Sun and Sea

Sun and Sea: Run and Hide

Narrator: Anu

Almost 5 months after my parents disappeared with Bhumi on 23rd June, I got an unknown call on my mobile which Pa gave me when he bought a new one for his 48th birthday. It was Bhumi. It was the worst monsoon we had ever seen, temperature as low as 4 degrees Celsius but it was that call that sent chills down my spine.

"Anu, it's me, I got your number from Hussain and I didn't dare call Rohit, so I called the cafe first. They are planning to give him away to someone. Moms brothers are here and they have taken over. Even though they are not sure where he will be taken to, her brother arranged for it to be taken care of. They are treating him like litter and just distributing the puppies because we don't want them. He is a very beautiful boy, Anu. He looks like me and has grandma's eyes, so he looks like you with those green eyes and lips. I begged and begged and now I have shut us in the room. This is Dads mobile, a new number. He gave it to me and asked me to ask you to help. Please! Please! We are at the same house you were locked in when you met with the accident."

There were no tears, no need to ask how we were, this was a sister calling her brother to save her child, there was no debate or decision to me made, "Will be there tonight, keep the phone with you."

The only decision was Rohit. I had lived in the Kakar house for so long now, they were happy. Pa's life revolved around him, everything he had since the last 11 years was for Rohit. I will never be able to get the baby to this town and I will not take a son from his father. I cried and packed, stopped packing and cried some more and started packing again. I wrote a letter and tore it, typed a message and deleted it. Finally I stuck a note to the fridge magnet and left

"SORRY, YOU DESERVE BETTER, NEVER FORGET ME -- ARNESH KAKAR"

I called my best friend in the world, Hussain. He was connected and sworn to secrecy. He arranged everything for me.

There was almost 3 hours for the train and I stood outside the gym for a long time, trying to decide if I should see him one last time. I kept my bags at the door and walked in unable to stop myself. I checked with one of the trainers and he told me Rohit was in the shower before leaving for a MMA fight referee session.

I knew he used the last largest shower out of the three in the end of the locker room. I took off my clothes and knocked, "RK!" He shut the shower and opened the door with a big smile, and his eyes went wide when he saw me naked. I walked in, closed the door behind me and kissed him.

I kissed him to remember it for a lifetime. I hugged him trying to lock this feeling to my memory. I touched him to memorise his hard planes and soft skin. "Anu!" he moaned as I touched him all over. I turned around and arched my back, "Rohit!" He held my waist and penetrated me, kissing my neck and shoulders. "I love you!" I said as he moved inside me. He placed his palm on the side of my face and brought me to him and kissed me as he jerked me off with his other hand. "Harder!" I moved my hand to grab fistfuls of his hair and with the other braced myself to the wall. He moved slower, withdrawing completely and then slapping back into me but he was still gentle with me. I wanted him to punish me for what I was going to do to us, "HARDER!" He bit my shoulder and fucked me hard, his fingers now leaving blueish marks on my hips and chest. He came but was still rock hard and continued fucking me, grunting as he came again but he was still gentle with me, still loving, still my Rohit and glad I wasn't facing him as I started to cry. I turned around and hugged him, hiding my face in his chest, my tears hidden by his wet body.

"Anu! I am fucking crazy for you." he was panting and kissing my head. "I love you more than me." I said and kissed him back.

"I know Baby! We can skip the MMA thing and go for lunch at a nice place, like a date and then head home and finish this." He chuckled, his chest rumbling against my face. "No, I have some work, I will see you later. Just wanted you and couldn't stop myself." I murmured against his chest.

He kissed my nose, "I am glad you did love." He hugged me to him, "Fuck! I love you so much Anu. Like crazy love! I am going to be useless today till I see you again. I am crazy for you!" he giggled. I didn't have the nerve to look at his eyes, so I busied myself with the shampoo bottle after starting the shower, all the while looking away from him.

Don't forget me! I said silently, "You Shampooed?" I asked and turned around to see him smiling, shaking his head in a NO and looking at me with his soulful innocent eyes, full of love. I smiled back and turned him around, raising my tiptoes to shampoo his hair.

Sun and Sea: 'Need You Now' by Lady A

Narrator: Anu

I didn't tell these details to Kitoo, only snippets enough for him to know what happened between the call from Bhumi and the moment he came to my life but that day and the months following it, I lived that day again and again in a loop.

"I took a train to the hill station, a taxi to the house I knew too well and messaged Bhumi. My Dad came with a baby bag and you, he handed my life to me. Never meeting my eyes, no words were spoken."

"I got in the taxi still figuring out how to hold you, bundled up in so many blankets, I couldn't find your head. I removed the blanket from your face, not sure if you were able to breathe, and you cooed and opened your eyes. It was like looking in the mirror but 19 years in the past. All decisions were put on hold, my life was put on hold at that moment, and you were my life now. Just like the Kakar household, it was me and my son."

"I took a train to Delhi. Met up with Nihad, Hussain's cousin at 1 am when my train reached the station. He took me to a crowded but clean neighbourhood and showed me our room. A one room with an open Kitchen and attached bath. The toilet was outside, 4 rooms shared it. The system was run by Zia Ammi, a 70 years old widow landlady with 3 rooms shared by 6 bachelors and one room for me and you."

"Nihad got my documents changed, he got my surname changed to Kakar and year of birth to make me 5 years older. He got my mark sheet updated with an older date, and asked me to enrol in a distance learning program so that in the next job I can give updated and real academic documents. This was the easiest to get caught, and he advised me to better get an actual graduation certificate."

"The bachelors worked in a call centre for a US shift in Noida. I went for the interview and got through. Ammi agreed to look after my son for extra money but one look at you and she was smitten. I told everyone that my wife died in a car accident and we were alone now and I got away from my old life. But Rohit was part of me in every breath I took, so I kept his surname just like Bhumi had told once, he is my soulmate."

"What's his name?" Nihad asked to get your birth certificate.

"Khsitij ... Khsitij Kakar". I spelled it out for him

"What does that mean Arnesh?"

"Means Horizon where Sun and Sea meet."

You and I disappeared for everyone. I didn't remember my father's number and had given my mobile to Hussain to return it to Rohit. The only person and number I remembered by heart was him.

I would find random pay phones at odd places to call him and didn't talk but he knew and he spoke with me. He never asked me to come back, just wanted me to tell him where I was and he would come to me. He talked about silly things like college and professors, asked simple questions about kitchen equipment and statistics. He kept saying Pa is okay with it, he wants us to be together but I couldn't respond, I wouldn't. I never went back to the payphones where you can call back. I wanted to know he was there and hadn't forgotten me, it was my vice, my selfishness to hear him talk to me. I knew I was keeping him hanging, making it difficult for him to move on but I couldn't help it. I was addicted to him. But after 6 months I stopped that too. I would type his number on my mobile phone and delete it or just type long emails to him and save them in drafts like keeping a diary.

The pay was good and I was excelling at work. We could have moved but Zia Ammi was taking care of you like your grandma never did. I was on night shifts so I needed someone close to be with you. I started doing odd jobs in the day as well and then took a constant day job as a chorus singer for a studio.

You were almost 18 months old and had a tummy flu, crying all night due to fever, it was horrible for both of us. I was lost as nothing seemed to work and didn't want to leave my crying baby with Ammi. I had taken a week long leave to take care of you and on the first night itself both of us were crying.

As I struggled with taking care of you,lyrics of 'Need You Now' by Lady A, ran through my mind and I started to hum it as we cried, "It's a quarter after one, I'm all alone and I need you now. Said I wouldn't call, but I've lost all control and I need you now. And I don't know how I can do without, I just need you now."

At 2 am, I heard a soft knock at the door. It must be Ammi I thought, must have heard the crying and come to help. I got up from our mattress on the floor adjusting you in my arms and opened the door.

I felt static through my skin and my heart started to beat frantically like a small animal trapped in a cage. He looked taller than I remembered and had gotten more muscular, must be spending all his day in the gym now, replacing pain with pain and grown a beard, a mop of curly black hair but it was him. It was Rohit standing there with no luggage at the doorstep of my 10x10 feet room.

"I told you... I will stalk you." He said smiling, his dimples hidden in his beard.

"What took you so long?" I started crying.

He took us in his arms, you stopped crying and he gently cradled you in one arm and wrapped me to his chest with the other. He didn't cry or discuss anything or kiss like they show in movies. Just held on to us, the door still open for God knows how long, till I stopped crying.

"Pack up, we are getting out of this cell." He stood there with you in his arms refusing to step in.

I packed, frantically throwing our stuff in a suitcase and shopping bags. When we were done, Rohit loaded it in his car, a big new SUV. I hugged Nihad goodbye and he handed me his phone, it was Hussain.

"Anu Bhai, we couldn't see him like this anymore. I tried for one and a half year but every day was torture for me to see my brother suffer, he came to café every day. Some days he asked nicely and others he begged, on occasions he shouted and fought with me but after 6 months of you leaving he just gave up, he would come and sit here for hours. Sometimes I wouldn't even come in, just sit on the sidewalk in the driveway or the steps in the back near the dumpsters. But he came every day for 18 months. He graduated but never went for the ceremony, he doesn't shave or dress up like he did, and he spends long hours in the gym. Pa was so worried about him, when he had that ligament tear, he was just working out to cope. I tried to tell him to forget you but he just looked at me and left. He doesn't laugh anymore and Ammi is heartbroken to see him like this. You know how he is, never complains or cries but he is like... this lost man, not even angry with me anymore which is so much worse. Bhai! I told him yesterday, it's your birthday and he was worse than other days. I couldn't take it anymore, I am sorry Anu Bhai but he is slowly killing himself, I had to, hope you understand Bhai."

"Thank you Hussain Bhai, you saved us both. Saved the three of us actually."

When we reached our new house which RK had arranged to be leased and then bought, there was no furniture in it. One of the two bedrooms had a small single bed. I laid the bedding for Kitoo and he placed him gently on it. As he tucked our child in, I wandered into the living room and sat with my back to the wall near the kitchen. RK walked in and sat next to me. Both didn't say anything. I placed my head on his shoulder and intertwined our fingers, brought them to me and kissed his knuckles. He changed positions to face me and looked in my eyes. His eyes had anger and love mixed in them, telling me exactly what he felt at that moment.

"Never!" he whispered as he grabbed the back of the head and weaved my now long hair in his fingers gently. I moaned just at that touch which I had taken for granted for so long since the first time we kissed, missing it more than I thought I did. I felt like we were standing in the parking lot of Cafe Noor all those years ago, as I inched tentatively towards his lips, unsure how he would react to it. He closed the distance between us this time, he kissed me with every pain I had made him feel, every second I made him miss me and every time he wanted to touch me and I wasn't there. He came up and smiled at me, licking his lips.

"I will kill myself next time." It wasn't a threat or just angry words, he said it calmly, looking in my eyes with love, holding me to him tightly, he was just telling me what will happen next time if I tried this stunt.

I stood up and took off my T-shirt and Shorts, he didn't move and just kept looking at me. I got down on my knees and took off his shirt, my finger shivering as I undid the buttons.

I took off his jeans and underwear and he let me by raising his butts off the ground but still not touching me but never looking anywhere else. I turned around and got the baby oil from the bag and gave him the bottle. He took it from me and kept looking at me, he was hard, not only his dick but all his muscles were packed together tightly. I noticed he had gotten bigger, his muscles now overlapping and more defined than ever, his abs now cut into 8 pieces and his pecs huge bulging, covered with a thin layer of hair, but he still didn't move as he waited for an answer from me, a promise.

" I love you!" I looked into his eyes and said what was true. " I thought I was doing the right thing but I was not." He kept the bottle down and grabbed both my hands, pulling me to him and making me sit on his lap, our hard dicks touching after so long, making me hiss involuntarily. " Never! do that again." He looked at my eyes and attacked my lips with his, I adjusted my body to sit with my legs on either side of his waist, our naked body and hard dicks touching as I started humping on him. I took the bottle and poured the oil on his dick and tried to push it in me. He felt bigger and me smaller as I struggled. He pushed me down and made me lay on the ground with his hands on the back of my thighs. He went down on me and pushed his tongue in my hole, making me yelp. He rimmed me, ate me, licked me and bit me there making me squirm and moan loud enough to wake our child. He moved over me and pushed his erection in me, it was like we were doing it for the first time together in the cabin.He grunted as he penetrated me finally, making me arch my back off the ground. He didn't hurt me or assert force, he was gentle with me and made love to me, he wouldn't hurt me back even after what I did to him. I brought his face to me and looked him in his shining eyes as he moved over me, "Never!" I finally promised. He brushed the hair off my forehead and kissed it. "I love you!" He said as we made love.

"I had promised him that I am the hero of my movie and he is my arm candy, see full-on hero entry, at his door at 2 am!" Pa smiled but it didn't reach his eyes like always, he must have lived hell during those months away from Dad.

"And what about my real parents, what happened to them?" Pa pursed his lips at my question, clearly unhappy with it.

"I kept Bhumi informed about you through emails, not sure if I wanted to share my address and number with her till she was out of our parent's house. She completed her masters in psychology and then got her therapist licence. In the next 8 years, we kept in touch till one day she sent me her scanned wedding card. Ravi stood by his promise, he completed his medical degree, got a job in Newcastle and came back to Bhumi. She started requesting from both of them, wanting to meet you. I panicked, stopped writing and deactivated my email address. Until yesterday." Dad sighed.

"What? What? ... What did you do NOW?" Pa raised his voice.

"RK, he needs to know them, needs to choose by himself. I can't keep him from his parents."

"I ... I? Who is this I between us now Anu, when did we become I?"

"I called Bhumi and told her, gave her our address and sent them his pictures. They have taken the first flight to India, will arrive late at night and come here directly."

"They want him now that he is all grown up and handsome, because they like his pictures. So he is a mail teenage son they order from India to the UK?"

"RK Baby! You are being mean." Dad sighed as he rubbed his face.

"Mean! ... Mean! ... Those people ... that Ravi! ... That coward and I am MEAN?" Pa started pacing his eyes now slits, lips pulled in a line, jaw clenched, grinding his teeth as he spoke, neck taut, his hands in tight fists with the veins popping in his arms but never looking directly at Dad.

"You dropped your life and left me behind and this kid made it worth it. Did you tell him how many times you bought poison and threw it away? And I didn't tell him, the number of days I sat at the edge of the suicide spot I was to take you on our first date. And I am mean?"

He looked at Dad pointing at him, "You didn't leave me that night Arnesh! You left us behind and I have been catching up with you ever since."

Pa turned around and started pacing again, "Every day I come here first to check if you guys are still there. Every time we fight, I sleep here on the couch ready to intercept you if you decide to run away from me. You know what... Living like that for eighteen years is MEAN! Years of therapy for both of us hasn't healed those days. So you stay on your high horse while I fight for my son... Ya! You heard it right... MY SON!" He looked at Dad and then looked down, breathing hard as if he had just run a mile.

"Pa! Please I really don't want to meet anyone, you are my parents." I tried to hug him.

"DAMN WELL I AM, YOU TELL HIM!" He shouted pointing at Dad and held on to my wrist like I was a child in a crowded mall.

"Rohit! Stop this." Dad held his other wrist with one hand and touched his cheek making Pa look at him.

"Okay! I will stop this. I am the one leaving now, I will leave and never look back. Good luck finding me!" Pa said, looking away from Dad and left.

"Pa... Pa! Please, please come back, I shouldn't have asked about them, Dad please!" Pa opened the door and went to his apartment diagonal to us and started opening his door. Myra went and waited in the kitchen as my family drama thickened.

"He is not going anywhere!" Dad said, raising his voice just a notch for Pa to hear him in the corridor.

"As Hell I will! That's what you want, so you can ship our son to some Desi English Knockoffs!" Pa came back and Dad started smiling.

"Don't smile at me, okay Anu! I will not let my son go anywhere. I will beat the Big Ben out of Ravi, let me see how that big shot doctor stitches himself with his hands broken." But his tone had levelled out, one smile from Dad and he had cooled off. "You come with me Kitoo, no first drop Myra home and come to my place directly, we don't want to stay with this snitch." He threw his car keys to me and I caught it mid-air.