I wandered the back streets of Pattaya looking for him.
The lights and the noise spilling out from the cafes and bars were a distraction, as were the bar-boys trying to grab me and pull me into their establishments. In truth, many if not most of them were more attractive than the guy I was looking for, certainly more masculine. Nevertheless, I was sticking to the plan.
Find him, fuck him and then pay him.
I'd been in Thailand about a week and a half, with most of that time spent in Bangkok. My company had sent me out to a conference on Internet security in Hong Kong and I'd decided to extend my time in Asia by burning through some of my leave. After the divorce I'd thrown myself into fully into work for a couple of miserable years and HR was happy I was finally expending some of my stockpile of days. I'd mixed day trips around the cultural sights of the capital with nights spend in the red-light districts of Soi Cowboy and Nana Plaza, but my company so far had all been female.
Of course it had been. I was a heterosexual man, until recently married for over a decade and father to three children. There was no question...
Or at least there hadn't been.
I'd met him for about thirty seconds yesterday. I'd woken up around eleven, next to Anong, the bar-girl I'd taken back to my room two nights in a row. We'd had breakfast and gone to the beach, but things had gotten awkward. She had enough English to negotiate and play dumb drinking games, but not enough to be any kind of good company for any extended period during daylight and she was clearly bored as I lay on a sun-lounger and reading novel. So we parted ways, agreeing to meet up again at her bar in the evening.
After finishing my chapter, I had decided to go for a stroll. I'd been in the town for a few days but most of my time had been spent on the beach and on the main strip which provided most of the night-life. I found myself exploring back streets.
He'd approached me the same direct way all the bar-girls did, if not more so. He just walked straight up and said "Hi, honey. I'll give you a good time. Sucking. Fucking. Everything."
"Oh, eh, no thank you," I'd said, stammering. I'd been kind of caught off guard. As I scurried away, I turned around to look at him again and he'd given me a cutesy little wave.
He was a strange intoxicating mix. He was highly effeminate, but not a ladyboy. Sure he was wearing eye-liner and a muted lipstick, and had a pixie cut of bleached blond hair, but it was different. The katoeys went all in on performed femininity -- big hair, big lips, big everything. He wore simple ripped jeans and t-shirt rolled up at the bottom to show his midriff. He had a higher-pitched voice, but wasn't trying to mimic female speech. He was naturally camp to their exaggerated vamp.
I was still thinking of him later as I scoffed my plate of green curry at one of the beach-side cafes. Rather I was thinking of the opportunity he presented.
I'd wanked to gay porn at home. Not consistently, only on occasional, when I got bored of the same heterosexual acts performed by the usual blonde American pornstars or super-kawaii Japanese girls. I'd watch a bit of man-on-man action and then switch back to straight porn before finishing -- 'just to be on the safe side'.
Sufficed to say, I'd never acted on these urges.
But if I was ever to do something, it could be here -- six thousand miles from home. No-one would ever have to know.
It wasn't until that night that my mind was made up. I met up with Anong as planned at her bar and, after a couple of drinks, I bar-fined her. We went to eat and then later, as we were walking hand-in-hand on the beach she turned to me and said "My friend saw you today."
"Really?" I said.
"Yeah, she said you were walking round the gay area."
I hadn't realized at the time that that was what it was. Thinking back, maybe there had been a few rainbow flags and maybe I should have paid closer attention to some of the name of the bars. Everything had been shut up though and I'd been lost in thought.
"Just looking, of course," Anong said quickly after I didn't reply. She didn't bring it up again.
Later when she was blowing me, I started to think about what it would be like if it was him slurping hungrily on my dick instead.
Which was crazy, because Anong was absolutely gorgeous.
On a whim, I asked her if she would do anal sex. She wouldn't. We made love as we had the previous night. To call it good would be faint praise, but still, somehow, through no fault of her own, I was bored with her.
Before I went to sleep, I had resolved what my next move would be.
It would have made sense to have gone back to his location at the same time of day as before. Instead, my resolution had wavered. I spent the day in my room torn. I read everything I could find on the Internet about gay sex and watched some porn videos -- searching for Asian twinks. It didn't help directly, but I did reach a conclusion. It was the act or rather acts that had me curious. I didn't find men in general attractive.
Except for him.
He'd somehow said ten filthy words to me and here I was weirdly obsessed with him. Whatever his name was.
So, a little while after it had gotten dark, I headed out. I wondered if Anong would have her spies out again. It was was it was though. The girls had a name for men like me -- butterflies. We flit from beautiful flower to beautiful flower. She'd be well used to the disappointment. I was leaving town tomorrow regardless.
I wandered up and down the rather small street several times without seeing him. The bar-boys mistook each return as my coming back for them or at least they pretended to. If I couldn't find him, would I still go through with it? Was there even a second choice on this strip? None of the greeters took my fancy, but I could, in theory, go into one of the clubs and see if there were any amongst the dancers who measured up. I only needed to buy a single drink - no need for commitment. Hell, maybe he was a dancer in one of these places. I didn't really know.
Or perhaps I should go to a lady-boy bar. All of the sexual acts without the label. I been considering it even in Bangkok, but now it seemed like a half-measure. If I was going to do this, I should own it.
It was on my fourth circuit, with me still trying to come up with a plan B, that I saw him. He came out of a side alley, sharing joke with a friend. He saw me at the same time that I saw him and my reaction told him everything.
He sauntered over, cool as anything and put a hand of ownership on my chest. "I'll make your evening," he promised.
In reply, I simply kissed him. First, it was a peck on the lips, but a moment later it became a full snog.
