Parsons

By the time I arrived at the ER, the receptionist informed me that my father had been moved to the intensive care unit. She had provided me with directions to the appropriate waiting room, where I instantly had an unfamiliar lady run up to me and engulf me in a hug. Two teenagers that resembled her watched us from the nearby chairs, likely used to their relative suffocating people in the name of comfort.

"You look just like him," she cried into my shoulder. I cleared my throat, hoping she would sense my discomfort before my lungs collapsed.

She took the hint and let me go, opting for grabbing my hands in hers instead. "I hate that we have to meet like this. My name is Lorraine. You must be Heath."

I nodded. "Yeah, you're his... spouse?"

Lorraine squeezed my hands. "Not yet, but we've been together for a long time already." She was significantly shorter, with hair dyed a dark purple that only made her blue gloss pop. She was dressed for a night out, but the redness in her face signaled the fun had ended already. She let go of my hands and motioned for the teens to come over, who did so reluctantly. "These are my kids. They've also been dying to meet you."

I looked at them, wondering if they were Gerald's. Their faces were unamused, but I also wouldn't be jumping with excitement if my mother's boyfriend decided to drink himself into a coma. They grumbled some "hey's" and stood in awkwardness. If not blood, at least we had that in common.

Lorraine wouldn't sink with our discomfort, though. Apparently, a hospital was a good place for family reunions. "Gerald's been great with them. We're all really worried. Oh, Heath, it was so bad!"

Her kids returned to their chairs, less willing to play into their mother's worried theatrics. I put my hands in my pockets, standing uncomfortably as Lorraine recalled the night's events. "You know how he loves having cookouts when the game is on?"

I did not. "Mhm?"

"We threw one tonight, and his friends got carried away with the alcohol, and they've just been drinking all day and- we drink at cookouts, but it wasn't this bad! I found him passed out in our bathroom, and he wasn't responding, and he had to get his stomach pumped and-"

While she went into other mundane details, I was still stuck on the idea of Gerald having a home, especially one he willingly shared with a woman and her kids, where he enjoyed having people over and entertaining them. It sounded like a cruel joke, and I couldn't accept it.

I had zoned Lorraine out long enough to have lost everything she said and rambled about. "...and his liver was already really bad from the surgery, and they don't know if-"

"Lorraine," I interrupted. I was torn, trying to balance pitying this woman who didn't seem to know better or questioning her kindness towards me in the case she did. Whatever the answer, she was clearly in shambles, high heeled boots in a hospital waiting room and all. "Look, why don't you take the kids home and I'll stay here in the meantime? You can go change, grab some stuff, and I'll let you know if anything."

She tilted her head back as if I had just proposed something insane. "I can't leave his side, Heath. What if-"

I put my hands on her shoulders, the sequins of her blouse digging into my palms. "You're not at his side right now. It sucks, but right now it's only waiting. Your kids won't be at ease here." Those kids could not be paid to give a shit, but it'd be two less strangers I'd have to deal with. Win-win. "If you're gonna be here tonight, you should at least get some comfortable clothes. Maybe get some stuff for Gerald for when he wakes up."

My certainty was in question. Lorraine's lip quivered. "What if he doesn't-"

"He will, okay?" I assured, letting go of my shoulders and pulling out my phone. "Here, I'll add your number and text you any updates. Don't you think Gerald would want you to be optimistic?"

It wasn't a rhetorical question. I genuinely wondered if what I was saying would stick. The Gerald I had grown to dislike definitely wouldn't have. By Lorraine's sad nod, I assumed this one did. "Yes, okay, okay. I'll text you back when I'm on my way. Please Heath, anything you call me - not text me - call me."

She waved over her kids and informed them that they were headed home. They gave me uninterested goodbyes, and left the waiting room all to myself. I attempted to make myself comfortable, taking a careful look around me. The room was open enough to hear the steps of the occasional staff member pacing the hallways. Brown faux leather chairs lined the walls, half of them offering an uncomfortable angle to anyone who wanted to watch the television that hung nearby. It was currently displaying Bernie Mac reruns, mute with closed captions. I would've appreciated the noise, but asking the nearby employees if I could raise the volume and interrupt their already tiring night shift wasn't appealing.

I slumped in my chair, my eyes burning from the harsh lighting of the hospital. Even in winter, it wasn't all that warm. I zipped my jacket up and counted the green squares in the floor tile design. One, ten, forty-five, forty-six? I started again. One, ten, fifty, eighty. I counted them backward once I was done.

Lorraine texted back, letting me know she had gotten home safe and asking if she could bring anything to me. I thanked her but declined, a hint of anger arising inside me. I couldn't believe she was so kind. I couldn't believe she was heartbroken at the thought of losing someone like my father. I could not comprehend how her compassion towards me was so organic. I wasn't around for a while, but I felt at my core that she deserved better.

Still no texts or calls from Landon. I knew his parents loved "phone-free" activities, but I secretly hoped that the longer I stared at my screen, the faster he would get to sneak away and peek at his messages. I wondered if he would feel like something was wrong and excuse himself from dinner early to check in on me. I wondered if he would see the six texts I had sent him in the last five minutes and hurry back into town, running red lights to ensure I wasn't alone in this situation.

At least the messages were delivered. My phone was at ten percent, and I didn't have a charger. I knew Lorraine was already on her way and didn't want to delay her return. I locked my screen and put it away.

"For Aldrin, Gerald?"

I looked up at a man in scrubs, holding a clipboard to his side. I slowly got off my chair. "Yeah, I'm his, uh, I'm his son."

He shook my hand. "I'm Dr. Noa. I'm in charge of overseeing your father's care. I wanted to assure you that we have stabilized him and that he's being monitored."

He went on to explain respiration issues and some other medical stuff, but the explanation wasn't what I cared about.."Listen, doc, I don't wanna be rude but I can look up asphyxiation on my own time. Is he in a coma?"

"He's yet to be responsive," he answered, "but we continue to look for brain activity. For now, our only choice is to wait, but his oxygen levels are improving, and the alcohol in his blood will keep declining. We'll do everything we can to help him, Mr. Aldrin."

I figured correcting a doctor on something as silly as a last name was inappropriate - at least now. "Okay."

"If you'd like, you can follow me into the ICU. I'm sure you'd like to see him."

My stomach cramped, but I followed Dr. Noa anyway. My legs suddenly weighed two hundred pounds each. I had formed a bad habit of doing things I didn't favor, but my body was practically screaming at me to turn away - to block Lorraine and head for the nearest exit. My mouth was dry, my forehead was dripping, and the coolness of the hospital was gone as soon as Dr. Noa took me to my father's bed.

Dr. Noa explained the devices he was attached to, but I had completely stopped listening. The sounds of the machines faded into the background, instead replaced by the thumping of my chest. slowing at the scene. Gerald was face up on the bed, eyes closed. His chest movements were faint but there, persisting with the aid of the tubes that covered his usually pink face. It was pale this time around, similar to the white beard he had grown since the last time I saw him.

I spent the last sixteen years of my life acting like he was dead. I hadn't anticipated to feel so conflicted watching him fight to stay alive.

"I'm aware his wife is here as well. Since you're both immediate family, you can both accompany him. I'll return with any updates. The nurses are also here to help you with anything," Dr. Noa finished, giving me a nod before he walked away. I inched closer to the bed, my eyes glued to his face. I had my mother's nose, her skin, her cheekbones, but this stranger's blue eyes had diluted mine. His covered jaw was forced onto my face. He had contaminated me with his beauty spots, but at least mine were dark. The older I grew, the more I wished I could peel them off, or that I could smooth out my facial edges, or that I'd wake up with the same umber eyes that my mom wiped the last time I saw her. Every compliment I received about my eyes was a constant reminder of the man who failed his own son.

Now, the man was a shell of himself.

My eyes grew drier the longer I stared, Gerald's emotionless face blurring. The agitation of facing him disappeared with every tear that found its way down my cheeks. I was sure it was my eyes looking to moisturize themselves again, primarily because I knew I wasn't worried about him specifically. I was concerned, but not with the hope of reconnection. I was tired, but not due to the whiplash of the day. I wasn't numb, which felt like progress, but I didn't want to identify everything right now. Frankly, I didn't think I could.

All I knew was that the emotions, whatever they were, were starting to overwhelm me. I felt a lump in my throat and my body weakening. A hand took my arm softly, breaking me out of my haze.

A tiny part of me still hoped it was Landon, but Lorraine held me up instead. "I'm here, honey. Are you okay?"

I had forgotten to update her. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry Lorraine-"

"Don't worry; a nurse found me. You don't look so good. Do you want me to get you some water? Do you need some fresh air?"

I nodded, dry heaving. The curtains were trying to choke me, the floor was faulty, and I didn't want Lorraine to have to call for help for another unstable man. I pulled away from her grasp and rushed out of the unit into a hallway.

I didn't know where I was going, where the exit was, or if I'd be able to find my way back. Any words my eyes landed on were illegible. I kept walking until I recognized a blue triangle with the outline of a man. Pushing the door harshly, I ran into a stall, kneeled before a toilet, and emptied my guts into the water. My knuckles grabbed onto the toilet seat, turning white with the tightness of my grip. As the last of it came out, I broke into a medley of sobs and coughing, wailing harder than I ever had in my entire life - an agony stronger than the glass in my back, stronger than Landon's consistent jabs, strong enough to convince me that I was the one that would die of asphyxiation in this hospital.

-

"Baby, I brought you a blanket."

My heavy eyes parted. I fixed my position on the waiting room chair I had curled up in, fighting the urge to doze off the longer the night wore on.

As Gerald's only son, and with their relationship not being on paper, I was the one who would decide his fate if the worst came to be. After I got myself together in the bathroom, Lorraine found me cluelessly wandering around the halls, dragging my feet from department to department. With my phone now dead, she couldn't contact me.

She was a saint, indeed. Without questioning my whereabouts, she escorted me back to the waiting room, explained my new responsibility, and excused herself to see Gerald once again. The intensity of the night had caught up to me.

I took the blanket, mumbling a thank you with the expectation that she'd return to the ICU. Instead, she sat beside me.

"You're such a nice person, Lorraine," I said tiredly, wrapping the blanket around my shoulders. She had one herself. "What are you doing with someone like him?"

Lorraine was slightly surprised but took her time to conjure up a response. "I think people change, Heath. I saw your father change."

"But how can you believe that?" I asked, tilting my head in her direction. "Do you even know all the stuff he's done? You trust that?"

"I do," Lorraine replied, entirely shifting to face me. "Gerald, he... did terrible things. I could never ask you to let them go - I can only imagine the pain you still carry on you. I'm not saying growth fixes everything, but I can guarantee that if he could undo it all, he would."

But he couldn't. Without the conflicting events I was constantly shoved into, my mind could've been clear enough to argue against these claims. I would've criticized her for being with a lowlife, brought up the countless times he screwed me over and drilled in the fact that no apology could mend the past. I was the one who had to live with the knots he made for the rest of my life.

Instead, my head went limp on my shoulder, surrendering to sleep.

-

"Are you comfortable?"

I nodded, half asleep, digging my head into a pillow between my neck and shoulder. My fingers held onto the thick blanket around me, relishing the comfort it brought to the harsh hospital chair.

Pause. Lorraine brought me a thin blanket without a pillow. The voice was a man's.

I opened my eyes, blinking away their grogginess. Aaron had taken Lorraine's seat. I immediately sat up, the pillow falling onto his lap. "What the fuck?!"

"Don't panic; take a second," Aaron instructed, handing the pillow back to me.

"What time is it?"

"Five a.m. and a couple minutes. Go back to sleep."

Was I dreaming? Maybe I died in the bathroom and I was in purgatory - but that would just mean Aaron had died, too. "Did you die?" accidentally left my lips.

Aaron laughed quietly. "No, I found a last-minute flight last night and came in. You're very much alive and very much drooled on yourself."

I looked down at my jacket, shiny with my saliva. Gross. Thank God it was leather. "Ugh," I groaned. Aaron handed me a napkin. I assumed it came with the coffee cup in his left hand. I started wiping it off. "Thanks, but seriously, what are you doing here? You said you flew in on Sunday. Are you okay?"

He sucked his cheeks in, which I had learned meant that he was problem-solving in his head. I wasn't sure what there was to solve, though, unless he had magically appeared in the chair next to me.

"Don't make a big deal out of it," he started, "but you never texted me that you got home. I left my first seminar, and you weren't answering my calls. By the time I checked your location, it said the last place you were at was here. I panicked and called the hospital, but they said they didn't have someone under your name, and well..." Aaron shrugged. "Anyway, Lorraine overheard me at the front desk when she went to grab some coffee. She caught me up; I went home real quick for some things and got this on the way back," he smiled widely, lifting the cup.

I looked at him dumbfounded. The appreciation had to come after the scolding. "Aaron, what about your training? That's your job you're messing around with."

"They kinda saw how worried I was and offered to let me redo it next month. Besides travel costs, I should be set without a problem." He caught the guilt sneaking into my face before I could say anything. "This isn't a big deal, Heath."

"You're right; it's not a big deal." I nodded. "It's a huge deal. Thank you, seriously, for being here, but I'm compromising your work. I'm even costing you money."

"Okay, well, I'm here by choice. I already rescheduled, and the world keeps turning," Aaron said, taking a swig of his coffee and setting it down on the floor. "That's that. Go back to sleep."

"Aaron-"

He clapped loudly, his hands clasping when it was done. Naturally, I was startled into silence, but mostly confusion. His eyes stayed on mine, his lips straight. Neither of us moved for a handful of seconds. Aaron crossed a leg over his thigh.

Even though it was strange, this was the most my mind had been consciously quiet in the last ten hours. "Huh," I spoke, my body relaxing once again. "Thanks. Weird, but I needed that."

"It's so hard being good at everything, " Aaron bragged, grabbing his coffee again and scooting closer to me. "I won't ask how you're feeling 'cause I'm sure you've had too much of that already. How can I help?"

I hadn't told Aaron about any family in detail - actually, I had never told anyone, Landon included, anything - but I guessed there would be gloom any time the average person found out their father was on the brink of death. I appreciated his sole acknowledgment but didn't think there was anything he could do. I was just now letting myself feel the support of his appearance without the guilt. Without a word, he had showed up anyway. The thought made my eyes water. I rolled them up instinctively.

"Hey, no, I'm here," he reassured. Without armrests on the chairs, he was able to pull me in, his arms wrapping tightly around me. The blanket was cozy enough, but wool couldn't replicate the alleviation of his embrace.

I gave up on trying to blink away the tears, instead feeling them get absorbed by Aaron's sweater when I rested my head against his chest. I cried quietly. His chin found a place above my head, elevating slightly every time I gasped for air. He held me until I quieted down, and we both sat together in comfortable silence.

Around ten minutes later, I felt his face slide against my head, lowering to my ear. "You know," he whispered, "I didn't know this channel ran older shows at this hour. I haven't thought of Malcolm in the Middle in years. Can you believe this is the guy from Breaking Bad?"

I laughed against his chest, turning my face out so he could hear me. "I can," I sniffed, "this guy's a genius."

-

When six came, Lorraine met us in the waiting room. She informed us that Dr. Noa would stop by later in the day for a second round of testing. There were still no blatant reactions, but she wasn't giving up hope. I offered to stay while she went home to sleep, but she let me know one of Gerald's brothers would be coming to stay with him while she rested a bit, insisting I do the same.

She didn't have to tell me twice. Even now, the only family reunion I would attend was a funeral.

I didn't argue with Aaron's idea to drive me home - the last thing I needed was to cause an accident on the highway. Landon lived nearby, though, and I had a spare key to his apartment building. Once I was buckled in, I borrowed Aaron's charger and found my screen flooded with his messages. He blushed when he glanced over, and I gave him the grace of acting like I didn't notice.

Still, though, no word from Landon. His usual alarm was set to off soon, though. I puffed my cheeks out and locked my phone. I couldn't even give in to the urge to check his location - Landon insisted he didn't know how to set it up.

I oriented Aaron to Landon's apartment building, a part of a stunning complex that cost at least three kidneys. Landon would've never settled for less, though, especially not now when he was, as he called it, "reinventing" himself. I adored him, but let's be frank: he was a pretentious douche.

"Since my weekend is empty, are you sure you don't want to stay at mine?" Aaron asked one final time. "I know you like your space but sometimes company's good. Landon won't be back 'til next week. That's a while."

I shook my head. "I appreciate it, but he's gonna call me soon. Will probably drive back once I let him know. I appreciate it, though, seriously. I don't know what I did to deserve someone like you, but it just makes me upset that I didn't meet you sooner."