I greatly appreciate all the kind words and comments about my story. I
am
sorry that I haven't had the time to devote to it lately. Please accept that as an explanation not an excuse.
LarryInSeattle pointed out that even fans of the story may well have lost track of the characters. I have no problem believing that -- I've lost track of the characters. I live in fear of continuity errors.
So, here we go, the cast of characters so far:
Randy Bigland
-- middle-aged, divorced, father of one, amateur photography and boxer whose life has been drifting past him as he works in a warehouse after losing his job in a car factory. He is bisexual. His ex-wife is a substance abuser and not a very nice person. He agrees to photograph Matt Synder, an acquaintance of his son's and a college swimmer. Randy was raised by a single mother. He's only real interest has been his son. He's lived his life terrified of being poor and is an obsessive saver, except what he couldn't keep out of Mary Beth's hands.
Mary Beth
-- Randy's ex-wife, mostly notable for messing up a possible college relationship between Randy and Leon. The three of them had sex together until Leon fled her poisonous personality. She's struggled with addiction all her life.
Matt Synder
-- swimmer, long hair and gay, he's infatuated with Randy but quickly develops a very deep interest in Randy's son, Liam. He's a rising college sophomore.
Liam Bigland
- Randy's son, gay and high-school swimmer with Matt. Like Matt, at the end of the summer he will be a college sophomore. Liam has anger issues. Like his dad he likes to box. He's infatuated with Matt and both feel guilty about hurting Randy, though it was his father who insisted the two of them test the waters with each other.
Leon "Lee" Anderson --
gay man, hooked up with Randy and, reluctantly with Mary Beth, in college. He's now married to Glenna. He has anger issues as well.
Glenna "Nena" Anderson nee McCormick
-- a few years younger than Randy and Leon. Her mother ran the
Cedar Lake Lodge
in western Pennsylvania where Randy vacationed during the summer while in high school. Randy doesn't discover until our story takes place that the girl he knew as Nena has married Leon. She knows Leon is gay and they have made their peace with that. They have a good life, except they haven't been able to have a child.
Spiritual/supernatural events have been occurring, mostly ignored by the those affected. Randy has "dreamed" of events in Leon's life he can't have known, like how Leon nearly killed himself one night except for the intercession of a mysterious hobo. They share a dream that Randy will father a child for Leon and Glenna. They're able to get cell phone reception where no one else can. They've acted on these events but not delved into them to any extent.
Earlier in the story Matt questioned Leon's acceptance of the fact he's gay and his relationship with Glenna. In a fit of rage, Leon punches him. Matt falls and breaks a vertebra in his back and is taken to a hospital in Pittsburgh. He's cared for by
Dr. Price
and a nurse named
Kent Morris.
Kent Morris
-- is also gay (fun how that works in gay erotica). He was in a relationship for eight years with
Brad.
Brad died of melanoma two years ago. Kent, like Randy, has been drifting and has yet to come to terms with his grief. He and Randy are mutually attracted to one another but Kent's grief is something of a barrier.
Randy, interest in life re-ignited by his fling with Matt, came to Pennsylvania when Matt was hurt. He was in the middle of remodeling his house. He needs to get back to finish the work. Kent took off a few days in the middle of the week and came to Cedar Lake Lodge. Matt and Liam will join the gang once Matt is released from the hospital.
Got it?
Thanks again to LarryInSeattle.
Enjoy
===========
I'm having one of those confused-in-a-strange-room moments when I wake. The arm over my waist is comforting; it's also hot. I'm sweating. For a minute, I imagine it's Leon's, then I remember I never spent a night with him. That fact seems terribly sad. Matt, then, no, Matt's in Pittsburgh. Matt's in Pittsburgh in the hospital. Liam is there as well.
I'm not in Cleveland. I'm in a cabin, at Cedar Lake Lodge. That's why I was thinking of Leon. The arm draped over my waist belongs to Kent. I lie quietly. I can't see a clock from where I'm lying but the room is full of light; it can't be too early. The window shades are up and because the cabin sits near the start of one of the trails, anyone can walk up and stare at the two faggots sleeping together. I don't like that word, but it's the word that pops into my head at moments like this.
Kent's breathing is slow and deep. He's asleep. Most of his arm rests against my belly. He can't be that far from my back. I risk scooting a little, readying myself to give a quick snort and jerk, to pretend I'm just moving in my sleep should he arouse. A knee touches the back of my leg. I pause and listen to his breathing, afraid of waking him. I move my foot back, find one of his. I risk rubbing the top of his foot with my toes. That's all I do for several minutes as I listen to him breathe. I try to feel his breath on my back, on my neck, in my hair but fail.
I move my hips back, ever so slightly. I smile when my butt touches the top of his erection. You simply gotta love morning wood. My smile fades as I hear a catch in his breathing. The arm leaves my waist. His crotch and his boner, press hard against me. His body shudders and I realize he's stretching.
As the shudder fades, his arm falls back over me. He moves closer. I can feel his chest hair against my back. His breathing deepens as he relaxes back into sleep.
Every soft exhalation, tickles the hair on the back of my neck.
I settle deeper into the mattress and relish the sensation of his body next to mine.
***
Randy is not the only one who wakes, unsure of where he's at. Kent is very comfortable. He loves the feel of the hard body next to his. He kisses the back of Brad's neck, wondering where he's been. The still sharp edge of his grief slashes through his half-asleep brain. Brad is dead. He's been dead for over two years. This is the first time he's shared a bed since the last night in the hospital.
Brad had been too far gone to talk. He'd hoped and prayed that he wasn't too far gone to know he was with him. But, if lack of awareness was the price God demands for relief from the pain, he'll pay it and not begrudge the cost. He had lain beside Brad but had not been able to hold him like this.
Brad's bones had been riddled with nests of cancer munching away at his strength. He had been afraid to touch him. Despite the absurd amounts of morphine pouring into Brad's body, he had feared his touch would re-ignite the pain. When Brad's blood pressure began to tank, he climbed into his bed, careful not to jostle him. It hadn't been until they took the breathing tube out and Brad's struggles finally came to an end that he'd allowed himself to wrap his arms around what remained of his lover.
He had not been able to cry then. He hates the idea of crying now, not in front of a stranger. He swallows the sob, squeezing the life out of it with his throat.
***
I can tell when Kent wakes up. He kisses the back of my neck. He stiffens and grows very still. I try to imagine what is going through his mind. Is he angry at himself? At me? I hear a single sob, not even a sob, the strangled start of sob.
I pretend to be asleep. I tell myself it will only embarrass him if I acknowledge what I heard. No man likes anyone to know he's crying. The shudder that shakes his body shakes some sense into me. What the fuck am I doing?
I roll over and open my arms. His head falls on my chest. I wrap my arms around him and let him cry. I rock him in my arms. I don't shush him and tell him the lie that it will be okay. It will be okay but it will never be the same and the hurt will never go away.
He puts a hand on my chest and makes a half-hearted gesture of pushing himself away, mumbling over and over that he's sorry. I keep my arms around him and he relaxes.
***
Randy isn't wrong. Kent is embarrassed when he rolls toward him. But sometimes we hurt too deeply to worry about embarrassment. He allows himself to be comforted, though he can't quite stop himself from apologizing for his need.
He hears voices, not close. Their cabin is the last one on this side of the lodge. He listens to Randy's breathing. He listens to the sound of his own heartbeat in his ear. He feels empty, weightless. If Randy released him, he has no doubt he'd float up to the ceiling. If the ceiling weren't there he'd keep floating, higher and higher until his breath froze and the oxygen disappeared. He'd just keep going, zip past the moon, maybe detour by Saturn. Astronauts always say how beautiful the stars are from space. He'd like to see that.
If only it were that easy. He sighs and rolls free of Randy's embrace.
Without saying a word, Randy rolls out of bed and heads to the bathroom. Soon the smell of coffee fills the room, followed by the sizzle and smell of bacon. Kent's stomach growls. He's been hungry but this is the first time he's looked forward to eating since Brad died.
He climbs out of bed and shuffles to the bathroom. His body shivers as his bladder lets go. He washes his hands and then turns on the cold water. He splashes handful after handful onto his face. When he raises up and looks at himself in the mirror, he sees a man flirting with early middle-age. He's sure as hell not a kid anymore. He'll be thirty-six in a couple of months. He'll be closer to forty than thirty. Fuck.
When he opens the door, he sees Randy has pulled on a pair of jeans and a tee shirt. He does the same.
"Eggs'll be ready in a second. Scrambled okay?"
"Sure."
"Coffee's ready. Help yourself."
He grabs a mug from the dish drainer and pours a cup. He leans against the counter, watching Randy stir the eggs.
***
Kent watches me stir the eggs. It's an old nonstick skillet that's more stick than non. I have to stir the eggs constantly to keep them from welding themselves to the pan.
"Thank you," he mutters.
