Dad looked at Bill, a tad warily, and decided to give him another chance. "Son, would you like to offer a prayer before our meal?"
Bill perked up and said "Gee Willikers, sure dad!" sounding 12 years younger than the college freshman he was.
The entire table bowed their heads, in a worrying mixture of piety and horrified anticipation.
"Persephone, Maiden of the Spring, Queen of Hades, Mistress of the Pomegranate, bring unto me a lover whose loins are fruitful like the ripened oranges of Valencia and whose phallus would shame the boastful centaur." He looked around the table, smirking. "Amen."
The rest of the table sighed, and his mom made a cross.
"God damnit Bill. Do you really need to say that at the table?" Bill's dad asked in exasperation.
Bill grinned to himself and looked around the dining room, the smile fading as he realized that his sister was already playing on her phone, and his mom was rubbing her temples as she swallowed half a glass of wine in one go.
The meal was frosty, the small talk getting crushed under the feet of Big Tech, namely in the form of Instagram, Twitter, and Youtube. Still, Bill finished his plate and went for seconds, enjoying the change from dining hall grade volume.
He looked at the port he'd poured himself before the meal, sighed, and took a large gulp, nearly finishing it. Then sighed again and tilted it over, watching the fortified wine gather in a drop, then fall, hitting the tablecloth and coloring the cream fabric blood red.
The world stood still for a moment, then came together in a bang.
From the backyard, came a crash that echoed through the neighborhood, shaking the windows and setting off all three car alarms in the back.
Everyone jumped up from the table, and looked around wildly. Dad and Jane ran for the front door, adrenaline twitchy fingers scrabbling to call 911, as Mom and Bill ran for the rear door, shoving it open.
The back garden was lit by a ring of flame, centered on a crater, cutting into both Dad's prized lawn and Mom's prized tulip bed. Mom grabbed a knife, presumably to stab the meteor that had crushed uncountable hours of effort in her garden, and cautiously walked out towards the crater, Bill following closely, eyes trying to see past the guttering ring of flame.
As they crossed the border of the ring of fire, a wave of... not silence, but anti-noise surged out, blanketing the entire area in not just quiet, but silence powerful enough to drive them to their knees, a sensation akin to suddenly running into hurricane force winds, overwhelming and utterly surprising.
Moments later, the car alarms stopped, and dozens of people wondered why they were standing outside, before sheepishly heading back indoors.
Mom looked around, blinked, and stood up straight. A few seconds later, she looked at the knife in her hand then walked over to the mint patch, carefully cut a few sprigs, and started to walk back inside, as Bill looked around the garden dumbfounded.
"What the hell just happened!?" He asked, getting back up, looking at the crater in utter bewilderment.
"We needed some mint to garnish the dessert. And your roommate slipped into the planned duck pond. Mind helping him out? I think he's a little too proud to ask for it." Mom replied, an undercurrent of suppressed loathing coloring her words, as she slipped inside. Bill looked at her, confused, then turned on his phone's flashlight and looked inside the crater. There was an embarrassed tanned young man at the bottom.
"Erm... hello, where am I?" He asked, trying to get a grip in the slippery clay. "And I think I need some help."
"... sure." Bill said, reaching down and offering a hand to the newcomer. "What... how are you here?"
"No idea. Was hoping you could tell me." He said, surprisingly upbeat. He managed to squirm around and reached up towards Bill, grabbing his hand tightly.
A wave of warmth radiated from the hand grab, and the duo twitched in shock. Then, Bill grunted and helped pull the magical teleporting stranger out of the hole.
"Many thanks." he said, looking over himself and seeming to debate whether to clean off the clay. After a few moments hesitation, he sighed, and looked up at Bill. "Well, I'm Pholus. What's your name?"
Bill was stunned now that he was able to take in all of Pholus. He was a slight young man, barely shoulder height to Bill, with curly brown hair, brown eyes, and a patchy brown beard. He wasn't that muscular, but very defined, barely any body fat. He wasn't a nudist, the stark tanlines on his legs and arms said he wore... something. Didn't look like shorts, not sharp enough. All that was secondary to the organ dangling between his legs. It was almost bestial, the balls as large as eggs, his cockhead dangling a solid hand's breath beneath those ponderous orbs. It was framed by a thin fuzz of brown hair, and the foreskin seemed to be already stretched over the glans. Pholus blushed as he realized how... fixated Bill was, and tried to cover himself up.
Bill started, and shook his head. "Sorry, my name's Bill. You... want to get washed up?" Bill asked, suddenly very fixated on not letting the stranger go.
"You have a river nearby?"
"No? There's a bath upstairs."
"An upstairs bath? That sounds marvelous." Pholus said, eyes suddenly wide and impressed.
Bill shook his head, feeling like they were talking at cross purposes. "Let's go." Pholus followed like an obedient puppy as the two crossed the yard and clumped upstairs, getting mud and clay on the carpet. Pholus stared at the lights for a moment, shook his head, and kept walking.
"Alright, bathroom's in here. There's a towel over here. Soap and shampoo is here. You need anything else?"
"Erm... how do you use this?"
Bill blinked. "Did you come from space?"
"No? You can do that? I came from PΔlion."
"Where's that?"
"Erm..." Pholus seemed unsure how to answer that.
Bill decided that Pholus was probably from space. "Alright, here's how you use the bath. This closes the drain, this adds warm water, this adds cold water, this goes in your hair. Rub it to get it soapy. Here's the soap, and a washcloth. And here's a towel. You know how to use a towel?"
Pholus's lips quirked. "Rub it on wet parts?" Bill smiled and nodded, then turned and started for the door. "Wait, you're leaving? How can I get my back?"
Bill froze and turned around. "Erm... you want me to stay in here with you?" Pholus nodded, a bit nonplussed. "Alright... yeah, I can do that." Bill said, suddenly dry mouthed.
He turned on the water, letting it warm up, and pulled off his shirt. Pholus was looking at the toilet, interested. He pressed the lever, and nodded to himself as the water in the tank flushed away. "And... this... is what you use to wipe? Do I... put it in there?"
"Erm... yeah, that's the toilet. You wipe with the toilet paper, then just flush it with the water."
"Huh... neat." Pholus said, then sat down on the floor and started scraping off pieces of clay from his feet and legs, shivering a bit as his cock laid against the cold tiles. Bill remembered himself after a few moments, and, hesitating slightly, pulled off his pants, standing naked in front of the newcomer. It was hard not to try to cover himself up with his hands. He was... chubby, it had to be said, with some build from regular gym visits. His own dick wasn't anything special, barely enough for one hand, and he was doing his best to stop it from hardening. He turned towards the bath, making sure it was a comfortable temperature, and Pholus walked up behind him.
"Huh..." He said, looking at the steam coming off the water's surface. "I suppose water flows downhill... is there a boiler... on the top floor? That sounds dangerous..."
Bill turned around, almost chest to chest with the smaller man, his intense brown eyes staring into his own green. "As it happens, erm... no. There's a boiler in the basement, and... well, it heats the water, and uses the pressure from the central water main to pump the water up to this floor."
"So there's an aquaduct leading to the house?"
"Sort of... we have it in pipes underground..."
A rich female voice laughed nearby, causing the two men to jump in surprise and turn toward the sound.
A woman wearing a toga sat on a beanbag sized floating flower, clearly enjoying the scene.
"What happens when two cute naked guys spend time alone in a private bath?" She asked, then answered her own question. "Apparently they talk about the plumbing. Don't forget to tell him that you can let the water flow out. You don't need to recycle it for the rest of the family."
She rested her chin on one hand, the other holding a glass of some deep red liquid, apparently deeply amused.
Bill covered himself up, as did Pholus. "Who are you, how did you get in?"
"I'm Persephone. And you both called me with an appropriate offering. And I was just bored enough to do something about it."
"Offering?" Bill asked. "The wine?"
She nodded. "Good vintage, enjoy the hints of pomegranate." She took a sip of the drink. "Though, what I was more interested in was the particular phrasing."
Bill looked at her in confusion. "What..." Persephone's smile took on a hint of a leer and Bill's eyes darted towards Pholus. "Oh..."
"Oh indeed." She crossed her legs, leaning forward, inspecting the raw materials. "Of course, you two aren't quite up to your... prayers. But I've always been a strong believer in hard work improving my worshipers. And in the value of a ripening crop. It's how the harvest happens after all." She took another sip and reclined, as Bill and Pholus both felt a wave of what felt like strong alcohol cascade over the brains. It became a lot harder to worry, and... well, Persephone would have done something if she wasn't enjoying herself...
"Now, there is quite a bit of work to be done here. And I won't let people call me an unfair goddess... so... what do you two propose?"
"Erm... what?" Bill asked, through the sudden feeling of drunkenness.
"What should you two do to deserve my blessings?"
"Um, complete a great challenge?"
"But there's so much to be done here... is one challenge truly enough?" Persephone asked, as the two men shook their heads, blushing at they looked at themselves.
"What... about a bunch?" Bill offered. Pholus nodded in agreement.
"Yeah, we can complete the same quests as Hercules!" He said enthuesastically.
"You think you can complete the same tasks as Hercules?" Persephone smile was turning into a smirk. "What am I to say to such confidence? For each task you complete, you will get closer to your goals. And I will even alter the past so that people don't question it... too much."
"You can change the past?"
"Of course. Why do you think your mother didn't question why there was a naked boy from Ancient Greece in the garden? Pholus is now your nudist roommate from school. Your mother is convinced that he's led you down a path of villainy and debauchery, but would never say no to a guest. Do try to make a better impression, she's going to give you quite the cold shoulder if you don't get your act together."
"But... I don't... remember that?" Pholus said, confused.
"Of course not. It's too simple and boring to actually press into reality, but it'll give you a roof over your head and three meals a day, plus a cute boyfriend. Get on those quests and I'll start filling out your backstory properly."
The two men looked at each other, suddenly hyperaware of the other's presence. Bill coughed. "Yeah... yeah, we can do that."
