Devin wanted me down on my knees on the hard tile, wearing nothing but my panties. I was more than happy to comply, even while feeling guilty about my wife Sandra. Devin was her boyfriend, after all. We were in the kitchen. The vacuum cleaner sat idle in the middle of the livingroom, its motor probably still warm. It was a Saturday, about ten-thirty in the morning.
Despite the early hour, Devin had shown up drunk—inebriated at any rate—and I wondered if he'd been up all night. He looked disheveled, unfocused.
"What's up?" I'd asked at the front door, having hastily pulled on trousers. My shaved chest was bare. "You know Sandra's up at her mother's."
Devin had already barged past me, as if he owned the place. "I know that!" he snapped. "You got a beer?"
Of course I had beer for Devin. We kept a 12-pack of Heineken bottles in the fridge just for him. Sandra and I drink wine, or in my case sometimes light beer. I dislike Germanic beers, the metallic taste. I popped the cap on a cold, green bottle and brought it to Devin, who'd seated himself on counter's end stool. He drank, without thanking me. Then looked me up and down in my colorful bikini briefs and even more colorful beach shoes—my usual housecleaning attire—and said: "Is Sandra cheating on me?"
This was rich! My wife's lover asking the man he was cuckolding if his—my—wife was cheating on him!
"What are you talking about?" I frowned.
"Is she really up at her mother's?"
"Yes. I talked to her last night."
"Her mother?"
"No! Sandra!"
"Then how do you know where she is?"
"Where else would she be? She's at her mother's, Devin. The woman just had hip replacement surgery..."
"Why the weekend?"
I presumed he meant by this, Why did she choose to go up on the weekend? Uh...Duh-uh! "Because it's the weekend? She has a job? She works five days a week?"
"She could've taken time off."
"She didn't have any vacation time left, Devin. She used the last of it up on that cruise you guys took." Without me, I might have added. To Cancun.
"The weekend is OUR time together," Devin said sourly. Or should I say poutingly? He pushed his empty bottle toward me and I, reluctantly, got him another. Now, it seemed, I was his bartender.
"Well, she had to go up," I told Devin. "It's her mother."
"But she's not seeing anybody else?"
"When would she have time to see anybody else?"
"You would know?"
This made me stop and think. "I think so. Sandra's always been promiscuous but...one guy at a time, y'know? You're the latest," I added, as if to rub it in.
"She's a little slut."
"That's not nice, is it?"
"Well..."
I watched Devin take another swig and said, "At any rate she won't be back till probably Monday, late."
"What's Monday?"
"Memorial Day."
"Oh. My country...," Devin mumbled. He used to be in the army. He liked to talk about his service. Went on and on about it. He'd been stationed in Germany at one point, and it was there he developed his liking for German beers. Heineken in a pinch. Once he'd asked me, in front of Sandra, if I knew anything about Germany. I almost burst out laughing. "Well prior to 1946," I said, watching a smile break out on Sandra's face, "I know quite a lot!"
Devin didn't get the joke. He sat there stone-faced. "What's that supposed to mean?"
If you don't know..., I thought. "Forget it." Come to think of it Devin had been drunk that day too. Sandra didn't like it if I drank too much, but with Devin she didn't seem to mind. He was only around on weekends, a day, a day and a half, and most importantly it didn't seem to affect his performance in bed. He's a real Mensch, as Sandra liked to say.
Now, months later, Devin gave me that up-and-down look again. "You always dress like this?" he asked, with a sneer.
No, just when you're around, I started to say. "When I'm cleaning house," my actual reply.
Devin laughed. One short note of contempt. "You do the housework..."
"Well, when Sandra's away..." Actually, when she was away or not away. Always.
"And when I'm over."
I conceded the point—with a nod.
"You do it just to fuck with me don't you?" Devin alleged, his tone turning, well, nastier.
"Why would I want to fuck with you?"
"Prancing around in your little fairy panties..."
"I don't prance."
"Well...you know what I mean. Showing off your junk." Emphasis on junk.
I looked down at myself. Looked up. Swallowed. "I'm not showing anything off."