Show Me Yours

I hate labels. I don't consider myself gay. Hell, I don't even think of myself as bi, either. Slightly bent? Straight with a slight curve? Fuck if I know because I love sex with women. Really, I do, except I've had a dick or two inside my mouth, too. So, what does that make me? Before Todd, I never thought much about it. Best to think of myself as a horny bastard and leave it at that.

We jerked off together. No, not Todd and I. This was before I met Todd. This was with Jimmy, I guy I knew in high school. We had stolen a half empty bottle of vodka from his dad's liquor cabinet and were hunkered down watching internet porn in his room. "Man, have you ever seen this one?" Jimmy asked and fired up a video of girl sucking off five guys. I was staring at her tits and her pretty mouth wrapped around those fat fuck sticks. Meanwhile, Jimmy kept up a running commentary about the dicks surrounding her. "Look at his dick. Fuck, it's fat as hell." She moved to another prick and he'd say something like, "Yeah baby, drool on that big cock." With Jimmy, everything was cock, dick, prick and shit like that. Maybe that should have tipped me off, I don't know.

I was drunk and out-of-control horny in that way only eighteen year old guys can get. I was hard and rubbing the sizeable lump inside my shorts. Hell, why not? Jimmy was rubbing his hard-on too, you know? It didn't feel gay. He wasn't trying to kiss me or make a pass at me or any of that gay shit. We were two drunk and horny guys watching porn, big fucking deal, right?

"You wanna jerk off?" Jimmy asked after an hour of porn watching. That's when I noticed his had slipped in hand inside his shorts. When the fuck had he done that?

I remember how my answer surprised me. "Yeah," I mumbled, hard as hell and deeply in need.

I don't know why what he said next worked as well as it did. Maybe because I was a jock in high school. Running faster and jumping higher than the next guy was important to me. Anyway, that's my best guess. "Bet I can shoot farther than you."

"Dude, no fucking way!" I told him. I was horny as fuck. Coach had told us we weren't allowed to have sex before track meets because it would take away our edge. I had gone three days without an orgasm and felt backed up. Jimmy wasn't an athlete. He didn't have my reason to resist. No way could he beat me.

"How do you do it?" he asked, meaning,

How do I jerk-off?

Again, I was drunk and horny and that's my excuse for why I answered him.

"In my bed," I said.

What he said next should have tipped me off. Should have. It didn't. "That's hot." Before I could register what he had said, he kept the ball rolling. "Okay, so we both lay on our backs, do it and see who shoots the farthest up his chest, okay?" He picked up his laptop from the desk and put in on his big bed. Then he pulled off his t-shirt and sat on one side. "We doing this?" he asked, still rubbing the lump inside his shorts.

"Yeah," I said as I felt trapped between being too drunk and horny to care if what we were about to do was right or wrong. I pulled off my t-shirt and sat on the other side of the bed. It was a big bed. We would have the laptop between us. It felt safe. My manliness didn't feel threatened. Jimmy pulled off his shorts. Either he wasn't wearing underwear or he had shucked them off with his shorts, I don't know. All I remember is seeing his big cock springing into view and I knew this was really going to happen.

"C'mon, man, I'm horny as fuck and might shoot the fucking headboard," he said. I hooked my thumbs into the waistband of my underwear as I pulled off my shorts, too. Damn, I was horny and hard. And yes, I noticed Jimmy's big dick. And yes, I noticed him checking out mine, too. Did it matter? I mean, we were both naked and hard, why wouldn't we look? Any guy who says he never checked out other guys in the showers is a liar. Naked, hard and watching porn? It didn't seem to matter if we both looked.

"You're hung like the guys in these vids," Jimmy cracked and I felt funny about that. I didn't know what to say back to him. Guys don't compliment each other in that way.

"Shut the fuck up and start the next vid," I said as I laid down on the bed and wished for something more than just a laptop separating us. That was the first time my

gay-dar

pinged hard enough for me to notice it. It didn't matter. I was too hard, too horny, too drunk and too far into things to care.

He turned on another vid of some chick sucking off multiple guys. That wouldn't have been my preference, but that's what we had been watching, so it didn't feel weird or suspicious. This one was titled, "Cumpilation" and I understood the title after it started. Someone had pieced together the cum shots from different movies into one, longer video. "Yeah baby, eat that cum," Jimmy groaned as another big cock shot a load into another pretty girl's mouth. "Does that taste good, baby? Do you like how salty it tastes? Do you like how warm it feels dripping down your chin?"

Jimmy's play-by-play was funny as hell but I found the details interesting. "How do you know it tastes salty?"

"You never tasted yourself?" he asked, sounding as if I was the one who was being an idiot.

"No," I mumbled, startled by his accusation that I was behind the times.

How he twisted things with his response still amazes me. "You expect some chick to swallow and you've never tasted it?"

"Shut up," I remember saying and he laughed at me.

"Guess that means you can't shoot far enough."

That was crazy sounding. "No way can you shoot that far," I said as I wondered if I could. I mean, I had jerked off plenty of times, though I had never tried for distance. Usually, I held my dick in one hand and a Kleenex or sock or something in the other. I never did it in the shower. I know a lot of guys do that, but I was an athlete and I didn't want to associate a shower with jerking off it because I take group showers all the time. Trust me, you don't want to get hard while showering with a bunch of other jocks.

"Ever try to suck yourself?"

"That's gay."

"Ever do it?" he insisted.

I had. I think most guys have tried it at least once. I didn't admit it. "Can you do it?"

"I can get close," he said.

"Bullshit!" I called. No way. Sure, Jimmy was skinny and well-hung, but I never got closer than a couple inches to my dick. "How?"

"Well, you don't bend over and try and do it," he laughed. "You have to put your knees over your head so you can get closer." He demonstrated, moving around on the bed until he was tucked into a ball with his ass in the air and his hard cock pointed directly at his face. "See? I can get close." He could. "Try it."

I was drunk, remember? Yeah, so fuck you, I tried it and I didn't get any closer than he did, but I realized something else: this was how he tasted himself. "Is this how you did it?"

"Maybe," he hedged. He moved, bracing his back against the headboard for better leverage. I don't know why I followed his lead, I just did until we were both curled up, braced against his headboard and stroking with our dicks pointed directly at our faces. "Do it," he said, watching me. "It's like being one of those chicks in the video."

"You have to do it, too," I remember telling him. He had never budged from his position.

"I'm almost there," he said, watching me.

"Me too," I said, watching him. His cock was long and hard. It looked a lot like mine, long, fat and veiny. We were about the same length, so that wasn't a competition. I saw how the head of his cock was turning dark red, like mine did, too. His cock looked good. I couldn't admit that at the time, but I know I thought it somewhere in my mind. "Oh fuck," I groaned, close, so very close.

"Do it. Open your mouth," he urged, demonstrating what he meant as he tugged and pulled on his fat cock. I watched his hand rubbing and caressing himself. I matched his actions. "Do it," he said again. "It tastes good."

I can remember Jimmy urging me to do it but what I remember more were the sounds from the laptop just behind my head. I couldn't see the screen, but I could hear the woman sucking dick. I could hear her begging them to come in her mouth and give her more. She clearly wanted it and, on some level, her desire became my need, too.

I came. I came on my face, across my nose, cheek, forehead and chin. I did manage to get a couple spurts directly on my waiting tongue, too. Jimmy was right, my spunk did taste slightly salty. My face felt coated in cum. I could feel it running down my face like tears. Turning my head to the side, I watched Jimmy's orgasm. He came, too, spraying with more control than me. He shot his load in his mouth while breathing heavy and seeing his cock exploding changed me. Seeing a guy shooting off in real life was much more fun than watching on the internet.

"Dude, you got some Kleenex or something?" I asked, uncurling myself and feeling dirty.

"Eat it, man. It won't hurt you," Jimmy said, scooping up cum from his face and shoveling it into his mouth. "You really came a lot."

"More than you," I said, pushing some extra cum into my mouth. Its taste wasn't my issue because it didn't taste bad. No, it was feeling coated in cum that was bothering me. I picked up my t-shirt and used it to wipe my face.

"Want to do it again?" Jimmy asked.

I thought he meant cum on my face. "Nah," I shrugged, wondering if we were going to get dressed or stay naked. I didn't care about staying naked if he didn't care.

"I mean jerk-off," he said. "I always do it more than once a night."

"Always?"

"Usually," he amended. "Don't you?"

"Sometimes," I admitted. After going a few days without, after a track meet, I typically needed a couple orgasms before I felt normal again.

"Bet I can do it again before you can."

"No fucking way. I'm still hard," I said, pulling on my dick again.

"I'm telling you, I'll cum first."

He didn't. He tried, but he didn't. Not that second time or the third time. And yes, we did it three times that night. Why not? What difference did it make after the first time? We jerked off and I know we spent more time watching each other doing it than we ever did watching videos of hot chicks doing whatever they were doing on his computer screen.

With Jimmy, it felt as if I had found a friend. I can look back and see how I had found a jerk-off buddy, but I didn't know those words when I was eighteen and a senior in high school. He was a friend, that's all. And sometimes, we would get together, watch some porn and jerk-off together. I never thought much about it because I was still chasing girls, too. Jimmy wasn't. I didn't know why and I didn't question it, either. Had I thought about it, I probably would have done the math and realized it was because he was gay. Except Jimmy never made a pass at me. He never tried to kiss me or get romantic with me, so it didn't feel gay. To me, we felt like two guys who sometimes jerked off together, that's all.

We were drunk again when things escalated. I don't know how Jimmy's dad didn't notice the liquor missing from his cupboard and didn't care. What I remember is sitting side-by-side in front of Jimmy's desk watching porn on his laptop. We weren't wearing pants. We knew we were going to jerk-off, there wasn't a reason to pretend like it wasn't going to happen.

"How are things going with Suzanne?" Jimmy asked me, which was cool. I think it was part of the reason why things didn't feel really gay because Jimmy would ask me about my girlfriends. "Do it with her yet?"

"Nah, she's so uptight. She won't even touch me down there."

"Man, that has to suck."

"You have no idea," I said, happy to have a reason to be naked in front of someone else, someone who seemed to enjoy being naked around me. I felt validated in my sexuality. What I mean is, I was a horny guy. I enjoyed jerking off regularly, being naked and being hard. It was fun being naked and hard. Being around another person who enjoyed the same thing felt like validation. It didn't feel gay.

We didn't do the "cum on your face" thing again like that first night. At least, we never did it together. Back home, curled up against my headboard, I had done it more times than I'm comfortable admitting. I sort of liked it, though I didn't understand why. I remember how I had done it on my own a couple times, you know, as an experiment. Then, I did it again just because I wanted to do it. Then, I started doing it every now and again because I guess I liked it. I didn't think about it being gay to eat my own cum or spray my face, I just did it because I liked it.

"Ever wonder what it's like?" he asked.

"What? Getting fucked? Are you still a virgin?"

"Maybe," he said. "But that's not what I mean. I mean, ever wonder what it's like to touch another guy's dick?"

"No," I said because I hadn't, even after watching Jimmy jerking off at least a dozen times, I had never once wondered.

"I'm just saying, it's got to be weird for a chick, because she doesn't even have one, you know? I mean, I bet your dick feels about the same as mine."

"Nah, mine probably feels better," I joked.

"You'd freak if I did it, wouldn't you?"

"Do what?" I asked, once more drunk and horny. Jimmy and I were testing each other. We were seeing how long we could go with watching porn before we had to jerk-off. So far, we had lasted about two hours and it was tense.

"This," he said, grabbing my hard, throbbing cock.

"Whoa, dude," I gasped without moving.

"What?" he smirked as if nothing was happening. I felt his fingers wrapping around my dick. He began moving his hand up and down in a jerking off motion. "Afraid this makes you gay?"

I didn't know what it made me or him. I know his hand felt good and I didn't want him to stop, even though I asked him, "You going to keep doing that?"

"Why? You going to cum?"

"Maybe," I admitted, looking down at his hand wrapped around my prick and feeling weird about it. I wasn't sure what I should do. I could guess that he should stop except I never said that. It confused me that he wanted to do it. I confused me that he was doing it and wasn't stopping. "If you don't stop, I'm going to," I warned. "I'm sort of on a hair trigger right now."

"Do it," he shrugged. "I don't care."

"Man, this is so wrong," I remember telling him even as I thrust my hips upwards and slouched down in the chair so he could get a better grip.

"Do me."

"No."

"If I make you cum, you have to do me."

"Shut the fuck up," I said. His hand felt too good and it too much time had passed since Rachel had done this to me. Okay, to be fair to Rachel, she had never done it on my bare dick. She had done it through my pants and that was all. But I came in my pants more than once from her rubbing me and I knew how good that felt. It felt even better having a hand wrapped around my cock. It felt even better having a hand rubbing me in a way that felt good, too. Jimmy instinctually understood how to rub me. He should. He had seen me do it to myself enough time, you know?

Anyway, Jimmy kept doing it and I didn't stop him. Again, I don't know if that makes me gay or bi or what, because I was really into girls back then. I didn't judge. Instead, I watched the video playing on his laptop, I stared at the pretty girl sucking dick and I allowed nature to take its course. The video was hot. The girl was pretty. His hand wrapped around my cock felt really good.

I don't know when or why I slipped my hand into his lap. I can't say I thought about it when I did it. Okay, maybe I did. Maybe it was because I was getting close to coming and I was afraid he was going to stop and leave me hanging, I don't know. I just remember I did it. I remember slipping my hand over his thigh, beneath his arm and grabbing his cock, too.

Jimmy's cock felt about the same as mine, except I was touching him from the wrong angle. What I mean is, my hand recognized that I was touching a cock at the same time that my mind twisted because it wasn't my cock. Jimmy felt slightly fatter than my cock. His dick felt smoother. His cock felt hot in a way I never had never noticed when I was jerking off by myself. He felt firm and rigid in a way I had never noticed. It felt like touching myself without touching myself. And feeling his hand moving differently than my hand made it interesting, too. My mind and body knew something different was happening and both liked it.

I came. Jimmy had jerked me off to an orgasm. I came and sprayed my junk across my belly. I came and I didn't care that another guy's hand had created that orgasm because it just felt good to have a fucking orgasm with someone else's hand. I came, it felt good and I felt obligated to make Jimmy come, too. I started pulling faster on his cock, pulling on his tube steak the way I like it. It worked. Jimmy squirmed, moaned and felt his orgasm shooting from his shaft. And I liked it.

"Yeah, that was hot," Jimmy said, scooping up a strand of his semen and putting his finger in his mouth.

"I can't believe we just did that," I mumbled, once more using my t-shirt as a towel.

"Oh, fuck you. Tell me you didn't like it."

I couldn't.

Worse were the days after that night when I fantasized about doing it again. Both parts. Touching him and letting him touch me. Even worse? The next time we hung out together. Part of me wanted him to do it again. That same part wanted to touch him, too. Another part of me didn't want anything of the sort.

We jerked each other off three times that night.

I don't remember the first time Jimmy got on his knees in front of me while jerking me off. I remember it happening, but I just don't remember how long it took for us to get that far. I remember him telling me to cum in his face and I did. Same is true of when I received my first blowjob from Jimmy, I don't remember when that happened, except it was after I had cum on his face and it wasn't the very next time or the time after that. It was a progression, I guess that's what I'm trying to say. We jerked off together. We gave each other hand-jobs. He blew me and . . .

I was still hard after his blowjob. It felt good, as good as any blowjob should feel. Having Jimmy around made dating Suzanne easier. I didn't mind so much that she was a prude and never wanted to do anything more than just kiss a lot. She would let me grope her tits, but that was all. Whatever. Once, I went over to Jimmy's after a date with Suzanne and he sucked me off. I could tell he liked doing it. He liked doing it a lot. He didn't seem to care if I did anything to him or not.

It felt lopsided. It felt unfair and I drank a lot more vodka than Jimmy one night before I did it. "I want to suck you off," I told him, though I'm sure I slurred every word. We were naked in his room. We were both hard. His hand had teased my dick close a few times. He always did the best job at teasing before pleasing me.

"You sure?" he asked, looking worried. I remember nodding because I felt a funny, spinning sensation in my head from the vodka while nodding. "I won't come in your mouth, I promise," he said as his expression changed from concern to one of happiness.

I got on my knees while Jimmy sat on the edge of the bed. I climbed between his legs, played with his big dick for a while and finally put him inside my mouth. He felt hard and hot and good. I thought about Karen as I did it. Karen was one of my first girlfriends, before Rachel and Suzanne. She was my first and before we ever did it, we would fool around a lot. She would sometimes suck me but she said she didn't like doing it. Once we started fucking, that's all she wanted to do and she had never sucked me again. Our relationship hadn't lasted. Sometimes, I think it's because I missed getting blowjobs from her.

I don't understand why she didn't like doing it. Having a guy's dick in your mouth feels wonderful! I don't care if it means I'm gay or bisexual or whatever, because it's fun, okay? I like how a guy feels and it's a feeling you can't get with a girl. A guy's cock is a unique appendage. It's soft and silky on the outside while still feeling hard and bony on the inside. And the way the guy reacts is hot, too. You just know you have his most prized possession inside your mouth. You just know you're pleasing him in a unique way that nothing else matches. Look, I love to fuck. I love to fuck pussy and ass, but I don't believe I'll ever fall out of love with getting or GIVING blowjobs.