When George, Charlie, and Mal finally left Gavin and I returned to his apartment. Gavin wanted to take me home but I assured him my mother would barely notice my absence. That earned me a frown but he let it go.
As soon as we got back to his apartment I headed towards the bed. The guys had not run out of energy for hours and by now it was around three in the morning. I was exhausted. There were so many questions burning in my mind about everything that had happened today, but his bed was warm and already I was falling asleep. I heard Gavin moving around in the living before coming over to the bed.
"You gotta take your shoes off pup, you're still dressed." His voice was slightly chiding, but my sleepy brain imagined there was fondness beneath it as well. He came to my side of the bed and took my shoes off, tugging off my pants and leaving me in my tee shirt and boxers as he pulled the blankets over me. "Sleep well."
I felt him move away and immediately reached out to grab his wrist, murmuring sleepily, "Where are you going? Sleep with me.." My eyes were barely staying open and yet I still instinctively held onto him.
I heard him sigh before moving to lay behind me, holding me to him gently as he told me quietly. "I'm here pup. I'll stay with you."
I fell asleep in his arms, and I dreamed that I got to spend the rest of my life with him holding me.
The next morning I woke up and Gavin wasn't there. I panicked for a moment before I heard him moving around in the kitchen, and remembered his promise.
He wasn't going to leave me.
I got up and padded over to the kitchen calling out quietly, "Morning."
Gavin turned from the stove where he was making us breakfast and smiled at me. "Morning pup. You slept like a rock last night." He chuckled fondly and kept cooking, eventually placing two omelettes and some hash on the table.
But still the questions from last night bothered me. "...Gavin?" I started hesitantly, not sure how to start my long line of questions.
"Come on pup, just say it. I won't bite." Gavin sighed as he set down his fork, instead watching me calmly giving me his undivided attention.
"Why do you like me?" I mumbled as I picked at my food, my stomach too full of butterflies for me to want to eat. "Sexually.. I mean." I clarified after the silence had started to drag on.
Gavin set down his fork and look at me with those dark, dark eyes of his and I gulped.
Maybe I shouldn't have asked. Maybe I won't like the answer..
"I like you because you're my best friend, you're smart and you're kind and you're honest. I'm attracted to you because you're adorable enough to make me want to wreck you, put you back together, and start all over again." He spoke slowly and clearly so there would be no mistaking what he said, and yet I still wanted to ask him to explain more. But before I could he was speaking again. "You're 19 now, and you're old enough to make your own decisions. I don't have to hold myself back around you anymore like when we were younger, my parents can't keep me from you, and I can tell you honestly: I want you to myself." His eyes were boring into mine, waiting for my reaction.
Meanwhile it felt like my heart was going to leap out of my chest.
I felt like I couldn't breathe, but some part of my brain forced me to speak- not wanting to repeat my mistake of yesterday morning. "Yes. Please." I could've sworn I saw relief in his eyes and I only had a moment to register he was moving before I was pull out of me seat and into his arms.
He held me close as his lips crashed down on mine and I could only hold onto him as his kiss claimed me. It was drugging and by the time he pulled away I felt light headed and heavy limbed, my whole world was narrowed down to my need to have him kiss me again. To do more than just kiss me.
"Gavin.." I got distracted as his lips trailed down my neck, nipping and biting at the sensitive skin there until I was aching for him and whimpering. "Gavin." I tried again pushing at his shoulders weakly, surprised when he immediately backed away looking over me closely. He stopped immediately as soon as I showed the slightest sign of hesitation and that made me feel confident in my decision. "Please.. please fuck me." I could barely get the words out without stumbling over them and my face was surely bright red, but I'd meant what I said. I wanted to be as close to Gavin as two people could be- and I wanted him now.
Gavin's eyes widened even as his hands on my waist moved to my hips, pulling me closer until I could feel the proof of his arousal pressing against me. Even then, he was patient and asked, "Are you sure, pup? You don't have to just because of what I said-"
"Gavin, please fuck my ass. Now." My voice was firm even as I pleaded with him, the last of my worries melting away leaving me absolutely sure of what I wanted. I started tugging on his shirt, wanting it off, wanting to feel his skin. But he grabbed both of my wrists in one of his hands and held me still.
"Calm down. If you want me to fuck you, I'll fuck you. But we do it
my
way. Got it?" His voice deepened, and that same heaviness in his tone that always affected me so deeply returned. I just nodded. I wouldn't have wanted it any other way.
"Good puppy. Now, I know you're a virgin so I'm going to explain some things to you. Don't pout just listen." He rolled his eyes as I pouted at him, impatient to finally be close to him.
But I did as he asked and listened to him explain all the steps I needed to prepare. Needless to say when he was explaining that I needed to clean myself and going into painfully thorough detail about how I could do that I was blushing in embarrassment for not thinking of something so obvious. But I felt better when he told me, "How could you be expected to know?"
So I went to the bathroom, stripped completely, and followed the instructions he gave me. Soon I was clean and ready and impatient, but of course.
I started to worry.
If I was to be honest with myself, the reason I trusted Gavin so implicitly, the reason had no hesitation about losing my virginity to him, was because I cared for him. Deeply. When we were younger I'd always tried to ignore the way my heart would speed up every time I saw and him, the way I dreamed of being his boyfriend, the way I wanted to be around him all the time. I was devastated when he left because he was my first crush as well as my best friend.
But he'd probably had sex with people more attractive than me, like Mal, and people with more experience.
What if I disappointed him? What if this was a mistake?
Gavin knocked on the door before coming in and seeing that I was done, held out his hand for me. "Come on pup. Don't be nervous." He smiled, the same slightly crooked smile I'd seen a million times and I relaxed, my worry disappearing. This was my best friend. Nothing could be a mistake if Gavin was with me.
He lead me to the bed and I smiled to see he had gotten rid of the extra blankets on the bed and put down clean sheets. It was a small thing but it still made me smile that he put thought into what would make me more comfortable. The morning sun was mostly blocked by the denim drapes, but enough light got through to cast a dim light over the bed. Gavin stepped up to me from behind and wrapped an arm around my naked waist.