I was nervous. Talking with someone online is one thing. Especially how we did it before, without showing our faces. This time I would not be able to hide behind my own insecurities. We decided to meet at a local coffee shop in the gay village, somewhere we agreed would be safe from outside harassment. Though it was only the beginning of June it was already a hot summer like day. I dressed in a tank top that was designed to resemble a beautiful sunset. The sleeves had deep cuts allowing anyone to peek and see the ripples of my pecks and abs. I wanted to show off a bit. To complete the outfit I had on powder blue shorts that stopped half way down my thighs. I couldn't help but notice people turning to get a better look as I walked into the cafe.
When I stepped through the door I looked to the back, where we agreed to meet. Sitting at the table was possibly the most gorgeous young man I had ever seen. He had a thin face with a sharp, strong jawline. His dark brown hair was swept back over the top of his head and cut short at the sides. To put it simply, he was beautiful. He wore a light athletic t-shirt that showed off the shape of his perfect chest and some lose fitting athletic shorts. I could almost see the outline of his cock through the shorts, almost as if he was not wearing underwear. He looked up at me and noticeably blushed a little as I walked over to the table. "Are you Ryan?" I asked.
"Yes," he replied, "and you must be James." I nodded and smiled. He returned the gesture. Somehow it made him look even more handsome. I walked the last step and we both embraced. I could feel the his body press against mine, the firmness of his abs. When we broke the embrace, he looked up and asked, "do you want some coffee?"
"Sure." We both walked up to the counter to order our drinks.
When we sat down back at the table I could see that he looked nervous. "Sorry," he said, "i've never done this type of thing before, especially with another guy."
I smiled. "It's okay," I said, trying to sound reassuring. "I'm not going to pressure you into anything you are uncomfortable with."
"Thanks," He responded. "So have you always lived in Toronto?"
"Ha," I laughed, "no, I actually was born in Vancouver when I was 5, my dad got transferred here for his job. What about you?"
"Yeah I was born here and never really left."
Our conversation continued for what seemed like hours and it did not take long for us to get over the beginning awkwardness. Then suddenly his face changed. Back to the nervousness he had when we first started talking. "Can I ask you a personal question?" He asked, now much quieter and more reserved.
"Sure." I said, leaning a little closer, again trying to look easy going, and reassuring.
"How did you know you were gay?"
"Well, I had a friend back when I was in elementary school. He was my best friend and we used to hang out a lot. One day, we were hanging out after school and I accidentally saw him naked. I couldn't help but look down at his you know... Anyway, we didn't make a big deal out of it but I couldn't get the image out of my head.
"Fast forward to a few years later, when I was in high school there was a guy in my English class. I couldn't stop looking at him. He was so handsome. That night I had a dream where he and I had sex, and when I woke up I had the largest boner of my life. After that I started to look at pictures of hot men and women. When I saw attractive women I could recognize that yeah they were good looking but my thoughts ended there. When I saw attractive men though... Woah, my thoughts exploded.
"Over time, I started to oppress my feelings, but after a while, I finally realized who I am and I was ready to come out." I had gotten so lost in what I was saying, and the memory of it all that I had lost track of Ryan. When I finally looked back at him, I noticed that there was a tear in his eye. I got up and sat beside him. I put my arm around his shoulders in a way that seemed normal. "Is everything ok?"
"Yeah sorry," he said in a soft voice. "It's just that ever since our first, you know, encounter, i've started to have these - I don't know - these feelings." he now just started to cry. "And I... I think..." he couldn't finish his thought.
"You think you might be gay too." he only nodded. I reached my other arm around and pulled him into a hug. I think he needed it. He just rested his head on my shoulder. I could feel him shake as he continued to cry.
After a couple minutes, he stopped and looked up. His vulnerability and puffy eyes only made him cuter. "I'm sorry," he said, now very quiet, almost a whisper.
"Don't be." I lifted up a hand and brushed away the tears on his face with my thumb. I looked into his eyes and immediately saw understanding. There was an unspoken connection, and we both knew it. He just stared up at me with his sweet eyes. He smiled, and leaned in, placing his lips on mine in a soft kiss. I could immediately taste the saltiness from his earlier tears. I began to kiss him back, but before long I remembered where we were and I pulled away.
"I'm sorry," he said again.
"You need to stop apologizing."
"We're both Canadian, its what we do." This made me laugh.
"My god you're so cute."
"Can we go somewhere, to be alone?" he asked.
"Are you sure this is what you want?" I asked. "Are you sure you are ready?" He didn't need to add words to his response. He stood up, and grabbed my hand smiling.
We walked out of the cafe hand in hand. I knew this would be safe here, we were in the gay village after all. There it is normal to see two men holding hands. He led me to his car and invited me into the passenger seat. When he sat next to me, he turned and looked at me. "Thanks for being so understanding," he said. "I just... Didn't know how to say it."
"I know, I went through the same thing," I said. "I think all of us do."
"Do you think people know?" he asked.