Olisbo
I am a professor at a prestigious University.
I like my routines: class every morning, office hours in the afternoon, research in the cafe after that. Then home to bed.
Every day is exactly the same, which is how I like it.
One day there was this intriguing woman in the bar, and normally that would NOT be how I like it. No news is good news, predictability is a virtue, change is bad - those are my precepts.
But there was something about her... She was a tall graceful woman with black, black, raven hair. So black it looked blue.
I noticed she wore an amber bracelet, a matching amber anklet, and what from far away appeared to be some very special earrings.
I approached tentatively, "Excuse me miss, but you seem to be wearing Baltic Amber. It's not the most common and I was just wondering where you got it?"
Now that I was closer my suspicions about the earrings were confirmed.
She looked up from her computer, "Yes, yes it is Baltic, the only amber I wear. But it takes a very discerning eye to know the difference.
My name is Auset. Pleased to meet you, Mr. ..." She didn't immediately brush me off. So that was good. Not that I was hitting on her, my intentions were solely based on intellectual curiosity.
I wanted to know more about the jewelry so I pressed, "I'm Seth, Seth Jacobsen. Your earrings are very unique too..."
She repeated my name slowly, "Seth Jacobsen. You know, the essence of a thing lies in its name.
Seth, for example is the brother of Osiris."
I countered, "Or the third son of Adam."
She raised an eyebrow quizzically. Leading me to follow-up, "Oh, are you a scholar?"
"Well, I've never been called that before. I'm more of a knower of hearts."
"Very cryptic, like your earrings.... Are they Fascinum?
She tossed her head back laughing, almost maniacally, "It looks like you're the scholar. I just like the phallic shape of the amulets. So who are you?"
So she confirmed it. She really was a collector like myself.
"I work at the University. My specialty is ancient antiquities, more specifically Egyptian scrolls and artifacts. I've never once met a non-Egyptologist who knew anything about it. What's your interest?"
She explained that she was interested in the jewelry like American collectors were interested in amethyst for the vibrations. She felt they enhanced her strength and fertility.
I didn't share her belief in magic or charms. I'm a scientist after all. But that didn't make her any less fascinating.
We talked forever. She knew so much, and in different ways than I knew things. Before I knew it hours had gone by.
At one point she placed her golden tanned hand on my shoulder looking deeply into my eyes with her lovely ones, "What else do you know?"
I wanted to impress her, so I recited an ancient text:
"The one, the sister without peer,
The handsomest of all!
She looks like the rising morning star
At the start of a happy year.
Shining bright, fair of skin,
Lovely the look of her eyes,
Sweet the speech of her lips,
She has not a word too much.
Upright neck, shining breast,
Hair true lapis lazuli;
Arms surpassing gold,
Fingers like lotus buds,
Heavy thighs, narrow waist,
Her legs parade her beauty;
With graceful steps she treads the ground,
Captures my heart by her movements."
It worked beautifully, "Wow! Poetic and flattering. You just pulled that out of your hat? What other surprises do you have?"
"Well, at work I research old musty scrolls, hence the Egyptian poetry, but privately, and I only mention this because of your interest in magic charms, I research and collect ancient erotic art and sex objects. They were all reputed to be magic."
Dear reader, don't get me wrong, I don't collect it for lascivious purposes, in fact maybe my obsession is due to my long standing singleness. Which in turn I chalk up to my atavistic appearance, or my insistance on abstaining from all sexual activities until marriage. Neither my ancestral Jacobian looks nor my quaint approach to relationships ever endeared me to a lady.
Auset was captivated, "I must see your collection. Can we go now!!"
I took her home. I showed her my extensive library and my mummified cats. But when I showed her my phallic collection she bubbled over with excitement. Zeroing in on the amber one she picked it up, caressing it lovingly.
"I can't believe it! A real life Egyptian olisbo. Do you know what magic these dildos do?"
I answered in my usual style, ignorant of any designs she might have, "The manuscripts describe a variety of powers, good crops and such, but of course there's the usual use too.
This one is quite beautiful. It's Baltic amber." I quoted dusty texts, "Baltic Amber is the fossilized tree resin of ancient conifer trees that grew in the Baltic region 40-60 million years ago. Baltic amber is the only type of amber that has a rich concentration of succinic acid. You know medical science still uses succinium today to treat arthritis, or for perimenopause, and maybe even to fight plague."
Based on her reaction, that must have been my most impressive recitation of facts yet.
Auset quoted some old poem herself then surprised me greatly.
Intoning mystically an old spell to Hermes:
"Fire! Set it to burn, inflame his soul, heart, liver, and spirit, with love for me."
Immediately after her recitation she knelt before me and kissed the front of my pants. In my forty-five years of life I've had one or two girls throw themselves at me, but have always been able to deflect their inappropriate advances.
If I weren't a man of science I would think she had bewitched me. But I was surely just weakened by my intense professional connection.
