Carson melted into the crook of Mr. Armisen's arm, the light of the TV flickering over his face as some action movie played out on the screen. But he wasn't focused on the film. His eyes were glued to the man beside him.
"Where the fuck did you come from?" Carson wondered aloud.
Armisen looked down at him and smiled. "I could ask you the same thing."
It was two o'clock in the morning and the two were nuzzled on the couch, Carson's head leaning against the man's chest. Neither of them wanted to go back to sleep, so Armisen decided they should order in and watch a movie. They had a towel laid out beneath them, as Armisen had suggested. Carson's ass was still raw from the pounding, and he was afraid he might bleed. Having a dick the size of a Pringles can stuffed up your butt could have that effect on a guy.
But he didn't care. In fact, he craved the feeling of Mr. Armisen inside him. He had never felt so full as Armisen bore into his hole, and now he felt hollow, emptier than before. He wondered if he'd ever feel whole again.
"So where did you learn to do that, huh?"
Armisen looked down. "Do what?"
Carson snorted. "Where did you learn to fuck like that?"
Armisen laughed, his deep, belly-shaking laugh. He took a long drag on his cigar. "Yeeears of practice."
"I wanna be a stud like you," Carson said, coiling Armisen's chest hairs through his fingers absent-mindedly, counting the grey ones. It sounded stupid when he said it, childlike, but he wasn't afraid to be honest with the guy.
"Shut up. You are a stud."
"I mean, like you..."
"It's just confidence," Armisen said, shrugging.
"Well I'm still working on that," Carson said, rubbing his knee nervously.
"It'll come to you. With time. And experience."
Carson sighed. "So you fuck a lot, huh?"
Armisen shrugged. "If I'm lucky. I travel a lot, so I meet a lot of people."
Carson remembered the sound of one of his "people" back at the Bravard, big-boobed and screaming.
"But you prefer women?" he asked, picking a handful of chips and crunching down.
"No, I wouldn't say that," said Armisen, looking down. "I just have more experience with women."
"You told me you don't like most guys," Carson recalled.
Armisen turned to look at him. "I don't trust most guys."
Carson's heart fluttered. "But you trust me?"
"Sure I do," said the man, running his fingers through Carson's curly hair.
"Why?"
"You seem like a sweet kid," he said, shrugging, tapping his cigar against an ashtray.
"You're a six foot hunk of steel," said Carson, almost laughing, unconvinced. "Why do you need to trust anyone at all? What are you afraid of?"
"Listen," Armisen said, turning to face him. "When you're my age and you've been in this game long enough, you have a lot to lose. I didn't grow up like you kids-Grindr and all that shit. I never got to have that experience. I fooled around a little in college, but most guys like me were scared to take it any further. We went to business school, made a lot of money as fast as possible. We dated girls, got hitched young..."
"Wait, wait, wait," Carson said, sitting up. "You're married?"
Armisen set down his cigar. "I didn't tell you that?"
"No," Carson said, certain he would remember. He looked down at Armisen's hand. No ring.
"Is that a problem?"
Carson considered it. He knew adultery was wrong, but technically he wasn't the adulterer here. And he wasn't really in a position to judge-after all, he was the one who cheated on his boyfriend two years into their relationship. That was the beginning of the end for them.
"Do you love her?"
"Yes," said Armisen, irritation in his voice.
"So...why do you cheat on her so much?"
"What kind of fucking question is that?"
Carson fell silent, feeling he had crossed a line. He was prepared to drop it, when Mr. Armisen began to take a deep breath and answer, gently.
"At first, I just was trying to convince myself I still liked girls, you know? I wasn't attracted to her anymore... And I figured, maybe I'm just not that into her. So I fucked around, got to know other women. And... it was nice. It made me feel secure. And I liked them. Just not as much as..."
