I noticed my hand shaking as I reached for the door and stopped to pull myself together. I couldn't believe I was doing this. I kept thinking if I was so scared how's he feeling. Poor little guy. But then this is what he'd wanted.
He's my college roomie and at 5' 6" he really is just a little guy, but cute as a button. At least I think so. Me? I tower above him like nobody's business, by an entire foot if you can believe it. He's a skinny guy with these graceful moves sort of like a dancer. He may not be a muscle bound jock but I really go for his looks. Like I said, cute as a button. And smart? Let me tell you. He studies constantly and keeps me studying. I'm actually getting high marks this semester because of Billy. That's his name, Billy.
He's been my roomie for about two months now and at first he was afraid of me. Took me two weeks to get him to talk to me and then I had to corner the poor guy like a rabbit. Man, did he shake, I thought he was gonna pee his pants looking at me like he thought he was my next meal. Course I wouldn't have minded eating him up, starting at those juicy lips of his and working my way down from there.
If Billy only knew how I felt about him, but it'd probably scare him even more. I mean how do you tell a poor shivering bundle of nerves that you don't want him on a dinner plate but in your bed every night, that any licking and slurping you do would be to his delectable body in many pleasurable ways. He'd probably go into a coma or something. I didn't even know if he was gay since I couldn't get him to stay in our room long enough to talk.
So one day I cornered him, actually in a corner by a window. I figured if he was desperate enough to try going out a three story window then I'd have to give him up. I wasn't ready to do that yet without at least trying.
"H-h-hey J-jake, I gotta g-go study. S-s-someone's expecting m-me." he squeaked and stuttered at me. I felt like a bully, but I wasn't letting him go yet.
"Billy, ease up, man. I just want to get to know you. We're roomies!"
The suspicion and fear in his eyes was killing me. Reminded me of a neighbor's dog when I was in high school. Kids had always been mean to this dog and it was afraid of it's own shadow. Remembering that dog gave me an idea though.
I hunkered down to make myself as small as possible which gave him the advantage of looking down at me. I could see a little of the fear subside as I became a little less threatening. He tried to step past me and I felt so bad that I almost let him go, but I knew this would probably be my only chance with him.
"Billy, I think you're a really cool guy, I'd really like to be friends." I tried to speak quiet and soothing. I didn't much care what I said, as long as he relaxed and stayed. "I live back east so I don't know no one out here and I could use a friend."
"Anyone... I don't know anyone."
"You either? So maybe we..."
Suddenly he giggled. Yeah, giggled. "I meant that you used a double negative." I must have looked like a typical dumb jock, because suddenly he was outright laughing. "You said 'I don't know no one', you should have said 'I don't know anyone'."
Well, by that time he could have corrected every word out of my mouth because his laughing seemed to push all his fear and suspicion away and he didn't have that 'prey vs. predator' look anymore. Since he was calmer I figured I'd go for broke and be a little more open with him.
"I'm glad you're talking to me now. You seem like a nice guy and I notice that you don't pal around with anyone in particular, so I thought we could hang. I really could use a friend, Billy, and it seems you could use a friend, too."
"People usually overlook me," he muttered quietly, "so I haven't made any friends here yet. I came up from California, so I don't know... no one either." he continued with a grin.
I stood up slowly, and damn if he didn't watch me all the way up. A little fear came back but not near as much as before, "So how about I buy you a burger and we can get to know each other?" Running through my head was 'Please, please say yes'.
He hesitated so long I thought he'd chicken on me again. Then finally, "OK, but only if you let me buy next time."
So over the next couple of months I'd say that he became the best friend I've ever had. I hoped he felt the same, but he hadn't really said it. Up until now I hadn't told him that I was gay and until a week ago I didn't know if he was or not. I mean, how can I say something like 'I'm gay and I like you a lot' when the guy still goes all scared on me if I move too fast. He trusts me, I know that, but he's told me a little about his life in high school. Shit, no one should have to go through that crap whether they're gay, fat, handicapped or anything 'unacceptable' to the general public image. (Sorry, I'm stepping off the soapbox now.)
So a week ago, Billy tells me about an assignment from his 'Human Sexuality' class that's about writing a paper on fantasies.
"So what kind of fantasies do you mean, like sex stuff or what you'll do 10 years from now?" I really was interested in what he had to say because I'd discovered an intelligent and perceptive mind in his little head.
"Both," Billy answered. "Any type of fantasy, even day dreams. They're fantasies of a sort, too."
"You use your fantasies or someone else's."
"Anyone's. But we need to start with one of our own that is hard to share. You know, one of those deep dark fantasy things. I don't think I can share my deepest one, so I'm settling for a lesser one." He turned so red when he said it that I got curious. He's even cute when he blushes. Boy, I got it bad, don't I?
We talked some more and I shared some general fantasies I'd had with him, being careful to edit myself. I wanted to out myself, but didn't want to lose him.
"What're your sexual fantasies?" I asked as casually as possible, "One of mine is to fulfil someone else's fantasy. I know that's a little weird, but it just seems like such a turn on to be able to do that for someone you care about."
"Have you ever tried doing it before, Jake?" I could see his wheels turning, "And if not, then why haven't you yet."
"Billy, it's like this..." I almost said it, but at the last minute I couldn't. "I've never been with anyone yet, I mean being a virgin at 18 isn't that big a deal but it's hard to go fantasy fulfilling if you don't have nobody."
"Anybody. Don't have anybody. But yeah, I know what you mean. You're not the only virgin around here." He said it so matter of factly I was surprised, I thought he'd blush.
"So, Billy, I've told you some of my fantasies, what's one of yours. If you can trust me, tell me the one you won't share in your paper." I figured the worst that could happen was he'd say no, but if I was lucky he'd trust me enough to share. It'd tell me a lot about him if he did.
"Well, uh... it's embarrassing... uh," he blushed as he mumbled in indecision. I stayed quiet and enjoyed his cute blushes. God, I wanted to scoop him up and feast on him.
"My deepest fantasy... I've never told anyone before. This is hard." he said looking me straight in the eyes. Taking a deep breath, he spoke rapidly as if he had to say it before he chickened out. Which was probably the case. "But one of my biggest fantasies is to be blindfolded, with my hands bound above my head and have someone I can't see make slow gentle love to me." He cringed back and closed his eyes. "A guy. I want a guy to do it." he finished in a whisper.
I must have looked like a goldfish the way my mouth kept opening and shutting. I couldn't figure out what to say there were so many things in my head. Grabbing and kissing him was only one of them. I was thrilled and suddenly scared, shy and tingly all at the same time.