The Trappings of Love

Boston Reyes and Josh Nixon were sitting in the dugout after baseball practice on a Friday afternoon listening to Coach Jenkins drone on and on about God knows what as he handed out their first game-official uniforms of the year. The first exhibition game of the season was coming up on Monday and it seemed like that had triggered some sort of manic episode for Coach. Normally, he got to the point quickly and the post-practice speeches were short and sweet. This time, it was so incredibly long-winded that you'd think they were preparing for a championship game. He kept saying the same exact things a million different ways and most of the team had already zoned out.

"...and now I'm going to turn things over to Grant. Grant, you had some things you wanted to say?" he finished suddenly.

Grant Upchurch was a senior, the team captain and the team's starting catcher.

"Okay boys, we are a month into the semester, we've got our first exhibition in a couple days and we still barely know some of you freshmen. So tonight, the seniors on the team are throwing something of a...um...team mixer," started a smirking Grant, eliciting several laughs from his fellow upperclassmen for the way he was describing the early-season frat party that they threw every year. Even Coach Jenkins couldn't suppress a chuckle even though he wasn't supposed to encourage this sort of extra-curricular activity.

"I expect to see ALL of you there tonight, especially you first year guys. This will be an excellent opportunity to get to know your teammates and uh ingratiate yourselves with our supporters," continued Grant, drawing more laughter for the way he described the cheerleaders and campus bimbos that always attended the party in an attempt to score an athlete boyfriend.

"Now, everybody is expected to wear their full uniform to the party so that you are more easily identifiable to the student section at games," continued Grant, struggling to keep a straight face as the other upperclassmen shared shit-eating grins and knowing looks with eachother.

"And don't you dare mess those uniforms up, you have to wear them Monday. Anyone who stains their uniform will have hell to pay," interjected Coach Jenkins firmly.

"Right, Coach...so the team is meeting together at the Phi Gamma Pi Fraternity at 8 o clock and people will start arriving at 9. This gives us an hour to talk amongst ourselves and learn a little more about eachother. This whole, uh...mixer is meant to build team chemistry so show up prepared to share some things about yourselves. Any questions? Alright, then we'll see you there at 8!"

"This is going to be fucking awful dude," said Boston once they were out of earshot from the rest of the team.

"Nah man, it's gonna be fun! We haven't been to a party yet and dude this is gonna be our first college party!" responded Josh cheerily.

Boston was never big into parties and large gatherings. He only ever went to parties in high school because Josh would drag him, damn-near kicking and screaming, with him. Once there, however, Boston tended to have a good time. Being an extremely attractive and relatively tall boy, girls were always starting conversations with him and flirting. And once he got a couple of drinks in him, he always loosened up and had fun. That didn't mean he ever looked forward to the next one though.

"I guess...I wonder how late we have to stay, maybe we can slip away around 10 and nobody will notice," said Boston.

"I probably could but dude you're the new star freshman, there is no way they aren't going to expect you to stay," replied Josh. Boston groaned.

"And you just know there's gonna be some fuck-shit going on too, I know they can't do some crazy hazing shit anymore like back in my Dad's day but I just know there's something they aren't telling us," said Boston bitterly.

The boys stopped by the school cafeteria to grab some dinner and it was already a quarter til 7 when they got back to their dorm. As usual, Boston went to jump in the shower first. Even though he didn't want to go, that didn't mean he wasn't going to make sure he looked his best. When he got out of the shower, he quickly shaved the sparse stubble on his face and then looked down.

He considered maybe trimming his pubic hair for the first time. He wasn't expecting to get any action that night but he knew it was definitely a possibility if he so chose to. Ultimately he decided against it, deciding he really wasn't interested in anything tonight. Boston was something of an idealist when it came to sex anyway. He'd never lost his virginity, not because he couldn't but because he was the kind of guy that wanted to wait for the right person. It wasn't even about religion, he just was the kind of guy that valued emotional connections and love more than sex. He was the kind of guy that would never send nude photos of himself, thinking that cheapened his value. He felt that seeing him naked should be a privilege extended to somebody in person should he ever choose the person was deserving enough. That didn't mean he hadn't let his teenage hormones get the best of him a couple times though, drunkenly accepting a blowjob or a handjob from a pretty girl.

Boston spent more time than usual making sure his dark hair was the perfect balance of messy and sharp-looking. He got dressed in his green and yellow uniform and sprayed himself with some cologne before groaning, dreading attending a college party in his baseball uniform.

When Boston emerged from the bathroom, Josh couldn't help but check him out. Over the previous week and a half, Josh had been becoming increasingly more and more aware of the crush he had on Boston. They'd been sharing Boston's bed at night and this didn't help things at all. Despite all the feelings that Josh had been feeling, it wasn't until this moment that he realized how strong his physical attraction to Boston was.

Until this point, he'd been moreso attracted to Boston emotionally with maybe a sexual curiosity mixed in. It was the kind of friendship that he shared with Boston, how Boston treated him and the seemingly platonic affection they shared that he'd found himself falling for. But now, Josh couldn't deny that he was fully attracted to Boston. His best friend was just so handsome. No, he was seriously gorgeous.

"What? Does my hair not look good or something?" asked Boston, noticing Josh's gaze.

"Oh, uh, no it looks good man. You should fix it like that all the time," replied Josh, attempting to sound non-chalant.

"Really, you think so?" said Boston, smiling and looking back into the mirror through the door of the bathroom to check himself out again.

Josh gave an "uh-huh" and gathered up his uniform to go take his own shower. As he stood under the shower head, he was practically screaming at himself inside of his head. He had been waging an intense war internally about his rapidly intensifying feelings for Boston for over a week now. He felt like he was being a horrible friend, that he shouldn't be lusting after his best friend like this. Boston trusted him implicitly and he felt like he was taking advantage of that.

He felt like a pervert, maybe even a predator of sorts. Here he was, hiding all of these feelings and attractions from Boston who was such a good friend to him. If Boston knew that Josh had homosexual desires for him, surely he wouldn't feel comfortable with sharing a bed with him. He might not even be comfortable being around him period. Josh lost track of time ruminating on these feelings and fears until he remembered he had somewhere to be. He shook his head and tried to get in a better headspace.

When he finally exited the bathroom, he found Boston laying flat on his back on his bed.

"Do you think they expect us to wear cleats?" asked Boston.

"Oh you already know they do, especially considering they aren't the ones that will be in uniform," said Josh, unable to hide a smile knowing how Boston would react to this.

"Wait wait, what do you mean? Grant said the team has to wear their uniforms," said Boston, confused.

"Dude there's zero chance they are wearing their uniforms, this is definitely their idea of a funny initiation for us freshmen," said Josh, barely stifling a laugh as Boston sputtered.

Boston might be smarter than Josh bookwise but he is not the most perceptive, he just can't read people. Josh was more of an empath and this gave him a great feel for reading people...if only it worked on Boston too. Then maybe he would know for sure how Boston would react to knowing Josh had a crush on him. It seemed his ability to read Boston was greatly compromised by his burning desire for him to reciprocate his feelings. Josh kept trying to convince himself that maybe Boston felt the same for him but in his heart, he didn't truly believe this. That didn't stop him from daydreaming about being in a relationship with Boston all the time.

"Ah fuck man, this is gonna be so embarrassing. I wonder if we just said we caught food poisoning or something, they won't hold it against us to miss it," said Boston, knowing full well they would absolutely hold it against them.

"I don't think anyone who's ate at that cafeteria would be shocked to hear we got food poisoning," said Josh laughing and Boston couldn't help but chuckle. "But we gotta go man, it's not gonna be that bad!"

"Yeah I guess. Hell, girls love a guy in uniform anyway," said Boston with a smirk.

Josh rolled his eyes, mostly because he didn't like Boston talking about girls at this point. It made him feel uncomfortable and jealous. The boys headed off to the party, Josh trying to keep Boston laughing and in high spirits. When they arrived, Boston saw that Josh had indeed been right and no one other than the freshmen had on their uniforms. The team gathered in the basement of the frat house and all the freshman went around like they were in a job interview describing themselves and their lives.

Other than some ribbing and awkward questions, it was all pretty tame compared to what Boston had expected. Once the freshmen had shared, the other guys just reintroduced themselves. Coach had made them do something similar the first day of practice so Boston didn't really understand what the point of all of this was. He was starting to feel agitated, thinking it was just a waste of time. He just didn't understand this was just an excuse for the team to let loose and have fun.

After this was over, everyone ended up with a beer and a double-shot in their hands. Grant raised his shot, gave a little toast to the season and everyone downed their shot. The upperclassmen then started chugging their beer as a chaser and the freshmen just copied what they were doing. Once the guys finished chugging their beers, they crushed the cans in their hands, threw them on the floor and started bouncing and yelling as if getting hyped before a game. Even Boston couldn't help but get into it, laughing as the team acted like a bunch of excited cavemen as only college "frat bros" could.

After this, they made their way back upstairs where the rest of the fraternity not on the team were finishing setting up for the party just as the rest of the guests started to arrive. Boston was already buzzed, he rarely drank and was a lightweight but Josh grabbed them another beer anyway and they kept drinking. Josh socialized with everybody while Boston sort of hung around in the background at first, laughing when everyone else did to appear he was at least participating.

Soon enough, the house was packed and everybody was getting pretty intoxicated. After a couple more drinks, Boston had loosened up and had attracted a few girls over to him as always. He always seemed to chat more with girls at parties than guys for whatever reason. It really wasn't even for the reasons one would think, he just found that he preferred conversations with girls at parties as opposed to the annoying braggadocious macho-posturing that young men always did at parties like this. Josh had a couple of their teammates and a few girls around him as well and his group were unsurprisingly the loudest group in the house.

Josh kept glancing across the room at Boston, who clearly was having a funny conversation with the girls. He felt a slight twinge of annoyance watching it and tried to ignore it but he and Boston caught eachothers eyes a couple of times and smirked at eachother. Josh got challenged to an arm-wrestle by one of the seniors that was the biggest guy on the team. He clearly fancied himself as the badass on the team and thought the muscular Josh was the perfect opponent to show that off against, Josh being a few inches shorter and at least twenty pounds lighter but still having an impressive figure. Though Josh tried to turn it down at first, after a bunch of chicken noises and the girls egging him on, he agreed to it and they sat down at the table.

Boston caught Josh's eye again as they set up and he smiled knowing what was going to happen. Josh never lost arm-wrestling matches, even to much larger and functionally stronger guys. Something about his natural strength, all the working out and the forearm strength he'd gained from years of swinging baseball bats made him great at it. It was actually a popular party trick at high school parties, their friends and girlfriends always tried to convince the biggest dudes to arm wrestle Josh. He gave Boston a little wink and grasped his opponents hand.

They agreed to a best of three and it became clear when the first game started that Josh was going to have zero trouble. He let his opponent try with all his might to move him to no avail for several seconds, letting him wear himself out before swiftly putting his opponent down. Everybody was yelling and laughing and a smiling Josh looked back around to get Boston's reaction. His smile fell and he felt like someone had just punched him in the gut.

One of the girls that had been talking with Boston had wrapped herself around him and they were making out, the girl rather passionately so. Josh's reaction was immediate before he could even process what was going on. His ears suddenly started ringing and he felt like time momentarily stood still. It felt like his brain was suddenly shrouded in fog. He quickly tried to gather himself as he and his opponent set up for the second round. This time, Josh swiftly won as he no longer found anything about this fun anymore but tried to smile and laugh with everyone else.

He looked back around at Boston who was still making out with the same girl. Josh stood around with the group he was with, fake laughing and smiling for a couple of minutes before pretending to go chat with other people at the party. He quietly slipped away from the party without a second glance back towards Boston.

Josh knew he had no right to be upset with Boston. He was perfectly at liberty to do as he pleased but he still couldn't help feeling hurt. He'd seen Boston drunkenly making out with girls multiple times at parties and the like but this was the first time it ever bothered him like this. As he made the walk back to the dorm, he started to feel incredibly stupid for feeling this way. This is how he'd expect a schoolgirl to behave, running off to pout about her crush getting with someone else at a party. These thoughts didn't matter though, he couldn't help how he felt. If he could choose then he'd choose to not be feeling any of the things he had been feeling for Boston. Unfortunately, that wasn't an option for Josh.

When he got back to the dorm, he quickly ripped off his uniform, neatly folded it back up and then laid down on his bed looking up at the ceiling. His face suddenly felt hot with shame, guilt and jealousy. Here was the undeniable truth staring him in the face: he had serious feelings for his best friend. If he couldn't handle seeing Boston with a girl then how could their friendship survive? Eventually, Boston was going to get a girlfriend and then Josh would no longer be the person that Boston spent all his time with. Josh felt his eyes burn and start to water and he quickly blinked back the tears.

"Maybe it's because I'm a little drunk right now, that probably just has me feeling emotional and sentimental," thought Josh, who admittedly was the kind of guy to get emotional when drinking.

He kept thinking this over and over as if trying to convince himself but he knew in his heart how he felt. After about fifteen minutes of laying in his bed, his phone went off and Josh knew it would be Boston. His first thought was "Oh so now you care about where I'm at but you didn't when you had that slut hanging all over you." He immediately felt guilty for thinking this, he knew he wasn't being fair to Boston or the girl he didn't even know. It was just jealousy, plain and simple.

"Where you at," the text read. Josh ignored it at first but within a minute he started to feel bad about ignoring his best friend.

"I'm back at the dorm, I didn't feel good," he replied after staring at his phone for a bit, wondering how to explain his disappearance away.

"Why didn't you come get me? I would have walked back with you," came Boston's immediate reply.

"You seemed like you were enjoying yourself, didn't wanna bother you," replied Josh before he could stop himself. He knew the response was a bit passive-aggressive but that didn't mean it wasn't true.

"That's stupid, I'll see you in a few minutes," replied Boston within 30 seconds.

Josh laid in his bed staring up at his ceiling waiting for Boston but after twenty minutes, he started thinking Boston decided to stay at the party. He got under his comforter and tried to go to sleep but it was a futile endeavor. Instead, he laid wide awake in bed with his eyes closed imagining different scenarios with Boston as if watching movies on the backs of his eyelids.

He thought about Boston shacked up in a bedroom at the frathouse with the girl he couldn't help but despise. He thought about how a conversation he'd never have with Boston about his feelings might go. Visions of Boston confessing his love for Josh and kissing him were interspersed with images of Boston yelling at him in disgust before storming out of his life forever. After about another thirty tortuous minutes of this, he finally heard the door open behind him.

"Jooooooosh," came Boston's obviously tipsy voice, sounding lighthearted. Josh didn't respond, deciding to pretend to be asleep.

"Yo," he heard Boston's voice sounding more serious, "what's wrong with you? I know you hear me."

Josh took a deep breath and rolled over to face him.

"I'm just not feeling good and I'm in a shit mood," he said miserably.

"Dude whats going on with you lately? You keep getting into these little funks, are you really that homesick?" asked Boston concernedly as he tipsily took his uniform off, leaving them bunched up on the floor.

"I don't know, I guess. I don't know what my problem is but it's like I'm constantly waiting for something bad to happen," replied Josh, trying to speak as honestly as he could.

"Sounds like anxiety man, maybe you should go talk to your student advisor," suggested Boston as he sat down on his bed facing Josh, his feet on the floor.

"I don't know, maybe...I'm sure it will pass," said Josh.

"Well, you wanna watch a movie or something with me then?" asked Boston nonchalantly.

"I think I just wanna go to bed tonight man," said Josh, rolling back away from Boston.

"Come on man, you know you're just gonna lay there overthinking shit," said Boston, oblivious to just how correct he was.

Josh just made a noncommittal noise in his throat. Boston responded by springing from his bed, jumping on Josh's back and putting his best friend in a hug. He'd normally never do something like this but he was rather drunk and just wanted to pull his friend out of the funk he was clearly in.