Perfect Imperfections

Okay so this chapter might appear confusing at first, especially if you have never read Chapters 1 and 2. Alec and Brandon were 18 then. I am really experimenting with different ways of writing and this is reflected in the timeline and the different perspectives. Enjoy and please keep the comments flowing!

PS: Yes, I do understand Japanese. No Google Translate needed XD

PPS: Everyone should visit Japan at least once in their lifetime. Trust me on this.

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Alec:

"まもなく、猪谷。(Mamonaku Inotani.)" Next station, Inotani, my mind thought automatically. About a minute later, "猪谷。(Inotani)" repeated the nasal voice over the PA system as the train pulled into a station.

I had stopped typing for a few minutes. I looked out of the window and I saw a really simple station in the middle of the Japanese countryside. None of the Japanese waiting on the platform boarded and no one from ours got off. Everyone in my carriage is probably looking out of the window as tourists must naturally do, wondering why will anyone willingly live in this village where it is hours by train from most modern conveniences.

Sometimes I thank my parents for having worked in Hong Kong and Taiwan. They speak Mandarin and Cantonese like locals. They made me learn Mandarin as a child and we conversed in Mandarin and Cantonese at home - heck we watched Taiwanese and Hong Kong television programmes and having Taiwanese and Hong Kongers for neighbours and playmates helped. I learnt English in school. When I was thirteen, I told my parents that I did not want to learn the piano anymore. I wanted to learn Japanese and I can write in Mandarin which is kanji. And my skeptical parents gave me their blessings for the next 8 years. So yes, I have been trilingual for more than eight years if you discount Cantonese as a language.

January 2016 and I am 21. 21 and free. Only my heart is not. Four years of fucking my best friend and it all comes crashing down. Who am I to blame but myself?

I thought that I should write it down somewhere, so I will never forget it. I might want to forget it next time; confine it to the dustbins of history. But with the clarity and idealism of a wide-eyed young man with little vested interests, it strikes me as pertinent that I should remember these events. Why? For instructional purposes.

So why did I do it? The whywhywhywhy of History.

The answer is simple: I am a closet rebel. An opportunistic rebel. A rebel who hedged his bets and picked his battles. This is a battle I can win. I have always wondered why it is such a big deal. It is just sex. I do not have much respect for religious authorities. There was a period of time when I was a lot more religious, but that period has since long gone. My mind is heady with my own successes. Strange.

I look out at the landscape and my breath catches. Japan has never ceased to amaze me. The mountainous landscape is covered with snow - a sea of white. Dark gray asphalt flanked by little mounds of snow flecked with grey. Bare branches laden with snow. Little houses, fields and country lanes standing stoutly as snow gently falls. Barely anyone is about and the scene looks surreal, like a scene from a fairytale - an East Asian fairytale. All around the carriage, everyone is raising their cameras and snapping away furiously. The Limited Express Wide View Hida really lives up to its name - its tall and wide expanse of glass windows showcasing the best of Japan. At least to those who dare to venture into its countryside without knowing at least some Japanese or armed with a well-planned itinerary.

Then again, things never do seem to go to plan do they? Who knows what is underneath the snow when it all melts. Everything is ephemeral and transient. Whatever that can go wrong does seem to go wrong.

"Takayama? Uhh e-to...sorry, I no..." The elderly train conductor's flustered voice knocks me out of my reverie. I saw him gesturing and looking helplessly at a rather young and handsome blonde man seated just right behind me.

I turned around and looked at him. "Hey, I understand Japanese. I can translate for you. What's up?" I asked.

"Oh my god. Finally! When will we reach Takayama?" He gushed.

"何時に高山に着きますか。(Nanji ni Takayma ni tsukimasuka?/What time will we arrive in Takayama?)" I turned to face the elderly conductor and asked him.

"二時半ごろです。ありがとうございます。日本語が上手ですね。(Nijihan goro desu. Arigatou gozaimasu. Nihongo wa jozu desu ne/Around two-thirty. Thank you for your help. You are really good in Japanese)" The elderly conductor replied with that smile that is so typical of the Japanese.

I felt the young man's intense gaze and blushed, strangely. I muttered something modest back to the train conductor before turning back to him. And I was right, he was looking at me really intensely. Those blue eyes drew me in like how Brandon's drew me in at first.

Stop. I must not think of him. My chest contracted and I felt this sharp pain. It has been seven days since then...

"We will arrive around two-thirty." I replied with a plastic smile.

"Thank you for your help. I have been guessing my way for the past few days and it kinda sucks not knowing Japanese in the countryside eh? So..." He was smiling back at me and rambling before I cut him off.

"Indeed." I said firmly before settling back into my seat and stared back at the mountains and countryside. I know I was being rude but the last time I looked too deeply into someone's eyes, I got burnt. The cold and bleakness of the countryside could barely compare with the deep freeze in my heart, so cold and dry that it chaps and cracks, like my lips in winter.

"高山。(Takayama)" The train stopped and we were finally in Takayama, a place I have always wanted to visit. I grabbed my backpack, hoisted it over my shoulder and lean frame before walking back out into the freezing cold that is the platform. Back in my element.

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Brandon:

"FUCK!! Where the hell is Alec?!" I screamed at Jasper as I pounded the walls in frustration.

"No one knows. He just took off. What did you say to him that made him run away? He has never been like this. He is definitely not with his parents who are working in Singapore." Jasper groans in frustration.

"You don't say. It does not snow in fucking Singapore. It's summer year-round." I snapped back.

I really hate myself. For being so thoughtless. For thinking with my dick. For not seeing the signs. For not owning up to my feelings. And now, I have hurt the person I care about the most. At least Jasper is here, quietly supporting me.

"I am sorry Jas for shouting. I am just..." I murmured to Jasper sadly.

"I know. It's okay. Where the hell is Alec? If he does not want to be found...He has a travel wish list the size of an encyclopedia and he majors in Geography for heavens' sake..." Jasper was muttering.

I looked at Alec's latest post on Instagram. A fir laden with snow. No location tag. Like his previous posts. I refreshed Instagram, hoping for a new post. His mind is the atlas. He could be in the US, Canada, Finland, Japan, anywhere that snows. I glanced at the screen half-heartedly and I saw a comment, by Darius, Alec's other bestie.

"Finally went to Kenrokuen ehh?"

Kenrokuen. Where the fuck is that. I Googled it and it was in Japan, in a place called Kanazawa. I should have thought of it - Alec understands Japanese and absolutely loves Japan. He has been there a dozen times and he knows where to hide if he wants to.

I called Darius. "Darius, Brandon here. I saw your comment, how do you know that Alec is in Kanazawa? Could be in Canada for all we know."

"Come over and I will explain." He replied cryptically.

I looked at Jasper who was as lost as I was. We just ran over to Darius who stayed just three blocks away from me.

"Basically, Alec has always wanted to visit the Japanese Alps. We were supposed to go together when we were 17, but our parents said objected cos of the distance and all." Darius continued. "I know he wants to go to many places that snow, like Estonia. But he once said that this whole area is so bleak in winter that it is heart-achingly beautiful." At this point, Darius gave me a pointed look. My heart contracted and I would have screamed out in pain if not for the fact that Jasper was next to me and still unaware of the entire saga.

"Besides, assuming that he left four days ago, he would have arrived in Japan one day later. He sold me on the trip by showing me photos of places and landscapes on an itinerary he planned. And he has been posting similar landscape shots on Instagram the past three days, albeit taken by himself this time round, but definitely the same places." Darius painstakingly explained. "Furthermore, they are in the same order that he showed me. Which means, he is using the itinerary he created all those years ago, without any changes."

"So where will he go next?" I asked eagerly.

"He will be in Kanazawa for another day. And then he will go on to Unazuki. On the seventh day, he will be in Takayama. He will remain there for four days. Takayama is your best shot - Unazuki is quite hard to access for someone who does not understand Japanese. Besides, Takayama is a really small town. Fly to Nagoya and take the Wide View Hida to Takayama. The fastest way. Bring him back." The threat and sadness was latent in Darius' voice.

Alec calls Darius his "shrink". They confide in each other. To Alec, Darius is like the brother he has never ever had. To Darius, Alec is his brother with a different last name.

That was a few days ago. After that, I booked a ticket to Nagoya and ran back to the flat I shared with Jasper. I hurriedly packed my stuff and left. I have fifteen days to find him before school starts. Fifteen days to right a wrong. Fifteen days before I regret it for the rest of my life.

Alec is right. That snow did make everything look so unreal and beautiful. It is also lifeless and bleak. It is as though Nature is reminding us of the superficiality of things.

"Takayama." The dismembered voice of the announcer blared over the PA system as the train stopped.

I got out of the train, stood on the platform and looked around me. How the hell am I supposed to find him? I looked at my watch, and it is already half-past two in the afternoon. It will turn dark by four. Cursing myself for my stupidity for the umpteenth time, I left the station and walked into the town as another train arrived from the opposite direction.

I found the ryokan after wandering about the town for about 45 minutes in the blistering cold. It is snowing and one can hear the crunching of snow and ice with every step. The strong winds blew ice into my face all the time. It is a Japanese guest house that looks unassuming from the outside. But it is tastefully decorated and warmly heated inside. It is located off the main thoroughfare that runs through Takayama. 15 minutes' from the station if you know the place well, like Alec, I thought bitterly. I saw couples holding hands or looping their arms around each other as they walked carefully and slowly in the snow. I thought to myself more than once, "That could have been us."

I knew I was at the correct place when I saw my name written in caps on a massive board in the tiny front yard of the guesthouse. There were two other foreigners. Three others were Japanese. My heart sank. Alec's name is not it. I only booked this place because Alec had planned to, and it did seem like a place Alec would stay at. Quiet, traditional and tastefully decorated.

I was led to my room by a friendly Japanese granny who looked like she is in her 70s. I marveled at how quickly she climbed the rather steep staircase. My room was on the second floor: small but cozy with one futon (Japanese mattress) in it. Thank God they decided to heat up the room before I arrived.

I put my backpack down on the floor and curled up inside the futon. God it is fucking comfortable and warm. They even had a small electric warmer inside the futon. I was tired from traveling for more than a day in the cold. My thoughts drifted to Alec and I wondered where he is at the moment. Is he even in Takayama? Did Darius send me on a wild goose chase just to avenge Alec? I miss him. I really do. I wish at this time he is here with me, curling up in this futon. I miss those lean muscles. Tears sprang to my eyes. And I cried myself to sleep, heaving silently.

It was hardly a peaceful sleep.

Alec was on top of me smiling. His hair flopping into his eyes. I push them aside and stare into his black irises. The depths of his mind is unbelievable to most. He is intelligent and knowledgeable. He is articulate and trilingual. Right now, he is my lover. I pull his head down for a kiss. A gentle one. But his tongue probed further into my mouth and my primal instincts took over. He sensed it, we were so attuned to one another. We kissed with wild abandon, tongues clashing and fighting for dominance. He licked the roof of my mouth as his fingers found my nipples and tugged at them. I moaned through our kiss.

We separated to catch our breath. But our foreheads were touching. My cock is now rock-hard even though I had just come five minutes ago. Any by all measures, so is his. The benefits of youth.

"You make me feel so..." I began.

"Sh..." Alec cut me off as he began to lick at my earlobe and tongue-fucked my ear as I ground into his hips, our cocks rubbing against each other, now slick with pre-cum.

"Surprise me Alec" I challenged him.

"We rise to most challenges" He smirked.

"Evidently." I grinned. It is tough to be serious with Alec when he is in such a great mood. He blindfolded me with his t-shirt. And I smelled Alec and his cologne. Fresh and sprightly, like summer. Citrus. He loves citrus. Especially Japanese citrus, yuzu. He keeps a stash of yuzu sake which he absolutely adores.

I can hear him leaving the room. And he is back within a minute. I wondered what he had in mind. He started to stroke my cock, focusing on the tip. He stroked it slowly, sensually and firmly. He knows what I like.

"Please...Alec...don't stop" I begged him as my nerves were stimulated. Perhaps just the thought of him stroking my cock was enough to make me excited and my skin tingling.

Then, I felt his mouth engulf my cock all the way down to my base. His mouth was warm, wet and..."FUCK!" I gasped. My back arched as that new unknown sensation tore through my senses.

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Alec:

I whistled under my breath. I found the ryokan within fifteen minutes. It is located on a quiet street off the main road. I saw my name written in katakana on the board in the ridiculously tiny front yard of the ryokan since I booked it under the Japanese transliteration of my name. One of the staff was writing someone else's name below mine. Probably a foreigner since she is using a marker, like how the other two names in English were written, whereas mine, like the two other Japanese guests', was written by a brush. She paused, turned around and smiled. I smiled back and proceeded inside.

The lobby exuded warmth and was simply decorated. Simple but elegant. A granny in her 70s brought me up to my room on the second floor. She was surprised to find out that I could speak Japanese. She was chatty and told me that there are quite a few solo travelers staying these few days and I will probably run into them during dinner or breakfast.

It was barely three in the afternoon and I knew it will turn dark in an hour's time. I decided to take a short nap before dinner. I was exhausted. Getting out of Unazuki turned out to be harder and more time-consuming than I had expected. I curled up into my futon and drifted off to sleep.

"FUCK!" Brandon gasped. His back arched as I continued to suck on his cock. Gently licking and coating his thick shaft with my saliva, and toothpaste. I had blindfolded him earlier. I have been dying to test out this urban myth forever and the chance was too good to be passed up. I could taste the mint on the tip of my tongue and that tingling sensation. I licked the mushroom tip of his cock repeatedly, taking caution to drag and flick my tongue over his slit as he loves it. He was hissing in pleasure and he started bucking his hips.

I licked the underside of his cock as I gently caressed his balls. Brandon was moaning in pleasure on the bed. And I, was rock hard.

"Focus, stay still" I gently admonished as I tweaked on his nipples before licking and sucking on his balls. Brandon whimpered as I took both of his balls in my mouth and started sucking on them. My hand continued to stroke his cock, now slick with my saliva.

"Don't stop. Ahh. Pleaseee" He begged.

"Do you want to cum?" I whispered into his ear as I jerked him off.

"Yyyyyess" He whispered unsteadily.

"I can't hear you."

"Yyyessss" I stroked him faster as I felt him tense up, signs of an impending orgasm.

"Louder" I commanded as I took his entire length into my mouth and felt his cock brush my throat. I swallowed and sucked, creating the vacuum he loved so much.

"OHH FUCK YES I'M ..." Brandon screamed as he came in my mouth. I could taste his ropes of cum painting my mouth and throat - the salty and masculine essence that is Brandon. I continued licking his cock like an icicle before releasing him with a popping sound.

He tore off his blindfold and pulled me up such that I was straddling his cock. I smacked my lips before kissing him. I am quite sure he could taste himself in my mouth.

"You're so fucking hot Alec" He breathed and gazed at me. I was lost in the depth of his gaze. He had a way of capturing my attention and not returning it back to me. I choked on some unbidden and unwelcome emotion rearing its ugly head and in my chest. Tears sprang into my eyes.

Only this time, I did not restrain them.

It was a dream, I kept repeating to myself as I headed downstairs for a soak in the ryokan's onsen bath. I could not stop thinking of Brandon. He did break my heart after all. Four years ago, I arraigned myself and told the residents of my heart to toe the line. But I never enforced it. I kept returning to that dream and many others over the course of dinner. I hated myself for crying in my sleep. I thought I was beyond that. Apparently not.

Anyway, out of the other three foreigners, only one (pair) showed up for dinner. Turns out that they were a pair of newly-weds on their honeymoon. The other two were MIA. I did not pay much attention to them, until now.

I stepped into the changing room and stripped. It was freezing cold. Despite the cold, I cleaned myself thoroughly - traveling is a dirty business, yes, but that is not what I wish to cleanse myself of. I proceeded into the next room and stood stock-still.

I saw the blonde-hair and blue-eyed foreigner I helped (rather brusquely) on the train earlier. He is stunningly handsome. Six feet tall and muscular. His abs and pecs were chiseled like a Greek marble statue. His biceps were defined. He was fairly well-hung too, from the looks of it. He was climbing into the onsen. I found myself sitting next to him.

Seb was extremely easy to talk to. I apologized for my brusqueness which he brushed off. He's Australian and here on a holiday as well. We swapped plans and agreed to go on a few day trips together. He went MIA because he read the map wrongly and ended up on the opposite end of Takayama. He was hopelessly lost in the winter darkness until a policeman gave him directions. I temporarily forgot my woes as we laughed about his first time in a Japanese public bath just a few days ago.

We walked up to our rooms on the second floor together and in a spur of the moment, I invited him in. We continued to talk about random things, about university and all. It was probably a bad idea on my part to bring out the bottle of yuzu sake I bought at Osaka Kansai International Airport's duty-free shop. We started drinking and I told him "I can always get a new bottle here. Takayama is famous for its sake y'know". We were somewhat drunk as we were lying down on the tatami and looked up at the ceiling. We both reached for the bottle which was in between us and we ended up feeling each other's hands on the bottle. We looked at each other as his thumb ran over mine gently.