Staring Problem

All characters in this story are above the age of 18.

*****

It was a phase. This one, I couldn't let myself give up on.

I almost let myself forget, though. Driving home through my boring little town, I was already making all the turns to head back to my apartment. Just a glance at the time on the display in my car was all it took for me to curse under my breath and turn around. I hit the lazy little main drag again and coasted back through the dusk painted town.

I'd already changed over after work. How the hell could I forget? This had been an ongoing routine for a while. It had to be because of my shift change. I'd been so used to going to the gym

before

I went to work, then stopping at home to shower. That was all backwards now. Sure I was no longer working the late shift, which was great, but it meant I'd have to work all day and hit the iron afterward when all I wanted to do was go home and relax.

Like today.

Those were excuses. There was no room for that. I'd come so far. I needed to suck it up and keep this a routine. Giving up now would waste all the months I'd already invested.

I stepped out of the car into the frigid air and crossed the parking lot. I could really feel the chill on my bare legs and even higher, as I was only wearing a simple pair of basketball shorts and a tee under a thin pullover. Hurrying toward the front door of the huge building, I hit the button to lock my car, hid my keys in my pullover and stepped into the gym.

The warm humid air that draped itself over me was a welcome reprieve from the cold outside. I surveyed the area and found the huge room mostly empty. It had been that way ever since I'd started coming in the evening. I kind of preferred it that way. Less people meant less judgemental eyes watching me and sizing me up. A few guys were well into their workouts, most of whom were oblivious to the world wearing earbuds and muscle shirts. There couldn't have been more than a half dozen people in the whole place.

As I made my way inside, a large man stepped out of an office door to my left. He turned and I saw the recognition in his face before it turned to confusion.

"Hey, Cal," I said with a little wave.

Cal stopped.

"Justin, hey man!" The older man greeted me.

The confusion deepened into Cal's eyebrows. He continued to approach me and I could feel the sheer gravity of it. Cal wasn't much taller than I, but he was so much bigger.

"You've been coming in pretty late the last few days," Cal noted with a grin. "Thought you were one of the morning guys?"

I nodded. "I got moved from night shift at work. Been trying to keep my workout going though."

Cal's sized me up with his eyes. I felt like shrinking into the floor.

"Hey, that's good stuff though," he said. "You've done an incredible job man, look how much weight you took off."

I rubbed my neck and looked away. "Yeah, only halfway to where I want to be though. Lost the weight, now I have to shape up."

Cal nodded to me with his hands on his hips.

"You'll get there, brother," he said. "Hang with it."

For a moment Cal continued to look me over. It wasn't that unusual, not in a gym, but I felt frail standing this close to the guy. He wasn't exactly a meathead, but he was in shape and was pretty muscled. A part of me started to sink inside wondering if I'd ever look even half as impressive as Cal.

"Uh, sorry for... you know, coming in so close to closing time," I told him. "Just trying to work it in, you know?"

Cal waved a hand and shot me a smile.

"Hey, look," he said, "you've been coming here for almost a year solid. Hell Kendra and I usually don't leave till about an hour after we lock up anyway. Don't worry about hanging around for a little longer after closing if you want to."

I looked at him. "Really? You sure?"

"Yeah, why not?" Cal said. "Just remember to clean up after yourself and try to bounce before we cut the lights out and lock you in."

"Yeah, okay," I replied nodding. "Thanks, Cal."

The bigger man was turning. "Let me know if you need something, man."

"Will do," I said.

I watched him head off across the vast room on some errand. Cal was basically wearing the same thing I was under my pullover, shorts and a tee. The difference was stark, however. His t-shirt was so tight across his bulky upper body while his shorts were shorter than mine and somehow better for it. The guy was in his forties and looked better than most guys my age. I could only dream of reaching that point. Cal could have any girl he wanted.

And he did. That was actually who I searched for as I crossed the gym and found a station to start my workout. Cal's better half was undoubtedly somewhere around. Maybe she was still in the office. Maybe she'd finished her workout. I'd usually seen her in the mornings before, though a few times in the past weeks I'd seen her on the bikes in the evening.

I tried not to think about her and got to work. I plugged in my earphones and turned up the volume. After trying to stretch away the soreness of work, I began my routine. It had once been so much cardio. After shedding so much weight, I could at last focus on lifting. It wasn't enough to just not be chubby anymore. I wanted to look good. I wanted to fit in here at the gym and everywhere else in the world. I needed not just to be strong, but to look strong.

It felt nice to not actually have to watch the time. Not that an hour or so wasn't enough, but I'd been feeling rushed since showing up in the evenings. Cal said to stay if I wanted, so I went through my workout steadily. Several other guys had already packed up and headed out the door. I was beginning to like my new schedule. Fewer people in the gym and more time along with better work hours... maybe it wouldn't be much longer before I started hitting goals and actually looking the part.

After completing a set of curls, I set a dumbbell down and glanced up toward the office door across the room.

Kendra was there.

I tried to tell myself that I liked this gym because it was laid back. I convinced myself that it was only one of two in town and that it was just the better membership price. There were probably a dozen more reasons I could conjure up as to why I stayed with my weight loss journey and continued to work at getting healthier and better looking.

The truth was far simpler. It was her.

Kendra still wore a tight pair of maroon yoga pants and a sports bra. Her blonde hair was tied up in her usual ponytail. I pretended not to watch her as she weaved her way through the gym, picking up water bottles and weights left behind by meatheads throughout the day. A few times she bent over to fetch something and I had to force myself to look away.

It was inevitable. I tried to be subtle but I kept catching myself just staring at her. Kendra wasn't just any skinny fitness girl or photoshopped social media model. The girl was tall and built. The yoga pants left little to my imagination. Kendra had quite the rump to fill them out. Long thick legs held up the meatiest pair of ass cheeks I'd ever seen on a woman. She wasn't bashful about showing skin either. The curves in her waist were usually on full display, her stomach bare for anyone to see. Perfect tits, perfect smile, perfect face, perfect....

I was staring again. Each time I'd look away, my eyes darted to find Cal. I was terrified of the thought of him catching me ogling his wife. Clearly it had to be something he'd grown used to. The two had run the gym together for years and she'd always looked incredible. There was no way I was the only one staring day in and day out. Even so, the thought of being caught staring at the man's wife was enough to make me shudder.

I pretended to shuffle through a few songs on my phone, but I was still watching Kendra. She bent to fetch something from the ground and it allowed me a glance down her sports bra. The woman's breasts were mashed together beneath the fabric but gravity still had it's way. Her flesh jiggled as she wiped down a bench with a cloth.

Kendra stood up, and her eyes shot across the room briefly before locking onto mine. I wanted to look away but for some reason I couldn't. I knew I was caught looking right at her. It would somehow seem weird to glance away. In my brief moment of awkwardness, I lifted my hand in a wave. A little half smile formed on her face. It lasted a couple of seconds before she looked away and headed off to another station.

It was difficult to decipher. Kendra could have just been offering me a polite passing smile. My anxious brain wouldn't allow that explanation. She'd smiled too... slowly? I had to be imagining that.

Like clockwork my eyes scanned for Cal. I found him talking to another guy across the room. He wasn't looking my way. For a moment I studied the larger man. He was clearly older than Kendra, but it wasn't hard to see why she'd chosen him. On one hand, he looked like every other guy. Yet, he was big in every way that counted. His shoulders formed a trunk of flesh for his thick neck. His arms were large and muscled but not sharply defined. Cal's shirt clung to him like body paint though I knew it had to be twice the size I wore.

I realized I wanted to look that way. I wished I was Cal. I was jealous that he got to go home and grab Kendra the way I wanted to. Even with all her ample toned flesh, she'd be dwarfed in his embrace. Though I'd thought about it so many times, I couldn't actually picture her body against my own. It seemed so out of place or mismatched. All I could really see in my mind was Cal's body engulfing Kendra. The tight tanned flesh seasoned by time seemed the perfect contrast to Kendra's smooth soft curves.

I plucked my earbuds away and tugged the pullover off, tossing them aside on the floor. New inspiration burned inside of me and sent warm energy coursing through my body. I clutched a dumbbell in each hand and heaved them carefully up and down in alternating strokes. I had to push myself. I needed to get there so badly.

My eyes glazed over. My thoughts put me into a trance. I tried to imagine what I might look like. I daydreamed about Kendra's fingers brushing down my thick forearm. I wondered how it might feel to stand and loom like a mountain with a broad chest and tight clothes. I welcomed the dull burn that started to spread in my arms. I kept going, no longer counting repetitions. I saw hard tight flesh. I imagined bulging skin and veins. I needed it. I had to get there.

"Still hard at it?"

The my arms fell but I held the weights. Kendra was there. She was stepping around a weight bench with a towel in her hand. My breath fluttered from my chest at the sight of her.

"Uh... h-hey, Kendra," I said offering her a weak grin.

"You're really killing it," Kendra said.

I nodded breathlessly. "Y-yeah, just... trying to make the most of it."

I felt naked. Kendra's eyes darted down my body quickly, then to the bench behind me. She shifted her curvy hips. Standing just a few feet from her, I felt small and pitiful again. I wanted to say more but I had no idea how to start.

"Do me a favor?" Kendra said lifting an eyebrow.

I held my breath when she stepped toward me. I thought my body might crumple when she moved around me and dropped the towel on the bench.

"Don't stop, just make sure you clean up when you're done," She said. "We gotta close up soon."

"Uh, sure thing," I nodded again.

Kendra smiled and headed in the direction of the office. My emotions were all over the place. She'd said

don't stop

and my heart skipped a beat until she finished her sentence. My insides started to melt when she walked away, but that was such a sight that I just froze up and watched her go. Her tights hugged every crease and curve in her flesh. That ass twisted as she walked. I could practically feel it bounce. I eyed the perfect slopes in her back. Her ponytail swayed across her skin.

My senses returned and immediately I scanned the room. Cal was apparently walking in the same direction as his wife toward the office door. He wasn't watching me... but his head turned and I noticed a peculiar expression on his face. We met eyes. It was like he was trying to hide a grin, but that square jaw of his was moving and I spotted his tongue in his cheek.

His stare went right through me.

Cal kept walking, but he kept glancing over toward me. I tried to heave the dumbbells and pretend I was still in the middle of my set. My skin flushed warmer than I thought possible. I forced myself to stare at the floor. My thoughts whirled. He'd seen me. Cal had probably seen me watching her the entire hour. Hell, he probably had witnessed it all week, or for months!

I focused on my breathing to try and steady myself. I was shaking though. Leaning over, I set the weights down and sat back onto the bench behind me. There was a cold dark pit in my chest, my skin was liquid magma, and my head was a maelstrom.

Though I dared not move my head, I peeked through my brows toward the office door. Cal stood in the open doorway apparently chatting with Kendra inside. He had one meaty arm draped against the doorframe, which pulled his tight tee up ever so slightly to reveal a sliver of his stomach.

Cal glanced in my direction again. He stared at me, still talking into the office.

I blinked and shot my eyes toward the floor. It had to be in my head. I was one of the few guys left in the gym. He looked at me. So what? No. I saw. As I fumbled with my pullover, I stole another glance at Cal.

He was still staring at me, wearing that peculiar non-grin.

I decided I needed to go. I began to unfurl my pullover in my hands to put it back on when something fell to the floor. I blinked. At first I thought it might be my ear buds. Clearly it was not. I just stared, unsure of what to make of it.

It was a small piece of paper.

I snatched the tiny yellow paper and held it in my hand. I acted as though it were nothing even while I wormed my way into my pullover. Fetching my earbuds, I looked discretely toward the office door again.

I could see Cal, though now he was in the office with his hands on his hips facing away from me. Shifting on the bench, I opened the tiny folded paper in my hands.

My mouth fell open. I reread the short message a dozen times in the span of ten seconds just to be sure.

I see you staring all the time. Last shower stall on the right after closing if you want more.

I read it again.

There was no way. My head snapped back toward the office door. I saw no one there. I read the message again. Studying it, I realized the handwriting was neat. It was a colored sticky note. I rubbed the paper with my thumb confirming it was a real thing I held in my hands.

Kendra. I hadn't even noticed her walk up earlier. She'd put the note in my pullover. I'd spoken to her before but that was the only time she had ever approached me. It was the only explanation.

I crumpled the note and stuffed it into the pocket of my shorts. Again I stared toward the office across the room. Cal was in the doorway, looking out into the gym. He had both arms up as he clutched the top of the doorframe. He called out to one of the few remaining guys in the gym as they headed toward the entrance. They were cracking a few lighthearted jokes and laughing. Nothing seemed out of place.

My eyes were drawn to those two thick arms of Cal's. His wife had left me a note. If he only knew. I shuddered at the thought of any serious confrontation with the guy. I eyed the slabs of muscle that clung to his arms. I knew for a fact that of Cal even put me in a headlock, he could pop my head like a grape with one squeeze.

The words on the note kept bouncing through my mind. I rubbed my head, trying to settle my thoughts into a cohesive plan. What the hell was I going to do? Kendra wanted to meet me back in the showers. Kendra... wanted me. Was I really going to just pass that up? Even the thought of her leaving the note floored me. The thought of going through with it had me shaking with excitement.

And fear.

The logistics of the situation were tenuous at best. Cal did say I could stay. I usually showered when I got home instead of at the gym because I lacked confidence for even that. Would he notice me suddenly wanting to shower after a workout? He and Kendra did drive separately from time to time. Was I meant to wait until Cal left?

Even before I made my decision I stood. I looked toward the office. Cal was not there. I could just walk out and avoid the whole situation. That would be the wise thing to do. My mind kept repeating the words of the note. A fucking miracle had fallen in my lap. Was I really going to pass that up? I thought of being in one of the cramped plastic stalls with water running down my sweaty skin. I could see her in my head, naked and wet, her body closing in on mine.

I was walking. This portion of the gym I only visited when going to the restroom. I passed those doors beneath a fluorescent glow and made my way further down the hall toward the open threshold of the shower room. Stealing a glance behind me, I feared I might see Cal watching. No one was there.

As if hiding I ducked into the tiled room. Of course no one was in the small changing area. A row of lockers lined the far wall and the one to my immediate left. A few benches were parked in front of the lockers. The world beyond the blotchy windows near the ceiling was dark.

I bit down on my quivering lip. What was I supposed to do? The idea of just standing in my gym clothes in the changing area was stupid. Dumber still was the thought I had to head toward the shower on the right and just stand there in my clothes.

Just act normal, genius,

I told myself.

You're just back here to wash up. That's all.

I blew out a sigh and stepped toward one of the lockers. I stuffed my pullover in the space and stowed my earbuds there as well. Hesitating, I glanced back toward the entryway to the shower rooms before taking off my shirt. I flung my shorts to my ankles, scooped them up, then wadded them in with the rest of my clothes.

On the tips of my toes I crept across the tile floor into the shower area. I felt ridiculous covering my bare crotch with my hands. What made it feel worse was the shower area itself. This was not a new modern gym. This was an old building. Though it was clean enough in here, signs of age bled through everywhere. A bit of chipped paint on the ceiling. A couple of shower stalls with no curtains, only rings where they'd once hung. A few tiles were either cracked or broken on the path before me.

Last stall on the right. That's what she'd written.

Stepping into the final stall, I pulled the curtains shut and breathed a shaky sigh of relief. As though I were hiding in a closet, I just stood in the cramped space for several seconds. Shaking my head, I turned on the water. When at least it grew warm and steam began to rise from the vinyl floor, I stepped under the water.

I allowed the hot water to soak into my very being. The soreness in my body began to melt. That clammy feeling slid from my skin into the drain. I let the streams flow through my hair in front of my face. My body relaxed. Slowly, my mind started to as well. I reeled in all the fearful thoughts and sorted through them.

It had to be fake. Or a joke. There was no way Kendra was coming to meet me back here. That was sleezy. It was the men's shower anyway. Immediately I realize that wouldn't matter after closing, and that Kendra could probably do as she pleased in her own building anyhow. Still, it wasn't happening. I'd shower, then collect my things. It was too good to be true. Just a normal day for a normal guy. Girls like Kendra didn't meet normal guys in the shower.

But the damn note had been real. I rewound the events in my head looking for flaws. She'd snuck the note into my pullover... hadn't she? And what she said... she told me to clean up when I'm done... it made sense given the context of the note. Why else would she have approached me like that? I saw her slow smile in my mind. I remembered her eyes darting down my body. It seemed too good to be true. Maybe she was trying to act quickly without her husband noticing.