The Babysitter

ASH

Ash was a masochist. He knew, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that this wasn't going to end well, but he still wanted it anyway. In that moment, he couldn't think of anything he wanted more than Stefan's dick in his ass, and he was going to have it.

When Stefan had texted him earlier telling him to come over, his response had been a little snappish. After he'd eaten Stefan out only for him to wake up early that morning and leave his bed, he'd felt hurt and foolish.

Rationally, it made perfect sense for him to go. He

did

need to get back to Luca before he woke up. Stefan

did

need to leave his room so there was no chance of Adrian catching him sneaking out later, but that didn't mean watching him go sucked any less. It had opened up a whole box of insecurities Ash had tried hiding in the back of his mind: that they'd never be able to spend the night together without worrying about getting caught; that Stefan really was only using him for sex; that, if he didn't set some boundaries, his heart really was going to get broken.

He'd come up with a plan. The next time he saw Stefan, he was going to tell him they needed to cool it with the sex because he'd met someone. He was going to tell him that the guy's name was Elijah; that way Adrian could corroborate the story if the subject ever came up.

He rehearsed the story in his head, making sure to add enough details to make the story believable but not too detailed as to get caught in the lie. When Stefan had asked him to pick up Luca that Monday because he had to stay late for a meeting, once he got home seemed like the perfect opportunity to tell him, but he never got the chance. As soon as Luca was asleep, Stefan kissed him so deeply and so thoroughly that Ash forgot. The only thing on his mind was Stefan's mouth on his and his mouth on Stefan's and the wall that held him up as Stefan reached into his pants and--suffice to say, Monday didn't work out.

Ash hadn't expected to see Stefan so soon, but when he called on Tuesday with another late evening at the office, Ash had another opportunity to enact his plan. He'd planned to let Stefan get in and get settled before breaking the news, but Stefan handed him a box and asked him to open it while he grabbed a few things from the fridge.

When Ash opened the small, nondescript box, the last thing he'd expected to find was a butt plug for beginners. He found Stefan staring at him, cheeks pink, when he looked up.

He said, "I thought maybe you would like to help me get acquainted with my prostate again." He looked so bashful; it was endearing.

Ash couldn't say no, and that was how another day with no limits had gone by.

By Wednesday, Ash was pretty sure Stefan was just making up excuses for him to come over, but those excuses still required him to pick Luca up from daycare, so he couldn't say exactly say no. Also by that point, they were halfway through the week, and Ash didn't think it would hurt if another few days went by without having a conversation. His fake boyfriend would be there next week, and that at least gave him a couple more days of fun.

But something about Thursday had just rubbed him the wrong way. Maybe it was the fact that Stefan wasn't even trying anymore. Maybe it was because Ash had started to consider what a future without Stefan would look like, so that when text came through, he sent the first thing that'd come to mind. He

did

have a life outside of Stefan; he

was

more than just a warm body, and the fact that he'd let Stefan treat him as such had to be rectified.

Even though he said he'd give it until the end of the week, Ash was determined to set the record straight that night. He wasn't going to let himself be distracted. He'd already said what was on his mind once; he could do it again! But then Stefan had gone and surprised him with flowers--

flowers

--and strawberries, and it made no sense how Stefan could be so sweet and so caring and still so fucking

frustrating

.

It felt like Stefan loved Ash but didn't know it himself (because who bought someone they were sleeping with flowers if they weren't into them?), and it wasn't like Ash could say anything because he didn't want to pressure Stefan. And what if he was reading this all wrong? What if he was believing what he wanted to believe and not the actual truth?

So, he resigned himself to one more night and one more night only. For real this time.

He hadn't known things were going to go as far as they had, but it felt almost apropos that he was going out with a bang, no pun intended.

As Stefan's dick buried into his ass, he threw his head back and moaned; he dug his fingernails into the older man's hips to get him to pause.

Stefan's face was full of worry. "Are you okay? Did I--"

"It's been a while since I've bottomed, and you're fucking huge. I need you to go slower."

"Sorry," he said, slowing the momentum of his hips.

Ash's back arched. He could feel himself being stretched inch-by-inch. It was heaven and hell, desire and need, past and future, all wrapped up in one. He'd never experienced anything quite as exquisite as this before--not being fucked or stretched open but doing this with someone he loved.

Ash had never really had a preference on topping or bottoming. Any time he'd hooked up with a guy, he was prepared for either, but it seemed, more times than not, any time a guy got a glance at his dick, they wanted to be on the receiving end, and Ash understood.

Each came with its own perks. He loved giving pleasure. He loved the absolute abandon that would unfold across a guy's face when he rolled his hips a certain way or fucked him just right, snapping his hips forward so skin slapped against skin, working up a vigorous sweat, fingers and toes curled in fervor. Topping always filled him with an inexplicable amount of delight. But bottoming--when done correctly--bottoming was like a religious experience. There was literally nothing like being stuffed so full, not knowing where you ended and the other person began. Every time the person fucking him would hit his prostate and stars would blossom in front of his eyes.

He imagined getting fucked by a good dick felt like taking party drugs. It took a while for the excitement to build, but when they finally hit, you never wanted the experience to end.

They laid there for a moment, wrapped in each other's arms, breathing heavily and acclimating to the sensation. Stefan buried his nose in the crook of Ash's neck. His breath was hot against his skin.

Ash's hands skimmed the large expanse of Stefan's back, luxuriating in the feel of the hot and heavy weight on top of him and the rock-hard rod inside of him.

"My

God

, Ash, I've never--you're so--"

His hips rocked forward, and Ash gasped.

Ash nodded, understanding what he meant without him having to fill in the blanks.

He wrapped his hands around the back of Stefan's neck and pulled his mouth to his. Against his lips, he said, "I'm ready. You can move," and sealed their mouths together.

They kissed, hungrily, greedily, wanting more and more of each other despite being fused together in every way they possibly could be in that moment.

Stefan's tongue swept into Ash's mouth at the same time he rocked his hips forward, swallowing Ash's moan.

With an incredible amount of resolve, Stefan tore his mouth away and raised up on his forearms. He held still, staring deeply into Ash's eyes. His expression was a confounding cocktail of wonder and lust and pure admiration but that could've just been because Ash's ass was clenching around him.

Ash was hesitant to believe that this meant anything more to Stefan than what it was. This shared moment between them should've just been sex; it should've been just another item checked off the list of things two guys who were attracted to each other did, but to Ash (and his stupid feelings), it was

everything

he wanted.

He never wanted Stefan to stop looking at him like that, like Ash fulfilled his every want and desire and fantasy. He never wanted this closeness to end, both physically and emotionally. He wanted assurance. He wanted consistency. He wanted this level of intimacy every day of the week. He

wanted

, and he didn't know if Stefan could give him that.

Which was why he knew he had to make this moment count because it couldn't happen again.

Burying his fingers in Stefan's hair, he said, "Fuck me."

Sliding out until just the tip of his cock remained inside, Stefan rose to his knees and slid his arms behind Ash's back, hands cupping Ash's shoulders.

Ash locked his legs at the small Stefan's back and in one hard pump, Stefan slammed home.

They groaned in unison, only momentarily pausing to revel in the explosive sensations radiating through their bodies before Stefan snapped his hips forward again.

Ash lost himself in the rhythmic rocking, his eyes rolling back in his head every time Stefan bottomed out. His hands gripped Stefan's ass cheeks, loving the flex and feel of his powerful muscles with every stroke.

"Yes, baby...

God

... Just like that. Oh,

juuuust

like that," Ash said.

Each affirmation brightened the light in Stefan's eyes. He felt no need to hide his smile.

A grin unfurled across Stefan's lips to match his own. Spurred on, his hips picked up the pace a bit. He licked a stripe up Ash's neck and kissed the tender skin behind his ear. His hot breath tickled his soft skin as he moaned his name in time with his thrusts--"Ash. Ash. Ash."

It was all too much, and still somehow not enough.

Every time Stefan's dick teased his prostate, it made him want to close his eyes, to let his body just

rejoice

in the ravishment, but he wanted to remember every moment--every touch, every sight, every sound. He wanted to remember Stefan's face and chest flushed pink with desire. He wanted to remember the way his eyes would close in ardor, his mouth falling open when overwhelmed with emotion. He wanted to remember how he smelled faintly of his cedar wood cologne; the scent still sticking to his skin even after their shower. He wanted to remember his hair and forehead damp with sweat, how his lips tasted like Ash's dick with an undertone of whatever he'd had for dinner, how pleasure rolled off and out of him in overpowering waves. He wanted to immortalize this moment in his memory.

Dragging his lips mouth from Ash's, Stefan pulled out and rolled them on their sides. He pressed more kisses along his shoulder and up his neck as he situated himself behind him. Throwing his leg into the air, Stefan slid easily back in, his hole gaped and waiting for him and only him. The new angle caused Ash to cry out; Stefan's dick hit his prostate

perfectly

.

"Oh

FUUUUCK

!" His head fell back against Stefan's shoulder, his body burning with ecstasy.

"You like that?" Stefan's hips picked up tempo again, snapping forward faster and faster. His balls audibly slapped against his skin, quickly filling the room with salacious sounds and hitting Ash's g-spot.

Every. Single. Time.

"You feel

so

fucking good in me," he moaned. His hand reached down and touched the space where they met, gathering some of the wetness from their joining. He used the juice to stroke his own cock furiously. "Don't stop."

Stefan continued to pound into him from behind. "Yes, baby, yes, yes," fell incoherently from his lips as his prostate was assaulted and stimulated over and over again. With every thrust, he could feel his climax building in his balls. "Fuck, Stefan, I'm--I'm--"

Swatting Ash's hand away, Stefan gripped his balls and squeezed, denying him so badly of what he wanted. Ash inhaled sharply, his eyes bulging.

"Not yet," Stefan grit out.

Stefan stopped moving his hips but stayed seated in him. Ash's head was thrown back over his shoulder; the clammy column of his neck exposed to the cool air. Their chests rose and fell in sync, moving together like a well-oiled machine. Stefan slowly released his hold on Ash's dick, gently shuttling his big hand up and down his shaft. His touch was as light as a butterfly's wings, barely a tickle. The pressure in his balls began to reside.

"You come when I say so. Do you understand?"

The authority in his tone almost made Ash come on the spot, but he held it together. With a deep breath, he nodded and said, "Yes, sir."

"Good." Stefan kissed the back of his neck and began to slowly circle his hips. He started lightly stroking Ash's dick again, and the touch felt kind of like torture. His skin felt explosive, like millions of microscopic stars were bursting at once.

He never wanted this feeling to end.

Stefan rolled them once more so that he was flat in his back with Ash on his chest. His mouth fell open into a perfect "O". This new position had him feeling like he was being

impaled

.

"Steeeeeefaaaaan."

"You like that?" He thrust upward.

Ash was a ragdoll, loose and useless. With his head thrown back, he said, "I can feel you so,

so

deep inside of me."

In response, Stefan's hands tightened on Ash's waist. He snapped his hips upward, over and over and over, burying himself in Ash's ass each time.

The sounds that escaped him were inhuman, and he didn't care. At this rate, he probably wouldn't be able to walk in the morning, and he didn't care. He'd never been fucked like this before--so deeply, so fully and exhaustively--and he was more than happy to just lay back and take it.

Stefan's arms wrapped around his torso--one barring his chest and the other across his midsection. His hips kept up their powerful prodding, driving upward again and again. Like a sharpshooter, he never missed his mark.

"Fuuuuck yes! Yes, yes! That's it, baby. Yes."

"Stefan," Ash whined.

"Yes!"

"

FUCK

!" Ash exclaimed, as one particular pump blinded him for a moment.

He was done, absolutely

wrecked

.

"Stefan," he panted. "

Please

."

Stefan slowed the momentum of his hips and pressed a few kisses to Ash's shoulder. He reached down and gripped Ash's cock in his hand, and that was all it took. Ash came, a strangled cry escaping his lips.

"Oh,

God

."

Ash felt Stefan's dick pulsing inside him. Hot, wet heat flooded his inner walls.

"Mmm," Stefan hummed, coaxing the rest of the cum out of him. "That's right. Let it all out."

Unable to take anymore, Ash rolled over and off Stefan, his softening dick sliding easily out of his asshole. He laid on his stomach and just breathed, focusing on the air filling and leaving his lungs.

A heavy hand rest on the small of his back. "Are you okay?"

Ash turned his head toward him, too tired to do much of anything else. "Yeah," he said with a small smile. "Exhausted, but okay."

Stefan tucked a few strands of hair behind his ear. "That might've been the best sex I've ever had."

"Ditto," he said, fighting to keep his eyes open. He wanted to look his fill--hazel eyes and his straight nose; his strong jaw, lightly shaded with stubble; up close, open, personal and vulnerable--knowing this was the last time he'd be able to do so. He mustered up enough strength to reach across and run his thumb across Stefan's bottom lip. "Thank you."

Stefan kissed the pad of his thumb and said, "You're welcome, baby."

He nodded toward the en suite bathroom, moving toward the edge of the bed. "I'm gonna get some wipes to clean up, and then I wanna hold you until we fall asleep. Be right back."

Ash watched Stefan's bare ass disappear into the bathroom and briefly wondered if he had enough time to slip out, rip the Band-Aid off instead of prolonging the inevitable, but he was warm and content and his eyelids were so heavy... A few more hours wouldn't hurt.

*

Ash's eyes slowly fluttered open. The room was dark save for the hallway night lights creeping in under the crack in the door. The air conditioner quietly whirred overhead. Stefan lay face down, his arm thrown over Ash's middle. A light blanket had been thrown over them, pulled up to their waists.

Blindly feeling for his phone, he checked the time: 4:28 AM.

With a deep breath, Ash moved the blanket off of him and untangled himself from Stefan's hold, trying not to disturb his sleep, but his movements still woke him up.

Stefan's hand tightened on his waist. He turned his head toward him, trying to pull Ash closer.

"Where you going?" he mumbled, voice thick with sleep.

"Gotta pee," Ash said. He watched Stefan's face to see if his eyes opened or if he woke further, but his expression settled and his breath evened out, quickly falling back to sleep. Ash used the flashlight on his phone to pick up his clothes, throwing on his shirt and pants, and gathering everything else in his hands.

He threw one last look at Stefan, grateful that he couldn't completely make out his features in the dark, and slipped out.

*

When he pulled into the driveway, he could see the kitchen lights on through the blinds.

Checking his reflection in the visor mirror, he swiped his hands under his eyes and across his nose, trying to rid all evidence of his tears. He'd willed himself not to cry on the drive to his house, but he hadn't even made it two blocks before the drops fell. His eyes were still puffy and his nose still red. If his brother got a good look at him, there'd be no way he could hide his sadness from him.

At the sound of the front door opening, Adrian peaked into the entryway. He held a mug of something hot and steamy in one hand. His circular glasses were perched low on his nose.

"Hey," he said. "You're home late."

"You're up late."

"Insomnia." He shrugged and took a few steps forward. Even in the dim light, he could see his brother's eyebrows furrow. "Everything OK?"

More than anything, Ash wanted to tell him what had happened. He wanted to join Adrian in the kitchen over a hot cup of tea and tell him how his heart was breaking, how he may have made one of the best and worst decisions of his life, how he didn't know what this meant moving forward, but he couldn't tell his brother about this. At least not yet.

Instead, he sighed and said, "Not really, but it will be... Goodnight, Adrian."

"You know I'm here if you wanna talk, right? Or not talk."

"Yeah," he said, fighting back tears once more. "I do, but I just wanna go to sleep now."

"Okay. Night, little brother."

*

When Ash awoke the next morning, his chest felt hollow, like someone had reached inside of him and yanked out his heart, and the worst part was that he was the perpetrator. He couldn't blame anyone for his misery and sorrows but himself.

Probably the number one unspoken rule of being gay was "Never get involved with a straight person," but he'd gone and done it anyway.

He knew going into this that he might not get the outcome he wanted, but the more time he and Stefan spent together, the more it seemed like what had once only been a fantasy could become a reality.

Maybe he'd set his expectations too high. (He'd definitely set his expectations too high.) The truth was that Stefan was a single dad who wanted to get his dick wet and Ash had been a more than willing participant... But before he'd even finished the thought, he knew it wasn't true.

But he didn't know what was anymore.

He could tell by the harsh bright light streaming through the curtains that it was well past early morning. Not that it mattered. He had nothing planned--no places to be, no people to see, no mouths to kiss or hearts to enamor--so he curled into a ball, pulled his comforter over his head, and shut out the light of the day.

He breathed deeply, focusing on the rise and fall of his chest (and attempted to keep out specific intrusive thoughts). While the darkness was comforting, it wasn't enough to lull him back to sleep. He threw off his comforter with a groan and stared at the spackled pattern on the ceiling.