My life was staring to get back to the way it was before Sam. Although he still had my heart and was in my thoughts most of the day, I got through it. I couldn't forget him all together, after all his phone calls were a constant reminder that he was around.
But, I'd decided to meet up with Adam again. He was fun to be around, and he being cute was a bonus. I figured that I had to move on sometime. Well that was a lie. Sam was always gonna be there in the back of my mind, stopping me from going out with someone properly, stopping me from having another relationship. The truth was, I was still in love, and had been from the moment I laid eyes on him. I couldn't let Sam know that though. He'd know how weak I really was, and then he would know that he could easily crawl back into my life again.
So Adam and I went out on a couple of dates and we got on well. He knew I was still having problems getting Sam off my mind and he tried to help me with that. When I looked into his eyes, I could see the care and compassion and it just made me feel even guiltier for leading him on like that. I wasn't using him of course, but still, I felt like I was. We were beginning to become good friends and hopefully one day, I figured we might take our friendship even further.
But all good things come to an end. Well, sort of.
You know I couldn't believe it when she told me one Monday morning. I didn't know whether to laugh or cry. It was just typical really, after two long and heart breaking months of not seeing Sam, I was told that there was no other option; I had to make the visit. I remember the when my boss told me the news.
"Listen Jake, I know this may be a little awkward for you, but with Julie being off sick this week and all her other patients being taken over by other staff, well I'm afraid that Mary Peters and Samual Johnson are the only one's left to see, and you're the only member of staff left." She paused. I sighed. "Anyway, it's just a quick visit really with Sam. All you have to do is see if everything is okay. He manages to put the cream on himself and there are no dressings to see to now, so really it's just a check up."
Well I was sort of relieved it wouldn't be a long visit, but deep down I knew that it would be really nice to see him again and I wanted us to clear the air a little. Maybe this visit would be a good excuse to do that. God I missed him so much. But Adam? Guilt! Guilt! Guilt!
"Okay Sue, that's fine. I'll be there tomorrow." I replied.
So for the rest of the day all I could think of was Sam. He was there in my mind when I showered back at my flat, and there when I went to bed that night. Of course I got hard, it was impossible not to. Despite my urges not to think about that time when we in the shower together, washing, rubbing, touching, kissing, groping, tasting and sucking each other, it was mighty impossible to do. I went to bed feeling sorry for myself and pissed off for the way things were between us.
Anyway, would you believe I was nervous the following morning? I was terrified. My palms were sweaty and my knees were shaking. I had a feeling that he wasn't going to give up until I spoke to him that morning and I knew the phone calls would keep coming.
Driving up in front of his house I was slightly scared. Last time I went there, he had that sex party happening with all those people. My stomach decided to tie itself in knots and I felt a little queasy. I got out and walked up to his door. Instead of just walking in, I knocked. Ten seconds later it opened.
"Jake!" He sounded surprised. I smiled. "What are you doing here?" Oh thanks for the nice welcome Sam. Again. I felt a little hurt.
"Business, not pleasure Sam. Can I come in?" I asked.
"Oh.....yeah....sure." He replied. "It's good to see you...I've missed you."
Me too. I sighed and looked at him. Oh he looked good still, but I suppose he could look hot in anything. He was simply gorgeous and I couldn't keep my eyes off his body. He was wearing his usual morning attire, tight black T-shirt and red shorts. I looked up into those eyes and they sparkled. I shook myself and spoke. "Sam please don't do this. Don't make it any harder than it already is." I stated walking in to his lounge.
He got himself into position and I bent down in front of him to check out his progress. I though back on the weeks that we did this and what it eventually led to. I was determined not to get upset.
"So what are you doing here then. Are you going to be my nurse again now?" He asked.
"No. Julie's off sick this week and nobody else could do this round so that's why I'm here, plus its closer to my house." I replied. I decide to change the subject. "So I see your looking good...your leg I mean. Its healed well, just a few scars."
I looked up at him and he smiled. I melted. 'No please no, don't do this. Don't let him get to you Jake, Be strong.'
"Yeah its fine, although I think you played a big part in it. I went back for a check up at the hospital last week and they said I was doing well. Put me on a three month check up now instead of monthly. The scars will be permanent and obviously I might not grow hair back in those places but I'm doing well."
"Good I'm glad. Well I best be off then, no need for me to stay any longer. You have enough supplies I presume?" I asked standing up.
He leaned forward and grabbed my hand. He touched me. "Jake please talk to me. God I've missed you so fuckin much. You're all I think and dream about baby. I just want you back. I know I messed up and I'm truly sorry for that but I just want to explain what it was all about. Just listen to me. Give me ten minutes then you can decide." I looked into those eyes again. I could seriously drown. He made me weak and despite my inner protests he was getting to me. I went to speak but he stopped me. "Look me in the eyes Jake and tell me you don't miss me. Just tell me you don't want this to work and you don't love me, and I'll leave you alone. I promise it will be for good this time. No more phone calls."
What could I say? What could I do? Should I tell him about Adam? Should I let him know that I was sort of seeing someone else? No I couldn't do that. I sighed and gave in. Typical! So much for being strong. 'Pathetic Jake. Control your emotions.' I sat down on the couch and he came and sat beside me, still holding my hand. It felt good, he felt good. 'Stop weakening Jake, get a grip.' I told myself.
"You know when I saw you with those guy's at Pleasure, I was gutted. I seriously thought I'd lost you for good. You were so happy with them and I figured I should just leave you to it, let you have your fun. But I couldn't stand it when they touched you. I knew they were just playing, but it should've been me doing that, dancing with you."
