Ode to Santa

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This is a work of fiction. All characters mentioned in this story are over the age of 18.

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Am I the only one with a Santa fetish?

Doesn't matter if he's Black, Arab, Latin, Asian, or the more traditional Anglo Santa, there's something quite appealing, quite erotic about every single version of him.

I mean, peep this.

He's a rugged, manly, hairy sonofabitch, and I bet his big ole ass, sticky, wolfin', tart underarms, and fat nuts are ripe AF after smoldering away in that red velour suits all day in his workshop.

It doesn't help much that all those funky, macho little elves are always beating off in the bathrooms while they're on break--he probably caught them a few in full-on circle jerks a few times, surprised at the size of their cocks, and equally impressed by the massive loads they shoot from their jerking and jizzing their creamy elf loads all on the bathroom floor--at least they had the good sense to take it the men's room. But that bathroom is starting to smell like a gym locker room after a heavy game. Doubtful Mrs. Claus would approve, but she doesn't venture into the men's room.

It's funny, but you probably seen it all. I think that friction of their oversized, elven dicks probably makes the air so fragrant and much hotter. As it is, it's been humming along at a steady 90° Fahrenheit even though the windows are wide open. 'Elven magic' at its best in the North Pole workshop!

I doubt Santa wears underwear either, so all that thick, sticky Santa meat has been dangling, sloshing around, and marinating in his suite from his frequent piss breaks. He's probably a dribbler after he takes a leak. Santa doesn't strike me as particularly hygienic, if at all. In fact, he strikes me as one of those nasty raunch pigs that likes it hot, likes it funky, and likes.. well, quite frankly, likes it all.

I imagine he hasn't had a chance to shower for a few days since the workshop's been running at full-tilt 24/7 taking on extra work that the big delivery companies can't accommodate, and all the late-placed orders from overworked frantic parents and their bratty kids. I am sure he doesn't mind sniffing his own funky nuts, and might even get off on the musky, day old, tart-dick and ball smell that wafts up when he takes a piss or dumps a solid load while sitting on the can and enjoying a smoke from his pipe. Heck, I'm sure he's jacked off a few times gooning on the smell emanating from his funky underarms and his hairy crotch. Nothing like beating off to your own smells, now is it.

"Damn Santa, let me help you out bro!

Kick back and let me worship you."

I imagine running my hands through your big, hairy, sweaty tummy and holding and sniffing that long, fat, uncut hairy cock under my nose, that's extra-musky after an all-nighter delivering packages to all those bad-ass kids around the world. It's a hard, dirty, thankless job, but I'm here to help you unwind ... or unload. So just kick back, stretch out and let me at you. You're a sexy muthafucker aren't you.

Oh, and don't worry. I'm definitely gonna sample that monster too--you're not gonna get away without me getting a taste. I figure you might appreciate that! So after taking a swipe and chewing on that foreskin, it tastes just like I imagined it would. Salty, sweet, tangy ... day-old. 

Fuck! 

I'm literally getting high from the smell wafting up from your crotch ... it is unreal. It's a feral, masculine scent... a drug actually ... and I'm here for it.

[Guess I should tell you that I am lubed-up and fisting my dick right now cause this shit got me on brick. I am literally imaging all this and my eight-inches is standing proud and leaking precum like a sieve. It's literally running down my shaft and onto my balls. I'm getting carried away and tasting my own precum, licking it up and imagining it is yours. It is sweet and salty, and fuck ... if I don't slow down, I am going to bust a nutt way too soon. We can't have that now can we?]

So, while I'm at it, I am imagining your size 14" feet that have been simmering in those black boots.

As I pull them off your humongous feet, I imagine they have that leather-boot smell combined with that manly foot odor, and I am taking long whiffs of them while I remove your socks and massage those hirsute fuckers ... Don't worry, all the while I am fondling your long musky, dangling nuts. Yeah, I am a kinky fucker too!

[Mrs. Claus probably wrinkles her nose at your spicy odors, and ushers you to the shower, but she just doesn't know that your big fine ass stanky ass is lit.]

And last but not least, I bet you're a good-kisser with that big ass beard and bushy mustache. Probably smells of Old Spice cologne, underarms, pine cones, and eggnog. What I wouldn't give to get some head from that hairy orifice. I bet you give some mean head. Do you give great head, Santa?

"So, Santa if you're reading this, you can slide into my DMs. 

I've been a good dude all year, and you're welcome to stop through for some cookies and milk ... or ... we can just Netflix and chill."