Sloppy Seconds
Have you ever misheard the lyrics to a song? Maybe even sung it wrong, only to be corrected by someone.
I know that happened to me with the song Purple Haze by Jimi Hendrix. For years I thought he said, "Scuse me while I kiss this guy." rather than "Scuse me while I kiss the sky."
The homoerotic imagery swayed my thinking for years. I'd never wanted to kiss a guy as a result, but it made me think about it enough to reject it. It also led me to wonder about sucking cock. I wasn't keen on the idea but oddly it seemed less objectionable than kissing a guy.
So I was dating this new girl, Sloane. Yep, same name as the girl from Ferris Bueller's Day Off. She was named after the character.
We were driving down the road in my convertible Z with the top down and the music cranked up loud.
A real oldie came on the radio - 'Hang on Sloopy'. She was singing along at the top of her lungs but whenever the singer said the word 'sloopy' she sang 'sloppy'.
I looked at her sideways chuckling a little. I made fun of her playfully, "What'd you just say?"
She responded playfully too, but also a little defensively, "They're not my lyrics. I didn't write them. And if a guy likes that kind of thing then I think it's sexy."
Still confused, I asked, "Just what do you think the song's about?"
She started to give me a whole rundown, "So this guy likes a sloppy girl but she lives in a bad part of town."
I raised one eyebrow questioningly, "It says so right in the song, 'Sloppy lives in a very bad part of town.' "
I objected, "But it doesn't say 'sloppy', it says, 'sloopy'."
She slapped my arm, "Jaaack, there's no word 'sloopy' in the English language. And as an English Teacher I just can't mispronounce words so I sing it the right way."
Now I was amused, "Ok, tell me more."
She blushed, "Sure, but you asked. It's not like I wanted to go there."
Then she continued explaining to me the meaning of the song, "So she's poor and all the guys try to "put her down", like on a bed.
But the guy doesn't care what the other 'daddies' do. That's what they called sex partners in the sixties. He even says, "Give it to them." So he wants her to have sex with other guys."
I had to stop her before she dug her hole too deep, "Um, I don't think it's about that."
"No it is!" By now she had the lyrics pulled up on her phone, "Just listen to this next line: 'Sloppy let your hair down, let your hair down on me.' That's about sex. She's on top and her hair hangs down on him.
Then he tells them, 'Come on Sloppy.' So he wants the guys to do their business on her. He's literally telling them to come on her. Then he says it feels good and he wants her to shake it."
I couldn't believe what I was hearing. First, that she had it so wrong. Then that she had this convoluted pornographic explanation. She looked at me with a very self-satisfied smug look.
I tried to challenge her without rubbing it in her face, "And what does it mean when he says, 'Hang on sloopy'?"
She pointed to the lyric on her phone, "Right here. It says, 'Shake it, shake it.' And let it all hang down.'
It's clearly talking about the sloppy aftermath of sex and since he loves her he's willing to let the sloppy seconds from other guys hang down on him. In fact, it even proves how much he loves her."
I stopped thinking about the song and started thinking about the mind of a woman who interpreted it like that. Really, a song is just a verbal Rorschach test.
And here was this woman who's thoughts leaned toward dripping cum. I didn't know if I found that super sexy or kinda weird.
Did she want to do that? Would I? She had said if a guy wanted that it was sexy. "If a guy wanted that." So she's not saying she wants it. But she also said it was sexy.
I wanted to just come out and ask her. But that seemed too direct. Just then a play on words occurred to me: "Sloppy Sloane." I blurted it out impulsively, "Are you a sloppy Sloan?" Immediately I worried I'd made a mistake.
Sitting there side by side in the car she squeezed my hand in reply. Then some long minutes went by and she answered out loud, "If you want me to be."
I squeezed back, acknowleging the next, freer, level we'd reached in our relationship where we could talk openly about sex and even cum.
At night I played that conversation over in my head repeatedly trying to dissect and tease out every nuance of meaning. In retrospect, that squeeze, when I squeezed her hand, that was the turning point she interpreted as a green light.
We dated for a few more months and had great times in and out of bed.
One day she called me, "Would you like to hang out with a group of my friends? My ex boyfriend will be there. But I don't have feelings for him any more."
The gathering was dull and when it broke up this guy Wes Farrell suggested we go bar hopping. Her ex, Bert, tagged along.