Sex Addiction Relapse

I leaned back on the bed that Harry shares with his wife, my hands digging into the comforter. My legs were spread, and I was wearing his wife's lacy, red bra, size 36 c, the elastic squeezing my chest and cupping my tits. Harry kneeled before me and eyed my hard, pulsating cock.

"Do you like having sex with men?" I asked.

Harry looked up at me, his eyes rimmed with heavy, black eyeliner and brimming with lust.

"I fucking love it," he said breathlessly.

"Good," I replied. "Let's fucking cheat on our wives. Let's be dirty faggots."

He made his mouth into an O and enveloped my cock in his warm, wet hole. Harry had a great cocksucking style. He accepted my whole sausage into his gullet slowly and steadily and then took his time pulling back his head. If you could put that feeling into a drug, I would never come down.

"Suck that cock, baby," I said. "Our wives have no idea."

Harry closed his eyes as he languidly began working my cock. I looked up at the TV mounted on the wall for a hit of inspiration. The video showed a young blonde with cum on her face laying on her back and taking a giant cock in her pussy. She looked directly into the camera while moaning with pleasure, her peach-size tits bouncing in rhythm with the guy's thrusts.

Harry had given me a pair of his wife's dirty panties to sniff. I brought them to my nose and inhaled deeply. The perfumed mustiness transformed into pure sexual energy in my bloodstream.

Harry's head bobbed faster. He looked up at me with those lovely, feminized eyes again. I turned his wife's panties inside out and showed him the white streak on the red fabric that cradled her pussy. Then I ran my tongue across it with a flourish.

Harry let his lips leave my pole.

"I want you to cum in me," he said.

I could feel the jizz rising in my loins. It was decision time. If we stuck with the blow job, I would shoot in his mouth inside of a minute for sure. But was there another option?

"Let me blow my load in your pussy," I said

Harry didn't say a word. He stood up and went to the nightstand, giving me a chance to admire him. His muscular body filled out the satin, blue negligee he was wearing. The panties were nowhere to be seen, allowing his stiff cock to bob freely in front of him. Harry opened a drawer. His hand emerged with a bottle of KY Jelly. He squeezed some onto his fingertips, hunched over and reached between his legs to lube his asshole. Then he flopped onto the bed on his back with his legs spread.

I climbed on top of him and slid my cock between his ass cheeks, positioning the head right at the precipice of his back door.

"Wanna fuck bareback?" I asked.

"I've never tri--" he started to say, but I cut him off by smashing my lips into his. Our tongues played like wild dolphins in the Sea of Love. It took everything I had to keep myself from thrusting my sex porpoise into his lubed flesh cave. Harry's body writhed with pleasure under mine.

"I love that you cheat on her," I whispered into his ear. "Do you like that I cheat, too?"

"Fuck yes," he breathed. "Put it in me."

It was obvious how badly he wanted it, but I wasn't ready yet. I wanted to tease his mind more before satisfying his body.

"Are you gay?" I asked, while pushing the head of my cock just a little harder against his bunghole without going in.

"Yes," he said. "I am so gay."

"Do you want sex with me more than you want it with your wife?" I asked.

"Oh fuck, yes," he said. "I need your cock."

"We are homosexuals," I said. Then I pushed my hips forward. His hole swallowed my manhood as a guttural "uuuuuhhhhh" oozed from his mouth. I rocked my hips slowly and gently. I wanted to hold back my cum so I could keep fucking his mind.

"Do you like that I am inside you?" I asked.

"Oh fuck, yes, baby," he said into my ear.

"Tell me more," I said.

"I'm so lonely," he said. "Gay sex with you makes me forget."

"I'm lonely, too, baby," I said. "Let's be faggots together. You are my new wife."

"I love you," he replied.

That did it-- my body took over, and I started thrusting my hips passionately, while my mind went to sexual paradise.

"Cum in me!" Harry said. "I'm your wife. Impregnate me!"

I mushed my lips into his and plunged my tongue into his mouth as I took one last stroke and started to shoot my load. One creamy spurt after another painted his insides. I've had sex with a few guys, but I don't think any of them made me cum as hard as Harry.

Post-nut clarity hit me as soon as I pulled out, but I was able to keep myself from running for the door. Harry and I had met on Grindr just an hour earlier and had agreed in our conversation on the app to flip-fuck.

"How do you want me?" I asked.

"Doggy style," Harry said.

The shame that always comes post-coitus rushed through my system as he handed me the KY Jelly and I lubed up my hole. I made sure to face the TV while getting into position on the bed. The screen showed the same blonde getting railed, except now she had a lot more cum on her face. Harry knelt behind me and guided his cock between my buttcheeks. It felt like I was being molested, but that's exactly what I wanted.

A lightning bolt shot through my hindquarters when Harry's cock entered me. My body instinctively tried to lunge forward, but Harry held me in place. His balls slapped off my ass once or twice, he said "oh fuck" and then he shot a massive load inside me. I could feel each penis spasm blast another glob of goo. It was one of the most shameful, erotic experiences of my life.

As soon as he pulled out, I slid off the bed and reached behind my back to unbuckle the bra. I could see that I'd stretched it out a bit. I tossed it on the bed next to Harry, who lay in a heap on the bed like a cum-stained pile of laundry.

"Are you ashamed?" I asked.

"Yes," he said. "How about you?"

"Yes, deeply," I said. "But I have done this enough to know I am going to want to do it again in about a half hour."

"That long?" Harry said. "I'll probably be ready in 10 minutes."

We both chuckled, which helped cut the shame the same way a splash of tonic makes gin go down a little easier. I put on my boxers and jeans, then my golf shirt. Harry started to wriggle out of the negligee.

"Let's do this again," Harry said as I slipped on my shoes.

"Definitely," I said. "I meant it when I said on Grindr that I wanted to find a friend-with-benefits situation."

"Me too," Harry said. "I can do this almost every weekday. I sold my business two months ago, and my wife is tied up with work all day. So now I have all day everyday to edge to porno and look for hookups."

"Aren't you worried she might come home?" I asked.

"Very doubtful," he said. "I don't think she has ever left early unannounced."

"This is so perfect," I said. "I work from home about half the time, and my schedule is extremely flexible. It's almost never a problem for me to slip away for an hour or two."

"Let's start fucking all the time," Harry said.

"I feel like a total piece of shit right now," I said. "The way I feel right now is that I want to quit gay sex forever. But I know I could do this almost daily."

"I know what you mean," Harry said. "Me too."

"Let's talk more on Grindr," I said.

"For sure," Harry replied.

He walked me to the front door. I said goodbye, hurried down the stone path to the curb and climbed into my car, thinking how crazy it was to find a married guy in the ideal situation less than a mile from my house. Then I drove home, Harry's cum trickling out of my asshole and staining my boxers.

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I've really gone off the deep end this time. I haven't written much in the past few months because I managed to quit having secret gay sex. When I first got back into porn and Grindr, I thought I would just use it on rare occasions to get off. What could be the harm in a quick jack off session with an online stranger? But things started to escalate quickly about three weeks ago.

The hookup with Harry that I described above was my first one back after a four-month hiatus. He was a unicorn too good to pass up. When we first started chatting on Grindr, I thought he was full of shit. Here was a married guy my age who could host, and he lived in the swanky neighborhood less than five minutes from my house. I was suspicious at first because it was the first time I had seen him on Grindr. He told me he used to hook up with guys in college and then quit after meeting his wife but wanted to get back into it. Most guys in that kind of situation chicken out on hookups at the last minute, so I was surprised when he sent me his address.

But he did, and we've now had sex seven times in three weeks, always in the bed he shares with his wife. It's a dream come true for both of us.

Sex with Harry broke the seal so to speak, and I've taken every opportunity since to hook up with married guys I meet on Grindr. I've had in-person encounters with three others, not counting Harry. One of them has cum in my mouth twice, and we are likely to meet again. When you do the math, my record comes to 11 hookups with men in 22 days. At this point I'm best described as a secretly bi man who is married to a woman, has two boyfriends, would be willing to take on more and is also interested in one-time hookups.

Yes, I'm a whore -- and I'm loving every second of it.

This relapse has shown me that I and many guys like me are inventing a new type of sexuality made possible by the internet. We need what I call a "female presence" to get horny, but once we are riled up, we can have sex with men or women but generally prefer men because it feels forbidden. What do you call that? Straight? Bi? Gay? I'm not sure but it sure does feel good.

The female presence generally starts with straight or transsexual porn. By now, most of you know how I get down. I start off by pinching my nipples and watching softcore stripteases-- just hot women taking off their clothes. Free Twistys videos are by far my favorite. Shyla Jennings, Julia Ann, Danni Daniels, Jenni Lee, Sunny Leone, Ryan Ryans are just a few of my recent favorites, but the list could cover two pages. When I play with my nipples and watch stripteases, I can be ready to fuck in as little as 30 seconds. But more often, I edge for as long as I can. I go on full-day benders when my wife is out of town. But usually life circumstances interfere, and if I can't find any promising leads on Grindr, I cum within an hour.

When I do find a guy on Grindr, it's important to me to find porn that we both like for our hookup. We usually settle on some kind of hardcore fucking or cum shot video. Occasionally, I'll bump into a guy who is into transsexuals, and we watch that. I'm good with any of it, the most important factor is that a woman or someone dressed like a woman stars in the video.

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Another married guy with tastes similar to mine is Chuck. Our offices are just two miles apart. We chatted over Grindr on and off for close to a month before he worked up the courage to invite me over. From the beginning, he was clear and consistent with what he wanted. He told me that he had long been interested in having a married guy come to his office during working hours, strip naked and suck his cock. Chuck wanted to call me names while I blew him. I was totally into it. I knew his type. From our hours of Grindr conversation, I had garnered that he fucked his wife only once or twice a year and was often frustrated with her. Guys like Chuck get off on taking out their sexual anger on men because they can't or won't do it with their wives.

The day he decided to go through with it for the first time was a cool, cloudy day in late October. He sent me the address and the name of the business shortly after 3 p.m. I knew exactly where he was because I passed the place on my way to and from work on days I go to the office. fast-walked to my car, cranked it up and sped down the street. Within seven minutes, I was easing into a spot in front of a strip of office buildings. I walked into suite 119, just as Chuck instructed over Grindr.

A bell rang when I opened the door. The receptionist desk up front was empty. The only sound in the place was the soft buzzing of the fluorescent ceiling lights. Chuck stepped out of an office toward the back. He was a slightly pudgy guy in his mid 40s, dressed in jeans and a black golf shirt.

"Come on back," he said.

I could see he was nervous. So was I.

He held open the door to a spacious office with a potted plant in the corner. The only thing on his desk was a computer. Chuck closed the door behind me and locked it.

"We're safe in here," he said.

"Aren't you afraid the boss will find out?" I asked.

Chuck smirked.

"I am the boss," he said.

"In that case..." I replied.

Following the instructions he provided on Grindr, I stripped naked, right down to my bare ass, while Chuck kicked off his brown dress shoes, unbuttoned his khakis and let them fall to his ankles. He stepped out of his pants and boxers and sat back in the big black leather chair behind his desk with legs spread. I kneeled in front of him. His hard salami curved slightly, pointing up toward the ceiling. I wrapped my lips around the head and started to work Chuck's pole.

I got in maybe three or four strokes when he grabbed me by the back of the head, made me take the whole sausage and said "oooooh, fuuuuuck, you bitch." He nutted hard. I felt his salty cum splash across my tongue. He held my head in place until he squeezed out the last drop. When he released me, I tilted back my head and showed him the pool of jizz in my mouth. Then I swallowed.

I knew he might have been embarrassed by how quickly he came, and I wanted to put him at ease.

"I love your cum, baby," I said. "Let's do this again."

"We will," he said, barely looking me in the eye.

I took that as my cue to leave. I dressed quickly, let myself out of the office and headed for my car. I wish I could tell you that there was more to it, but this is how a lot of secret hookups with married guys go. Just a quick nut and go.

So that's it--- those are the highlights of my sex addiction relapse. I'm not sure how long this one is going to last, but so far there is no end in sight.