No Other Life Than This

Indian summer was in full swing. As Benny jogged slowly along the Reservoir in Central Park, sweat gluing his T-shirt to his body, he could almost fool himself into believing it was still August and that he hadn't missed half the summer with his illness. He scowled and grumbled under his breath as yet another runner breezed by him, but at least he was no longer walking. He'd completed about two thirds of the loop and had another half mile to go, when he became aware with a flicker of irritation that someone had dropped in next to him. He hated runners that paced themselves off of him and he turned to glare.

"Hey," Matt grinned at him. "I thought that was you."

"Hey," Benny responded laconically. He could talk or he could run, but he wasn't sure he could do both at the same time yet.

"How have you been?" Matt obviously had no such problem.

"Fine."

"I found that movie you, Tom and Curtis were talking about."

"Yeah?" Benny was sure that Matt was picking up the pace a little. Fucker.

"Mmmm. First I thought I'd rent it, but then it occured to me that Roger must have it, so I raided his DVD collection before I left the day after the wedding."

"Smart." Actually not so much, because Roger didn't let anybody borrow his DVDs without permission, or even with permission, but Benny needed one-word answers. "Whatdidyouthink?" he said in a rush.

"What?"

God damn him. Benny huffed and gave up the pretense. "I need to slow down. What did you think of the movie?"

Matt slowed down with him. Now that they were back to a more manageable pace, Benny could take the time to appreciate the way Matt's black long leggings fit him.

"Haven't had a chance to see it yet."

Benny raised his eyebrows. It had been almost a month. "Is Roger aware you have his DVD?"

"Not that I know of."

"Well, if he asks you about it, my advice to you is to deny all knowledge."

Matt laughed. "Can't Carrie save me?"

"I wouldn't count on it."

Benny reached the end of his loop with relief and slowed to a walk, trying to breathe through the stitch in his side. He'd expected Matt to run on ahead, but, to his surprise, Matt stuck with him.

"Well then, maybe you could help me out," Matt suggested, still smiling.

"How?"

"Come over to my place and we'll watch it together. Then you can return it to Roger. Pretend you took it?"

"And I would take my life in my own hands because..."

Matt stopped and faced Benny. "Because you want an excuse to see me again."

Benny gaped. Matt actually looked like he was serious.

"But I don't."

"Yeah? You're satisfied with how we left things?"

Benny wasn't. The following morning he'd regretted whatever instinct had caused him to run like a scared rabbit and give up the opportunity to fuck Matt. On the other hand, in the cold light of day he'd still thought that it had been the wiser choice to walk away. He opened his mouth to confirm to Matt that he was more than satisfied, only he couldn't quite force the lie out. He swallowed and looked away.

"I need to get home. It's too cool to just be standing here."

A warm hand cupped his nape. "Or look at it this way," Matt almost purred. "I made you come and you didn't return the favor, so you owe me."

Benny wasn't sure if it was Matt's touch or the memory -- probably both -- but he was suddenly hard enough to tent his jock strap. "Fuck," he whispered vehemently, and Matt chuckled.

"Or you could make me come, and then I'll return the DVD to Roger myself and face the music."

"More like the death squad," Benny muttered.

"Whatever. What do you say? Movie, sex, hell, I'll even throw in a couple of Jackson Hole burgers."

Benny stared helplessly at Matt's smiling face. He shouldn't. He really shouldn't.

"I'll come for the movie and the burgers and I'll return the DVD to Roger," he compromised.

"Okay, great" Matt said agreeably, but it was clear that he didn't believe Benny and Benny couldn't blame him, because he didn't really believe himself either.

*******************

Matt had found an apartment near Lennox Hill Hospital, where he worked, not far from Benny's own place, so Benny walked over. He had expected something swankier, but Matt's 2nd floor walk-up was almost austere, small and sparsely furnished with only the absolute necessities. There were no paintings or rugs or knick knacks. The TV looked like it was at least ten years old.

"Your stuff hasn't arrived from Los Angeles yet?" Benny asked, after they'd ordered their burgers and had settled in the living room waiting for them to arrive.

Matt looked around in surprise, as if he was seeing his own apartment for the first time. "What do you mean? It's all here."

"Ah."

"What? It's functional. I don't like a lot of stuff."

"It's fine. Really."

Matt scowled. "I don't spend a lot of time here. I'm mostly at the hospital."

"Matt, forget I said anything."

At least the couch was comfortable, Benny thought, and he wedged himself more firmly into one corner. He searched for another topic of conversation.

"You follow football?"

Matt shook his head. "Basketball and hockey."

"Oh." Benny knew the basic rules of basketball, that hockey was played with a puck, and the names of the New York teams; that was about it.

"Have you spoken to Roger lately?" Matt asked, sounding just as stilted.

"Not for a couple of weeks. You?"

"Not for a couple of weeks."

Benny cast a surreptitious look at his watch. Well, they'd just killed five whole minutes; there was still probably half an hour to go until the burgers arrived. Matt was resting his right ankle on his left knee, and his foot was jiggling nervously. Benny wasn't quite sure what he'd expected, but it hadn't been this awkwardness. He'd thought Matt would be even more garrulous and forceful in his own territory; instead he seemed almost shy.

"Why don't we start the movie?" Matt suggested. "We can always pause it for a couple of minutes when the food gets here."

"Yeah," Benny agreed in relief.

Benny had watched the "The In-Laws" at least once a year since it had first come out thirty years ago, each time with the same enjoyment and concentration as the first time. This time his attention kept straying to Matt. He tried not to be too obvious about it, but he couldn't help glancing over every time he heard Matt laugh; sometimes he was already watching Matt to see his face change when he knew a particularly funny scene was coming up. Matt caught him at it a couple of times and smiled at him, his eyes warm.

When the food arrived, Benny felt he'd received a reprieve, or, at the very least, a small chance to reconsider the path he'd set himself on ever since accepting Matt's invitation. He helped Matt lay out the food on the coffee table and he opened boxes while Matt brought napkins and more beer from the kitchen.

"You sure you ordered enough?" Benny asked ironically. In addition to their burgers, there were appetizers, a salad, onion rings and steak fries, and pie.

"I hope so," Matt said, reaching over and grabbing a mozzarella stick. "Why do they always offer three of each in these combo plates? What are the chances there are exactly three people?"

"Or even two people that actually like each other enough not to argue over the third piece?" Benny agreed as he grabbed two chicken fingers.

"Hey!" Matt protested. "You can't reserve a second piece. First come, first serve; whoever eats fastest, eats the most."

"You can have a second mozzarella stick. And a second chicken wing."

Matt hummed happily and pulled the combo plate in front of him, which indicated that he was aiming for a third of each, as well. "Does that offer mean you actually like me, Ben?"

"Sure," Benny croaked.

"Good," Matt said, his voice suddenly serious. He reached for the remote control and re-started the movie, without looking at Benny.

*******************

Something tickled his cheek. Still more asleep than awake, Benny rubbed at his cheek and grumbled, then nuzzled back into the curve of Phil's shoulder, his nose against the warm skin of Phil's throat. The tickle moved to the corner of his mouth, and he grumbled again.

"You're always falling asleep on me."

Benny moved from sleep to hyper-awareness in one split second. The amused voice was pitched lower than Phil's tenor, the aftershave citrus rather than the woodsy scents Phil had favored.

"Hey," Matt said, his fingers now tracing along Benny's jaw. "Sleepyhead."

Benny pushed himself up and away from Matt, eyeing him warily. Other than his general build -- and Matt was taller and lankier -- he had nothing in common with Phil, yet this was the second time Benny had been tricked. He hoped to hell he hadn't been talking in his sleep again.

"Too much food makes me sleepy. Sorry about that."

"Too much food? You didn't even finish your burger!"

Benny shrugged. "Never was a big eater." Uncomfortable under Matt's appraising look, he stood up and wiped his suddenly damp palms against his jeans. "I'll help you clean up."

Matt didn't budge, his bare feet propped against the coffee table and his arms stretched out along the back of the couch. "But you weren't this thin before," he commented. "From the wear pattern on your belt, I'd say you've lost a good ten or fifteen pounds."

"Cheez Doodles," Benny muttered, starting to stack the empty containers.

"Are you trying not to use bad language or something?" Matt grinned.

"Probably ten of those pounds were due to Cheez Doodles. And other assorted junk food," Benny elaborated.

"And the other five?"

"My Coke habit." Goddamn, but Benny missed his Cherry Coke.

"Not the white powder variety, I take it."

"I'm eating healthier now. I'm okay."

Matt suddenly leant forward and laid his open palm against Benny's abdomen. Benny simply stood there, holding a stack of containers, feeling the warmth of Matt's hand seep through his T-shirt. He tensed as Matt's hand drifted downward and twisted, so that the long fingers insinuated themselves under the waistband of his jeans.

"I should take these into the kitchen," Benny said, but he didn't move. His heart felt like it was trying to burst out of his chest with a slow, thumping beat that left him breathless and slightly queasy.

Matt set his feet on the floor and reached for Benny's hip with his other hand. "Just put'em back on the table. They'll keep."

Benny swallowed hard, still frozen to the spot, until Matt took the containers from him and set them on the floor next to him. Then he reached for Benny again, curling one hand around Benny's belt buckle and pulling him forward between his legs.

"Are we gonna do this, Ben?" Matt asked, looking up, his face flushed along the cheekbones.

Benny slid his fingers through Matt's hair, pushing it off his forehead, and traced the fine eyebrows lightly with his thumbs. "Yeah. Yeah, I think we are."

Matt smiled, then turned his attention back to the Benny's belt, unbuckling it and unbuttoning the waistband. He pushed Benny's jeans down to his knees, then slowly swept his hands up the outside of Benny's thighs.

"You're shaking. Relax," Matt instructed, nuzzling at Benny's cotton-covered crotch.

Benny gave a strained laugh. "I don't think I can." He combed through Matt's silky hair again, the feeling of the cool strands between his fingers soothing. He tugged on them, forcing Matt's face up again, and bent down to kiss him. Matt parted his lips, allowing Benny's tongue in and then sucking on it. Never losing contact with Matt's mouth, Benny sank to his knees on the floor between Matt's legs.

Matt was wearing loose-fitting cargo shorts, and Benny slid his hands down Matt's back and under the waistband only to find bare skin.

"Naughty," he murmured, pinching the taut flesh, and Matt's lips curved under his.

"Laundry day."

Benny tugged at the waistband and Matt raised his hips, helping him shove the cargo shorts down his long legs and off.

"Ah, Jesus, you're beautiful," Benny breathed almost reverently, his fingers tracing up the vein on the underside of Matt's cock, then lightly touching the already leaking slit.

Matt's breath hitched. He braced his hands on the couch cushions and arched up, trying to reach Benny's mouth. "Ben."

For a moment Benny thought to take his revenge for the power games Matt had been playing last time, to tease him and make him beg for whatever he wanted. He wrapped his fingers around the head and stroked down Matt's length, his grip too slack to give Matt the friction Benny knew he craved. He flattened his fingers against the curls at the base, tickling more than anything, and Matt arched up again, his moan pure need. "Ben," he repeated raggedly. His head was resting against the back of the couch, his face tipped up; Benny couldn't see his expression, but his wildly bobbing Adam's apple told Benny all he needed to know, and besides, he wanted this too much himself to play stupid games. He let Matt arch up and drive his cock into his mouth, all the way down his throat. Matt cried out and jerked back in reaction, and Benny let him partly withdraw, then lunged down and deep throated him again. He pressed one hand against Matt's belly, right at the root of his dick; he could feel Matt's muscles working, tensing and releasing in the same rhythm as he raised and lowered his head, sucking strongly on the way up, his tongue lapping at the underside of Matt's cock, then lunging back down until the head hit the back of his throat.

He would have been happy to stay there forever, on his knees in front of Matt, his arms resting on Matt's thighs partly for balance and partly in an effort to keep him pinned down against the couch, listening to Matt alternately cursing and praising him, tasting Matt, smelling him, filling every one of his senses with him, but his own dick was aching with need. He intensified his efforts, and if he hadn't been so turned on, he would have smiled at the rising pitch of Matt's voice; by the time Benny was swallowing the pulses of hot liquid erupting in his mouth, Matt was almost squeaking, and fuck if that didn't make Benny want him even more.

When Matt pushed at his head, Benny released him and smiled at him. Matt smiled back and ran his thumb along Benny's mouth.

"BJ lips."

"And BJ breath," Benny grinned, surging up to reach Matt's mouth. Matt laughed and dragged him up against his chest, lying back so that Benny was sprawled on top of him. It wasn't a particularly comfortable position, even if Benny's shaft hadn't been trapped against the edge of the seat pointing the wrong way, so Benny pushed against Matt's shoulders and rolled off in order to sit next to him on the couch. He pushed his jeans the rest of the way off.

"Would you like me to do something about that?" Matt inquired in a polite voice, his hazel eyes sparkling, as he gazed at the tent in Benny's boxers.

"Yes, please, I'd like you to sit on it," Benny responded equally politely.

Matt seemed to give the request serious consideration, and after a few seconds he nodded.

"I'll be right back."

While he was away, Benny stripped off completely. Matt's eyebrows jumped when he returned to find him sitting on the couch naked.

"Grecian Formula? Doesn't that burn in tender areas?" he smirked, as he tossed a condom at Benny.

"Aw, shut the fuck up," Benny muttered as he busied himself with opening the small package and rolling the condom on. "I just haven't gone gray there yet."

"I think it's kind of sexy," Matt said. "Matches your eyebrows."

Benny gritted his teeth. "Lube?"

Matt kneeled on the couch, straddling Benny. "I'm all set. Wanna check?"

Benny did, but he also couldn't resist the smooth chest right in front of his face and he only had two hands. He already knew how responsive the small pink nipples were from last time, so he pinched them both lightly, and Matt finally stopped smirking.

"You're going to have to come a little lower if you want me to bite them, as well."

"Aw, shit," Matt said in a breathless little squeak, and he reached under him to grab Benny and position himself. He closed his eyes and sank down in one smooth move. Benny gasped as he found himself suddenly engulfed in Matt's tight heat. For a long moment they both remained motionless, staring at each other; Matt's pupils were so dilated that only the dark green of his irises was visible.

"Move, Matt," Benny urged gently, his hands on Matt's hips, and Matt raised himself and sank down again, still staring into Benny's eyes. Benny tightened his hands and Matt repeated the move, slowly, so slowly, again and again, until Benny thought he was going to go crazy.

"Harder. Faster."

Matt just shook his head and continued in the same exact rhythm, so Benny resigned himself to letting Matt take his pleasure the way he wanted it. He lay back a little, in order to give Matt more room to move, and his fingers drifted along Matt's body and sweat-slick skin, flicking against Matt's nipples, playing connect-the-dots on the freckles along his collarbones, tugging lightly at the strawberry blond curls at the base of his hardening cock. After a while Matt changed his angle slightly, his moves shallower, a little jerky, and Benny formed a firm fist around Matt's erection, letting Matt stroke into it when he raised himself.

Matt had been bracing himself against the back of the couch, arching up, but now he curved his body inward as if to burrow into Benny and placed his hands on Benny's shoulders.

"Ready?" he asked, his lips moving against Benny's.

"God, yes," Benny answered fervently and, as if in response, Matt's muscles pulsed around him and warm liquid was spurting into his fisted hand. Benny tried to hold off, to let Matt ride out his own orgasm first, but when Matt's ass clenched on his dick again, his hips jerked up, nearly unseating Matt, and then he was coming, the pleasure seeming to spread to every cell of his body, from the top of his head to his toes.

When it was over, Matt stayed sitting in Benny's lap; he looked sated and sleepy, his eyes half-closed, his mouth slack. Benny wiped his hand on Matt's thigh, then reached up and pushed Matt's hair behind his ears.

"Do you want to stay?" Matt asked drowsily.

Benny avoided a direct answer. "I've got to be at work early tomorrow."

Matt nodded and slowly unfolded himself off of Benny, wincing a little, then stood up. He reached down for his shorts and pulled them on, then picked up the food containers and took them to the kitchen while Benny took care of the condom and then dressed.

When Matt returned to the living room, they smiled at each other a little awkwardly.

"Do you want to give me the DVD to return to Roger?"

"You'll take the fall for me?"

"Hell, no. I'll blame you, but if you're not around, he can't kill you, and by the time he sees you, he might have forgiven you."

Matt ejected the disc from the DVD player, replaced it in its case and offered it to Benny.

"They'll know we've seen each other."

Benny shrugged. "Roger has been very careful not to ask me about you."

"Carrie hasn't said a word either. So you don't mind? If they're thinking... well, whatever they're thinking?"

"Why should I?" Benny asked gruffly.

He shrugged his jacket on, stuck the DVD in his pocket, and made for the door. He paused with his hand on the knob and looked back at Matt.

"Goodnight. Thanks for dinner and... everything," he finished vaguely.

"It was a good movie. Anything else you'd recommend?"

Benny thought about it for a while.

"I like 'This is Spinal Tap'," he said finally. "Have you seen it?"

"No, believe it or not I never have. I'll look for it."

Benny absent-mindedly rubbed at a rough spot on the doorknob.

"I have it at home. You can come over and watch it sometime. If you want. Just give me a call."