My name is Karl; I've satisfied my curiosity! At least I believe I have.
If you've read Curious WM 30 by 0ra11yfix8ed you know my story. My experience with M/M sex began easily enough but ended abruptly just one week after it started. I'm still dealing with that.
I still have the butt plug and two of the tissues; they're about the only tangible evidence that my experience was real. The marks that Kate made as her finger nails dug into my hips have long since disappeared.
For a while I would visit their office trying to make sense of everything but a new tenant has moved in so I've given up on that.
I began to write down the experience just to try to remember the details; maybe it was an exercise in self analysis and maybe just trying to prove to myself it was all real. It doesn't matter; of course, the brain cannot distinguish between reality and fantasy. Each experience whether fact or fiction is filed away in the same way! Athletes know this to be true, that's why coaches encourage them to "see" a perfect throw or kick or whatever in their mind before they attempt it.
So, even though I can't prove that Phil and Angela ever met me or used me it is real to me! Were they using me to fulfill a need of their own before they let loose of their temporal existence; it doesn't matter. Was it a fantasy that fed off facts that I some how unconsciously embroidered into an elaborate sexcapade, it doesn't matter. For me it was real and it will always be real.
Now, I must deal with the consequences. My life has changed for the better because of submitting my "story" to Lit. I feel better knowing that I've gotten this secret fantasy out in the open. Well, maybe not really completely out, I still don't want my wife and family to know but enough so that I've made contact with a number of like minded men. Men who have shared their fantasies and real life experiences, I don't feel so alone any more.
Most of the respondents were men like myself who are curious but don't have the chance to act out their fantasy. Most of them have admitted that they will most likely never act out and for them this is the best course of action, or lack there of. The risk is too great. Disease is the most obvious and tangible consequence but the worst is the possible loss of wife and family. The fear of this loss is a great motivator for inaction. A few of the respondents were critical of these men, as much as calling them cock teasers. Willing to talk but no action. In a way I understand this position too. Trying to make a contact and being frustrated over and over would make me angry. My advice to them is to be patient; it will be harder to seduce a cock sucking wannabe than a reluctant girl!
One individual, I'll call him TJ was a first class alpha male. He boasted of treating all his partners equally, male or female. His fantasy was to visit my home, strip naked at the front door, have me kneel there and suck his cock in the doorway and then take me to my bedroom where he would fuck my ass. My wife would then discover us and he would get to fuck her too! TJ is another reason many men will remain curious, he's a little too scary. Not as bad as the gay bashers who might do bodily harm but bad enough to give one pause.
And then there was Evan. He wrote a very complimentary e-mail congratulating me on my "courage" in admitting that I had these desires. I wrote a brief thank-you and that started our correspondence. Evan knew that I lived in NE Ohio and so did he; how close would surprise us! We exchanged e-mails over the course of a few weeks and discovered many similarities in our lives. We are both small business owners, both married with kids, both enjoy sports like baseball and football and both golf. The most important similarity was our fear of loss. We desired a forbidden pleasure but not enough to jeopardize our lives in the community. The one difference was I wanted to "give" he only wanted to "receive". We agreed that neither of us could "act out".
After exchanging many e-mails Evan asked if we could meet in person. I agreed to meet him for lunch. I was nervous, like a school girl on a blind date. We agreed to wear CSU hats and sky blue polo shirts as a way of identifying each other.
I drove to the restaurant and arrived at precisely 11:30 AM. Not a minute sooner and not later. I paused as I opened my car door deciding if I really wanted to meet this man in person. "Now or never!" I reminded myself and stood up, ready to see if Evan would find the courage to meet me in person.
We met as we approached the front door, we both smiled in recognition. It was like meeting a long lost friend (I know, trite) but we were friends or acquaintances at least. Lunch was uneventful; I think we just wanted to act normal. We didn't even talk about the sex. We did agree to meet again the next week for lunch. Our e-mails delved into our sexual fantasies but when we met in person we talked about anything but.
After many weeks we had devised an elaborate mutual fantasy. Evans wife would be out of town with their kids. He would be joining them on the weekend but had the house all to himself for just one night. He would call me and I'd come over to "do the deed".
Evan made me feel comfortable. He said that it tool great courage just to tell him about my desires and that he hoped that one day I would get my wish. I expressed a similar hope for him. Our friendship grew over the summer and I found myself thinking about him and not some faceless body with a cock to suck. I still wasn't ready to tell him I wanted HIM, but he was the one I saw standing over me as I knelt to give head. His was the cock I sucked as I masturbated. I wanted him
On the Wednesday before Labor Day we shared our usual lunch. As we left the restaurant he handed me a card with his address and said, "Sharon is taking the kids to her parents tomorrow, I'll be alone in the evening. Would you like to come over?
I saw the longing and the fear of rejection in his eyes as I choked out an answer, "What time should I be there?"
"Is seven good for you?" He smiled.
"Seven it is!" I agreed.
