"Hey, Josh, we're having a campfire on the beach. Is there any way I can call you back later?" My best friend, Jason, asked me as he answered my call. I was bored out of my mind, and this was my last attempt at entertainment.
"Yeah, that's fine." I told him. "I was just calling to say hi. Have fun with Matt."
"Thanks! He says hi, by the way." He told me cheerfully. The two of them were so in love it was sickening
"Tell him I say hi back." I told him, adding as much cheer to my tone as I could. We were barely okay again, the last thing I needed to do was piss him off by not acting like his dumb boyfriend hung the moon in the sky. "I'll talk to you later, okay?"
"Definitely. We still need to talk about classes and stuff. I want to make sure we're in at least one together since we decided not to live together."
"Sure." I mustered up as much enthusiasm as possible. "Have fun."
"Thanks, Josh!" I could hear Jay and Matt laughing in the background before he even disconnected the call.
With a sigh, I tossed my cell on my bed and groaned. Summertime boredom had finally crept in. While you would think that as an 18 year-old living in DC, I would be having the time of my life enjoying freedom before college, I was actually completely bored out of my mind. I had always been someone who liked school more than breaks, mostly because my parents were never around. There was only so much fun you could have by yourself. At least at school I had friends to hang out with. I had Jason.
Jason had been my best friend since our freshman year in high school, and up until recently, our friendship had been effortless. Then, in our final semester, he started dating one of the most popular kids in school, and we began to fall apart. There was some drama with someone I was sleeping with, and it all just blew up in my face. I was so angry at Jay for so long, I almost lost him altogether. Luckily, shortly after graduation, he reached out to me, and we managed to work it out.
And it wasn't that I didn't like Matt. He was actually a really great guy, and surprisingly, very nice. He was great for Jason, and he obviously cared for him. He made this big, grand gesture at graduation, and the two of them had been inseparable ever since. They were currently shacked up in Nantucket, enjoying a summer of love and bliss until we all went to college. At least they were going separate ways in a couple weeks. Matt was going to Brown, and Jay was going to Yale with me. Even though the two schools weren't far apart, it would be nice to have Jay as a friend back, regardless of whether we lived together or not.
I wanted to be happy for them, but I couldn't help but be a little jealous. Everything always seemed so effortless for Jay, and everything WAS effortless for Matt. They made this perfect couple that made it through every challenge that was thrown out them and ended up making things better because of adversity. I had always had an inking that Jason was gay, but I had kind of thought that I would be the one to convince him of that. I had spent years imagining us as a couple. Never in my wildest dreams had I dreamed that Matt Humphrey would be the one to change his persuasion. It was a little frustrating.
Meanwhile, I couldn't keep a guy happy if I tried, my last relationship was a total flop, and I was bored out of my mind in this penthouse apartment in DC. My father was off on another business trip, and my mother usually does summer abroad to avoid reality for a bit, so I was left alone in this monstrous apartment with nothing to do. I had spent the day lounging on the pool on our rooftop, but that was boring by myself, and I could only subtly stare at the pool boy from behind my sunglasses for so long before even that lost its appeal.
I let out a giant sigh and made my way to the shower. Maybe I would go out tonight and give my fake ID a try. I had bought it for the weekend of PRIDE in NYC at the beginning of the summer, and it had worked like a charm there. Hopefully, it would have the same luck in DC. I was blessed with dark features, which tended to make me look slightly older than I actually was, but DC bouncers were a bit more exclusive than some of the gay clubs in New York during a major weekend. All I could do was hope that it would work.
After I showered, I took one last chance on my cousin Lexi. She was 21, and always up for a night out of dancing. Lucky for me, she answered on the first ring, and agreed to meet me outside one of my favorite places in an hour. Now that my night plans had turned around, I was excited for a fun evening out. I have no idea what the nightlife will be like in Connecticut, and I wanted to shake my groove thing as much as possible over the next week before I moved.
As promised, Lexi was already waiting for me outside the club in Dupont Circle, chatting it up with a couple of guys waiting in line. She was probably one of the most social people I have ever met in my life, and I knew we would have a great time. "Hey, josh!" She yelled as she saw me approach, and rapidly made her way over to me to give me a spine-crushing hug. "You look awesome. You're going to break a lot of hearts tonight." She kissed me on the cheek before grabbing my hand and dragging me to the front of the line. Lexi knew everyone in this town, and I wasn't even remotely surprised when she went up to the bouncer and hugged him, had a small conversation with him, and gave him his own kiss on the cheek before he allowed us behind the velvet rope. The audible protest from the rest of the people in line became muffled by the deep bass of the club as we entered. I had only been here a handful of times on their 18+ nights, but I always had a good time, and there were usually quite a few attractive guys. The crowd was noticeably older than any of the times I had been here, so I would consider that a good sign. I didn't need a hook up, I just wanted to have fun. Older guys wouldn't look twice at me.
Lexi dragged me over to a booth at the edge of the dance floor before signaling a cocktail waiter over for a drink. "First round is on me." She announced, ordering us a couple of tequila shots and margaritas. "So, why did you want to go out?"
I shrugged. "Just needed to get out of the house, I guess." I told her, giving the dance floor a quick once over. "I've been going a little stir crazy all summer.'
"When does Jason get back?"
"He and Matt come back on Wednesday, but we leave for school on Saturday, so I doubt all that time between will be sent with me. I'm sure he will want to spend time with his father and Matt before he leaves. We'll be able to see each other all year."
"But you guys aren't living together anymore, right?"
"No. After the whole thing with Adam, it just got too messy. Plus, he has this whole thing with Matt, and I spent enough time this year being the third wheel to that love fest. I don't want to put pressure on that this year too. It's better for both of us if we get out and meet other people anyway."
She nodded in understanding. "I can see that. But honestly, Josh, it's probably for the best. You've been in love with him for so long. You need to go out and find someone who sees just how amazing you are."
"I'm not in love with him." I muttered, but she gave me a look and I shook my head. "I'm over that. We re just friends. That's all we'll ever be."
She gave me a sympathetic look, making me realize that she saw right through my bullshit. "You'll meet someone awesome in college, Joshy. Just wait and see. I mean, look at me and Will. I thought that Will breaking up with me was the worst thing to ever happen to me, but in reality, it was great, because I never would have met Mike and we wouldn't be where we are now." Lexi was right. When her high school sweetheart broke up wither for another girl halfway through freshman year, she was devastated, but then she met this guy Mike who was perfect for her, and they were the cutest couple ever. Maybe I did have a chance at this after all. I'm sure there would be tons of available guys in college, and I could meet someone who offered way more than high school romance. I could find something bigger, something better. But I'm sure Lexi already knew that-she knows pretty much everything.
"Okay, you win. I do have feelings, but I'm going to let it all go. They're happy. I need to be happy for them and then find my own damn happy ending."
She gave me a warm grin and patted my knee. "You will. But enough of this, let's just have fun tonight!" I whole heartedly agreed, and we made our way out onto the dance floor after downing our shots and drinks.
Nothing ever made me feel better than being out on a crowded dance floor. I'm not sure if it's the music itself, or the freedom I feel when I get to move however I feel, or the anonymity of being out there surrounded by strangers. No classmates referring to me as the gay kid but then propositioning me for blowjobs behind closed doors. No guys telling me they love me and then hitting on my best friend. Just me, the music, and my clear mind. The hours flew by and Lexi kept the drinks flowing, and the happy buzz I had pushed all former thoughts of loneliness and jealousy so far away they weren't even remotely on my mind anymore.
I drifted away towards the men's room, and as I struggled to cross the crowded dance floor, I realized just how drunk I was. After I relieved myself, I felt the buzz of my cell phone in my pocket. "Hey, babe. Mike called and I haven't had the chance to talk to him all day so I took off. Have fun and get home safe. Xoxox". I sighed as I realized Lexi had left me too. Always a bridesmaid, I thought to myself. Always alone.
I glanced at the clock on my phone and realized it was already 1 am. The club would be closing soon anyway, so it was probably time to go. I had started to make my way across the dance floor when someone crashed into me, sending me sprawling onto the floor. The air left my lungs as I hit the hard laminate, and in my confused daze I didn't even realize someone picked me up by under my arms. "I'm so sorry." A deep voice rumbled in my ear as they straightened me out. "I didn't see where I was going. I was in a rush to get away from someone."
I shook my head, clearing the shock from my system. "It's fine. No harm done."
"I feel terrible. That's what I get for trying to make a rapid departure." He chuckled.
I took that chance to glance up at this stranger, and instantly regretted it. He was several inches taller than me, with dirty blond hair and incredibly blue eyes I wanted to dive into and swim around in forever. His features were impossibly perfect, and he looked like he had just stepped off the pages of a GQ. I had to actively tell myself not to drool at the site of him. I didn't dare check out his body, because I just knew that would be perfect too. There was no way that someone with a face that perfect had a flawed body.
I had to get away. I didn't need to get caught ogling this beautiful man and ultimately get rejected by him too. "It's fine." I reiterated. "Really." I went to move around him, and I had almost succeeded, the club exit in site, but I was yanked back when he grabbed my arm and pulled me back towards him. "What the hell?" I snapped, my words falling quiet as I looked up at his face. He looked ghostly pale, and panic filled his beautiful eyes. The way the serenity in them had disappeared made me anxious and nervous.
