The Lure of Coc From the Closet

It's true. We desire cock. Our wives have no idea what goes on inside of us with this desire to submit...to cock. We hide it from everyone but in our minds it's a runaway train. To touch, feel, pull on, sniff, rub our faces in it, lick it, taste it, suck cock. We've done it before, maybe a short time or a long time ago. The specter of guilt and shame dampens but does not extinguish the flame of our desire for cock. To be unabated in our drive for cock, to be able to freely indulge with a cock these are our secret longings. Denial is twofold; we deny to ourselves that we are homosexual and often we are denied the ability to freely have cock we so deeply desire.

Speaking for myself & perhaps many other married men I would love to be flitting around naked for a handsome manly man with a big hard cock, to be his 'love puppy' to bring pleasure to his manhood. Everyone is different in their kink towards wanting cock, mine is to be submissive and feminine. Some guys focus on only cock in their latent homosexuality, not me. I know I'm gay because kissing a man turns me on, makes me feel feminine and gay. Alpha males are very turned on by femme submissive betas like me, turned on by this desire to express our gayness through feminine mannerisms. Panties? You bet! Stockings and high heels? OMG yes! Silky dresses, wigs and lipstick, yes please. Did I mention PINK panties? Guys that wear panties and suck cock are intoxicated by the color pink, the deeper shade of hot pink the deeper the desire to be gay and suck cock.

With my alter ego sissy mindset I know I would love to have a boyfriend. Someone I could secretly meet just to be naked with, to kiss him hungrily and most importantly suck his cock. I could easily be a sissy wife to a man. The thought of being able to paint my nails and dress in feminine attire all day stirs a smoldering longing. To be walking around the house in sexy panties & camisoles & nighties & stockings & high heels & dresses for my 'hubby' is a stimulating thought beyond belief. To be adored for being feminine and to please him sexually all the time, that is the secret longing, to be free to express our gayness.

I wrote this little ditty to express just this:

"Walking around in the kitchen the sound of my high heels clicking on the floor. I twirl around showing off my silky short dress and long legs encased in fishnet stockings, my toes painted pink & lavender showing through & looking sexy. Under my dress I have on a silky pair of pink panties tightly hugging my hottie little ass, my aching cock barely contained in front. You love it! You love what you see! Taking me in your arms we slowly look into each others eyes. We kiss. Softly. Your hands roam under my dress. My panty clad soft little ass feels so good to the touch, for both of us. Then the storm breaks loose and our kissing is passionate madness as I fondle your hardness through your pants. Gasping for breath our hands grope each other's hardness. You are amazed how good it feels to touch a cock in panties under my dress.

Your cock is aching for release as I grab at it. I want it. I have to have it. You play with my flat titties and erect nipples through my dress as I unbuckle your belt and zip you down. I reach in. Its so hard! Fuck, there it is! I finally have it! The flesh of my hands on the flesh of your cock makes you shudder. Soon we are kissing again as we play with each other's cocks. In a whim you slip the straps of my dress off my shoulders & the dress slides down my body. I stand back and let it fall in a pile on the floor. Stepping out of it I stand back some more lifting my arms over my head letting you admire the sight - a slender me in silver strappy high heel sandals, painted toes, white fishnet stockings and shimmering pink panties.

Twirling around you admire my cute little panty clad butt. Around again my hard cock strains against the silky panties. You are so hard as I come up to you and we kiss again like hungry animals. Again we play with each other's cocks but it is time, I want yours first. Sliding to my knees I press my face into it, it smells divine so musky and manly. Its so big and so hard, the spongy, tacky flesh that encases the rigid beauty. Without further delay I sink my mouth over it, swooning in my panties over finally having your cock in my mouth. I love it! It tastes so good! I so love sucking cock, I love sucking your cock!

You moan as my mouth works wonders on your penis your shirt falling to the floor, me pulling down your pants as I suck lovingly on your cock. Soon you are completely naked as I helped you out of your pants, shoes & socks your cock in my mouth the whole time.

Finally you pull me up and we kiss again madly as you press our bodies together my panty clad cock onto your hard naked penis. Our wives really have no idea about our homosexual carrying on, how much I love dressing femme and sucking cock, how much you enjoy the company of such an effeminate male kissing and fondling him all the way to fucking his tight sissy ass."

And this too:

yes I'm gay...very very gay

I so love the excitement of being naked with another man...kissing him, kissing him hungrily...as we pull on each other's cocks..and hump cock on cock with each other...then it happens; I get to taste his cock, so luscious and hard, so tasty, such an erotic feeling makes my own cock harder than ever...so hot being naked in bed with a man, makes me feel submissive & feminine, that tingly erotic feeling of homosexual contact...yes feeling submissive & femme, spreading my legs as he enters me, the initial pain & discomfort giving way to feeling his cock inside me the feeling of being fucked, pleasuring a man's cock with my ass pussy

...I love having my ass admired & being played with through my jeans, standing there as he fondles it, before I sit in his lap my arms around him as we kiss...truly I am very femme in my homosexual psyche, so much so very very gay so much so I love being 'en femme' for a guy - high heels, stockings, panties (pink panties) a hottie sexy dress ( I love wearing a dress & high heels), wig, make up, pink lipstick mmmmmm love being that femme bitch for a man having him feel me up under my dress, fondling my hottie little ass in the panties, playing with my dick clttty as we kiss mmmmmmm

...Oh my how I love to dress femme, love wearing silky pink panties, stockings, high heels (silver rhinestone strappy sandals with 5" heels) with my toes painted bubblegum pink, in a silky short dress with spaghetti straps hanging loosely feeling fabulous as it brushes my panty clad bottom as I walk smitten with excitement of the incredible feminine feeling of walking in high heels relishing feeling so very, very gay, such a sissy little faggot showing off for men in a gay bar walking on clouds it's such an intoxicating feeling being so very gay & loving it & flaunting it...yes so very, very gay & yes so very, very married to a beautiful woman who has no idea how gay I really am...mmmmmm

I have been fucked a few times in my life but these two were both very satisfying affairs:

The 1st time was while living with a straight roommate, he had upstairs apartment & my room was downstairs I snuck a guy in my room in the early evening and we started kissing. Just then my girlfriend called (a hottie blond) and I was on the phone with her 20 minutes while the guy waited for me. Then we got naked and made love - it was fantastic kissing him & playing with his cock. I then sucked him off tasting every drop then we kissed & nuzzled for the longest time till he got hard again then he fucked me, his cock slid in easily as I mounted him from on top, a very natural feeling that I loved - all while my straight roommate was upstairs.

The second time was after posting a craigslist ad. Real men love a femme crossdressing male, don't know why but they do. Long ago my posting a 'bi married male seeking same' & it drew about 2 dozen responses. Posting many years later with pics of me in dresses & panties & heels with my hottie ass & luscious hard clitty over 300 eager men wanted me. I was selective. We had connected a few times online then got lost in the shuffle. A few months later we re-connected. He was a bit older, a handsome 'silver fox' so to speak. We were going to make a connection first before moving on to other things, so lunch in the middle of a summer day was set at a neutral site. It was at a public golf course, a casual place off to the side, no one there had any idea of our intentions. We talked during lunch and got to know each other a little. After the waitress had cleared our plates we talked some more. As the conversation continued I put my foot up on the chair so he could see up my Bermuda shorts. He liked what he saw. I had on a pair of magenta pink cotton DKNY panties I had given my wife. Smiling he kept shifting for a better view, which I obliged flashing him many extended views of my pink panties. He did not know it at the time but I also had on one of my wife's silky half camisoles on under my polo shirt. As things heated up he asked if I would like to go out to his vehicle.

I was parked close and retrieved a knapsack out of my vehicle. In the knapsack I had brought along a wig, some stockings and some high heels. Once inside his vehicle (a very nice Mercedes SUV with dark tinted windows) I took off my shirt & shorts and put on the stockings, heels & wig. Needless to say I was tremendously excited to be there in panties, a cami, stockings, heels & a wig for him. When he reached over and felt my cock through the panties we melted into a hungry kiss, it was so fucking exhilarating. He took off his shirt and pulled his shorts down as I reached for his cock. It was not a real big cock but nice still and very hard, pleasantly hard for a guy his age (nothing is more disappointing than to be naked with another guy who can't keep his cock hard, come on now...)

It was a very hot day on not a very busy Tuesday at the golf course. His engine was running with the air conditioning on and we were parked in the back of the lot by the maintenance building with a clear view of everything in front of us. It was so fucking exciting having him play with my cock through the panties but I wanted his and leaned over & took it in my mouth. His cock tasted so good and I took it all the way in my mouth then just relishing sucking and licking it. I told him "your cock tastes so fucking good" and it really did. He sucked on mine too and we kissed some more and generally got ourselves very worked up kissing and taking turns sucking each others' cock.

This went on for quite some time us kissing playing with each others cocks & sucking each other. Finally he asked if there was somewhere we could go. My wife was at work so he followed me home. I put him in the guest bedroom while I got changed back into some lingerie. I had on the same stockings (nude with red lace tops) a pair of white lace panties and a white spaghetti strap silky nightgown plus my pink rhinestone high heel sandals I had on in his vehicle. Walking in there with the lingerie & wig on it was scintillating as I helped him out of his clothes. We were both so hard as we kissed I soon dropped to my knees and took him in my mouth, I just loved that his cock stayed so hard, mine certainly was. We climbed onto the bed and continued kissing and playing with each other. Off with the panties and nightie soon I was just in the stockings, wig & high heels as we 69'd and then he humped his cock onto mine. Being there naked for him just wearing stockings, high heels and the wig was so hot.

He really wanted to fuck me, I wanted it too. I retrieved some lube and spread my legs for him. I have to admit while it felt good at first, it started to hurt a bit. The pain was uncomfortable but he was persistent as he worked his cock into me. He had my legs up on his shoulders for better access, it was so sexy being a girl getting fucked by a man. Then it happened. He had worked his cock all the way up inside me and to feel so full with cock was amazing. It was what I had always wanted, to get fucked and be a femme sissy bitch for a man, I felt so gay. I knew it was true, I was a willing femme bottom for a man. With his cock deep inside me my own cock was so hard. He continued to fuck me with my legs still up on his shoulders the feeling of a hard cock deep inside you is all consuming, it's like the whole world is centered on the fullness pleasuring your ass pussy. He was close to cumming and pulled out and jacked off all over my cock and tummy. I tasted his cum and jacked off too cumming all over his cum.

Some of my recent encounters...:

Had an experience with a guy back in early June 2016, his wife was out hiking & I came over & dressed for him. I started out in a blue floral Victoria's Secret silk spaghetti strap chemise, matching blue microfiber super silky side tie string bikini panties, white fishnet stockings, my fav silver 5" strappy high heels, Jayne Fonda wig and lipstick and pink leather dog collar. It was so intoxicating being like that for him, kissing him, feeling his cock through his pants, undressing him, taking his cock in my mouth. He was really into having a guy deep throat him, which I obliged, loved taking his cock all the way. He was also into spanking and he gave my hottie little ass a few good slaps. He sucked on me too but was really more of a dom and I was glad to attend to his cock.

Then he had me change outfits. My next one was so hot. Hot pink stockings & pink rhinestone high heels, hot pink stretch lace boy short panties, hot pink & black bra and a hot pink 'page boy' wig...pretty fucking gay to be dressed like that for a man. Got spanked again a few times though I really wanted him to take me over his lap and spank me hard then finger my tight hole. Finally on my knees I sucked him off & he then jacked off all over my mouth & face (I love the taste of cum). Then I laid out and jacked off for him. Really thought I had a steady cock to suck, but alas I think I was a little too gay for him and never heard back from him. After all at the end of the day I'm still a dude dressed up like a chick and perhaps the over the top gayness of hot pink was too much for him.

November 2015 I was at hotel & wife did not come along I played golf then luxuriated bathing & shaving, painting my toes and doing my make up for a date. He was a short stocky Italian guy - I was in a black dress, heels, beige stockings, hot pink bikini panties (my wife's that I 'borrowed') pink bra with perfect make up and toes painted. He was quite a bit shorter than me and was worried about that - till we kissed. He was an awesome kisser and we soon disrobed and spent hours in the luxurious hotel bed. I changed outfits and sashayed back to bed in the floral Victoria's Secret number. After he came on me I jacked off with him fingering me telling me what a hottie bitch I was. I kissed him goodbye, loved kissing him. Next morning another guy came over, he was a real prick, didn't want to kiss or even touch me. He could barely get hard, only after watching a little porn he got hard enough, I sucked him off which was hot but really other than that a poor experience.

Also back in March of 2015 I went to a guy's condo, he was gay and not into crossdressers but said I was too hot to pass up. He was older and as soon as I walked in he kissed me very passionately, I think just to see if I was going to be OK with all of this. My hungry kiss back let him know I would be. As I went in the bedroom to get dressed it was kind of how do I say 'different' as he was playing the piano as I got dressed and made up. When I came out in high heels, white fishnets, soft pink panties, a white very short slip dress, wig & make up it was exhilarating and we walked upstairs. Sitting on the couch we talked, I wanted to be certain he was safe as I rarely see gay men, only married men (safer).

We talked for a while then in a flash we were kissing and I stood up, let my dress fall to the floor and he was after what was in my panties. Soon I was only in heels, fishnets and a wig. I actually think I could be naked in heels and hose and wig for a guy all day, actually fantasize about it a lot. Another thing I know I would enjoy would being in panties and heels servicing many guys at once like a cock drunk bitch at a poker party ...mmmmm...anyway we walked back down to his bedroom and kissed and played for several hours, it was so liberating being gay like this, kept my heels on the whole time. I wanted him to fuck me but he said he does not fuck on 1st dates. Finally I jacked off as I was sucking him off; after I came he licked up my cum and fed it to me as we kissed then he was sweet and got a warm washcloth and cleaned me up. He said I was hot and would like to see me in guy mode too. Wanted to hook up with him again but he went travelling with his boyfriend in an RV and never saw him again.

So there you have it...the lure of cock for a closeted gay married man... So I placed an ad...

"mwm looking for a boyfriend... Perhaps CL is not place to look but here goes.

Me = older, trim, tall, healthy, very highly sexed. Like you I love my wife and have good life together but also like you sex is not important to your wife and have a bi side that desires a closet relationship with another man. Not looking for quick, anonymous sex with a stranger. Looking for someone decent to connect with and enjoy this side of ourselves from time to time when opportunity presents itself. Have to admit I'm looking for someone with a nice, big cock that stays hard and not ashamed to let a guy who loves cock suck on yours. I'm more of a beta type bottom looking for an alpha type top. Have cross dressed enough to know its exciting for me to pleasure a guy when all femme but also can just be a regular guy who loves playing with your cock. Hit me up & lets see where it goes..."

Got the usual one line "come over here and suck my cock" responses but also quite a few well written sincere replies.

I met Jim for coffee one morning. He was tall, burly and from what I could tell probably very hairy at about 6'3" and 210 lb. Always a little awkward meeting a stranger with the intention of hooking up for sex but we hit it off pretty good and after several cups of coffee Jim let out a comment:

"I think you would really like my cock" he said as I nodded bashfully that I would. "I'd like to see yours too" he went on. "The wife's at her bridge club about now for a few hours if you want to come over".

I followed him to his place and we went to the living room after both relieving ourselves in the bathroom from all the coffee. There was the tentativeness of getting started but I reached for his cock through his pants and felt it getting hard. He reached for mine as we stood there rubbing each other through our pants. Hoping it wouldn't freak him out I leaned into him for a kiss. I was not to be disappointed as we melted into a hungry man on man kiss. I've always been the feminine one in my gay encounters and this confirmed it as it totally sent me, kissing this very masculine man. When we finally broke the kiss and were gasping excitedly he whispered in my ear "you're so hot" to which I replied "I want your cock" as I got down on my knees and started undoing his pants as he sunk onto the coach. He was taking his shirt off by the time I had his cock out. It was such a lovely beast; big and hard with a nice helmet head and much thicker than my hard 7" cock. In pure cocksucking lust I took him in my mouth and tasted the wonderfulness of hard penis. Jim had shed his shirt as I pulled down his pants, took off his shoes. Nuzzling my face back into his cock Jim moaned:

"Oh! Fuck! Yes!" he said as my mouth hungrily went after his throbbing 8" cock.

It smelled manly and musky and was a hard timber in a forest of hair. Licking his balls I jacked on it, it felt so tacky and warm in my hand. I stopped for a moment to take off my shirt. Standing topless next to him I lifted my arms over my head to show him my naked chest and shaved under arms. Doing what I hoped he would Jim started feeling up my ass through my jeans. My cock was so hard as he unbuckled my belt and undid my pants. I had a surprise waiting for him. As he pulled down my pants he saw the sexy, silky hot pink string bikini panties I was wearing. His hand firmly grabbed my hard cock as he looked in amazement at the discovery. His other hand fondled my pantie clad ass as my hard cock slipped out into the warm flesh of his adoring hand. Leaning forward Jim slipped my aching cock into his mouth as we both shuddered in sexual excitement.