The Joc in My Setchboo

All characters in this story are above the age of 18, this is a work of fiction, all characters in this story are 100% fictional. With that being said, thank you for all of your support and feedback!

Birdragon25

Chapter 2

The summer heatwaves make it almost unbearable to go outside. Although unsurprising under the scorching sun of Southern California. But then again, why ever go out when you can just stay within the comfort of your own room? I lay on my bed looking at the ceiling and the four walls of my room. There is nothing but a light shaped like a boob on my ceiling, and the walls lay empty.

You need to get out of your comfort zone,

the voice in the back of my head whispers.

You cannot be like this forever, locked in your room, as much as this is your palace, it is also your prison

It's true, I am a prisoner of a prison that I built for myself. I always find excuses time and time again to not go outside. It's too hot, it's too cold, it's too early, it's too dark, etc., etc., etc. This is all because I fear social interactions, I fear what might come of me if I go outside.

But it wasn't always like this, there was a time when I was happier, more social, and less withdrawn. In 4th grade, alongside drawing and video games, I had other hobbies such as badminton and mini-golf to balance out both of my indoors and outdoors activities. It all changed when my parents got divorced and my dad left for another state to work. Soon after, my mom took her consulting gig and started moving around too, and that was the end of my stability.

Every time I move to a new place, I would have to start all over, make new connections, familiarize myself with the new surroundings. At some point, I stopped trying and retreated to my own bubble, safe in my room, my lair. I've completely withdrawn from social activities and relied heavily on online platforms such as Twitter and Reddit for my social needs. Debating about pointless topics, bringing up problems with no solutions to solve, and even shitposting sometimes.

"Mhm..hahahahahaha" I laughed out loud at myself.

You're a wasted potential, look at yourself now, on the edge of insanity

It's true, I've been isolating myself for so long that I wonder if I have already or going to become insane.

I've gotten up from bed and went inside of the bathroom to wash my face, hoping the splashes of cold water would calm my nerves and bring me back to reality. I took a deep look into the mirror, my dirty blond hair is messy, my green eyes are dull, and my face pale.

Later that evening I drew in my sketchbook again. On a king-sized bed, I sketched Jordan's athletic body frame, then I drew my skinny frame next to him. In the picture, Jordan was spooning me, with me being the little spoon and him the big spoon. I imagined him wrapping me around his muscular arms. I drew on my sketchbook everything in my imagination, the wrinkles of the bedsheets, the bulges of the muscles on Jordan's arm, and the texture of the blanket. As I looked into my own sketch, a wave of sadness and emptiness washed over me. As perfect as this sketch may look, it is ultimately only a fantasy. On top of that, I got this strong feeling that something is missing from my drawing, something so obvious that I just can't see is missing, and this missing piece makes my artwork look lifeless. What exactly was I missing?

It wasn't long until it is time for school, this was going to be my sophomore year of college. However, there is one thing that I am looking forward to and that is, at least from Jordan's Instagram page, this is the same community college he's attending.

My mom waited at the breakfast table, with pancakes and bacon already made and ready to eat on our plates. The smell of morning coffee mixed with our breakfast items filled the room as I walk down the stairs.

"Good morning Nate! Are you ready for the first day of school?" My mom asked,

"Yeah, I guess I am ready, I got my class schedule and pretty sure I can find my ways, although I'd probably get lost a few times before I find some of these classes" I jokingly said to my mom with a smile.

"So Nathan, is this the school year you're finally going to bring home a cute boy for me to see?" My mom shot a joke right back at me.

"Mom!" I protested in embarrassment, " Every year since 7th grade you ask this, and my answer would be the same as always, no! I don't like the guys at school, they are all too immature!" That was a half-true, although most guys my age are absolute assholes, there are some that are nice, and one, in particular, that's on my mind.

"Oh my sweet boy, it is always nice to see your face flush red each time I ask this question, it never gets old"

And yes, my mom does know that I am gay. Although she found this out before I gathered enough courage to tell her. My dad was an IT wizard and taught my mom how to monitor the home network and protection against hackers unbeknownst to me at the time. And it didn't take her long to put two and two together when she saw on a bunch of search history of "Naked men" "Shirtless men" "Attractive guys" "Muscled guys" "Twunks" that I have accessed on the internet in incognito mode. Incognito leave no search history on the browser but can still be visible to others, I learned this lesson the hard way.

When my mom confronted me with the truth, I at first denied it, but after my mom told me she'd accept me just the way I am, nothing will ever change. I broke down in tears and cried. I confessed my attraction to men to her and came clean. I'm glad to have a parent that is supportive of my sexuality, and I realize how fortunate I was.

After we open the garage door and were about to get into my mom's car, I smelled laundry detergent in the air, at first I thought our laundry machine was broken so I ran to the laundry room to check. But nope, everything was fine.

"Hey mom, you do smell the detergent smell right? " I asked

"Yeah, this whole street smells like those Tide Pods" My mom confirmed, "anyhow honey, let's go, you do not want to be late for your first day of school"

I hopped in my car and fastened my seat belt. I then pulled my phone from my pocket and clicked on Instagram. I saw Jordan posted a new story, and when I opened it up I nearly jumped from my seat.

"First day back to school, the smell of laundry detergent fills the street" was the caption in the story. The actual image in the story showed the familiar streets of my neighborhood, in fact from the angle taken, it looks like Jordan's picture is just diagonally across from our house.