We spent the day together in Gavin's apartment.
Charlie didn't say much, just laughed at Gavin's jokes and banter with Mal. George was more interested, surprisingly, in talking to me about books. All the while Gavin had me cradled against his chest, and I felt his deep voice rumbling every time he spoke.
"Shut the fuck up Mal, you got shitfaced drunk and said you were in love with Charlie. I can hold my liquor better than you." Gavin and Mal were going back and forth about a story when they went to a bar, where apparently they both did horribly embarrassing things they were happily bringing up to each other. I found it funny the way they interacted like brothers now that Mal was no longer trying to be provocative, and treasured every story of what Gavin's life was like when he was away.
"So why aren't you working at the bookstore?" George asked, leaning over the back of the chair to look at me, seemingly unfazed by the fact that Gavin refused to let me go- wrapping an arm around my waist and keeping me still everytime I tried to move.
"I'm nervous about the application.. I'm not very good at interacting with people." I murmured quietly, not wanting to admit just how much I wanted to work in the bookstore. It was quiet and peaceful, and somewhere I knew like the back of my hand because I'd been there so often. I wanted it more than I'd wanted anything for a long time. It was a place where I would feel like I belonged. A cliche sentiment, but one I couldn't shake.
"Hey Gav, why don't you help the kid fill out the application?" George turned his hazel gaze to Gavin and he paused his banter with Mal to look down at me. HIs voice was low and soothing in my ear as he murmured, "You want me to help pup? I still have a couple days before I start working again." His offer was serious and generous and I nodded eagerly. Any attention from Gavin made me giddy with excitement even if I wanted to deny it.
"When these fuckers leave we can go over the questions." His voice got heavier as he murmured in my ear low enough not to be overheard, "We'll just have to think of a way for you to show how much you appreciate my help." I gulped as my body started to heat up, a furious blush spreading across my cheeks. George was watching us with an amused twinkle in his eye, and shook his head.
"I like your boyfriend Gav, but please try to behave yourself when you have company." George chuckled before turning to talk to Charlie about 'disgusting couples' and I was still trying to process what he said.
Boyfriend?
When Gavin finally let go of me and let me up we all went out for dinner at the only decent bar in town. The other three went ahead of us, George and Mal arguing about who would get shotgun, but I lingered behind with Gavin.
"Come on, pup, let's go." He grinned at me, and I realized how happy and relaxed he looked around his friends. It made me wonder how tense he must be normally for me notice such a marked difference in his demeanor. But there was one thing that bothered me more.
"I can't.. I can't drink. I don't like it." I blurted out, not knowing how to phrase it in a way that didn't make me sound like an uptight prick. I'd just never liked the taste of alcohol but I worried that whatever comraderie I'd fallen into with his friends would be strained if I was the only one who didn't drink like they did.
"So?" Gavin's face was genuinely confused and it would've been cute if I wasn't mildly panicking about ruining my new friendships with my childishness.
"You guys drink and.. And I just don't and I'm such a
kid
sometimes and you guys are really cool and I'm not and I really like your friends and I want them to like me but they won't if I act like a baby and if your friends don't like me anymore then you won't like me anymore then you'll leave again and I'll be alone and-"
I was rambling and could feel my panic rising, but Gavin just cupped my face. He didn't tell me to calm down,
he didn't tell me to shut the fuck up like I thought he would
, he just let me talk while his warm hands cradled my face. His dark eyes watched me calmly and I eventually fell quiet. We stayed just like that until I calmed down, neither of us saying a word while my heart rate returned to normal. I was lost in his eyes and my panic couldn't compete with the calm I saw there. I had the feeling Gavin would've stayed with me for hours if I needed him to. When he finally broke the silence, I was almost completely relaxed again.
"I want you to understand one thing okay?" His rough voice had lost all traces of lingering amusement that usually colored his tone, and the quiet sincerity there was reassuring. "I'm not going anywhere. I promise. Do you trust me?" I just nodded, slightly surprised by how wholeheartedly I did trust him even after all this time.
But Gavin had never broken a promise to me.
I was running next door to show Gavin a new book I'd found when I saw the moving trucks. Gavin was only 17 and a half at the time but he still looked older than most boys his age. He was standing in his driveway glaring at his mother who was arguing with his father, a common occurrence I'd found out ever since Gavin and I became friends.
"Gavin?"
He turned and sighed when he saw me, his geeky 15 year old neighbor who'd become his best friend.
"Hey Matt." There was no teasing, no jokes, no sarcastic remarks like I was used to and I was immediately set on edge by the seriousness in his tone.
"What's.. What's wrong?" I hugged the book to my chest like it could shield me from whatever he was going to say, like it would protect me. But it couldn't, and it didn't.
"We're moving. Mom and dad are splitting up and I'm going with mom to New York." Our little suburb in Ohio seemed pretty plain when you compared it to New York, but I still wanted him to stay. His voice was flat and disturbingly calm for someone whose family was being ripped apart, and my worry for him skyrocketed.
