It had been almost two months since I moved here to start university. So far I hadn't had much luck finding new friends and yet again I found myself strolling down-town to pass the time.
Once I reached the end of the shopping street, I continued into the huge upscale department store towering over the city centre. I took the escalators up to the menswear department on the fifth floor. Not that I was looking to buy clothes, but it seemed the most reasonable section to kill some time.
While browsing I realized that I was actually in need of new underwear. There was, of course, an enormous selection and I found a pair of Björn Borg trunks that I really liked. Just as I was about to head over to the register, I thought to look at the price tag. It said €30. There was no way I could justify taking that much money out of my already stretched student budget to spend on a single pair of underwear, no matter how much I liked them.
As I was about to put them back, an impulse struck me. Instead of putting them back on the rack, I cautiously looked around me and slid the garment down inside the lining of my jeans. The pack was pretty flat and sat barely visible among all the junk that was already in the pockets of my ill-fitting jeans.
This wasn't planned or barely even intentional. It just happened. My heart was beating harder and I could feel sweat drops forming on my back. I looked around again, to make sure that no-one had seen me. It seemed the coast was clear so I headed towards the store entrance, trying my best to keep my cool.
As I passed the register without being noticed, I felt relieved and there were now only a few more steps to freedom. But as soon as I passed through the store entrance, the beeping started.
Of course, any item in a store like this had an alarm tag. Especially small items with relatively large price tags like this. I could not believe I had been so incredibly stupid and not once stopped to think about what I was doing.
It was too late now, so I started running in panic. The small packet with my stolen pair of trunks started sliding down the inside of the leg of my jeans, but there was nothing I could do about it now.
Despite my best efforts, I didn't even reach the downward escalators before a security guard caught up with me. He didn't even need to grab me, he just caught up and stood in front of me. I froze, standing in front of him and intensely staring down at the floor.
"I think you better come with me," he said with a calm and surprisingly reassuring voice.
Hesitantly and slowly, I raised my head looking up at him. I was so embarrassed and wished I could just sink through the floor. What had I done? What was I thinking?
The security guard seemed to be a young handsome man, barely older than me. His face had a very friendly expression, considering the situation. Somehow this made the situation even more embarrassing, and I could feel my face blushing at the brink of burning.
"If you would please come with me this way," he gestured.
I followed him along a long narrow corridor. He used his key card to unlock a door marked Store Management and led me into an office area. We continued through the small office landscape. It was busy, but I kept my eyes fixed at the floor hoping no one was staring. The guard knocked on the door marked "Manager" and a voice from the other side told us to come in.
"I think we caught ourselves a thief, sir," said the guard as we entered the room.
I looked up and saw the manager sitting behind his large desk in the tastefully decorated office. He was wearing a three-piece suite and a tie and looked overdressed, even for managing an upscale place like this.
"Is that so?" replied the manager. "So, young man, what is it that you tried to steal from us?"
"I...," I hesitated, fixing my eyes on the floor.
"Yes?" asked the manager.
"Well, uhm, a pair of ehm... underwear, sir," I stuttered.
"I see," replied the manager in a condescending tone. "And would you please be so kind as to present this garment to us?"
"Well, you see...," I tried. "The thing is, I put it down my jeans and as I tried to run, they sort of... well, they are sort of stuck down my pant leg."
I looked up at the manager again and pointed to the little bulge that was now just above my left knee.
"Right, then if you would be so kind as to remove your jeans," said the manager matter of factly.
"But I --," I hesitated.
"I'm afraid I must insist," he cut me off.
Gulping, I slowly started unbuttoning my jeans. The manager kept his composed appearance as I eased my jeans down, but I swear I could see the guard smirking in the corner of my eye.
Underneath, I was wearing an old washed out pair of off-brand tighty-whities. My lack of proper underwear had of course been what got me in this hot mess from the beginning. But wearing unflattering underwear under your jeans was one thing, having them exposed in front of two perfect strangers was quite a different story.
Once my jeans reached my ankles, I bent down and picked up the packet and placed it on the desk.
"I see," said the manager as he inspected the packet as well as my old exposed underwear. "Well, I can see that the need was indeed pressing."
I reached down to pull my jeans back up.
"Not so fast, young man," he interrupted. "We need to know if these are indeed a good fit."
What was he saying? I let go of my jeans and stood back up, looking at him with an expression of absolute fear. In desperation, I turned to the guard for help, but I could tell from his expression that he had no intention of objecting.
The manager picked up the packet containing the new trunks and ordered me to step out of my jeans and take off my tighty-whities. In an attempt to stall for time, I folded my jeans neatly and put them up on the large desk. Finally, I had no choice but to pull my briefs off and I quickly cupped my genitals with both hands.
As I stood there, trying to shield myself as best I could, he took the trunks out of their packet.
"You see this," he said, holding up the piece of the trunks where the alarm tag was attached. "We put this here to prevent this exact situation from occurring. Now if you'll excuse me for a minute, while I go to have this removed."
He went up from his desk and walked out into the adjacent office landscape, leaving the door ajar. I was left standing there half-naked, under the watchful eye of the security guard and worried that someone would peek in through the half-opened door.
After what felt like an eternity, the manager returned with the ill-fated underwear.
"Now then," he said, handing them to me. "Let's see them on."
As I reached out and took them from him, I managed to utter a very silent "Thanks."
I did my best to keep shielding myself as I pulled the trunks on, but I still managed to expose myself quite a bit. The trunks did, of course, fit perfectly and under other circumstances, I would have been quite pleased with them.
"There we go! I'd say that's a really nice fit," said the manager and turned to the security guard "Don't you think they look good on him?"
"It is definitely an improvement," said the guard, who had stood quiet up until now. "But I do actually think we have something that would fit him even better."
"Is that so?" replied the manager. "Well, I trust you completely in these matters. Why don't the two of you head back out the store and find the perfect piece for him?"
"Yes, sir" answered the guard.
"Well then," continued the manager and turned back to me. "Why don't you follow my colleague here, and he'll help you pick out a more suitable garment for you."
I didn't see any way out of this, so I reached to pick up my jeans. Instantly, the manager reached out to stop me.
"That won't be necessary," he said. "You believe you look perfectly alright in those fine trunks that, may I remind you, you were very eager to get your hands on."
