Pizza Boy at the Door

Finding strength after the accident

Kyle sat slumped in the hard chair inside room number three of the intensive care unit at Strong Memorial Hospital. He kept alternating his stares from Josh's unmoving body in the bed to the numerous monitors that were attached to him. Everything the machines were constantly displaying said things were okay, but since the accident had happened more than four hours earlier, he was concerned that Josh had yet to regain consciousness. The emergency room doctors had assured him that the CT scan, multiple x-rays, and other tests that had been done, showed nothing seriously wrong and were diagnosing a 'Grade Three' concussion. Even though he knew Josh being transferred from the ER to ICU for the night was more precautionary than anything else...at least until he came to again...Kyle found little peace of mind. He leaned forward, took Josh's hand is his, and softly begged, "Wake up, Pooh. Please wake up and smile at Tigger."

He had just tugged at the large bandage on his arm when he heard the room door open. He immediately stood up when he saw his mother step inside. He was careful of the fresh cast on her right arm as they embraced. She kept hold of her son as she quietly asked, "How's he doing, Kyle? Any change?"

"He's doing okay other than still being out cold, Mom," was his first response. "More importantly, how are you holding up?" He reached out and brushed away the newest tear from her cheek, while ignoring the fresh one that had leaked from his own eye. "You really need to be home with Susan and Beth," he added.

"Pop is on the way to get me. My mom and your other grandmother are with them at the house." She paused and inhaled deeply before going on. "They haven't told them everything yet. I just hope I have the strength to do it." Her voice was quivering and more tears came.

Kyle looked over at Josh again and then turned back to his mom and said, "I'll come with you." His own eyes were also now seeping.

"No, Kyle. Stay here with Josh. The last thing he needs to do is come around and be alone." She managed a slight smile to acknowledge his concern and then continued. "Your sisters will understand you not being there and with all the grandparents there, we will be fine." She took his left hand and rubbed the wedding ring on his third finger. "I can't do anything more for my husband, but you can for yours by just being here." Her voice cracked as she finished with, "At a time like this, you think you have to make hard decisions, Kyle. Being beside the man you have pledged your life to, unquestionably tilts the scale though."

More tears flowed from both as they hugged again. "Thank you, mom," were the only words Kyle could get out between his soft sobs.

"I need to get downstairs and meet your grandfather. He should be here anytime and as late as it is, they will give him grief about trying to get up to the ICU floor." She turned to leave the room but stopped and looked back at Kyle again. "Have you called his parents yet?"

"I was going to earlier, but never got around to it. And as late as it is now, and with what the doctors are telling me, I decided to let them get a decent night's sleep instead of being up all night worrying." He managed a grin and added, "And hope that Josh wakes up and can make the call himself instead of me."

Diane Roberts smiled at her eldest child thinking how much of a man he had grown into when she wasn't looking. "Good decision, Kyle. Just call them first thing in the morning no matter what. And call us at the house with an update too. Okay?"

He leaned over and pecked her cheek. "Yes ma'am. Will do." As he stepped into the ICU commons area with her, he pleaded, "One other thing, mom. Let me give Susan and Beth, dad's message. All right?"

She only smiled and squeezed his hand. "Of course I will. It should come from you." Her lips trembled as she added, "The same way the words he gave you for me. That was his way of passing the torch to you as the man of the family."

Kyle watched her walk towards the elevator and even though they were barely audible, he couldn't miss the sobbing. Once he had settled back into the uncomfortable chair in Josh's room, he took his partner's hand and raised his eyes to the ceiling. "For whatever reason, God, you called dad home tonight. Please don't let me lose the other man I love with all my heart, too."

* * * * *

Kyle stirred when the nurse touched his shoulder early the next morning. He only nodded when she asked if he would like a cup of coffee. Somehow he had managed to finally find sleep in spite of his mind constantly racing and the uncomfortably hard chair he had pulled up next to Josh's bed. He knew the hospital was making a huge exception by letting him stay with him in ICU, but Dr. Bennett was both Chief of Staff and a long time family friend and had approved the request. He also remembered the words he used when the head duty nurse questioned the decision. 'He is a second year medical student. He probably has already had nearly as much training as you have. And that is his husband. Case closed.' Kyle realized that there was far more hyperbole than fact in that statement, but he was thankful for the special breaking of the rules that he was being permitted.

He had barely swallowed the first sip of the strong coffee the nurse handed him before going back to her station, when he saw Josh's eye lids flutter the first time. He quickly sat the cup aside and gently squeezed Josh's hand. "That's it, Josh. Wake up for me." When those words got another movement of the lids and a mouth twitch, he increased his grip slightly and practically ordered, "Open those beautiful blue eyes for me and say something, baby." He also used his free hand to hit the call button for the nurse. "I think he is coming around," he told her when she appeared next to him almost instantaneously. She began closely watching the various monitors, but turned to smile at him when Kyle looked back to the bed and begged, "At least blink for me, Pooh. Blink for Tigger."

As soon as his eyes flicked open, Josh tried to get them to focus. Everything was blurry at first and his head felt like it was in a vise. He tried to speak, but his tongue was dry and his throat was raw from lack of fluid for more than twelve hours. As he forced his throbbing brain to concentrate on the voice he was hearing, his eyes cleared enough to recognize Kyle's form. He managed to finally half smile and mumble, "Thirsty."

Kyle instantly grabbed the water cup with the straw sitting on the stand beside the bed. A quick glance at the nurse got him a head nod to let him know it was okay to let Josh have a little. As he worked the straw between Josh's lips, he knew that would be the answer, but didn't want to overstep any boundaries by not getting permission first. He smiled as Josh greedily sucked the water into his mouth. He also managed to pull it away from his lips before the nurse had to tell him he'd had enough. She smiled again and gave him a thumbs up sign for his timing.

"Head hurts, Kyle," came from Josh next.

"I know it does, baby," he replied. "This wonderful nurse will get the doctor for you and make you feel better. Don't push yourself yet."

Josh squinted his eyes from a sudden sharp pain. He looked again to Kyle and asked, "How bad is it?"

Kyle's hand gripped his a little tighter before responding. "A dozen stitches and a pretty decent concussion is all probably." He grinned and added, "Would have been a whole lot worse if your sweet little head wasn't so hard."

Josh snorted and immediately grimaced. "Don't make me laugh. Hurts!"

"Sorry baby," was all Kyle got out before the doctor came in the room. Kyle stood up and dragged the chair with him as he stepped away to the side. He nodded in deference to the doctor, but also leaned up against the wall and crossed his bandaged arms to make a silent statement that he had no intention of leaving the room. The doctor smiled and nodded back...giving him a professional courtesy he didn't really yet deserve.

Kyle watched closely as the doctor closely examined Josh. His worries subsided greatly as Josh was able to easily answer the simple questions put to him to ascertain his mental functions. 'How old are you?' 'Who is the President of the United States?' 'What year is it?' Where were you born?' He had to laugh when Josh announced, "I wish finals at school were this easy." Kyle cringed though when he was asked if he remembered what had happened. Josh only replied, "Car wreck. Really bad car wreck. Really bad." The look on his face told Kyle more than what the doctor heard. It was obvious to him that Josh remembered everything about the accident. At least everything until his head made that sickening sound when it slammed into the passenger window and he blacked out.

The doctor finally gave his diagnosis. "I'd like to keep you around most of the day just as a precaution, Josh. But other than some throbbing for a few days, I think you will be just fine and can go home sometime late this afternoon." He yanked a thumb towards where Kyle was standing and said, "Pretty sure that guy over there already knows what to watch for in case you decide to become a problem patient." The wink of confidence he gave, made Kyle glow warm inside. "I'll check in on you in a few hours," were his departing words to Josh as he headed for the door. The head tilt towards the hall told Kyle he wanted to speak to him outside of the room.

Once out in the common area, the doctor turned to Kyle and inquired, "I assume since you are second year, you have already been through neuroanatomy?"

Kyle shook his head yes as he responded. "First class every day last semester. Ace'd it."

"Then you know how serious head trauma can be...and also what warning signs to watch for."

Kyle was suddenly so worried at what might be said next that he was barely breathing. He chewed on his upper lip and let his eyes speak because he couldn't verbalize what he was thinking.

The doctor noticed and spoke quickly to ease the fears. "Calm down, Kyle. I really think Josh being out for so long, was due to the extra hard thump on the noggin he took. His brain bounced around the skull a lot more than it should have, but all the tests came back good and he is showing no signs that worry me. Just keep a close eye on him once he is discharged and get him back to the ER if he starts having mental blackouts or dizziness. You know medicine isn't a perfect science, but I'm willing to say I'm 99.9% sure he will be fine."

Kyle finally exhaled the breath he had been holding. Then he remembered the one question he did need to ask. "Doc. How much do I tell him right away about...about last night?"

The doctor dropped an empathetic hand to Kyle's shoulder. "You mean about your dad?"

"Yeah. I don't want to put any strain on him that I shouldn't. At least not too soon."

"Physically I don't see any problem. You probably know better than I do how he will handle it emotionally. He is wide awake now, so it's going to be difficult for you to keep it from him when you go back in there." He paused only shortly before he finished with, "And truthfully, I think telling him will do you a lot of good also. You need his support as much as he needs yours right now."

Kyle only nodded before turning to re-enter the room. There were two things he wasn't looking forward to dealing with in the next half hour: Telling Josh about his dad, and the necessary phone call to Josh's parents back in Florida.

* * * * *

Josh was much more animated when Kyle walked back in the hospital room. He was sitting up in the bed and "I'm hungry," were his first words. As Kyle reached for the nurse call button to request breakfast for him, Josh stared at the bandages on his arms. "Looks like you got banged up good too."

Kyle settled back into the hard chair again and forced a grin. "Ended up with more stitches than you did. I got cut up crawling around in all the broken glass inside the car." He stopped and silently warned himself to take this slow.

Josh didn't give him much of a chance since his next question was asked immediately and pensively. "How about your mom and dad?"

Kyle took the easy way first and replied, "Mom has a broken arm and some cuts too. A bunch of mine happened when I helped her get out of the car through the broken windshield. As soon as I had her out, I sent her up the embankment to wait for the emergency squads." He wasn't ready to talk about his dad yet and decided to divert Josh. "I had already made sure you had a good pulse and were breathing okay, so I pretty much just left you hanging in your shoulder harness. I knew the door was hopelessly jammed and I wasn't about to take any chances with trying to wrestle you around and drag you through all the broken glass in case there were any spinal or neck injuries. They had to use the jaws-of-life on the car so the paramedics could get you on the backboard before they removed you." Kyle went quiet and waited for the question he knew was coming next.

After a long, uncomfortable silence between them, Josh asked, "What about your dad, Kyle?" The look on his face said he wasn't certain he wanted to hear the answer.

Kyle looked down to his lap where he was nervously twisting his hands together. When he finally raised his eyes again, the moisture in them was obvious. He scooted the chair even closer to the bed and gently hugged his husband as he spoke. "He didn't make it, Josh. He died in my arms in the front seat." A new flood of tears he thought he had already emptied himself of, came yet again as Josh pulled Kyle's head to his chest.

"Oh my gawd, Kyle," Josh said as he began slowly stroking his lover's thick hair. "Tell me anything but that. Please. Anything but!" He was at a complete loss of what else to say or do, so he only continued holding Kyle's head tight to his body while he drained his sorrow on Josh's hospital gown.

When Kyle's sobs and tears finally subsided, he raised back up and gave Josh a tender kiss before settling back into the chair. His mood instantly changed from grief to anger. "The son-of-a-bitch that hit us was drunk off his ass. The state patrolman that interviewed me here at the hospital late last night, said he tested almost three times the limit. A motherfucking, irresponsible drunk murdered my dad and they call it 'an accident'."

Josh reached out his hand to take Kyle's. He might be the one in the ICU bed and hooked up to all the monitors, but he knew it was his turn to be the one providing the physical and emotional support. "Kyle, you said you were with him when...you know...when he..."

"The word is 'died' Josh," Kyle instantly snapped. Just as quickly, he squeezed Josh's hand and begged forgiveness for being so short. "I am so sorry, baby. It's just that I can still hear the words he said to me while I held him. And watching his eyes and feeling him take that final breath."

Josh waited a moment and then asked, "Do you want to talk more about it right now? "

"Yeah, not only do I need to, but one of the messages he gave me just before he died, is for you." Kyle somehow managed a smile as he thought of the words he had been given for each member of the family...and 'the family' included Josh in his dad's last minutes. "I already gave Mom hers last night, and will tell Beth and Susan what he said for each of them when I see them later."

Suddenly Josh cut him off. "Wait a minute. You mean you have been here at the hospital all night? You haven't seen your sisters since this happened?"

"Where else would I have been, Josh?"

"With your family," he declared.

Kyle ran the back of his hand lightly over Josh's badly bruised cheek and said, "You are my family too, baby. And you became the most important part of it a few days ago when you said 'I do' in that helicopter. I was right where I should have been. Beside my husband's side until they were certain you were going to be okay. Even Mom said this was where I needed to be when I told her last night I would go home with her to tell the girls."

Josh allowed himself to smile a little as he realized the words showed just how deep Kyle's commitment to him was. "Okay. Point made that you love me as much as I love you. Go on with what you were saying."

"After he told me what I was to pass on to Mom and the girls, he somehow managed to lift my left hand up so he could look at the ring. And then he smiled at me, Josh. He knew he was dying and still smiled. He had noticed both of our wedding bands when we got home from Niagara Falls, but didn't say anything. Then he said he had a special message for you." Kyle was noticeably choking up as he repeated the words to Josh.

'You tell the young man that goes along with this ring that I don't think my son could have ended up with anyone any better...and that I loved him just as much as the man he married.'

At that point Josh broke into tears along with Kyle. "Dammit all to hell. I am going to miss him almost as much as you, Kyle," came out in between the sobs.

Once both the guys had the emotions semi back in control, Kyle brought up the next thing they needed to deal with: Calling Josh's parents.

"You call and get my dad on the phone. I am sure in no mood to deal with her right now." Josh thought for a couple of seconds and then said, "In fact, let's not even bother until after I'm discharged and call from your parent's house instead. I just have a feeling that call won't go well and want more privacy than we have here."

Kyle only nodded his head since he had sidetracked himself thinking about everything they would be going through over the next few days. Getting married and having to bury his father in the same week wasn't something he could have ever imagined. When he had shaken the thoughts from his head, he pulled out his cell and said, "Let me call Mom and give her the good news about you. She probably spent half the night crying about dad, and the other half praying for you."

* * * * *

Kyle left the room about an hour after talking to his mom. She was indeed happy to get the news about Josh, but wasn't completely satisfied until Kyle let him talk to her too. He smiled as her remembered how good a job Josh had done at expressing his sympathy to her along with alleviating her motherly fears for her new son-in-law. He was even more proud remembering how Josh had responded when he mentioned his mom had an appointment at the funeral home in a few hours. "Call her back right now and tell her to pick you up so you can go with her," had been the demand. "It's not like I'm alone here and I'll be fine. It's something you need to do, babe. Face facts. I love you, but your mom needs you more the rest of the morning than I do."

Even if he had wanted to argue about it, Kyle knew Josh was correct. 'Just part of why I love him so much,' he thought to himself. 'He might only be nineteen, but there is the wisdom of a ninety-year-old in that blond head when there needs to be.' He also knew deep down already, that the 'old, wise Josh' was probably going to surface many more times before this nightmare was all over.

* * * * *

Sitting in the funeral home office and making the initial arrangements had been difficult. The many memories that came rushing back while they gave the undertaker Jack Roberts' personal and business history for the obituary was even worse. Going through the process of selecting a casket, based on color and linings as if they were simply picking out a new sofa for the living room, was the worst.

After Kyle and his mother were finally finished with the unwelcome but necessary tasks, they headed towards the house so he could use her BMW to go back to the hospital and hopefully get Josh. They both managed to laugh when his mom said: "I'll use 'the mistress' if I absolutely have to go anywhere." His dad had always jokingly referred to his classic 1976 Mercedes 450SL roadster that way...the implication being that while it was really good-looking, it was very temperamental, wasn't at all dependable, and far too expensive upkeep wise to keep around as an occasional driving fling. As both he and his mother would learn over the next few days, it was only one of many good memories that would provide them some smiles and a momentary reprieve from their grief.