I wasn't happy. I should've been after what I had just done, but I wasn't. For the past six months I had been having sex with a gorgeous woman, even though it wasn't me, and I had just told her that I wouldn't be able to see her again. She was understandably upset, but she would have been more upset if she knew the reason why. I did love her, in my own way, but I had just been living a lie. She was the first woman I had ever slept with and I only did it because I was trying to hide my true self. Ever since I could remember I had been attracted to men, and had even slept with a few, but because of the way some parts of society were I had tried to suppress my feelings, and sleeping with a woman was the only way I knew how.
However the longer I tried to stay in the relationship the more I wanted to get out of it. I'm sure she would have guessed that something was wrong because of the way I was acting. I had started making excuses not to see her as often; it was down to twice a week at the end and only then for a couple of hours a night. I even refused any attempt to have sex that she made. It just wasn't fair on her for me to be fucking her, yet all the time I was, wishing she was a man.
So here I was sat in the park, single, gay and alone. I wasn't even going to pretend that I was bi-sexual anymore, I was gay and there was nothing that could change that. Society could just get fucked. I would start going back to the gay bars that I used to frequent regularly and catch up with some of the friends that I made in those places. Friends that couldn't get to grips with the way I was would just have to accept that they had lost a good friend, I'm sure that any friends I lost could easily be replaced. Saving her from finding out from people gossiping, or worse still actually catching me at it, should have made me feel good but it didn't. At least I didn't cheat on her, perhaps telling her the truth would have been easier, but I just took the coward's way out.
Sitting there I found myself drawn to a group of people that I saw sat a few yards away from me, people that I recognised as friends that I had met while I was with her. I wondered whether to go over to see if she had already said something or not when one of them spotted me and waved me across. It was too late now and I walked towards the group not really knowing what to say. As I reached the group I found out my answer. Yes she had told a couple of them we had split but they said that, although it was a shame, it didn't have to affect our friendship and they didn't even ask why we had split. I thanked them for their kind words but excused myself, saying that I just needed to be alone, and that I would catch up with them soon.
I started to head towards home, not really in the mood to walk into any of our other friends, when I changed my mind and headed towards one of the gay clubs in town. There was only one way to get over the way I was feeling, and that was with an ass or mouth full of cock. Maybe if I got fucked soon enough I would stop feeling guilty about the way things had turned out.
The bar was fairly quiet when I arrived there, with only a dozen or so people there, but there were a couple of people that I knew. Walking towards the bar I greeted those and ordered a double whisky, which was the only type of drink, I would have tonight. I threw the first glass back quickly, too quickly really, and choked at the taste. It had been a while since I had drunk whisky and knew that too many of these would render me worse than useless, but if I was honest I didn't care that much.
Scanning the other people in the bar I wasn't too impressed with the looks of anyone in the bar and I was about to finish my drink and leave when the door swung open. Standing there in the doorway was one of the people that had spoken to me at the park. Had they followed me here to see where I went? Would they go and tell her the reason that she had been dumped was because her boyfriend was secretly gay? Whatever the reason I turned back to the bar and ordered another whisky. I couldn't leave while they were by the door, she would definitely find out then. Hoping they hadn't seen me I kept my head down and sipped my drink slowly.
"Hey fancy seeing you in here." I heard a voice call out.
Hoping they were shouting someone else I kept my head down and took another sip.
"Matt how come you are in here?" He was shouting me. "I-I-I often come in here for some peace." I stammered, lying through my teeth. "You do know what type of bar this is don't you?" "Just a bar that serves good whisky."I lied again. "For fuck's sake Matt it's a gay bar." "What are you going on about Simon?" I asked feigning surprise.
Simon looked at me with a look that told me he knew I was lying to him.
"Well if that's the case why are you in here?" I asked "Okay you got me yes I'm bi-sexual and this is my regular." He told me. "But what about your missus you have been together ages?" "I know and she knows all about it and says as long as that she doesn't catch me and I don't talk about it she can live with it just." "But surely she can't be happy I mean you are still cheating on her?" I was confused. "Don't worry about it but what I want to know is why are you really here and why did you finish with Beth really?" "Well when I tell you you are going to think I'm mad." "Go on it can't be madder than what I just told you right?" Simon told me. "Well okay the reason I finished with her is because I have been living a lie and knew all along that I was gay." I gabbled out in one breath. "No fucking way Matt you are not gay and you never have been what's the real reason?" "I'm telling you the truth before I met Beth I only fucked women rarely, I would much prefer a cock than a cunt."
Simon stood there and looked at me opened mouthed, unsure whether he had heard me right. I drank the rest of my whisky and ordered another, things had gone wrong and Beth was bound to find out the truth now. It would have been better if I had just been honest with her at least she would have heard it from me. I just knew that Simon would tell his girlfriend and then, as she was Beth's best friend, she would tell Beth.
"I suppose you will tell all the others my secret now then?" I said to Simon. "Hell no way then they would all know mine." He replied. "And besides we might be able to help each other out." "Help each other how do you mean?" I asked but I already knew the answer. "Well you say you're gay and I'm bi-sexual and we both want to keep our little secret from the others..." "And you think that maybe if we get it together the others need never find out?" "Correct and as I always thought you were quite hot I would love to fuck you."
