Secret Prayer

The next month brought them Gage turning twenty-one years old, and it was a big deal because he was doing so as a non-member. With the Silas Foundation's help, they had spoken with a lawyer who was ex-Mormon and they sent off a letter for both Gage and Tate asking for them to be excommunicated from the church and taken off of the member records completely. The lawyer cited the restraining order against the church leaders in Chicago, and made it clear that there would be absolutely no meetings with church leadership, nor any with missionaries or home visitors. Jarek tried to convince Gage to go after his past tithings but Gage pointed out that he hadn't paid much yet, just part of his allowance from his parents.

Tate agreed with that, because it wouldn't be a significant amount to get back. Neither had had much in the way of jobs other than for the church that went unpaid, such as cleaning the church monthly and the mission, and while it felt criminal to have minors pay tithing as they did, they could have probably only gone after what they paid into it as adults. The lawyer said he was willing to write up a lawsuit if they wanted to, but they could hold off until later too. The two were absolutely delighted later when a lawsuit about tithings came up in the US, demanding that the church repay a man upwards of 5 million dollars in tithings he had paid over a quarter of a century into the church.

By the time they went out to a restaurant for his birthday, Gage had a letter that said he was no longer a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. With a shiny new Illinois driver's license, they went out to eat and Gage ordered his very first alcoholic drink. They decided having him start with something fruity was his best option, so he got a frozen strawberry margarita.

He took a sip and then looked thoughtful. "It's...different. I mean, it's good, but I can taste the alcohol. I guess I always figured that alcohol was either deceptively amazing or...disgusting?"

"Because they brainwashed you so well," Tate pointed out.

"Just don't drink bad scotch," Marina said. "You'll hate all of your life choices."

"There are no good life choices after ingesting bad scotch," Jarek agreed, downing his vodka-cranberry like a pro.

Marina nodded in a way that said she knew from experience, despite being younger than Tate and Gage. Tate and Marina had agreed to be designated drivers, not that they had IDs that could get them alcohol anyway. So it was just Gage and Jarek drinking. They ordered food too, which included two big trays of a variety of appetizers, entrees, and dessert which was delivered with a sparkler in it and the staff singing happy birthday to Gage.

By the end, Gage was a bit tipsy, but not overly drunk. When they got back home, he waited until he had sobered up a bit before he pushed Jarek onto the bed and crawled on top of him to make it clear that he wanted to continue celebrating his birthday privately. Gage ended up riding Jarek's cock until they both came hard and then fell asleep together after cleaning up.

Months went by without much from home for either of the Mormon boys. Tate and Marina both started school, and Jarek was back in classes too. Gage saved up enough money to buy himself a used truck and got it registered under his name so he could easily get himself to and from work and transport materials for the job.

They had settled into a good routine where everyone went to work or school, and then Marina would come over from her apartment every once in a while for dinner. It was at one of those dinners while they were waiting for food to be ready that Marina's phone rang. She saw it was Addison and answered while looking around at the little group there. Jarek was just walking in the door from school when Marina suddenly looked surprised and turned to look in the direction Gage was at the stove.

"I'm going to put you on speaker," Marina told Addison and then did so.

"What's wrong?" Gage asked, guessing something had happened from Marina's reaction. "Is dad sending the cops to me again?"

"Uh, no," Addison said after a pause. "I don't think so anyway. He's too busy fuming over something else, actually. So, uh, Kayla just went to the doctor and she's pregnant. She doesn't know who the father is, and dad had a full on fit."

Tate laughed in disbelief as they all took in that information. "So, she talks shit about you, tells you all of these nasty and disgusting views she has of you as a gay man, and lets the cops in to terrorize you all, and now she's pregnant and doesn't even know who fathered the kid? Talk about irony hitting hard here."

"Well, that's not all either," Addison added. "Mom and him got into a huge fight. Brett and I are here for a few weeks, as you know, before we move into a house. Brett wants to move up north by his family, but anyway...Dad wanted to kick Kayla out, get her married off or something, and mom was fighting with him. She's filing for divorce, Gage."

Gage faltered at that and let out a cry as his hand grabbed onto the pot instead of the pot's handle. Marina handed the phone off to Tate so she could get Gage away from the stove and grabbed the pot to pour the pasta out so Gage could focus on his wound. Gage stepped back but he seemed too dazed to even recognize he was injured beyond holding his hand cradled to his chest. He was busy staring off into the distance, not focused on one specific thing. Jarek came over and started bandaging his hand with the first aid supplies they kept in nearly every room of the house. This was not the first time Gage had absent-mindedly hurt himself and Jarek was beginning to wonder how he had survived to see his 21st birthday.

Gage let Jarek bandage him up while he looked over where Tate was holding the phone. "She...When did mom...What?"

"She already spoke to a lawyer," Addison explained. "She kicked dad out, sent him to live with his parents again. He's been absolutely losing it. Are you okay?"

Gage shook his head and then remembered that Addison couldn't see him. "I think I'm just in shock, and my hand hurts...I mean, I'm glad she is taking a stand, but it kind of feels like it's more for Kayla than it is for me. Mom always liked Kayla best."

"That's a valid feeling," Addison agreed. "But honestly, Kayla's part in the argument was short. Mom said she wasn't kicking her out and they would decide what was best for her when she was ready, but she really went off on him for how he handled Craig and you. She's been stewing over the cop thing for a bit, and even told Kayla that her letting the cops in could have gotten you killed. Apparently she had a talk with Jarek at my wedding that made her lookup forums where gay people talked about their history and personal stories..."

Jarek looked shocked by the news that their conversation had sparked such a response in Valerie. He kept his opinion to himself, however, and kept working on Gage's bandage before focusing on finishing dinner.

"Apparently she's even been telling Jarek's parents what she's read about how dangerous that was," Brett added. "Like, scolding them for adding to it."

"I think I have whiplash," Gage admitted as he sat down on one of the dining room chairs.

"You don't need to talk to her right now or try to figure out your relationship this second," Marina reminded Gage. "Take some time to process everything, and then decide later when you feel more ready. Talk to your therapist and Jarek before you do anything so you feel ready and have support, you know?"

"Is that how you deal with your dad?" he asked her.

Marina gave a sad smile. "Only after years of experience. I used to just argue with him, but you know that never went well for me. I've come to realize that time and space gives you confidence to deal with things how you actually need to. It's better to wait and sit with it than to jump in with a reaction, you know?"

Jarek added, pouring himself a glass of orange juice after handing one to Gage, "It's certainly better than running away from your problems, like I did. My brothers were proof that they'll eventually find you again anyway."

Gage accepted the glass and looked up at his boyfriend, taking in his words before nodding silently. "But what made mom want to look up opinions from people outside of the church?"

"She said that Jarek told her she couldn't believe everything she read on the internet, and she gave it some thought and decided she wanted to see it from your point of view," Addison replied. "And Craig's. I guess she found one of his journals hidden under his mattress and read through just what kind of hell they had been putting him through, and then read forums to understand what Jarek had been trying to tell them. She told me and Kayla that she realized that you could have been killed by the cops, or Jarek. She said she knew you would have been dead no matter what if the cops killed Jarek, because you would internalize it and find a way to kill yourself and she wouldn't ever be able to stop you..."

Gage considered arguing against that but realized that his mom was right. He was already in love with Jarek when the cops came into their home. Watching him get killed in that situation would have made him spiral and it was inevitable that he would find a way to stop it all. He got that faraway look on his face again and nodded his head slowly to show to the people standing in the room with him that his mom was right. He would have.

Jarek put his hand on Gage's shoulder in sympathy. He likely would have had just as difficult a time had Gage died. The thought of something happening to his love made his heart feel like it was going to stop. Gage put his hand over Jarek's and caressed the skin there with his fingers.

Gage blew out a breath, turning everything over in his head. "Just...give me some time to think about it. I love mom, I even love Kayla and dad though I also kind of detest them at the same time. I just need time."

"Of course," Addison said. "I'll keep you apprised of things, but I'll tell mom she needs to be patient and give you space."

Addison did keep them apprised of what was going on going forward too. They knew when Gage's dad was served with divorce papers, and they knew when Kayla made the decision to raise the baby in their mom's house on her own, with their mom's help of course.

Gage spent a lot of time focused on work, working with wood, metal, and resin. Most of the days he came home exhausted and sometimes only had enough energy to get a shower and eat before he passed out. Jarek could tell he was using the physical work to let off steam, and he seemed to be doing okay with that until he got sent home from work early one week because he had gotten injured on a jagged piece of steel. He ended up in the ER getting stitches on his arm and having it wrapped up before he got home with his bloody and white bandaged arm like a glaring flag for Tate and Jarek.

"Dude, I might have to lock those dirt bikes up because you can't be trusted to life safely," Tate told him.

Gage just shrugged his shoulders. "I'm pretty good on the bikes. I only fall when I do big jumps sometimes, and I know how to roll. I just lost my focus at the worst time today, that's all. And half of it was Jerry's fault and he's been apologizing via text all afternoon."

Jarek, slightly annoyed with Tate because this was clearly a work injury, sat down next to Gage and started evaluating his injuries. He peeled the bandage away to look closer at the stitches and where he was injured. "Looks like you didn't do any lasting damage but you really should be taking it easy on that arm until it heals."

"That's what the doctor said too," Gage replied. "Xavier told me to take the rest of the week off, and then when I come back I'll be trained on front of house stuff while I wait for the stitches to come out. He was talking about manager training too."

"Oooh!" Jarek exclaimed. "I'm gonna be dating a manager!"

Gage smirked at that. "I think it's much more impressive that I'll be dating a physical therapist once you're done with school."

Tate chuckled at them. For all of their talk of not wanting to get married, he couldn't see them not doing so eventually. He didn't say anything though. Instead, he got busy in the kitchen making dinner. Usually it was Gage who took over making food for everyone, because he enjoyed it so much and because he worked fixed hours while Tate and Jarek both had varying classes depending on the day.

When Gage went back to work, Xavier taught him a lot of the front of the house operation. He showed Gage how to talk with customers when they came in and wanted orders, how to put in custom orders on the software, and even how to look through what came in through their website. Xavier also had Reed begin teaching Gage a lot of what management did. Gage would still mostly work with making the furniture, but he could take over some management training with those in the back. It gave him more freedom of what he worked on and had him helping other workers with what they were doing as well as giving direction.

Gage had been such a quick study at everything, and he liked to come in early to the workshop to perfect his skills that Xavier knew he would take to management easily. He had some people who obviously had seniority over Gage, but even they could see how skilled and dedicated Gage was, and they were only excited for him to take on a higher position.

A lot of those works he used to perfect his skills ended up in their home once they were done too. They weren't quite perfect enough to sell, at least in Gage's mind (and Xavier let Gage be the judge of that since it was his work), so eventually they had a new dining table and chairs that matched, a mirror that he put up in the living room, two bedside tables, a storage chest that he styled to look old fashioned and like it was filled with treasure, and eventually a bed frame too that he made with hardwood mixed with driftwood.

It took months of work, but he was doing a lot better mentally and had even started to talk to his mom again. It started off awkward and slow, but the more they talked, the more she listened to Gage's point of view and how hard this had all been. Part of her still hated that he had left the church, but she agreed that it wasn't a safe place for him anymore and she couldn't ask him to just be celibate his entire life, especially when he was in love with and loved by Jarek.

He even had a conversation with Kayla, which was angering sometimes, but it cleared a lot up. Kayla admitted that she was jealous of how Gage always seemed like the perfect little son and took some joy in seeing him be berated by their dad, so she had happily let the cops in. She also admitted that she just didn't understand why he would want some dick in him rather than to fuck a woman. In the end, Gage decided that limiting his contact with Kayla was for the best. He would send gifts to his niece or nephew, and he could be around her in small doses, but they would never be close.

Jarek, meanwhile, was struggling a bit with his final semester of school. Not with the subject matter, but the workload. His professors this semester were each assigning a significant amount of homework and he was also working on his capstone class at the same time. Ordinarily the capstone class was scheduled after all of the rest of the classes had been completed but he had explained his urgency to his counselor and they had agreed that he was ready for this class.

He was studying a lot and writing more papers than he had so far in this curriculum. He was also under more stress, partially because of school, but also because he was harboring concerns that Gage would embrace his independence and lose interest. Jarek hadn't been in therapy for a few years but he was beginning to consider going back. He had called his therapist and found out she had left the practice, however. When he finally told Gage he was thinking of getting back into therapy, Gage was able to ask his own therapist about recommendations and she handed him a list of people who would be great and he gave it to Jarek for him to decide who he wanted to go to.

Gage tried to do what he could to help Jarek relax when he had some downtime, whether that meant running him a hot bath, making his favorite dessert, going to the gym with him, or spending an entire evening ravishing each other in bed. If Jarek needed to feel the ease of not thinking, then Gage would top him and take control of what they did. If Jarek needed to feel in control and powerful, then Gage was happy to become a needy mess for him, begging for his cock deep inside him.

Jarek finally found a therapist who was LGBTQ+ friendly and understood religious trauma as well as the difficulties of at risk minorities. He was a bit moody at first while he was getting settled in, primarily because he managed to get an appointment when he owed his professors three papers at once. He got it all done, but he had asked Gage for a break mentally from things, pointing out all the stress he was under. He made it clear they weren't breaking up, he was just feeling pressured to be the perfect partner and needed to focus on himself for a week.

Gage did as he asked, giving him as much space as he needed. He ended up spending longer hours at work, asking Tate if he and Marina could help make sure dinner got done while he stayed late to go through the online orders, looked through what the custom orders were, and planned out the back of house stuff as well as worked on pieces to get his mind off of things. He didn't bring up to his family what was going on because he knew most of them would tell him that this was the beginning of the end of their relationship, and that was already swirling around in his head as it was. He didn't need their help spiraling.

When the week was over, Jarek found himself in a much better place mentally and made the wait up to Gage with an entire weekend of alone time and lovemaking. Jarek could tell that that weekend came with a lot of relief for Gage, as he seemed to relax more being around Jarek than he had the entire week. Gage just let himself melt into Jarek again like he always had before, and it put his mind at ease.

By the time the semester's end rolled around, and Jarek had all of his work done and handed in, everyone seemed to relax a bit more. Tate finished up his semester with all A's, while Marina had mostly A's and one B. Jarek had to wait to find out if he had graduated for a month but in the meantime, he began studying for his licensure exam. He had the fee covered and the exam didn't seem too difficult compared to his last semester.

Gage had started being more open about his grief about losing Craig, not just with Jarek, but also with Marina and Tate. It led him to talking with Jeremy a lot too about that loss and why it had led him down the path it did. Part of the Silas Foundation included paying some of the people they had helped to speak about their experiences and what insight it had brought them publicly.

Gage admitted he had been hesitant to talk about it because the idea of breaking down in front of people was hard for him, but Jeremy told him that being able to cry was a strength, not a weakness. Too many men held hurt and pain inside and turned it into anger, and that poisoned the soul far more than letting a few tears shed. And letting yourself cry in front of other youth who could unlearn those toxic habits could be healing. Jeremy did his own talks around the country about abusive queer relationships.

In the end, Gage accepted Jeremy's offer to speak on escaping the Mormon cult and losing a brother to suicide due to his sexuality not being accepted by family. Jarek was too busy with studying to come to the first talk he gave, but Tate recorded the whole thing and sent it to Jarek later. Gage found a way to be vulnerable while still protecting himself, using humor to deflect some of the hurt sometimes, but in well placed spots. He had a lot of teenagers come up to ask him questions after, and it made him feel like he'd made a difference for at least one person.