One More Year

"So, Eric's a piece of shit," Melissa said - so loudly that a few other people in the restaurant looked over at us.

"Mel." Louis looked at her reproachfully.

"What? Tell me I'm wrong."

"You are not wrong." Ellie grinned. "A steaming puddle of condescending narcissism."

Melissa chuckled. "Satan, but without the winning personality."

"If evil could take living form in a human, that human would find Eric a bit much." Ellie leaned back, and Melissa doubled over laughing.

"Guys!" Louis frowned, looking across at me.

I just smiled at him, and shook my head, which made him relax slightly. Ellie and I had taken up Mel's invitation to the movies, and the four of us had already gotten food. We'd paid, and were just hanging out at the table while we waited for John and Sarah to arrive.

Ellie's phone went off, and she looked down at the message. "Oh god. Jamie wants to join us. Would that be okay?"

"Who's Jamie?" Melissa grabbed one of Louis' leftover fries.

"A guy from their school," said Louis.

"Does he know Jay's gay?" she asked.

"No. Why?" I asked.

"Well, we can't really talk about the Eric stuff if he doesn't know."

I crossed my arms. "If you think I want to talk about Eric tonight - at all - then we've got more problems than Jamie coming."

"Okay, fine. I'm just tired of new people. No offence." Melissa smirked.

"Some taken," I said, and Ellie narrowed her eyes at Melissa and nodded, but we both laughed.

"Why'd you invite him anyway?" Melissa asked.

"I didn't. I just told him what I was doing, and now he wants to come." Ellie shrugged. "He's been hanging out a lot with me and Jay recently. His girlfriend's being shitty to him, and he's fighting with his friends, so he needed a backup plan that wasn't sad."

"And sitting around with us single fuckers - watching John and Sara make out - isn't sad?" Melissa cocked her eyebrow.

"Apparently not," Ellie said. "Plus, he's nice. You'll like him. Right, Jay?"

"Yeah, he's okay."

"What a ringing endorsement." Melissa arched an eyebrow.

"Okay, fine, whatever." I sighed. "He's great. Fun to be around."

"A solid chap!" Louis laughed.

"Okay, good. I'm telling him he can come then," Ellie said. "Although I think he might already be on his way."

"Is he the guy you had a crush on?" Melissa asked. My eyes darted to her face, but then I realised she was talking to Louis, not me.

"No." Louis said - a bit too quickly. "What are you even talking about?"

"You told me you had a crush on someone at their school."

"I don't remember that." Louis leaned back casually into his chair, but he was blushing slightly.

"Ooh, scandalous." Ellie giggled.

"I did not have a crush on Jamie." Louis said indignantly.

"But it was on SOMEONE." Melissa leaned in, taking another fry from his plate.

"Oh my god, it must have been Kyle. Was it Kyle?" Ellie bounced in her seat.

Louis crossed his arms. "I am not indulging this."

"Jay, care to weigh in?" Ellie looked across at me, her eyes sparkling.

"Yeah, you're being annoying. Leave Louis alone." I frowned. He'd been so nice to me just a day ago, and I didn't want Ellie to pick at him like that. I also didn't want to seem too earnest, though. And I thought it might help him to muddy the waters a bit. "It could have been Matt."

"WAS it Matt, Louis?" Ellie asked.

"I also think it's mean of you not to include Sid." I added, before Louis could answer. Sid wasn't particularly good-looking, and he was also an awful person. I was still trying to casually derail the conversation.

"Eww. Sid's an asshole." Ellie grimaced.

"Exactly. Bad boy." I smirked. "Totally fuckable."

Melissa guffawed, and Ellie's eyes went wide - whether her shock was about me using a word like 'fuckable' or whether it was about the absolute impossibility of anyone having a crush on Sid, I didn't know. The conversation moved on, and I looked across to Louis, who gave me a slight smile and a nod.

Jamie walked around the corner a little later, and when he saw me and Ellie, he started weaving his way through the tables towards us. He looked good - almost too good, for what we were doing. He'd styled his hair with gel and was wearing a really nice blue button-down shirt. Very overdressed for the movies, but it was hard to criticise someone when they looked like they'd just stepped out of a cologne ad.

"Wow." Melissa said under her breath, while he was still just out of earshot. "Objections withdrawn."

"Hey guys. Thanks for letting me join."

"Oh, it's no problem. The more, the merrier." Melissa's voice was slightly higher than usual. "I like your shirt."

"Oh, thanks." Jamie smiled at her. "I'm Jamie, by the way."

Melissa blinked, and took a second to respond. "I know. Cool. I'm Melissa."

"Awesome. Nice to meet you, Melissa." He gave her a wink, and turned to Ellie, not seeing the way he'd just made Melissa blush. "I'm going to that party tonight after all."

"Then why'd you even come here?" Ellie sighed deeply.

"I kind of need to prove a point. I'll just go afterwards. I just need her to know that she's not going to be running my whole life."

"That'll go well." Ellie scoffed.

Jamie just grinned, and shrugged. Ellie's phone buzzed again, and she took it out and typed a response.

"That's Sara - they're going to be a bit late." She stood up. "I'll get their tickets, but we should probably go do that right away."

We made our way further into the mall. Jamie and Ellie led the way, while the rest of us lagged behind. Melissa's eyes kept darting to the back of Jamie's head, and Louis was looking at her with an amused grin. We reached the movie theatre, and joined the queue for the tickets counter.

"The line's too long. We're not going to have time for the concession stand. Jay, will you get tickets for us, and we'll sort it out later?" Ellie asked. I nodded, and she turned to Jamie, fluttering her eyelashes. "Jamie, be a dear and come with me to buy Whispers."

"No, thanks. I don't want anything."

She pursed her lips. "Jamie, come with me, or I'll text your girlfriend and tell her where you are."

"Jesus. Okay, fine," Jamie grumbled. "Remind me never to get between you and chocolate."

I laughed a little, but Melissa giggled like a maniac. Ellie gave her a slightly annoyed look. "Do you guys want anything?"

None of us did. Louis waited for them to get out of earshot before he turned to Melissa and smiled. "Yeah, I'm totally the one with a crush on Jamie."

"What?" Melissa asked indignantly, flicking her hair in annoyance.

"That laugh. Oh, and," Louis raised an eyebrow. "'I like your shirt.' Come on, Mel."

"Oh, fuck you."

Louis and I just laughed.

"Did Ellie and Jamie used to date?" Melissa asked me. Clearly she wasn't quite ready to change the subject.

"Um, yes. But they were like fourteen or fifteen."

"So?" she asked.

"It's not like they did anything." I shrugged. "I don't think they even kissed."

"Seriously?" She turned to Louis. "Wow. Elohim kids, right?"

"I had my first kiss when I was sixteen." Louis said, raising an eyebrow.

"I had mine this year." I said.

"Well, it's not my fault you two are bad at being gay." She raised her hands defensively before we could say anything. "I know, I know. It's more difficult than that, blah blah blah."

"Such an ally," I said to Louis.

"It's heart-warming, really." He grinned.

"Whatever, you guys love me." She shrugged dismissively. "So Ellie and Jamie - nothing there, right?"

"Jesus." Louis shook his head.

"No, nothing. I don't think so, anyway. She's..." I shrugged. There was that Gary guy Caitlyn had mentioned, but I didn't know if that was still a thing. I hadn't even asked Ellie again. Maybe I should have. "Yeah, I definitely don't think there's anything going on with them now, anyway. She's just interfering in his love life, because she finds that sort of thing fun."

"Ah." Melissa nodded. "Well she should tell him to break up with his girlfriend. Sounds like a bitch."

"In your professional, disinterested opinion as a neutral third party?" Louis asked.

"Of course." She flicked her hair again, and grinned at him. "Let's talk about something else."

"Like what?" Louis asked.

"Like Jay." She turned to me, her face suddenly quite serious. "How are you? Really?"

I sighed. "You know it hurts my feelings when you get all wholesome. I feel much more loved when you're making fun of me."

"Okay, fine." She smirked. "Ride any big dicks lately?"

"Only your dad's." I said, which drew an appreciative chuckle from both of them. "Or he could have been riding mine. I can't remember. It was dark, and there were so many people there."

Louis broke out into an uncontrollable fit of laughter, and Melissa grinned.

"Well, it does sound like you two are very much in love. Are you going to be my new Mommy?"

"We'll see, sweetie, we'll see." I gently patted her on the shoulder. Louis was almost doubled over and in tears at that point.

"Anyway, I have to go pee." Melissa handed Louis some money. "Just get my ticket if you get to the front of the line before I'm back."

"Good thing Jamie's not around - can't let him know you have bodily functions." He wiggled his eyebrows at her.

"I swear to god, Louis..." She gave him a glare, and then marched off.

He looked at me and laughed. "This is so great. I'm usually the one who gets awkward in front of guys I like, and she's always laughing at me about it."

"Revenge is sweet." I chuckled.

He nodded."Totally."

"So I take it Jamie's not the guy you had a crush on?"

"What?" He flinched a bit. "God, no. He's cute, but not really my thing. Too sporty and cocky. Thanks for changing the topic, by the way. I think you really threw Ellie with that last one."

"Yeah, she's not used to me being open about that sort of thing." I grinned. "That and Sid's actually kind of gross, and kind of a dick. He wasn't your crush, right?"

"That's that creepy guy who sits in the back, right? Yeah, no thanks." He smiled softly. "How are you, by the way?"

"A little tired of getting asked that question, to be honest."

"Sorry." He grimaced. "It's just not a great thing to go through - so it makes sense for people to be worried about you."

"Yeah, maybe." I shrugged. "I think I'm fine. I'm feeling much better after yesterday. But I see John and Sara coming. I'd prefer not to talk about it in front of them."

"Yeah, okay." He nodded, and then turned around to wave at them. They joined us in the line, and Sara and I chatted a bit about school while John and Louis talked quietly about something else.

Melissa got back before we got to the counter, and Jamie and Ellie found us just after we'd bought the tickets. While we were filing into our seats at the movie, Louis dashed in front of Melissa with a mischievous grin, leaving her to sit next to Jamie. I sat on his other side at the end of the row. She alternated between glaring at Louis, and giggling like a school girl at every remotely amusing comment that Jamie made.

If it hadn't yet occurred to me how different my post-crush behaviour with Jamie had become, Melissa was providing a helpful comparison. She made me wonder if I'd ever been that bad. At one point, I actually saw her blushing deeply after Jamie laughed at the one joke she'd managed to get out. Luckily for her, not too long after that the room went dark and the movie started, and he didn't seem to notice. She was very quiet once the movie was over, and we all filed out of the theatre.

"So, what do you all want to do now?" Jamie clapped his hands together.

Ellie cleared her throat. "I want to go to that party with my girlfriend, before she gets so mad with me that she dumps me." She put her hands on her hips and gave Jamie a dark look. "Oh, wait, no - that's you."

The rest of us chuckled, and Jamie sighed. "FINE. I'll go. What are the rest of you guys doing?"

"John and I wanted to go get a milkshake." Sara was clinging to John's arm. He just nodded.

"I'd love a milkshake." Melissa said.

"Me too." Louis said.

"Oh, I might be a little tired, but Jay's my ride." Ellie turned to me. "Jay?"

"I think I might want to just go home." I smiled at Ellie. She'd kind of given me an easy way out.

"Boo, boring." Melissa grinned, and then walked up to me and wrapped her arms around me. "Night Jay."

"Night, Mel."

She moved on to Ellie, and to say goodbye awkwardly to Jamie, while I said my goodbyes to Sara and John. Then Louis stepped towards me, slightly out of earshot of everyone else.

"I'm not going to ask you if you're okay again." He smiled, his voice soft. "But I'm always there to talk, if you need to."

"Thanks." I couldn't help but smile back at him. It was still just really nice knowing I had someone like Louis in my life.

"Okay, Jay, are you ready to go?" Ellie asked, stepping up to me.

"Sure. Bye everyone."

They all waved us off, and Ellie, Jamie and I made our way to the parking lot.

"So how are you getting to the party?" Ellie asked Jamie as we walked towards the parking lot.

"I'll just get an Uber."

"I'll give you a ride if it's near us." I said.

"Really, man? That would be awesome," he said. "It's very near, I think. The house is like the next street over. You can come with, if you want."

"And be a human shield between you and your angry girlfriend?" I grinned. "No thanks."

"Ellie?"

"Yeah, because showing up alone at a party with some other girl's boyfriend - who's very late, by the way - is just such a good look." She waved her hand dismissively. "Besides, I'm not dressed for a party. And I promised my mom I'd be home by a reasonable time tonight."

Jamie groaned. "You guys suck."

"You'll just have to be a big, strong, brave man and face your girlfriend on your own." Ellie laughed.

He sighed, and we all climbed into my car.

"Guys, I'm actually scared," he said, once he'd settled in the back seat. "She's probably going to really freak out."

"Then why did you come to the movies with us?" Ellie asked in an exasperated tone.

"It seemed like a good idea at the time. I was mad at her."

"If she's so awful, why are you even dating her?" Ellie buckled in, and I started navigating out of the parking lot.

"She's not bad. She can be really nice sometimes. And she's so hot."

"There it is." Ellie rolled her eyes.

"Hey, that's a fair reason to like someone. It's not like you're into Gary because he's smart."

"You've told Jamie about Gary?" I frowned, and looked across at Ellie for a second. "You haven't even told me anything yet."

"I didn't TELL him anything." She bit her lip. "He was just there when... I'll tell you later. Sorry, I was going to tell you, but with you and... It didn't seem like the right time."

I nodded. "That makes sense."

"What stuff?" Jamie asked.

"Absolutely none of your business." Ellie said decisively.

"Rude." He shook his head. "Jay?"

"Sorry." I shrugged. It was hardly the right moment to tell him I was in the aftermath of a break-up with a guy. Far too much honesty on the pathway to that revelation. "I don't really want to talk about it right now."

I thought I could see real concern on his face, looking back at him through the rearview mirror. "Everything okay, though?"

"Yeah, I'm alright. Mostly," I said. "Thanks."

He just nodded, giving me a searching look. But he let it go, and the conversation moved on.

"I just realised..." Jamie groaned. "I'm going to get there stone-cold sober and everyone's going to be drunk - Megan too - and I'm going to have to deal with that completely dry."

"Well, you wanted to come to the movies with us." Ellie shrugged.

"Would it be tacky if I bought some vodka at the convenience store and drank it on the way?"

"Yes." Ellie scoffed.

"I still have that bottle of vodka you brought for Caitlyn's party. You could have that," I said.

"That'd be perfect! Ellie, pre-drinks at Jay's place?"

"For a party I'm not even going to?" She asked sceptically, but she turned to me and grinned mischievously - she knew I hadn't meant it as an invitation. "Okay, fine. It's not like I'm doing anything else."

She had a point. It wasn't as if I was doing anything either, and distractions were helpful. I hadn't wanted to hang out with Louis and Mel too much more, because I didn't know if the conversation would circle back around to Eric. But with Jamie, at least, I could be sure it wouldn't. "Fine."

"Awesome." Jamie grinned, and flopped back into his seat.

Once we'd parked and gotten to my room, I started pouring drinks for the three of us at the counter in my kitchen area. My mind went back to the night I'd met Eric, and this was pretty much exactly how we'd set out for that evening. Orange juice and vodka - same drinks, same people.

I'd also had my crush on Jamie to worry about. That was a funny thought. It seemed purer, somehow - less tainted by reality. I'd had no intentions of actually doing anything about it, and I doubted he'd had any designs on me anyway, so it had felt mostly harmless. I was just going to keep my secret, keep my head down, and finish high school. That had been the plan.

But I found myself almost glad I hadn't - one way or another - managed to stick to that. It still freaked me out, from time to time, that so many people knew I was gay. But I liked that Ellie knew. I liked that John, Sarah and Melissa knew. And it was so great that I knew Louis - another gay guy who I could talk to, about pretty much anything.

I still wanted to escape high school relatively unscathed - we still had a couple of months before prelims, moderation and finals kicked in - and being out would still be awful in the day to day drudgery of normal school.

But I wasn't so freaked out about it now - people knew, and I was still fine. The world hadn't ended as soon as one other person found out. I had to be careful, but I could trust people. I had real friends. Being with Eric had given me that, at least.

"Bring the bottle?" Jamie asked, after I'd put down his and Ellie's drinks, and was heading back to get mine.

"Sure." I grabbed it, and passed it to him as I sat down. He took a large sip from his glass, and then topped it up with vodka.

"It's like watching a car crash in slow motion," Ellie said.

"I've got to catch up to how drunk Megan is." He shrugged, his tone defensive. "I can't stay here all night drinking with you guys. I'd like to, but I can't."

Ellie and Jamie started workshopping a strategy for how he'd talk to Megan. She rattled off an extensive list of the sorts of things he was not allowed to say to her, but I wasn't sure he was listening to any of it. I was also not convinced that it was going to help him, anyway.

Ellie was right - the whole thing was kind of like watching a disaster unfold slowly. You could see the danger coming, but things were already in motion - whatever was going to happen was just going to happen.

"Okay, I better go," Jamie said, getting up. "How do I look?"

Annoyingly perfect, I thought - but didn't say it out loud. My crush wasn't so intense any more, but it was impossible to avoid noticing that Jamie was still objectively hot. I wondered if it ever bugged Megan that he could affect girls like Melissa - and guys like me - the way he did, sometimes.

"You look like a no-show douchebag who's ditched his girlfriend at a party," Ellie said. "But very well-dressed, and your hair is great."

"Thanks, Ellie." Jamie grinned broadly. "Jay, thanks for the drink and the venue. See you both around."

With that, he let himself out of the glass door, and we heard the gate open and close a few seconds later.

"She's going to break up with him." Ellie sighed.

"None of my business." I said. "Or yours, actually."

"Oh, shut up. You guys are SO dead set against me knowing about anything until you need advice. Then it's all 'Oh, Ellie, what do I do now?' But I'm the annoying one?" She shook her head. "Ridiculous."