Trigger Warning: This chapter includes themes of homophobia and the use of homophobic slurs
I was thinking about how it had been a long, challenging but ultimately life changing first year at University as Ash and I packed our cases and got ready to travel back home for the summer holidays. After loading up the car boot I took a moment to bask in the warm morning sun before making my way back up to the flat that had been so pivotal in our relationship.
As I entered the flat I noticed that the bathroom door was closed and so I waited for Ash to emerge as I looked around the space we had shared for the past several months. The sofa where we had first kissed. The kitchen where I had lovingly prepared food. The television, in front of which we had cuddled up and made out more times than I could count. The table where we had shared our anniversary meal together. Every object brought up a new memory and a smile to my lips as I reflected on how very lucky I was.
I took a deep breath, inhaling the scent of our home, that signature scent that every home has, unique to its occupants. Satisfying, comforting and warm, it was a smell that brought feelings of safety and security. We would be back here in a couple of months, of course, having secured the flat for another year's tenancy. But part of me still felt a little sad to be leaving. It was the first time we had truly had our own place, somewhere we could mold and alter to match our wants and needs. That was evidenced by the various anime posters covering our walls, along with the scarves I'd collected over the years when attending multiple football games. Ash had his own shelf full of his trinkets including action figures, DVD's and countless tomes of Manga neatly lined up.
I was interrupted by the sound of the bathroom door opening and Ash walking toward me, a sweet smile on his soft pink lips. I loved the summer, partially because of the warmth, the outdoor activities, the barbeques, but mostly because of how my boyfriend dressed at this time of year. His long hair was down flowing freely around his small shoulders, the sunlight making his locks shimmer and shine as their rays refracted off them. He wore a cute pink crop top that showed off his slender waist, a pair of thigh hugging jean shorts, and long white socks that really accentuated his shapely calves. The look was completed by a pair of iconic canvas topped American sneakers and some subtle make-up that highlighted his features beautifully. He walked over to me, taking my hand delicately and giving me a tight hug as we both looked around the room, reflecting on the past several months of living together.
"Ready to get going?" I asked him, to which he nodded and gave one last look around the space. Taking his hand, I led him out of the room, closing the door and locking it behind us before turning to face him.
There had been a lot of changes for us over the past few months all of which had started shortly after our anniversary. We knew that being in love with each other wasn't wrong, nor something to be ashamed of, but we had both still been scared of how people would react. My parents' acceptance had given us some confidence, and over time we had gradually started coming out to our friends at University. Most had been a little surprised but very supportive, congratulating us and offering their support. It had been really heartwarming and affirming for us both, but we still weren't ready to be completely out when we were back at home.
University felt like a safe place, somewhere with young like-minded people that wouldn't judge or criticise us for who we choose to love. But our hometown? That was a whole different issue. As far as anyone outside of the University bubble was concerned, we were still just 'best friends' and nothing more, but we both knew that would have to change at some point. We just needed to build up the courage to get there.
Ashley struggled with it more than I did, haunted by the bullying and accusations of 'gay love' we endured at school that still affected him to this day. I couldn't help but grin at the irony, even though they were horrible people, they'd been right all along, just a decade too early. I wondered what they would say if they saw us now. Probably nothing nice, although thanks to social media I knew that most of them hadn't had the best of lives after leaving the educational system. Maybe they had mellowed a little after life served them some humble pie.
After coming out to them, our classmates' acceptance had given Ash a massive boost of confidence and gradually he'd started to show some of his more feminine traits publicly. He wasn't at the point of going full femboy mode of course, but he was certainly feeling more comfortable in his own skin, being his true and authentic self, which made me happier than words could describe.
I could still remember the look on his face when he was first complimented on his outfit and makeup by one of our female friends, Nancy, who Ash had grown especially close to. He teared up, smiling from ear to ear, grabbing her in a fiercely tight hug. He didn't need to say anything, we both knew how much it meant to him and she made sure to praise him every time she saw him moving forwards. I owed her a lot for that, for making my boyfriend feel good about himself in a way I couldn't.
Of course Ashley knew that I loved him, I told him and showed him that every day. But the acceptance from others, friends he appreciated and revered, meant almost as much as the support I could provide to him as his partner and lover.
Standing by the car, we both took one last look at our building before getting inside and buckling up, doing our best to get comfortable for the journey ahead. As we drove home we listened to music and talked while Ash rested his hand on my thigh casually. It was so relaxing being with him, so easy and the journey passed in the blink of an eye as miles of tarmac were left in our wake.
As we travelled I couldn't help but think of what Ash had been like several months prior, so anxious and terrified to tell my folks about our relationship. Seeing him like this now, more confident, self-assured and beautiful than ever, filled me with the kind of pride that I couldn't even begin to describe. Butterflies danced in my tummy whenever I glanced over to look at him.
When we pulled onto the drive of my parents house I engaged the handbrake and turned off the engine, giving us a moment to just sit in silence and enjoy the moment as we decompressed from the journey. I reached out to take his little hand, my bear-like paw completely engulfing it as I leant in to give him a kiss. "I'm so proud of you baby," I whispered, gently stroking his cheek as our lips parted, making him smile as his eyes sparkled.
"What brought that on?" he asked shyly, a hint of rosy pink staining his cheeks and making him look even more adorable than usual.
"I was just thinking about the first time we came back home after we got together," I explained, "you've changed so much since then."
"You think so?" Ash asked, a momentary look of concern crossing in his face.
"All for the better cutie," I replied, giving his leg a little squeeze of reassurance. Our eyes met and there was a fire burning deep within us all of a sudden. This happened a lot when we were alone at home together. We'd be spending our free time completely innocuously, not even a hint of arousal present and then out of nowhere we would share a look, a touch, an exchange of words and then we would be atop each other in seconds. It was part of what made being with him so fun. Loving Ash still felt so exciting and free even as we inched closer to a whole calendar year of being together and I privately hoped that this spark of spontaneity between us wouldn't fade with time. Of course we couldn't exactly start getting naughty in my car on our parents drive in the middle of the day so we did our best to fight off our rising urges. We both knew that staying at home with the folks for the summer would limit our intimacy substantially, but we had both agreed it was the best option. Ash knew how much I missed my parents and despite not admitting it outwardly, he clearly did too. His bond with my Mum had actually gotten stronger since he had come out, speaking to each other on the phone regularly and even exchanging make-up and clothing tips when he'd opened up to her about wanting to explore some of his more feminine traits. It was so cute and wholesome that when I thought about it I could hardly contain my glee, smiling from ear to ear as the person who had brought me into the world and the man I loved had grown closer and closer with time.
"Come on, let's go say hello," I suggested as our eyes continued to burn into each other, "before we do something silly." Ash giggled and blushed at the implication before opening up the passenger side door and climbing out as I followed him close behind. After retrieving both of our cases from the car we made our way to the front door, knocking and waiting for the incoming onslaught of affection from my Mother. We could make out her profile through the translucent glass as she rushed to the entryway, flinging open the door as she lunged towards us, pulling us both into a huge cuddle, the kind only a loving mother can provide.
"Neil, our boys are home!" she shouted happily over her shoulder into the house as she continued to smother us with affection and after a few moments Dad came into view, making his way down the stairs with a mildly annoyed look on his face.
"You picked a good time to arrive lads, we just got a penalty" he commiserated jokingly, making his way over to us as Mum finally released us from her vice-like grip of love. He gave us both a typical quick Dad side hug and a smile while looking a little antsy, "it's good to see you both" he muttered, mind clearly still on the match playing out on the television upstairs.
"It's okay Dad, go back to the game," I said with a chuckle, "we're going to be here for a while." He barely even let the words escape my mouth before he was bounding back up the stairs, Mum rolling her eyes and crossing her arms exasperatedly as she watched him go.
