AUTHOR's NOTE: The dialogue in this chapter of the story takes place via text, either through tinder or snapchat. A double backslash ("\\") indicates where one character 'double-texts'; that is, sends multiple messages in a row without waiting for the other person to respond.
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The notification slid down from the top of the screen while I was scrolling through tumblr in bed, lying on my stomach wearing a t-shirt and a pair of sapphire-blue briefs.
*You have a new match*
Nothing important. Not that I'm bragging but I do get quite a few matches when I'm using tinder. That's not to say that I'm necessarily
hot
or anything, it's just that when you're bisexual you're not limited to only one half of the tinder-using population. In fact, I would wager that queer men get the most matches, or at least, the most useful matches. Straight women probably get the most attention on tinder, but considering who's giving them that attention, they need to filter through a lot of it to get to the 5% of people who're actually a winning combination of kind, interesting and non-crusty. Most of my matches are men because the same hormones which drive straight men to dog women find themselves equally matched, and... well, it's very easy for queer men to find ourselves online, especially in a context which practically demands horniness.
Since I get matches all the time, any old random new match didn't mean all that much to me. But it was the evening, I'd done all my class reading, eaten dinner, and was just planning to dick around online before sleeping eventually. In fact, I was feeling a little bit horny so this could work actually.
Flirting with guys on tinder, getting them to give me attention, to tell me they wanted to fuck me or have me fuck them-- all this was a recently-discovered pleasure. Whom amongst us does not love attention? Sure, it is attention from men, which is stimulating but emotionally dry, in my experience. But I mean hell, it's a lot more interactive than watching porn. It's not even voyeuristic, so maybe there's a moral argument to be made there. With nothing better to do and feeling the need to release some steam, I went over to tinder.
Nikita was his name. I had swiped right on him a few days ago when I was, unfortunately, swiping right on every non-crusty guy I found given I was horny at the time. The few people I'd been chatting with that night all eventually stopped responded, leaving me high and dry, (metaphorically and not). Hopefully tonight would be different. I swiped through his pictures; mostly cute. He was wearing this black hat in them that all the Slavic exchange students wore. With a name like Nikita he must be Russian or something. Nikita Krushchev, right? Somewhere around there. Slavs are known, I thought, for their masculinity and sometimes overwhelmingly intense sexuality. Could be hot. His bio was typically bare.
He messaged me while I was looking through his profile.
"Hello!"
I swiped over to reply
"hey what's up?"
"Nothing much. You are from America, no?"
"yeah actually, i've been here for about two months \\ what about you?"
"I am from Russia. \\ Why are you in Freiburg?"
"studying german and english, you?"
"Computer Science. \\ I wanted to come to a more international city to study it since it requires knowledge of English."
"don't they teach English in Russia?"
"Yes, but the faculty at the University in my city are not very well-renowned. UniFreiburg is known in Europe for having a good faculty. \\ I also wanted to stay in a smaller town."
"why not go to england or america or somewhere where they speak English natively?"
"My country gives more money to study on the continent than off. And with Brexit and Trump, I did not want to take any risks. Things are strange enough politically in my country, especially for men like us."
"yeah I can imagine."
"You were at the party at the T.I.K last week, yes? \\ You were drinking all of those colored shots?"
"yeah, that was me. why, were you there?"
"I was. I saw you with your friends. You seemed very friendly and cute. I wanted to come and talk to you."
"oh my goodness, that's so sweet! why didn't you?"
"I was intimidated by your cuteness."
This struck me. I'm not used to attention; at least, not like this. Not starting with cute. I've had men call me cute before, but usually with qualifications, like 'I wanna cum all over that cute face' or 'I'm gonna fuck that cute ass so hard'. Not that that doesn't have appeal, but this felt different. He wasn't just some guy messaging me trying to get off (at least, not so far). He had actually seen me in person at a party, drinking with my friends. That was already much more than everyone else who I'd ever matched and sexted with on Tinder. And: he thought I was cute! He felt intimidated by my cuteness!! What's more, he lived in this city, not 50, 70, 100 km away like other matches. This had potential.
After thinking for a moment, I replied:
"well i can promise i'm not intimidating, lol \\ i wish you had come over and talked"
"So do I \\ But I am talking to you now on here, so hopefully this is just as good."
"i guess it'll have to do for now, lol \\ what do you think you would've said if you had approached me at the party?"
"I think I would have tried to begin flirting with you."
"oh really? how so?"
"I probably would have made a comment about how cute you seemed from across the yard."
"sounds like a decent start \\ i think i would've returned the compliment, you're quite pretty yourself <3"
"Thank you very much! \\ Then I believe I would have begun asking you questions to get to know you."
"so kinda like what we're already doing?"
"Yes exactly."
"what other questions would you have asked?"
"For instance: where in America are you from, and because you are studying German, why did you choose to come to Freiburg instead of any other city?"
"oh! well, i don't know how familiar you are with american geography, but i'm from the state of michigan. it's in the north, near the middle, by all the big lakes if you can find a map. \\ i came here because my university has a special year-long exchange program with the university of freiburg for students studying german and I wanted to get fluent. \\ what about you? where in russia are you from?"
"I do not think it would be wise to tell you where in Russia I am from. It is very dangerous for homosexuals there now. \\ If anyone found out when I return, it could be very bad for me and my family. \\ I hope you understand. I am not trying to be rude."
"oh absolutely, i understand. not a problem."
"All I will say is that I live near a city, but not in it."
"that sounds like it could be anywhere"
"Yes, I hope so. I am sorry but I must be vague."
"don't worry, i'll never tell anyone from russia that I met a cute boy who could live literally anywhere in the biggest country on earth"
"Thank you very much, haha."
"you're so welcome! <3 \\ and even if they did suspect you of being gay, i could testify in your defense that you wouldn't even talk to me at a party, lol"
"Haha, you are funny. \\ Thank you for the support."
"of course babe <3 \\ I'll tell them that if you were really gay, you'd've come over and asked me to get dinner or drinks sometime"
"That is actually what I would have done next. \\ If we are still talking about what I would have done if I had come and talked to you at the party."
"well that's very sweet of you, but i'm afraid what could have been is no use to me \\ that is, unless you're asking me now ;)"
"I am! You are even cuter now that I have really met you, and I would very much like to get to know you in person."
Of course, I had been goading him a little bit with that last one. That's part of the joy and thrill of flirting, for me. You put down the highest card you think you can play at the moment and wait to see if they'll put down a higher one. Nikita, to his credit, had played his hand masterfully, raising the stakes exactly in line with me. Now the ball was back in my court, to mix metaphors. I had to decide how best to respond to his proposal--for a date! The realization hit me late: I had just been asked out on my first gay date! Usually, guys just asked to meet up for something quick or stuck to purely digital sexting. Of course, it goes both ways, and I had been too nervous to ask out the guys from my past who caught my eye or my feelings. But there was no hesitation now.