My name is Micah. I have lived inside my mind for most of my twenty four years of life. I am an average man in almost every way. My height is 5' 10", my body is lean, my face is not very photogenic, but passes as handsome in a not-so-classic way. I love music, all kinds of music. My singing voice is nice - nothing special or marketable...just nice. I can escape from the straitjacket of my existence through music. There is a free and wonderful spirit within me; my soul is waiting to be freed. This is my story of how one unhappy gay man can find inner peace and outer joy. This is the story of my rescue.
"Hey! Mikey! Let's go to the zoo!" Ted likes to call me Mikey.
You know I don't like the heat, T. It's gonna hit 93 today.
"Not until the afternoon, so let's go now and do something inside later."
I said okay, and that I would pick him up at his place in ten minutes. My day started out with an unhealthy dose of depression. I had wanted to get into a long-standing project, but could not get out of my own way. So his invitation to spend the day together was just what I needed. I had showered already, and just threw on some shorts and a tight tee. Ted was waiting for me at the curb of his house.
"Looking hot, Mikey!" His words started to brighten my mood.
"You know, if I felt like expressing my gay gene today, I would be all over you!" Ted can laugh up a storm and he knows it.
Oh, sure. I'll just wait around for you to get up the courage to be with me. I regretted my words as soon as I said them. What should have been a playful interchange just fell apart; and now we sat there in silence.
"Tough day, Mikey?" He knows my issues and is always there for me.
When I glance to the right he can see the tears in my eyes. I bite my lip to try and stop cascading into even greater depths, and find that difficult. Thanks for this little road trip, Ted. I can always count on you to lift my spirits. You're my rock, T. I manage a slight smile at him and go back to my driving. The ride to the zoo takes about an hour. I really like the tree-lined journey and I start to feel better. Having Ted sitting next to me, even with the shift console in the way, is soothing. My straight friend puts his hand on my thigh for a moment before reaching for my own hand. He takes my hand in his and gives it a bro squeeze.
"Got your back, Mikey...always!" The sincerity in his softly spoken words hits a nerve.
Ted is also wearing shorts; and he has on a tank top in the brightest pink possible. His body is that of a young bear. He is all muscled up and will make some lucky person a great lover. My fantasies have been very active where Ted is concerned. Thing is, even though he knows I am gay and we kid around about it, he never lets on that his feelings for me are anything more than that of deep friendship. Well, almost never.
"You know I love you, right?!" His words hit me like a bullet.
That was two years ago at his thirtieth birthday party. We met at work the year before that, and became friends right away. We were all drinking and having a good time. Near the end of the party, Ted gave each of his friends a big hug; and I had no idea what would happen when he got to me. He swung around and we were face to face, real close. I froze as his strong arms enveloped me. His bear hug was embarrassing in the most wonderful way possible. That's when he said that to me. I just stood there. My words would not come. When he released me, his eyes went deep into mine, and I melted completely.
"Thanks everyone for the best party of my life!" We all applauded.
As some of us began to leave, the crowd dwindled to a handful. Then there was just Ted and me. I have no idea why I stuck around that long. I usually like to leave early - unnoticed. I have self esteem issues, and often believe that no one cares about me, so leaving that way will avoid the pain of being alone. That sounds weird, I know. Somehow it's the easier thing to do. But this time I stayed.
