Men Go Their Own Way

The following week, I was there. Richard, I noticed, was not.

I was in no more mood to be the quiet observer. I waited until one of the guys started on his usual rant about how men wanted women who believed in old-fashioned values. When he paused to get a second wind, I broke in.

'I just want to say that this idea that all men want women who believe in old-fashioned values is bullshit,' I said.

'That's what the men in this group want,' he said.

'That's what they say they want,' I said. 'But they're not telling the truth. When I first came to this group, I asked you all how many of you are straight. You all said yes. Since then, I've had a sexual encounter with four of the guys in this group.'

I paused and looked around. Bryan was staring at the floor. Pete was looking at me and frowning. Daniel was looking at me quizzically. Some of the others looked horrified.

'I'm not going to say who they are,' I said, 'because it's between them and me. But all men do not want a certain kind of woman, and some men want other men, even if they claim not to.'

'These are serious allegations,' said one of the guys.

'They're not "allegations",' I said. 'I'm not accusing anyone of doing anything. I'm just telling you that some men in this group sought me out for sex, and I said yes.'

'Disgusting,' said one guy, Joe, a guy about my age who was very bitter about his ex-girlfriend.

'Can I help it if I'm irresistible,' I said, smiling at him. He was half-twisted around in his seat, clearly repelled by my very presence.

'We come here to talk about male issues,' said another.

'This is a male issue,' I said. 'What's going your own way more than having sex with another guy?'

'I don't want to have sex with another guy,' said another.

'Then don't,' I said. 'Nobody's making you.'

'I don't like you coming in here and shoving your sexuality down our throats,' said Joe.

'Listen, sweetie,' I said, 'the only person around here who's been having anything shoved down his throat, is me. Ask me how I know.'

This actually got a laugh. Joe fell into a sulk, and remained quiet for the rest of the evening.

Later, when we'd all left, sure enough, I heard my name being called.

It was one of the more quiet guys: a big, working-class guy called Malcolm, who didn't do much except nod agreement with other guys.

'Hey,' he said, 'eh, good to have you back in the group.'

'Thanks.'

'I was wondering, eh...' he said, and he shuffled his feet and turned red and looked up at the sky.

'You can ask me anything,' I said, smiling.

'Was that true? What you said about... being with four of the other guys.'

'Yeah. I mean, not at the same time.'

He laughed.

'Right. Cos... I mean, I'm not queer or anything, but... I've often wondered, just... what, y'know...'

I waited.

'What's it like. Being with a bloke.'

'If you're me, it's great,' I said.

'Cos, I've got this mate, see, and he and I... we always joke about it, but we wonder, y'know... what it would be like to... be with another bloke. Just for a laugh.'

'Right.'

'But we've never done it, cos we're not queer or anything.'

'You know I am, right?'

'Well, yeah.'

'So you don't have to worry about what I'd think of you if you were.'

He thought about this for a moment.

'Right, yeah. Sorry,' he said, and smiled. I was pleased.

'So,' he said, 'what I was wonderin', was... maybe... would you be interested in maybe having him and me? So we can see what it's like?'

I stared at him.

'At the same time?'

'Yeah. Like a threesome.'

'Wow,' I said.

I had never had a threesome, although I had once been promised one by a guy I'd met online, who had a partner. He had then forgotten all about it, to my great annoyance.

I looked at Malcolm. He was six feet tall and could have beaten me to a paste.

'What's your mate like?'

'Oh, he's sound. Yeah, he's chill.'

'I mean, is he tall, or...'

'Yeah, he's quite big, like me.'

The thought of being in a threesome with two huge guys made me feel very funny inside. In a good way. I am not tall, I'm fairly slightly built, and the mental image of myself sandwiched between two giants was very enticing indeed.

'Okay,' I said. 'But with one condition.'

'Yeah?' he said, looking happy. 'What?'

'We're gonna need a room. I don't want to do it at my place, but I don't know you guys and I don't want to do it round at either of yours.'

'Oh, that's fine,' Malcolm said, 'I live with my ma anyway.'

***

We chose a cheap hotel room.

Malcolm's mate was called Derek, and he could almost have been a clone of Malcolm. They had brought a bottle of vodka, to help loosen themselves up. I was sober. It was a Saturday afternoon.

We stood in the room, all three of us, fully clothed.

'So,' Malcolm said, 'how do we start?'

'Well,' I said, 'I'm the queer one. Why don't you tell me what you'd like me to do.'

Malcolm and Derek looked at each other uncertainly.

'Guys,' I said, 'it's fine. I'll do most things that aren't illegal.'

'I'm just not feelin' that sexy right now,' Derek mumbled.

'Would it help if I got naked?' I said.

'It might.'

I quickly undressed to my boxers, tossing my clothes on the ground, then I faced Derek and looked him in the eye as I slid them down.

'Aww, yeah,' Malcolm said softly. I looked over my shoulder at him. He was staring at my bare bum.

'Thanks,' I said, smiling. I turned and looked at Derek.

'Want me to suck you off?' I said innocently.

'Uh... yeah,' he said. He opened his fly and pulled out his cock. I knelt on the floor and took it in my hands. It smelled clean.

I took him in my mouth and started to suck. He let out a long sigh.

As I mentioned before, I am not the world's expert at BJs. But I doubt Derek had ever had one before. He stood rigidly still as I sucked his cock and wrapped my tongue around it. I put my hand tentatively on his bum and he didn't slap them off, so I held onto him and did my best to get him harder.

And he did get harder. I closed my eyes and imagined my mouth as a welcoming vagina, and took as much of him in my mouth as I could.

Then I felt him hauling me to my feet and I opened my eyes, just as Malcolm came up behind me.

They embraced me, sandwiching me, nude, between their clothed bodies, and Derek kissed me. I kissed him back and sighed, and Malcolm ground his pelvis into my rear end.

Then they turned me around, and Malcolm kissed me. I was the surrogate queer guy, standing in for both of them for the other's benefit. Derek's hands roved down to my bare hips and he reached around and grasped my cock.

'Oh,' he gasped, 'that's so fuckin' hot.'

'You want to fuck me,' I panted.

'Yeah,' Malcolm said.

'You both want to fuck me?'

'Aw, fuck, yeah.'

'Come on then,' I said, and I slipped out from between them and pulled them to the bed.

They took their shirts off--for some reason, they kept their jeans on--and both their cocks were out. I pulled on them, smiling at them, eager to let them know that they could take me.

They stroked me and grabbed my face and kissed me. Then Derek was sliding over and he rolled me onto my belly, between his legs. My face was over his cock, my naked body sprawled out before him.

I knew what he wanted me to do and I bent over his cock and took him in my mouth again.

'Aw, fuck, yeaahhhh,' he gasped. They weren't great talkers, these guys, but they knew what they wanted.

And then, as I was hoping would happen, Malcolm was between my legs and mounting me.

I opened my eyes and scrabbled for the lube on the side table and pushed it back at him.

'Oh, yeah,' he muttered, and took it from me, and I went back to sucking Don off.

And then I felt Malcolm's penis pushing between my arse cheeks, and then, a bit too forcefully, he was pushing inside me, and I made a muffled whimper of pain.

But then we were off, with Malcolm at one end and Derek at the other, filling both my holes, spit-roasting me as I sprawled naked between them. I squirmed and oscillated and moaned and whimpered as Derek began to fuck my mouth almost as vigorously as Malcolm was fucking my arse.

I was as contented as I've ever been, lying there between them, being their naked queer stand-in, although Derek's fucking of my mouth was getting kind of uncomfortable because I was afraid he would make me gag, and I was hoping he would pull out and come over my face, or something.

But I was still getting a thoroughly satisfying butt-fucking from Malcolm, and I was happy to do whatever the guys wanted to do, because they had wanted this, and they'd invited me along to help them.

But then Derek pulled out my mouth and scrambled out, and I was left lolling, my jaws aching, and then, to my surprise, Malcolm pulled out of me too. I had a brief moment of panic that they'd suddenly decided that they couldn't be fucking a queer guy and were about to revenge themselves upon me, and I rolled over.

Only to see Malcolm and Derek passionately kissing, and starting to undress each other.

I, meanwhile, their naked fluffer, was forgotten.

I watched them for a moment as they got more and more hot and heavy with each other (I fuckin' love you, man), and then I decided that privacy was what they deserved.

I rolled off the bed, went to the bathroom and ducked under the shower, and then when I was clean I towelled off and tiptoed into the bedroom.

They were under the sheet. I waited to see if they planned to invite me in, but they had forgotten all about me. I quickly got dressed and slipped out of the room.

I walked home feeling... somewhat unsatisfied, physically.

But at least I'd brought them together.

***

A couple of weekends later, I decided that my lazy lifestyle was getting the better of me. I wasn't getting enough exercise.

So I went to a sports shop, where I bought a pair of running shoes and some shorts, and then I took the bus out to the coast so I could run near the sea. I knew a spot which was fairly quiet and would involve some scrambling up and down steep slopes. It was a warm day and I felt like this could be the beginning of a new start for me. I could shake off bad habits, like the stupid men's group.

I got off the bus and walked a couple of miles through fields towards the coastal hills. They broke off and formed a cliff, and there were some winding paths over these cliffs, amid hedges and trees, which I thought would be great for running in. The sun glittered off the sea as I changed from my street clothes into my running clothes, then I packed my street clothes into a backpack, put it on and started to run.

As I ran, I felt the health coming back into my limbs. My lungs ached and I was sweaty but it was great. I was miles away from anyone. I could be alone with my thoughts.

After about half an hour, I took a break to drink some water and then went on. I was running through clumps of trees and rocky hills covered in gorse. I figured I'd give it another half an hour or so and then head back and get home for a good long shower.

Up ahead on the path I saw a dark figure. As I got closer I saw it was a man: a young man wearing a dark hoodie and black jeans.

And to my surprise, as we drew nearer each other in the shade of the trees, I realised that I recognised him from the men's group.

Oh god, I thought, not wanting to have yet another awkward conversation. I tried to make it look like I hadn't seen him, but he stopped and stared at me, so I slowed to a walk, emerging from the trees. He was out in the open.

We drew level with each other. The path was in a little valley with green slopes on each side.

He was a big guy, younger than me and bigger than me, rather flabby. He was unshaven.

'You're from the group,' he said, not bothering to say hello, I noted.

'Yeah,' I said, 'just having a run.'

'Long way from home,' he said.

'I like it here.'

'Was it true what you've said?'

'What?'

'That you've had sex with four guys in the group.' He was staring at me in a rather unnerving way, not smiling.

'That's not what I said,' I said. 'I said I'd had sexual encounters.'

'How's that different?'

'It wasn't always full sex.'

'I've never had sex,' he said. 'I'm a virgin.'

'Well,' I said in what I hoped was an encouraging tone, 'you will.'

'Women are bitches,' he said.

'No they're not,' I said.

'They are to me.'

'Maybe you should try making friends with one.'

'Men and women can't be friends. Sex always gets in the way.'

'I have lots of women friends,' I said, 'and I haven't had sex with most of them.'

'That's cos you're a faggot,' he said.

'I'll see you at the group,' I said, and turned away.

'Where are you going?'

'Finishing my run,' I said and broke into a jog.

It happened very fast.

He ran up behind me and shoved me in the back, and I stumbled but didn't fall. I regained my footing and turned around to tell him to fuck off.

He slapped my face, and I stared at him in shock.

Then, he grabbed the hem of my t-shirt and pulled it up with such force that it pulled my arms up. And I realised what he wanted to do.

However, I wasn't going to let that happen. I lowered my arms and then I whacked him in the face.

He reeled, and lunged towards me, and I sidestepped him.

He went for me again, and I sidestepped him again.

'I know what you want to do,' I said.

He looked at me, his face red, breathing heavily.

'We're not gonna do that,' I said quietly. 'You're not doing that to me.'

'It's gonna happen,' he said.

'I'll run,' I said. 'I can outrun you. Forget about it.'

He hesitated. He was big, and wearing heavy dark clothes on a hot day. I am slender, and was dressed for running.

'Then I'll do it to the next person I meet,' he said.

We stood looking at each other for a long moment.

'We can do something,' I said, 'but you're not gonna hurt me or anyone else. Is that clear?'

He looked miserable. Because he wanted to hurt me. And I wasn't letting him.

'If all you want to do is cum,' I said, 'you can do that with me. If it'll get your rocks off. But you're not gonna hurt anyone today.'

He said nothing, but stared at me.

I kept eye contact with him, and slowly and deliberately I took off my t-shirt, then my sneakers and socks, then I pulled down my running shorts, and finally I slid down my trunks. I stood before him, fully naked.

'This is me,' I said. 'What do you want to do with this.'

'Turn around,' he said.

I turned my back on him so he could see my ass. I heard him breathing heavily.

'Fuck,' he muttered.

'You want to touch me,' I said softly.

'No!'

I kept my face turned away from him because I couldn't help smiling. Here I was, a young, attractive naked man offering myself to him, and I knew he wanted to do something to me, but god forbid he should touch me.

'You want to be inside me,' I said, 'but you don't want to go up my ass because you think it's dirty.'

'It is.'

'You're wishing I had a pussy,' I said.

'Don't talk,' he said.

Ah, of course, I thought.

'I'm going to turn around for a second,' I said.

'Why?'

'Close your eyes,' I said. 'I'm not going anywhere.'

I turned, cautiously. He was standing there with his eyes shut.

I sat down on the grass and carefully tucked my cock and balls between my thighs. I like to shave my body but I leave the hair around my genitals, because I like it that way. I arranged my legs so that one was slightly bent, keeping my cock and balls hidden. Then I took my t-shirt and wrapped it around my face and lay back on the grass. Naked, with my cock and balls hidden and my face covered, I was neither quite male nor female: I didn't have breasts but, all-importantly, I looked like I didn't have a cock either.

'Open your eyes,' I said, and waited.

I heard him draw breath, and then I heard the sound of him unzipping his fly.

My gamble had worked. As long as I didn't look too male, he was aroused by me.

I heard him panting as he masturbated, and I began to move my body and make little whimpers as if I were being fucked.

I lay there for several minutes, doing that, hearing the young guy jerking off over me, and part of me was all too aware that somebody might find us like that, the naked young man lying in the grass, blindfolded, with the clothed young man standing over him and masturbating, but if it meant that he wasn't going to force himself on anyone else today, it was a sacrifice I was willing to make.

'Uh, uh, uh, uh...' he panted as he got more aroused. I was making more and more feminine little moans and squirming in the grass. I had to push him over the top.

'Oh god' I whimpered, 'fuck me, fuck me... fuck me...'

And then, as I half-thought he might, he abruptly rolled me onto my belly. I gave a startled squeal and then I parted my legs and let my cock and balls drop beneath me as he stuck his cock between my buttocks.

I squirmed underneath him but he was only wedged between my buttocks; he was afraid of actually penetrating my anus. In any case, it didn't matter because with a few quick thrusts, the friction of ass cheeks on his cock made him come into my ass crack.

'AaaAAAAAUUUHH!' I cried, squirming, shifting my naked hips back into his groin as he pumped his semen out and it dribbled down my crack onto my taint and dripped onto the grass.

He hadn't penetrated me. But it was as near as didn't matter.

He paused there, breathing heavily, and I lay beneath him, trembling and naked, my t-shirt still wrapped around my head.

Then he got off me and I heard him zip up and stomp away.

I lay there for a moment, still a little shocked.

But I wasn't hurt. Except in my dignity. And I'd offered it to him: he hadn't ripped it from me.

And now he'd shot his load between my naked buttocks, he wasn't going to be in the mood to do something worse to anyone else.

I unwrapped the t-shirt from my head, and used grass to wipe his cum off my ass. Then I quickly got dressed and drank some water.

I looked around. Nobody in sight.

Of course, there was no guarantee he wouldn't force himself on someone else some time.

I sighed. I had willingly given my body to a thug and a potential rapist.

But the alternative had been either to abandon all responsibility and run away, or be raped myself.

I closed my eyes for a moment, imagining what it would have been like if I'd not offered myself myself to him, but had been defeated by him. I imagined him holding me down and forcing himself into me while I screamed.

I opened my eyes. No. Any way you looked at it, this had to be better.

Still, it was depressing that there were such people in the world.

I took a deep breath and began to run again.

***

After that afternoon, something inside me snapped.

I seemed to be destined to be used by these guys, one way or another, as their first and probably only attempt to fuck a guy. They had all chosen me as their piece of meat.

Well, except Malcolm and his mate, who had essentially used me as a condom in order to get closer to each other.

Then, I thought, if that's what's going to happen, it's going to be on my terms. If they're going to use me, I'm going to make them use me.

I would not be blindsided again, like when I was out jogging. If it was going to come, if they were going to try to take me, then I would dare them to do it, and I would make them force me. I wasn't willing to be fooled or tricked anymore.

I went back to the group, angry but determined.

***

The meeting was the usual complaint-fest, but the kid who had grabbed me and tried to take me when I was out jogging was not there. I was not surprised.

I said nothing, merely looked at them all as they talked and wondered who, if any, would approach me next.

The meeting came to an end, and everyone started to leave. I was slipping my backpack on when a guy who'd been to every meeting, but who had said nothing, came over to me.