Nate & I

This is back to Nate's point of view.

*****

I pulled out of my driveway Friday morning. My eyes passed over Oliver's house. His car was already gone. I smiled. We were finally dating. It was all scary, but I wouldn't want to be going through it with anyone else. I drove towards the school and absently listened to music. I kept thinking about him. He was so perfect for me.

When I got there, I parked and was greeted by Jake and Brent as I walked through the doors. They laughed from a joke as I approached them.

"Hey, guys," I said casually. Brent walked by my side and put his hand on my shoulder.

"So I've gotta tell you something," Brent said with a grin.

"What is it?" I asked.

"Hayden's having a party tonight. It's gonna be the shit, and you've gotta go," he explained.

"Umm alright. I'll go," I said slowly.

"Good," he replied and pat me on the back roughly.

"Dude, I forgot we had homework," Jake said as we walked into class. Brent and I laughed as we got ours out.

"Can I copy yours?" He asked.

"You always copy my homework," I told him. He just shrugged.

"And why would you do that? Nate's pretty dumb," Brent added on. I gave him a look as I handed my work over to Jake.

"Thanks man. You're a life saver," he thanked.

Around eight that night I got ready for Hayden's party. I was not feeling well enough to go, but I was forcing myself. I stared at myself in the mirror. Oliver had texted me to at least try and have fun. I left the house and made my way there.

Everyone was in his basement drinking and listening to music. I found Brent talking to Hayden. They were drunk enough to be laughing hard already. I walked up.

"Hey! I'm glad you made it Nate," Hayden said friendly.

"Yeah, I'm glad to be here too," I replied.

"Here, drink," Brent told me handing me his cup. I took it even though I really didn't want to drink after him. I pretended to take a sip though.

"Time for truth or dare!" Hayden called out. It seemed a little childish for people about to graduate but whatever.

"Rules are simple. If you're too much of a pussy to do it, you lose," Brent said. There were only about a dozen people there. I sat between some girl from another school and Jake.

It started with Hayden. The truths and dares jumped around the room. I was getting bored as I sat there and drank when Brent got a dare.

"I dare you to grope Hayden's ass for a good minute," some girl dared.

"That's so fucking gay," Brent said in disgust as Hayden leaned away from him.

"Ooh some guy on guy action. Let's go you bitch," some other girl commented. The circle laughed.

"You're a bunch of perverts," Brent said as Hayden got on his knees. He was too drunk to care at that point. Brent closed his eyes as he reached out. He just placed his hands on his jeans.

"Grope!" The darer called out. Brent grabbed and Hayden flinched. They say there in agony for their minute. Once they both say back down, everyone laughed. I forced it out of myself as Jake elbowed me. He wasn't laughing too hard either.

"Okay, Nate. Truth or dare?" Brent said to me. I looked at him. It was the first time I got called on.

"Uh, dare," I hesitated. Brent and Hayden both smiled. They probably had some nasty dare in mind for me. Especially since Brent had just groped a guy's ass.

"I gotta mention something first so it'll make sense," he said which confused everyone.

"What is it, Brent?" Hayden asked with an overly fake confused look.

"Well, the other day I was in the neighborhood, and I saw Nate. But the thing is, I saw him walking out of that queer kid's house," he announced to the circle. My stomach dropped. I could feel my face go red in embarrassment.

"Oliver? What were you doing there Nate?" Hayden asked me, putting me on the spot.

"I-I was just uh, getting answers on the science homework," I stuttered. I swallowed.

"But that doesn't explain how your hair was all messed up. You know... like sex hair," Brent added on with a malicious smile.

"Bad hair day," I replied quickly. It was painfully obvious, but I couldn't admit anything.

"Really? You mean, you guys didn't have sex?" Brent asked.

"Yes. I mean, we didn't. I'm not gay," I told him.

"Then I dare you to go fuck Savanna in the other room," he said pointing to the girl next to me. She checked me out and bit her lip.

"I-I don't think she wants to just have sex with some stranger, Brent," I said trying to come up with an excuse.

"Oh I don't mind. You're hot," Savanna interrupted. Brent smiled.

"Go on then. Prove to us that you were really just getting answers on the science homework," Brent egged on. I swallowed hard and stood up. Savanna stood up with me and grabbed my hand. She guided me to the door, and I closed it behind me.

"Come on," Savanna said as she pulled me towards the bed. She was drunk. I could hear all the feet crowding around the door.

She laid on the bed and pulled me down on top of her. She wrapped her hands around my head. I was so nervous and turned off at the same time. She kissed me, but I didn't kiss her back. She didn't seem to care. She made out with my unmoving lips. Then, she took my hand and made me grab her boob. It just felt so wrong. Especially after being with Oliver. I fought the strong urge to pull away. I had to make sure no one knew I was gay.

Savanna then reached down and undid my jeans. She unzipped my pants, and I couldn't take it anymore.

I pulled away and stood up. I redid them and avoided eye contact with her.

"I'm sorry. I can't," I mumbled and headed towards the door.

"You are queer, aren't you?" She called out. I opened the door and met the crowd. The people I didn't associate with were all laughing. My face was hot, and I just wanted to get out of there.

"I fucking knew it! You're a fag!" Brent said with glee. He and Hayden rushed to me before I got to the stairs.

Brent grabbed me by the arm, but I pulled away. I couldn't fight him off when Hayden joined too though. They pulled me and slammed me onto my back. Everyone crowded around us and taunted me. They cheered them on too.

"I don't have any room for freaks like you in my life," Brent told me with hate in his voice.

"Bring it here," Hayden called out to somebody. Some guy brought him something. I saw a streak of pink but couldn't focus to see what it was.

"I'm sure you'll love this," Hayden snarled. I saw it in his hand. It was a neon pink dildo that was about a foot long.

"No," I managed to yell at them.

"Oh don't worry, we're not gonna shove up your ass, though I bet you'd love that. I don't wanna see you get a boner," Brent told me. There was only one other thing they could do with it. I clamped my jaw shut.

Brent grabbed my cheeks and squeezed, forcing my mouth open. It hurt so much. When my mouth was open, Hayden put the dildo in. He laughed as he pushed it in. I started gagging, but they didn't care. I couldn't take that much.

"I thought you liked sucking dick, Nate. You can't take the whole thing?" Hayden asked.

He pushed it in further with a lot more force this time. It went to far, and I couldn't fight it this time. It went to far in, and I felt stuff to start come up. It went out the sides of my mouth, and everyone backed off.

"Oh gross! He's puking!" Brent said as they got off of me. I immediately sat up as more puke made its way out. I pulled the thing out. It had been lodged too deep. Following it was my throw up. It was so gross. I saw it go down my shirt. I threw the dildo to the side and got up.

No one tried to stop me this time. Everyone laughed as I tried to run up the stairs. I was too dizzy though. I tripped but managed to get myself up again. I wanted to die in that moment. It was a perfect example of why I didn't want to come out of the closet yet.

It was only when I got outside of the house that I realized my keys were still down there in the basement. I couldn't go back down there though. I just started to walk home. Everything was spinning and tears were in my eyes. It took me I don't know how long to get back to my neighborhood. I couldn't go home though. There's no way I could explain my looks and lack of car to my dad.

I looked around and saw another familiar house. I walked into Oliver's yard. I saw that his light was off. I knew it was his room though. His parents were sleeping. It was late enough. I stumbled over and tapped on the window. It wasn't graceful, but I couldn't do it any more subtle. I saw the blinds open, and Oliver was there. He saw me and immediately opened the window up.

"Oh my god, Nate. What happened?" He asked me with more than worry in his voice. He looked over me. I knew I looked pathetic though. I was covered in vomit and tears. I tried to say something but I couldn't say it out loud. Instead, I just cried harder.

"Come in here," Oliver said and moved the dresser that was in front of his window. He moved out of the way, and I climbed in clumsily.

As soon as I was in, Oliver's arms wrapped around me. I tried to be the strong one in the relationship, but I couldn't handle it. I buried my face into his neck and just cried uncontrollably. It was that horrible ugly crying too, but I don't think real pain was ever meant to be beautiful. Oliver held me close as we dropped to the floor.

"It's okay. It's okay. I'm here with you. It's just us now," Oliver said trying to comfort me. I grabbed onto his shirt and squeezed the cloth. I felt stupid for being such a mess.

"It's all over... They know... I'm just a joke now," I managed to get out between gasps of air. I guess he managed to put the clues together into a story. He leaned me out so that he could look me in the eyes. I could see his worry. He put his hands on my face and looked me in the eyes.

"No you're not. You are amazing, they're just a bunch of assholes," he began, and I still couldn't hold it in. It was too much, especially when I was intoxicated.

"Nate. Remember the first time we talked? When you drove me home? Remember how I told you that I'd always be there for you? I'm still here. That still stands," Oliver told me. This calmed me down more. I stopped sobbing and slowed my breathing.

"I can't go back Monday," I told him. I stumped him with this one. He pulled me back into a hug and rubbed my back until I was okay. I don't know what I'd have done without him.

"Let's clean this off of you. You can wear one of my shirts," he told me. He stood up, and I stayed there on the floor, watching him.

He went to the bathroom quietly and brought back a wet rag. He helped me change shirts and wiped the vomit from my face and neck.

"I'll wash your shirt and give it to you," he said.

"Thank you Oliver," I said. We sat on the floor.

"I don't want to go back Monday," I repeated.

"Don't think about Monday," he told me. I only managed to nod.

"Now let's get some sleep. It's late," Oliver said. I stood up. I guess I had to go home. I took a step towards the window I had come in. Oliver's hand stopped me though.

He redirected me to his bed without a word. I crawled under the sheets, and he closed the window. He then got in beside me and cuddled up against me. My eyes had that hollow feeling. I felt his arms wrapped around me, and it didn't take long to pass out.

The weekend passed too quickly for comfort.

My dad had yelled at me for not having my car. He grounded me until I got it back. I refused to take the bus though. It'd be humiliating for me so I rode with Oliver. It wouldn't matter now anyway. He squeezed my hand as we got there.

Parting with him was the worst part because I was alone then. No boyfriend, no friends, completely alone in the entire school.

I walked into class silently and everyone was crowded around Brent and Jake. They all giggled and stared at me as I entered. I looked at all of them with a cold look and say at a new desk in the back. It was the only desk beside the fish tank. I watched the fish to avoid eye contact. Whispers flew around all hour.

The rest of the day wasn't too great either. I'd never had this happen to me in my life. I felt like complete shit.

I spent my first lunch with Oliver though, which was good. We tried sitting down in the cafeteria, but every time someone walked by, they called us names. It was hard to take, so we relocated to outside the auditorium. That being the best part of my day, athletics was the worst.

I tried to hang in the back because I didn't want to be a part of the group and I didn't have any motivation. The coach called me out though. There was no way he couldn't tell I was emotionally drained. He just didn't care. He made me join the group. I only half assed it though.

When we had to pair up for sit-ups, everyone got together fast. The guy who got stuck with me was devastated. A week ago, he was below me and everyone else in the social hierarchy of the school. Now he was treating me like nothing.

"I won't be his partner," he told the coach blatantly.

"Just hold his feet," the coach said irritated. All I could do was sit there and watch it happen.

"No, that's gross. He's a fag, coach," he said. The others snickered, and the clack just sighed.

"Just do them yourself then," he said, giving in. It was really nice that the coach, an authority figure, didn't say anything about him calling me a name.

I tried keeping to myself afterwards and watched the floors in the locker room. I made my way to the showers but was stopped by three guys.

"I believe the girls' showers are on the other side of the gym," one said.

"We don't want to get raped here," the second one said.

I looked at them and walked back to my locker. I just got dressed and sat there, waiting for the bell to ring. The whole day was shitty. When the final bell finally rang, I walked down the hallway. I heard feet run towards me.

It was Brent and Jake. Brent knocked my binder out of my hands, and my papers went everywhere. Brent laughed and Jake chuckled along with him.

"Fag," Brent commented as they went to there cars. I shamefully got down to pick up my things. That's when I heard another pair of feet running towards me.

"I've heard it all already okay? Just let me go home," I told whoever it was. I was over that day. It was Oliver though. He gathered my papers with me.

"I'm sorry," he said quietly. We stood up together.

"What are you sorry for? You didn't do anything," I asked.

"It's all my fault. If I hadn't of pressured you into this, you wouldn't have to deal with them," he explained to me.

"Oliver-," I began.

"I see now why you didn't do anything that day at the dumpster. I'm sorry Nate," he continued.

"Oliver-," I tried again.

"I'll leave you alone if you think it'll help," he interrupted again.

"Oliver!" I said over him.

"What?" He asked, shocked for a moment.

"This is not your fault. Even if we didn't date, I'd still be gay. This is just high school. I don't want you to go anywhere. You're the only one I've got right now," I told him. I didn't want him to have any guilt whatsoever for any of this.

"If you're sure," he said.

"I am. Let's just go now. I don't wanna be here anymore," I said, and we walked to the doors.

When we left the building, Brent and Hayden were in Brent's truck parked next to my car. My car was covered in car chalk. It had gay slurs on every available surface. It was also drenched in glitter and toilet paper. I swallowed hard. I didn't even want to see what was inside of it. They saw me and laughed hard.

"There's your car back freak!" Hayden yelled, and he threw my keys towards me. They took off, and I just sighed.

Oliver was the one to walk to my keys and get them. He also started to pull the toilet paper off. He tried wiping the words off too, but it wasn't doing much. That's when some girl came out of the other building. It was that girl Oliver hung out with.

I think her name is Katrina. Either way, she saw the car and then saw me. I could see the sadness in her eyes from where I was standing. She joined Oliver in helping clean my car. I walked to them slowly. All the toilet paper is gone, most of the glitter is gone, and the words are all smeared.

"Thanks you guys. It just hasn't been my day," I told them. Katrina walked to me and rubbed my back.

"I'm sorry, those guys are douchebags," she told me.

"Thanks... I guess I'm gonna go get my car washed," I said almost without any emotion at all.

"I'll go with you," Oliver offered.

"No. It's okay, I think I just want to be by myself for a little while," I told him.

"Okay, if you need anything or wanna hang out later, you know I'm game," he told me.

"Thanks. I'll see you later," I said. We hugged, and he held on a little tighter than usual. I got in my car and headed to the local car wash.

Everything I did was just going through the motions. It all felt so pointless. I'd never been bullied before, and now I was getting picked on by underclass men. It's pathetic, and it's only Monday! I don't know how I'll deal with this shit the rest of the semester. Thank god it's only the rest of the semester, and I'll be gone. Far away from this little town.

The whole drive home was Hell. I just left the radio off because I wasn't in the mood to hear anything. All the comments and remarks and looks were ringing through my head. It was torture.

"Fuck!" I screamed and hit the steering wheel.

"Fuck this stupid fucking shit town and all the assholes in it!" I screamed. I hit the wheel a couple more times. I could feel the bags under my eyes.

I pulled into my driveway and parked the car. At least I wouldn't be grounded anymore. I saw that my dad was already home. I sighed and looked at myself in the mirror. I wiped my eyes and tried to make it look as though I was completely fine.

I opened the door and stepped out. I walked up to the door and went inside. The beeps went off, and I saw my dad watching TV.

"I got my car," I said as flatly as I could.

"I left it over at Hayden's the other night. I was too drunk to drive home," I explained. I knew he didn't care if I drank or smoked or had sex- anything a regular parent would flip shit over. He didn't reply.

"Dad?" I said walking into the living room. I went around his chair and saw him.

"So your friend Brent called and told me something," he said gruffly.

*****

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