Well, Dillon had asked for a sign, and he’d sure as hell gotten one. But there were several ways for two guys to make love, and as he stood waiting in the spacious lobby of the Preston Inn while Jamie checked them into a room, Dillon couldn’t help but wonder which way Jamie wanted things to go. Dillon was so nervous, he didn’t even realize Jamie was standing in front of him, again, talking.
“I said, are you ready to go up?”
“You got the room already?”
Jamie held up an old fashioned brass key. “Yep. Room four-sixteen is now officially ours.”
Dillon glanced over at the blonde-haired, uniform-clad desk clerk who was doing his best to watch them without looking like he was. “Did he give you any trouble?”
Jamie shook his head. “Nope. The guy took my card, scanned it, and gave me the receipt. After I signed it, he told me to ring down if we needed anything.” Jamie hesitated, the duffle bag Megan had given him rattling slightly from the tremor in his hands. “Are you, um . . . ready to go up?”
Dillon was pretty sure his palms were gonna start dripping sweat any minute. He’d never been this nervous, not even the first time he and Jamie had made love. Of course, back then he convinced himself it was nothing more than two buddies playing around. Now it was different. This time Dillon knew exactly what it meant. Clearing his throat, he managed to say, “Yeah,” before following Jamie to the elevators at the other end of the lobby.
Dillon barely remembered the ride up or the walk to the room. He waited in a type of trance while Jamie unlocked the door and led him inside. Jamie flipped a switch by the door, causing lamps on either side of the bed to come on, bathing the room in soft, romantic light.
The room itself was nice enough. The walls were painted a warm beige color with little red roses stenciled on top. Three floor-to-ceiling windows took up the east wall. Dillon wouldn’t have cared if the room had been painted green with purple polka-dots and had no windows whatsoever, though. All his attention was focused on the massive, king-sized oak bed taking up the middle of the room. Jamie’s eyes seemed glued to it, as well. So much so that Dillon was the one who had to shut and lock the door.
When he was done, the two of them suffered an awkward moment of silence, both of them just standing there, looking at the bed. Finally, Dillon said, “Did you call your aunt to let her know where you are?”
That snapped Jamie out of it. “I forgot all about that. God, she’s gonna be so pissed.” Jamie grabbed for the phone on the bedside table. “How do you dial out on this thing?”
Dillon pulled his cell phone out of his pocket. “Here. You can use mine.”
Jamie took Dillon’s phone, but hesitated before dialing the number. “I’m not sure what I’m gonna tell her.”
Dillon sat down in one of the overstuffed arm chairs located in a small sitting area not far from the bed. “Tell her the truth. As much of it as you can, anyway.”
Dillon could actually hear Jamie gulp for air. “You mean--”
“Yep. Tell her that the two of us are here in a hotel room in Chicago. Tell her we’re spending the night together.”
#
Sadie took it better than Jamie thought she would. “Am I to assume from this announcement that you and Dillon are about to begin a new phase of your relationship?”
Jamie sat on the edge of the bed, dying from the embarrassment of discussing this with his aunt. But she’d asked him a question, and he was gonna answer it. “Yes, ma’am. That’s the plan.”
“And is this something you’re ready for, Jamie?”
Was he? He’d been asking himself the same damn question. Before, he’d been nothing more than a quick form of release for Dillon, a toy to be played with and then put away when Dillon was done. But that was a different time, a different Dillon. As far as that went, they were both different people. Jamie might be nervous, but there wasn’t a doubt in his mind that Dillon was what he wanted--what he needed. Jamie looked over at his guy, relieved to see that Dillon looked just as nervous as he did. That one thing, seeing the ever-confident Dillon come undone, helped Jamie give his answer. “Yes, ma’am. I’m ready.”
“All right, then. Put Dillon on the phone, please.”
Oh, no. “Aunt Sadie--”
“Jamie, do as I say.” Her voice softened, laced with love and affection. “Put him on the phone, son. I have a couple of things I want to say to him, and then I’ll let the two of you get on with your night. And Jamie?”
“Yes, ma’am?”
“Remember that I love you, and that I support you no matter what. Now, give the boy the phone.”
Jamie walked over to where Dillon sat and handed him the phone. Dillon straightened from his slouch and said, “Hello?”
Jamie couldn’t hear what Sadie was saying, but he found the play of emotions moving across Dillon’s face fascinating. Dillon’s cheeks went from white, to red, and back again. More than once, he said, “Yes, ma’am,” and towards the end he answered something she’d said with, “No, ma’am. Never, I swear it.” To Jamie’s amazement, by the time he disconnected, Dillon looked far more relaxed than he had when they’d first entered the room. He stood up, shed his heavy jacket and tossed it onto the floor, then helped Jamie pull his own coat off and pitched it in the same general direction. Once that was done, Dillon put his arms around Jamie’s waist and pulled him close.
Jamie’s head came to rest on Dillon’s chest, the steady thump of his heartbeat the most reassuring sound Jamie had ever heard. He lifted his head only long enough to say, “What did Aunt Sadie want to talk to you about?”
The rumbling sound of Dillon’s soft laughter tickled Jamie’s cheek. “She wanted me to know where she stood on the whole ‘me-and-you-having-sex’ thing.”
Jamie moved back within the circle of Dillon’s arms so he could see Dillon’s face. “Really? And where exactly does she stand?”
Dillon grinned. “She’s cool with it, I guess, but she said if I hurt you again, she’s gonna come after me with her grandfather’s deer rifle. I believe she said something about using my balls for target practice.”
Jamie shuddered. “If that’s what she said, then how come you seem calmer now than you did a few minutes ago?”
Dillon trailed the fingers of his right hand up and down Jamie’s spine. Jamie felt the tingle, even through his shirt. “Because when Sadie warned me what would happen if I hurt you again, I realized something.”
Jamie could feel himself dissolving under the gentle pressure of Dillon’s hands. “What’s that?”
Dillon pulled him in even closer. “I realized that I could never hurt you like that again, because this time I’m going to put you first. This relationship isn’t about me, it’s about us. I want to please you, Jamie. I want to make you happy.”
“You do.”
Dillon shook his head, still holding Jamie tight. “That’s not what I meant.” He moved back, catching Jamie’s hands in both of his and stepping away so that only their fingertips were touching. “The times before, when we were together, I was always in charge, always on top. Tonight I want it to be different.” His voice dropped to a husky rasp that Jamie felt all the way to his bones. “I want you to top me tonight, Jamie. I want you to make love to me.”
Jamie froze. He’d thought about that so many times in the past, wondered what it would feel like to be inside of Dillon, to feel his flesh melting into Dillon’s warm body. Jamie wanted that, he really did. But not tonight. Tonight he wanted Dillon to take him. No, he didn’t want it, he needed it.
“It means a lot to me that you want that, Dillon. I do, too, but not tonight.” Jamie lifted Dillon’s left hand up to his lips and kissed each finger. “Tonight I want you to top me.”
Instead of the excitement Jamie expected to see on Dillon’s face, he saw only confusion. “I can’t do that, Jamie.”
“Why not? You’ve done it before. Why not now?”
Dillon dropped Jamie’s hands and started pacing the length of the sitting area. “That’s just it. Before, I used you. Mistreated you, even. I was always on top, and I used it to my advantage.” Dillon stopped pacing and gave Jamie the most helpless look he’d ever seen. “What if I screw up again? What if I do something wrong that makes you think I haven’t changed? God, I can’t lose you, Jamie. I can’t go through that hell again.”
This time it was Jamie who offered comfort. He walked over to where Dillon stood and held out his arms. Dillon all but flew into them, fitting rather nicely despite their differences in height. After holding him for a minute, Jamie led Dillon towards the bed. They sat down at the foot, holding hands but touching nowhere else.
Jamie gave Dillon a chance to calm down again and then said, “You won’t screw up again because, like you said, you know what’s at stake now. Don’t you see, Dillon? It has to be this way. You have to prove to yourself that you can do it right this time.” Jamie gave him a crooked smile. “You have to stop being so afraid of losing me. I’m not going anywhere, and I’m hoping this will help show you that.”
Dillon was listening, but Jamie could still see his uncertainty. “So you’re saying that by me taking you, so to speak, I’m going to gain confidence in our relationship?”
“I think so.”
Dillon leaned in a little closer. “And what about you? What do you get out of this Jamie?”
Dillon was so close, Jamie could feel his breath. “I get to replace all the bad memories with new ones. Happy ones. I need this, Dillon. I need to see the difference in you--in us. I need to feel it.”
Those words had an immediate effect on Dillon, but not the one Jamie expected. Dillon stood up, grabbed his coat, and started for the door.
Startled, Jamie stood as well. “Where are you going?”
Dillon opened the door but paused at the threshold. He turned and gave Jamie a sheepish grin. “Sorry. I got a little ahead of myself. It’s just that, if you really want me to do this, I’m gonna need to get some supplies. There’s an all-night drugstore not far from here. I saw it on the way in.”
