The loneliness is overpowering me. Year after damn year of living alone, working, eating, sleeping. Why bother? Why bother anymore?
Part 1 -
Outer optimism can not heal what I feel inside. It's just a show for the rest of you to see. Once the show is over, you all go back to your happy lives, and I go home. Alone. Again.
"Hey, bud. Help me lift this, will you?" I turn toward the voice and the request. My new gym membership starts today; and I'm here for a quick workout.
"Uh, sure. What can I do?" Damn fine specimen at the plate rack.
"I have a hurting wrist. It'll heal in a week or so, but if you help me load some plates, I can manage my set." Oh, crap. Here we go, again. Some optimism just snuck into my mind, along with a vivid fantasy of..."
"Jeff. I'm Jeff."
"Cam. Cameron. Thanks for the help."
...of Cameron and me making out in the showers. Just another ride up life's Delusion Mountain before the great big plummet.
"Should I stand by, you know, just in case?" I really want to see this stud strain his sweet body against those plates. Why I bother, I have no idea.
"Thanks. Sure. Here goes."
"Fuuuck!" He's in trouble! I race in to grab the bar and stop its downward motion.
"Squirm out. Fast! I can't hold it!" He rolls onto the floor just in time as my own arms give out. "That's a lot of weight for me."
"For me too, apparently. Sorry for all of this." He's holding his wrist and grimacing.
"No worries. Here, let me." I'm not a real sports therapist, but I've picked up a few tricks along the way. As I reach for his tender wrist and take it into my hands, I glance up into his eyes. Grey eyes. Beautiful grey wolf eyes. My weakness.
"Oh, yeah." A very gentle massage to get the healing blood to flow, and Cameron is feeling better.
"No more lifting for a week or so, Cam...Cameron."
"Cam is good. Thanks, man. I think Ill take your advice and hit the showers." He pauses while checking me out. Hey, you wanna hang out after this?" Why not. It can only hurt once. Wishful thinking on my part. I have a very long and accurate memory, which has stored every hurt I have ever experienced. One more coming up!
It's almost closing time at the gym, and we are probably alone except for a few staff. My locker is in the room opposite to Cam's. Just as I start to wrap my towel around my waist, he bolts into my area. Naked. No towel in sight.
"Forget something?" I grab at the towel clinging to my body and give it a shake. It occurs to me that my daily bout of depression has subsided. At least for the time being.
"Fuck. Too late to get one. I'll borrow yours." With that, my new friend exits the lockers and heads for the showers - an open room with several shower heads around the perimeter. I follow him in, watching his pert little bubble butt move from side to side with his stride, wondering if I would rather dry off first, or use the towel after he does. Decisions, decisions.
Part 2-
"Hey guys." It's the counter attendant. "I have a hot date and can't be late. The doors will lock behind you. Do you mind?"
"No. We're good." That's Cam. Taking control. I like my new friend.
"Should I worry?" Might as well get right to the point.
"About what?" He looks concerned. I put on a pretend face of fear.
"What if you decide to have your way with me...who will I call for help?" Then before he can process what I said, I burst out laughing. Gotta feel him out, as it were. Cam strides confidently over to me, stopping inches from my now tensing up body. I've been suppressing getting hard the best I could, with him ten feet away, and now my effort is failing. His face is just inches from mine. I freeze. Maybe I took this too far, too soon. Even with a hurting wrist, Cam can take me. He's about an inch taller, and about twenty five pounds heavier than I am. All solid work muscle. Rippling abs. Manly upper body. His 'show-er' is at least the length on me at my biggest.