As I drove slowly throughout the business park, my mind swirled with conflicting thoughts. What was I thinking? Was I really going to go through with this? Part of me just wanted to drive away and forget that I ever even seriously considered doing this? It's one thing to think about this type of thing as pure fantasy but something altogether different to do it for real. But, the other part of me said that if I don't do it now, I may never muster the nerve to try it again. I felt that I just had to know what it felt like just one if my life.
I was heading for an appointment. But, this was not just any appointment. I was going there to suck another man's cock for the first time in my life. And, to make matters all the more exciting or tense depending upon one's perspective, the scene was going to be filmed on video for distribution on an amateur gay website.
The circumstances that led to this whole experience hardly developed overnight. As a guy in my early 30s, I had been watching mostly straight porn regularly for some ten or so years. Initially, I concentrated mainly on the women themselves and paid little attention to anything else. But, as time passed, I found myself starting to wonder how the woman felt as they first performed outwardly submissive acts, particularly being naked on their knees giving guys blow jobs and taking cum in their face or mouths.
I particularly enjoyed watching woman who seemed some more quiet and reserved than typical porn starlets; for that reason, I tended to concentrate on amateur porn that featured "everyday" woman. I wondered if this is something that they truly enjoyed or whether they were just going through the motions, so to speak, to obtain some quick cash.
The curiosity intensified with the passage of time. And, as I continued to watch porn, I found myself starting to fantasize about doing the things that those woman did that turned me on so much – namely giving guys blowjobs and taking their cum. Each time I viewed these scene, I wish I were the one in the video giving those blowjobs.
I dismissed these thoughts as nothing more than pure fantasy and certainly nothing that I would do in real life. And, because I'm otherwise totally straight and quite conservative in nature, I also felt somewhat awkward and perhaps even somewhat guilty that I fantasizing this way in the first place. So, I simply continued watching the videos without much more thought.
But, then, out of pure happenstance, I stumbled across something that changed all of that. I was searching the web for some straight porn featuring blow jobs and facial cumshots when I inadvertently got redirected to an amateur gay porn site run by a guy called Frank. The site supposedly featured straight guys giving blowjobs for the first time in their lives and for the first time on camera. Although I was quite familiar with straight porn websites and usually could distinguish between true amateur performers and professionals, I really didn't know anything about gay porn at the time and didn't know if the site's claims were true. Regardless, though, the very idea that a straight guy such as myself would agree to give another guy a blowjob for the first time in his life, while being videotaped no less, intrigued the hell out of me.
I checked out the sample videos and then signed up for a trial membership. As I watched the scene, I got the indeed sense that some of the guys featured in some of the videos indeed were new to all of this. Some of the cues were pretty subtle, such as minor things that indicated to me that they were a bit nervous and uneasy about the whole situation. The set-up of each of the scenes was fairly straightforward. Basically, the guy walked into Frank's office (a fairly spartan one at that), engaged in a brief interview, and then stripped naked to give Frank a blow job to completion. I never got a look at Frank face. But, judging from the sound of his voice and appearance of his body, I imagined that he probably was in his 40s. He appeared to be of a somewhat stocky build with a cock of fairly average size. In some cases, Frank came directly into the guy's mouth; in other cases, he jacked off onto the guy's face. Frank seemed to produce an above-average amount of cum; that certainly enhanced the visual appear of the cumshots. In most cases, Frank shot the scene holding the camera himself in the "point of view" style that has become somewhat common in straight porn; in a few cases, it was clear that either the camera was mounted on a tripod or operated by another person, somebody who was out of view and not part of the scene itself. At the time, I had no idea who that cameraperson was.
Watching these videos further intensified my curiosity. Although the scenes did not have the same pure visual appeal for me as watching straight porn, they did fuel a bunch of thoughts of how the guy felt doing what he was doing. Indeed, these guys were carrying out the very acts that had become the subject of my fantasies for some time now. Did they feel nervous? Excited? Awkward? I felt myself starting to identify with them, if only vicariously.
Like many sites of this type, this one invited guys who were interesting in participating in one of the videos to contact Frank for a possible shoot. The contact information reiterated the theme that the producer really was seeking straight guys who are curious about trying something new. Given my increasing curiosity level, I wanted to get additional information about the whole process without necessarily doing anything further. I figured that I would call Frank just to discuss the process without actually acting upon it. But, each time I got close to actually phoning him, I basically chickened out; after all, what was I possibly thinking contacting a complete stranger asking him if he would be interesting in having me suck his cock on camera. So, for some time, nothing happened.
But, despite all this hesitation on my part, the curiosity continued to build to a point where I felt I had to do something, anything, to progress to the next level or just abandon the idea once and for all. So, one day, I decided to go just a little bit further. I picked up the phone, rang Frank's number and tensely awaited his response. After a couple of rings, Frank picked up the phone. I fumbled my way through the explanation of why I was calling, all the time almost disbelieving that I actually had gotten to this point. I think he sensed the tension in my voice and acted to reassure me that the process here isn't meant to intimidating or anything like that. He said a lot of new guys feel a little uneasy at first. He seemed pretty sincere and down-to-earth. In the end, we scheduled a meeting for that upcoming Saturday afternoon at this office. But, although I had gotten to the point of speaking him by phone, I still didn't think that I actually would appear in person at his office.
Between that call and Saturday, my curiosity and anxiety each reached new heights. I had watched a seemingly countless number of blow-job scenes; most of the woman made the act of giving blow-jobs seem rather routine. But, the thought of giving a blowjob job myself, let alone on video, didn't seem routine at all. This, after all, was way out of character for me. Although I had gotten to this point, the reality of the situation quickly was becoming evident. I quite seriously was beginning to think that this was the extent of it and that I would go no further.
When Saturday morning arrived, the indecision continued. I went through my normal routine of errands but made a point to drive to the business park where Frank's office was located. Although I had not yet fully committed to proceed with the appointment, I figured I could at least pass by the area to see what it looked like and perhaps catch a glimpse of Frank. I arrived there quite early around 10:00 even thought the appointment was not scheduled to begin until 10:30. I drove slowly in and around the parking lot. Because this was a Saturday morning, the parking lot was pretty much empty. I guess I was a little relieved to see nobody because, if they knew what I was doing there, I probably would be somewhat embarrassed. When I approached the address that Frank had supplied, I came across a plain-looking office front, one that contained signs featuring various insurance products. Because nobody was in the area, I peered through the windows but did not see anything unusual for that type of office environment. At first, I wondered if perhaps Frank had provided or if I had written down the wrong address. But, I didn't think much about it because I figured that perhaps Frank had a back room in which he shot the scenes out of public view.
From there, I just kind of wandered aimlessly back in the direction of my car firm in the conviction that this was enough of all this nonsense; I almost felt relieved that I had finally made a firm decision not to proceed any further. But, then, out of nowhere, a young female voice asked "Are you here for the video shoot?" I about froze dead in my tracks. Who was this person? And, how did she know why I was there?