Feldspar leaned his forehead against his front door and squeezed his eyes shut. His body was practically vibrating with currents of happiness. The feeling of holding Silver's hand under the table all night still had him reeling. He played back every time Silver had turned to him as he laughed, wanting to share the joke. He relished every tiny flick of Silver's eyes in irony, and the way he'd twitched his lips at Feldspar every now and then in a snarky smile only he would recognize. Feldspar sucked in a shaky breath. It had really been a perfect night, and his body was hard and wanting after the goodnight kiss Silver had given him. He missed him already and it had only been two minutes since he'd left.
Feldspar heard Gneiss and Nephrite starting up the ladder to the bedrooms. Reluctantly he pulled himself upright and turned away from the door. As he stepped onto the bottom rung of the ladder, Gneiss poked her head out from the first landing, her face screwed up.
"What are you doing?" she said, exasperated.
"Going to bed?" Feldspar craned his neck up to return her look of irritation. It was late, he'd been on his feet in the kitchen all afternoon, and he was emotionally and physically drained.
"Neph!" Gneiss called. Nephrite responded from the level above them. A moment later she poked her head out and looked down the ladder.
"Oh! What you are you doing here?" Nephrite said to Feldspar, her light voice full of exaggerated shock.
Feldspar sighed and shifted his gaze back to Gneiss. He wasn't in the mood to play guessing games with them about where they thought he should be. They were spoiling the lingering effects of the high from his night with Silver. "Where else would I be? I live here," Feldspar said dryly.
Gneiss scoffed. "Where indeed, Feldspar? Let me ask you something. When was the last time you cried yourself to sleep?"
Feldspar's shoulders hunched defensively and he ducked his gaze.
"You do not know, do you," Gneiss said. "Silver is kind and talented and he makes you smile. We cannot help but see how much joy he brings into your life. Was there a single thing tonight that did not go well with him? He was sweet and patient and supportive. He is a genius in the kitchen, he's interesting and funny, and he likes you, Fel. You should see the way he looks at you when he believes nobody is looking."
"It's very sweet," Nephrite cut in.
"He looks like he wants to eat you alive," Gneiss corrected her peevishly. "That man wants you terribly. What would possess you to hold him at arms length?"
Feldspar mutely shook his head. His eyes stung and he blinked to clear them. She had no right to comment on his choices. She was part of the reason he was hesitant to move forward with Silver. He sucked in a breath, trying to control his irritation. He could feel Gneiss' eyes on him as he tried to control his temper.
"Feldspar, I never knew you to be a coward and yet here we are," she said coolly.
"Gneiss, you are speaking out of turn and you lost that right long ago," Feldspar snapped.
"Silver is perfect for you. If you let him pass you by you will regret it," she said in a tone that passed for gentle coming from her.
Feldspar grunted in response as he passed the bedroom he had often shared with her in the past and made it to his own one floor above. Gneiss's words echoed in his head as he did the bare minimum to ready himself for bed. The bathing room was below in Gneiss's suite and he didn't want a bath enough to give Gneiss another chance at lecturing him.
He stripped and crawled into bed. He sighed and turned over, pulling a pillow into his arms to snuggle. The aroma of garlic and herbs clung to his hands and sent a rush of longing for Silver through him. It was close but not quite Silver's musky rosemary scent, and it only made him want him more. He closed his eyes and their goodnight kiss filled his mind. He had been enveloped in the taste of Silver's mouth and the fresh scent of his skin. He could almost feel an afterglow of pleasure from Silver's hands pulling him close as they kissed. Feldspar yearned to explore every inch of that hard body. Instead he had sent Silver home.
He flopped on his back, frustrated. His hand drifted to his lower stomach and he rubbed himself absently. His body was still warm and tingly from the kiss. He imagined teasing Silver until he submitted and begged him to finish. Or maybe it would be even better if Silver was in control. His eyes drifted shut as he tried to lose himself in his own touch.
Then he remembered the slightly defeated slump of Silver's shoulders as he'd left. Feldspar's eyes snapped open as his chest tightened in anxiety. He curled up on his side. He needed to stop thinking about Silver. Everything would be better in the light of day. Feldspar forced his mind toward visualizing a complex series of fighting stances in time with his breathing. The exercise required all his attention as he envisioned each step and feint in sequence while counting his breaths. Still, on his second run through the exercise Gneiss' warning popped into his head.
Surely Silver knew how much he liked him. Feldspar had been a constant fixture in Silver's kitchen, and had made no secret of how much he was enjoying Silver's cooking lessons. He wasn't shy about kissing Silver and he'd even cuddled up with Silver for a nap just the other day. Feldspar nervously fiddled with the hem of his pillowcase. He couldn't help but think about Silver's confession of how much he'd liked Feldspar before they'd had their threesome with Gneiss. He had been brokenhearted that the encounter seemingly meant nothing to Feldspar. Feldspar's stomach clenched as he replayed the way Silver had laid his heart bare. He wasn't sure he'd ever told Silver exactly how much he'd thought about that night since they'd started spending time together.
Gneiss didn't know what she was talking about, he told himself. He had told Silver from the beginning that he was hesitant to rush into sex and Silver had been nothing but supportive and adoring. Feldspar sighed. Silver was patient and sweet and everything Gneiss and Nephrite had said he was. And skies, he was sexy. Feldspar's heart felt like it would explode every time he was close to him. He loved his laugh, especially when he was the one making him laugh. It wasn't hard. Everything he did delighted Silver. When they were together he felt light and free, unburdened by the past and unworried about the future. He could joke, he could tease, he could play, and Silver would return in kind. If he made a terrible pun, Silver would add onto it. When he suddenly jumped Silver for impromptu wrestling, or threw flour in his hair, Silver would fight back until they were screaming with hysterical laughter.
Feldspar turned his pillow over to the cold side, trying to shake his thoughts. Silver was wonderful and made him indescribably happy. He had told him it was fine to take his time getting physical again. He wouldn't want him to rush things after Mal.
Feldspar stopped short. He rolled the idea of Mal around in his head. He'd barely talked to him at dinner. He hadn't even really paid much attention to him. Ordinarily he would have been instantly absorbed in thinking about him as soon as his head hit the pillow, rehashing everything they had said and done together throughout their relationship or lingering over all the painful time they'd spent together since the breakup. Now those memories slid from his mind like fish in a river. They passed him by and his mind returned again and again to Silver. Even seeing Mal and Daniella being ridiculously affectionate at dinner had been... fine.
He ran through the evening's events again. When Mal and Daniella had burst in, all giggly and all over each other, it had been like all the sound had gotten sucked out of the room. The stillness and surprise that fell over the Feldspar and the other three faeries in the room had been palpable. He knew Gneiss, Nephrite and Silver had all been waiting -- either consciously or unconsciously -- to see how big a disaster it would be for Feldspar to unexpectedly have to eat dinner with Mal, Daniella and his new lover.
Mortification and anger had risen up in Feldspar, not necessarily at Mal and Daniella, but at the entire situation. He'd been so excited for Silver to finally spend time with Gneiss and Nephrite, and to get their honest opinion of how absolutely perfect he was. In an instant, the entire carefree evening of showing off his new man was turned on its side.
Then something incredible had happened. He'd turned to the side and found Silver right there next to him. His eyes had shone with concern and a feral ferocity Feldspar had never seen in him before. He had been overwhelmed with gratitude for this man who would back him against the Lord of the Wood if it came to it. Just like that, the horror of the moment passed and was nothing to him. Mal and Daniella showing up wasn't about to ruin the perfect afternoon he'd had with Silver. It was actually kind of funny. He'd smiled at Silver and shrugged a little. Silver had mouthed "fuck 'em" and the whole evening had been put right again.
Every time Mal and Daniella had done or said something that Feldspar would ordinarily have obsessed and mooned over for days, he found himself turning to Silver, and suddenly it didn't matter. It was the oddest sensation, as if he'd been walking with a limp for months and suddenly realized his leg was painless and whole again. He kept expecting everything they did to hurt, and instead it felt like nothing at all. How could anything hurt when Silver's fingers were intertwined with his, and they could hold an entire conversation with just their eyes?
Feldspar sat up and let out a low curse. Gneiss had been right about one thing. He would regret it if he didn't fully give himself to Silver. He slid out of bed and pulled on a pair of light shorts, suddenly gripped by the certainty that he needed to act now, before it was too late. Outside the night air was crisp against his bare skin and the forest was alive with hushed night noises as he crept out the door, trying not to wake the others in the tree. Feldspar navigated the walkways and ladders between his tree and Silver's by feel, barely refraining from sprinting.
By the time he stood in front of Silver's door his heart was pounding so hard he found himself halfway expecting Silver to open the door without him knocking. Feldspar paused with his hand raised. Silver had left some time before. He might already be asleep. Perhaps it would be better to come back in the morning. Feldspar shook himself. If he didn't find the courage now when his body was still singing from Silver's touch, he would not find it in the light of day. Without letting himself think another moment he knocked lightly.
When Silver answered the door his face was flushed and his hair was damp and mussed. He looked like he'd run down from his bathing room, dressed only in a pair of tiny shorts that barely covered him. Feldspar had a nearly irrepressible urge to bury his hands in his hair and pull Silver to him.
