we both were turned to look at each other as we conversed. I couldn't take my focus off his beautiful deep brown eyes.

My right hand had found its way to his left leg and he placed his hand over mine as if to give me permission. I was frozen once again. I didn't know what to do. I swallowed hard and just blurted out like a total spaz, "I'm super nervous. But I really like you. You're really nice and I think you're pretty. I just don't know what to do." What had I done?! I just made a fool of myself.

He smiled a wide grin and giggled in his adorable, almost girly voice. "Well, what do you want to do?" His other hand tapped me square in the chest as he said "do."

"I want to kiss you," I said.

He giggled a little more. "Well then, why don't you kiss me, silly?"

I leaned in and kissed him. I was so scared, but I did it. And as soon as I did, instincts kicked in and apprehension was left by the wayside. My hand did not leave his leg, but my other moved to hold his face as I kissed him. His hand left mine and moved to my chest as he felt me through my shirt. His lips parted and our tongues danced.

My hand slid down and under his seat as I groped his butt. My other hand found its way from holding his face to rubbing his chest and his side as we made out on my couch. I sucked on his neck and nibbled his ear, then I felt him pull at my waistline. Next thing I felt was his hand under my shirt, fingers running up and down my chest and lightly tugging at my chest hair. He giggled again, but with a much softer and seductive tone.

I was taken over by lust. I'd been wanting this for twenty years. My normal repressed and timid sexual nature became overwritten by carnal instincts. Boldness had my hand on his ass, then moving up to slide into his pants. I grasped his bare cheek.

He said, "Ohhhh," and he grasped at my chest. He shifted in his seat to give me better access to his ass and I shifted in mine so I could better kiss him. At this point I had moved back from his neck to kissing again and as I felt his tongue dart into my mouth.

His hand snuck under my pants and he took hold of my cock.

I was already as hard as I had ever been, even before he touched me there, but I hadn't even realized it until he did. I was just so caught in the passion of the moment. I didn't even register myself or my own needs until it was brought into focus. But the feeling of his hand, just still, holding my pulsating member? Electric.

Every third or fourth throb of my cock I could feel him give me a firm squeeze. This went on for a minute as we continued our kiss.

I unbuttoned his vest and started working on his shirt as he stroked me inside my pants. As I unbuttoned his second-to-last shirt button, he let go of my member and pulled off his vest and shirt. He then pulled my shirt off too. "Ah, that's better," he said. "And look at you, so handsome. I love your hairy chest." He ran two fingers up and down from my belly to my neck.

"And I love everything about you," I said, almost breathlessly and without hesitation. And I meant it. He was beautiful. He was also so sweet. He was perfect to me.

I went back to sucking his neck, licking and nibbling his earlobe and behind the ear. My hand found its way back underneath his briefs and firmly squeezed his cheek. My other hand was rubbing his bare chest and side, exploring his body.

I noticed as I deeply inhaled, he had a distinct scent. A musk or body odor. But I didn't mind it — I found it intoxicating. I wanted to breathe more of him in. He was mild, but with an indescribable spice to him. Somewhat earthy too, like after a fresh rain. It was exotic.

My mouth started to move south as I licked and sucked his neck. I felt him fumbling with my zipper, pulling me out. My mouth found its way to his nipple. As I kissed it, he let out a soft coo and stammered, "I like that, but be gentle." I softly suckled him as he stroked me. I looked up and could see a burning desire in his eyes. Hell, I could feel his very hard and warm desire straining in his pants, pressing into my side.

I grasped him through his pants. "Your so big. And so hard." Both were true, and it lit me up knowing I had made him this way. He was close to double my length and at least a third as thick. I'm about four inches in length and my girth the size of your average peeled banana. Nothing to brag about at all, and for a long time something I felt shame for, wishing myself larger. But I had moved past body issues and shame. It didn't matter. Here I was, with the most gorgeous man alive, and he was as excited as could be. All because of me.

He looked me straight in the eye as I held him through his pants and kissed down his chest, our eye contact not breaking.

"Do you want to take this further?" he asked. "Are you comfortable with that?" His voice cracked a little.

God, I had never wanted anything more in my life. I didn't have words — I just nodded.

He pushed me aside and stood up. "Let's get undressed." He pulled his pants down, bending over as he did. I hastily yanked my shorts down and kicked them to the side, but he took his time, perhaps giving me a show. Still bent over, ass in my direction, he delicately stepped out of one pant leg, and then the other. He slowly rose up, then turned around to face me. He giggled his sweet laugh. I felt my heart melt.

There he stood and I was in awe. It was my first time being completely naked with another man as an adult and I felt so vulnerable. Compared to his beautiful physique, I felt somewhat inadequate and embarrassed. But those feelings were short lived, as I drank in the sight of him. He was clearly excited and happy to be with me, and my thoughts of insecurity quickly changed to thoughts of luck and good fortune.

His thin frame was held up by two smooth, long, brown legs, which formed a taut backside. His body was almost hairless, but for a small light black trail which led down his belly to his loins, his pubic area neatly trimmed close to the skin. His member stood out straight, pointing directly at me.

I just couldn't take my eyes off him. Seeing his cock stand like that, I couldn't believe it was me that made this beautiful man react this way. If there had been any lingering questions about my sexuality, they all flew away at that moment. Right then and there, I knew this was right, and I'd never wanted anything more. It affirmed twenty years of repressed desires.

I must have been staring at him too long. He giggled again, his cock bouncing up and down as he did. I was transfixed. "You...you're beautiful," was all I managed to say.

He walked up to me. "Thank you," he said sweetly, putting his hands on my shoulders. "Thank you," he said again, gently kissing me.

I placed one hand behind his head and the other on his behind, firmly grabbing him, never wanting to let go. We stood there naked in the middle of my studio, bodies pressed into each other as our tongues explored every nook and cranny of the other's mouth.

Slowly, he pushed us to the other side of the room and I felt the back of my leg bump into the familiar spring of my Purple™ mattress. For any readers at home thinking about upgrading to a new mattress, let me take a break to encourage you to check out Purple. I've never slept better and neither has anyone who's stayed the night with me, even when we've not gotten much sleep. But back to point — we were at my bed.

He leaned into me and I tripped back, now sitting on the edge of the bed and him standing above me. He then sat down beside me and we started kissing again. I leaned in and next thing I knew we were both lying on the bed with our legs dangling off the edge. I leaned over him as we kissed and our bodies shifted. I was now on top of him as we kissed, both his arms wrapping around me, pulling me into him.

He reached between us and gave me a few eager strokes as I kissed and sucked his neck and shoulder. His hand left my tool and his arm wrapped around my shoulder, pulling me into him. Our hard cocks pressed into each other's body.

I started to dry hump him as I lay on top of him, his body grinding back into me with the same fervent pace. His hardness pressed into my belly as we made out. Grinded on him turned me on so much, and by the wet pool of precum that dribbled out of him and all over our stomachs, he enjoyed it just as much.

I slowed and then stopped my dry humping and reached between us, taking his length in my bare hand for the first time. It was warm and soft, but quite firm. It was very much like my own, only completely foriegn to me. He was straight as an arrow, not a bend or curve in his length except that the head was pointed slightly up.

Stroking up and down his length, I was amazed. There was just so much more of him to stroke than I was used to. But I wasn't envious or embarrassed, just enthralled. I wanted it just as much as I wanted every other piece of him.

Our breathing became heavy. I stroked him a short while as his hands wandered around my hairy chest. I looked him in his beautiful brown eyes and told him he was amazing.

He just smiled as wide as could be and said, "Just lay here and I'll show you amazing." And he pushed me onto my back.

He scooted back and crouched between my legs. He held me by my base and then took my head into his mouth. His tongue glided around my crown and then he moved downwards, taking more of me in.

His hands stretched out across either thigh, his fingers pressing into my flesh. He twisted his head and moved his tongue in the opposite direction as he came up, bobbing up and down my length until all four inches of me were inside him. It felt like heaven.

Perhaps it was the wish fulfillment of long overdue desires, but my mind was just on another level. I can't even tell you how long he sucked me, but I felt an icy rush when he took me out of his mouth and gently slapped himself on the lips and cheek with my member, still wet with his spit.

He looked into my eyes as he kissed the tip, "You seem to enjoy that. Would you like to try anything else?"

I wanted to try everything. But more than anything else, I just desired to taste him. The whole time we'd been physical, I couldn't keep my mouth off his body, kissing and licking and sucking his face, his neck, and his chest. I'd wanted to move lower; I just hadn't yet. "I want to taste you," I told him with an authoritative tone.

His eyes lit up. I thought at first he was excited to receive oral, but I subsequently found out it was my more dominant side showing that had turned him on with the demand. He scooted back up and was laying beside me. He kissed me on the cheek and then giggled his sweet laugh again. "Okay, it's your turn, sweetie." And his face scrunched into the cutest smile.

I moved down the bed and laid between his legs. I held his girth in one hand and the other planted flat across his pelvic area. He stood firm, just inches from my face, as the thought, you're about to become a cocksucker, ran through my brain.

I slowly ran my hand up and down his length, inhaled deeply, and then let it out. As my breath left me, I leaned forward and took him into my mouth. This sweaty piece of flesh didn't taste much different than the rest of him I had been licking and sucking on, but for a mild bitter flavor of precum. Yet somehow it held a power over me I hadn't yet felt until that moment. His faint musk I had been inhaling before seemed intensified with my face buried in his crotch, and the scent overpowered the taste of his precum. I was lost in lust.

He sighed as I took him in and I felt encouraged by his reaction. I didn't know what I was doing, but I had seen plenty of porn and received head a handful of times. I had an idea what might feel good and just tried to replicate.

I swirled my tongue, tracing the edges of his head. I took him out of my mouth and licked him from his tip to his base along his underside and then slowly back up. I took him in my mouth again and sucked. I started bobbing a little. I tried to get more and more in each pass downward.

Sliding my tongue from underneath, I passed the split of his tip, tasting more of his precum. He made beautiful cooing noises as I worked his shaft with my mouth. My eyes started to water, but I kept going. Finally, I felt my nose press his flesh and I came up choking for air. When his cock left my mouth, I started stroking him, slick with my spit. Looking at him, I asked, "How am I doing?"

"Honey, are you sure you've never done that before? You did great."

I felt radiant. I'd made him feel good, a job well done. I had been trying so hard not to have any teeth scrape him, but my mouth is small and his penis was not. I felt proud in that moment. I had never sucked a dick, but admit I had in the past practiced with the odd popsicle or banana with varying degrees of success. I smiled at him, beaming from his satisfied response.

He continued, "Is there anything else you would like to try?"

I honestly didn't know. This whole evening had already been so overwhelming. I was a dog that had finally caught the mail truck he had been chasing down the road. "I'm not sure what I want, just that I want you."

He smiled warmly at me and I smiled back. He sat and shifted and I scooted back to give him room as he stood up from the bed. I swung around so I was sitting at the edge facing him. "Come here and kiss me, silly."

I shot straight up.

We embraced and kissed as our bodies pressed into one, his arms draped around my shoulders, the finger of one hand tracing an imaginary design across the back of my smooth, shaved head. My hands clung to him, drawing him closer to me, one around his waist and the other kneading his backside. The kiss started out slow and sensual but quickly became aggressive as we each tried to devour the other's tongue and steal the oxygen from their lungs.

We stood there kissing at the edge of my bed God only knows how long. He broke our kiss and panted, "Want to try something else now? I want us to try something else."

I just nodded. I didn't want anything except what we had there in that moment, but I wanted whatever he wanted just a little bit more.

He leaned in close and whispered seductively in my ear, "Are you ready to try anal?"

I sheepishly replied, "Yeah, I think so—"

Before I even finished my sentence he had pushed me backwards onto my mattress. I was on my back and he was on top of me. He gave me a kiss. I felt his hand on my cock, he broke the kiss, and next thing I know about an inch of myself was inside him as he straddled me. I enjoyed the feeling for a few moments as the reality of what just happened kicked in.

I mean yes I had wanted this, but I wasn't sure if I was actually ready to go that far. He rested his hands on my belly, shifted his weight, and started moving up and down my length. My eyes rolled to the back of my head as I experienced the feeling of being inside of a man for the first time.

After the initial shock, I started to get into it. My hands roamed his hips and rested at his waist. I found myself instinctively thrusting up into him as he rode me like a twenty-five cent choo-choo train outside the market by the vending machines. His speed increased and I matched his pace. The room was loud with heavy breathing and the sounds of our two bodies.

He pressed all the way down to my base and rocked, grinding against me as I was completely inside him. He let out a moan that stuttered as he rocked back and forth on my length. He leaned down to kiss me. As he shifted slightly, I popped out with a startling suddenness.

Although I missed the warm, comfortable sensation of being inside him, I welcomed the kiss and embraced him. More than anything else ever has, his lips and his kiss felt like home.

His hands roamed over my smoothly shaven scalp as his tongue skated past my lips to dance with mine. He reached back, trying to align myself with his hole while maintaining our oral connection. Unfortunately, due to the smallness of his frame, my larger belly, and my shorter length, we could not maintain a kiss while penetration was being achieved.

He broke the kiss and I was soon inside him again. This realization took me out of the moment and was rather sobering. I started to think about the fact that this was actually happening and then quickly realized we were having sex without protection. Although I knew I was clean, and I did want to trust this lovely man, I started to mentally panic over that fact. I also started to analyze my own performance and the reality of what I was doing set in. Thoughts that weren't present before flooded into my head and worry set in.