Morgan's New Direction

It must have been 3am in the morning as I stared into the dark. I had been for days back home and spiraling with emotions. As I stared into each flickering light creeping inside the windows, my brain would toggle between sex, love and everything in between.

Part of me still felt the liberating sexual fulfillment I had just devoured, but another side would overtake that accomplishment with a desire for more. A real authentic relationship that could diversely feed both sides.

Years ago I had this with my fiance, but my experience with David swept that chemistry away.

Was it David I was craving? Or did David just wake me up to want more?

My experience with Ryan truly fed the desire to be taken and controlled, but also acknowledged I officially enjoyed this side of my sexual desires.

Is it possible to have both? I had been the alpha lead all my life, but enjoyed the break in letting someone control and run the show.

My intuition knew what I had to do. I sat up, grabbed my phone and began to hunt for David. I searched for every imaginable iteration of David. After at least an hour of failed attempts, my eyes got heavy and passed out.

I woke up with an idea: go talk to the receptionists at the sports massage therapy studio.

Remembering that one of the girls who ushered me into the room was quite flirtatious, I figured she could be my path to David.

Oh the irony - leverage my heterosexual skill sets to feed my homosexual hunger - what a team.

I arrived upon their opening at 10am and thankfully she was there at the front desk. She looked up from her phone with, "Oh hi - I remember you."

I smiled back with, "Oh hi - yeah, it's been awhile."

"So cool to see you again - you want an appointment?"

"Actually - I came to ask a favor."

She put down her phone, "Of course - remind me your name?"

"Morgan - remind me yours?"

"Ashley - so talk to me - how can I help?"

"I'd love to reconnect with David, my massage therapist. Any chance you have his number?"

She smiled wide with a somewhat confused, mischievous look, "Oh yeah?"

"Yeah - he was magical and would love to see him again."

She stood up in amazement, "How cute is this - I had no idea."

I shrugged my shoulders and smiled with, "Yeah - I had no idea either - totally random connection."

She picked up her phone with her continued smile, "What's your number Morgan? I'm going to text you his number."

I gave her my number and literally exhaled knowing I officially had a chance to reconnect with my lover.

"I'm sure he is going to be excited to hear from you - we were all talking about you when you came in here."

"Get out - what were you talking about!?"

"Oh please - you knew this whole office had a crush on you - we just didn't have a clue on who you had a crush on? Well now we do."

My eyes squinted as my smile settled with, "Here's the funny thing - I think when I first walked in here - I couldn't take my eyes off of you. But then after a couple sessions with David, something clicked inside and for the first time, I had a crush on a guy. Mesmerizing, right?"

"Well not really - being bi is pretty common these days. I too am bi."

Was I bi? Interestingly, I hadn't yet felt a desire for any females since my experience with David, but knowing how much sex I had experienced in the past must have made me bi by definition.

"I guess I'll find out in time - who knows at this point," I laughed as I shook my head and started walking out the door.

"Thank you again, Ashley - let's see if I can track this dude down."

"Oh my god, Morgan - good luck - come see us if you need a massage in the future."

I sat in my car and stared at my phone. I couldn't resist from immediately texting him.

"Hello - Is this by chance David's phone?"

I exhaled loudly, turned on the music and air conditioning and off I went.

Like paint drying, it's not a healthy thing to desperately wait for a text. My brain was a carousel of thoughts on what could play out here.

Did David recognize my number and decide to ignore me? Was it no longer his number? Was he now in a relationship?

As I sat there eating dinner later in the night alone, finally the phone buzzed.

"Hi sorry, who is this? Lost my phone."

The fork still in my mouth bobbing while reading the text finally dropped loudly onto the table from the smile that broke wide.

"Hi David - it's Morgan. I finally tracked your number down - been dying to get in contact with you. Before you decide to delete or respond - just know I ended my relationship and am now single. I'd love to see you."

The chair made a loud noise from me quickly standing up as if I just won the lottery. I was so excited that I had found David.

As I did a little celebration dance, the buzzing already returned.

"Stop it - you're not getting married?"

I put the phone down and continued the dance - arms swung around with happiness.

I quickly plopped back down onto the chair and focused.

"Yeah - it just didn't feel right. I couldn't do that to her unless I was committed for the long haul. It's been quite the life change direction for sure. How are you?"

I watched for his response - you could see him typing immediately.

"I really had no idea you were even considering leaving. And to be totally transparent and direct - our time together really fucked me up. I felt like I had to delete you from my life knowing you were getting married."

I literally teared up knowing I felt the same way.

"Fuck texting - let's go get a drink, coffee, dinner - whatever. Let's have this conversation in person. Tell me when and where."

The chair tipped over this time from me jumping up.