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Even though most of our business was the campus and the surrounding neighborhoods, our delivery territory also included the rather rural edge of town where there was a wide mix of homes. Everything from old trailers on overgrown lots to large houses in the middle of 4 or 5 acre manicured mini estates could be found on the couple dozen roads and lanes that ran off the main highway.
We called everything beyond Little Creek Road "the boonies" because almost every delivery was at least 7 or 8 miles out and one $10 pizza special could take you better than a half hour to deliver along with odds that the tip wouldn't be great either. The only advantage to a run like that was getting some time for serious music blasting and to enjoy a smoke on the way back. Course, you also had the plus of being able to fly low late at night as the main highway wasn't busy after dark and you made up time whenever you could. The speed limit was 45, but all of us usually pushed it to 60 or more all the time.
It was about 10:30 PM and I was walking thru the door when Cody passed me with his run and poked me. "Sorry dude....you're stuck with Sunset Lane....see ya in 45 minutes!" and laughed as he headed for his car.
DAMMIT! Sunset Lane was a little unpaved half mile long road that had been cut thru the trees off another side road that was at least 8 miles from the shop. There might be a total of 10 houses on the whole road and all had a reputation for shitty tips. To make matters worse, once you turned off the main highway, there was nothing that resembles street lighting so you had to watch carefully for every pot hole, stray garbage can, and raccoons that like to wander down the middle of your lane. I bagged up the order and yelled "Going to Sunset Lane....see ya again at midnight." to the shift manager. He grinned knowing I was almost serious as this was always a delivery that took 35 or 40 minutes, and then laughed as he said "Well, if you don't drive like a little old lady, you can make it back in 45." I flipped him off and headed out the door to my car.
I slipped a cigarette between my lips as soon as I was out of the parking lot and by the time I hit the main highway, was already jamming to Deep Purple's 'Smoke on the Water' that was on the classic '70s CD that Cody had loaned me. Between the music and the complete lack of any traffic out in the slightly cool night air, I decided to push the gas pedal down and was soon buzzing along at 65 determined to turn this delivery into a 25 minute one. By the time the song finished I was only a mile or so from my turn. Another half minute later I noticed the single set of headlights pull onto the road behind me from the side road I just flew past. I paid little attention to them as I clicked on my turn signal and started down the dark road leading to Sunset Lane....which was still another 1-1/2 miles away. The lights turned in behind me at the same time I flipped the cigarette butt out the window.
When I swung onto Sunset, I happily saw that the delivery was going to first house and pulled into their drive. The headlights that had been behind me continued down the other road. I trotted up to the front porch, quickly collected the cash and mustered up a half-hearted "thanks" for the $2 tip they included with it, instead of telling them how 30 minutes of my life, the wear & tear on my car, and gas to drive 18 miles round trip was worth a lot more than two bucks on a $23 order! I gave them a quick, toothy, cheesey smile and had my car headed out of their driveway before they had the first slice out of the box.
I knocked another smoke out of the pack and lit it as I turned back onto the first road and decided to just mellow out and take my time driving back....especially since the stereo was now playing Led Zep's 'Stairway to Heaven' classic. I had just started getting into the music when the headlights came up rapidly behind me....and I noticed the blue flashing one its dash!
FUCK! The last thing I needed was a Barney Fife looking to fill his quota! I edged over to the side of the dark road and switched off my engine. I plastered my best "Hi, How are you?" innocent smile on my face while digging for my license & insurance card....which were sure to be the first words out of the cop's mouth. He fooled me though, by asking me to step out of the car first.
Cops are always intimidating anyway, and it didn't help that he was at least 6' 2" and his 200# of 28 or 30 year old beef cake body was packed in the too tight deputy's shirt and towering over my 150#, 5' 8" quarterback build. I handed him my IDs without being asked and after glancing quickly at them, rhetorically asked "I was following you up Capital Highway a few minutes ago....Right foot is kind of heavy tonight, isn't it?" Then he ominously added "I clocked you at 64 in a 45."
I was so obviously busted that all I could do is play for sympathy and hope for the best. I leaned back against my fender, lowered my eyes, and mumbled "Yes sir. I'm sorry. I was just trying to make some time on a long run."
Staring at my license for a moment, he let out a sigh before saying "You know Joshua, we usually overlook you guys making deliveries late at night, but 19 over the limit is really pushing it on the forgiveness meter."
Sensing that his words were giving me the possibility for a chance of nothing more than a warning, I quickly looked in his eyes and said "I know sir. I should have been driving no more than 55....even clear out here in the boonies. I'll be sure to watch myself closer." I missed his reply because up close, even in the darkness of the deserted road, I could now see that it wasn't that his shirt was too tight, but that he had pecs and arms that were the product of some serious gym time.