AUTHOR'S NOTE: This one's for you, NH.
*****
As it got later that Saturday afternoon Brad tried to sit and relax for a few minutes before the party, but he was too nervous. He jumped up and checked the refrigerator for the umpteenth time-okay, there was plenty of beer and soda. The bowls on the dining room table and in the living room were filled with chips and pretzels, and there were more bags of munchies in the kitchen if they ran out.
Truth was, there wasn't going to be much snacking if things went well.
He went into the bedroom. His king bed had clean sheets and spread. The bathroom and shower were scrubbed. There were fresh towels laid out in strategic places, lube, condoms and the small brown bottle with screw cap on the nightstand. He'd thought about not putting out the rubbers, but didn't want to pressure the new guy if he wanted to play safe.
Walt and Sid, his married buddies, had arranged to bring a friend to make it a foursome this time. After their first hot three-way in a hotel downtown, Brad had been eagerly looking forward to their next time, and had suggested that they meet at his house now that they knew each other better.
His friends had been enthusiastic. "It would be great, meeting up at your place," Walt said. He was a well-built man with salt-and-pepper hair and beard, whose outsize body and craggy face hid the gentle, funny personality inside. Brad had discovered with pained delight that first time in the hotel that all of Walt's parts were in proportion. "And you have a backyard pool? Think of the possibilities."
"Let's hope it's warm enough," Sid said. "The weather sure has been crazy lately." Sid was the younger of the two friends, clean-shaven, hairy-chested, with a football player's build and sexual stamina to match. He could be prickly and possessive of Walt, but Brad had come to like him.
Walt had called him a few days earlier to ask if they could bring a friend. "Dwayne's in town. We haven't seen him for ages. We used to get together a lot, the three of us, until he got transferred. Could he join us? I think you'll like him. He's a great guy. Great looking too."
"Sure," Brad had said. "The more the merrier."
"Great. We'll see you Saturday. Looking forward to it, guy."
He glanced at the digital clock on the nightstand. Almost time. Brad squared his shoulders and went back into the living room. Just as he got there the doorbell rang. He hurried to the front door.
"Hey, buddy!" Walt threw his arms around him as soon as Brad let them in, clapping him on the back. "It's been too long."
Sid hugged him in turn. "How're you doing, hot guy?"
Brad didn't answer. He was looking over Sid's shoulder at the third man who had walked in the door.
"Brad, meet our buddy Dwayne," Walt said.
"How're you doing?" Dwayne extended a hand, his teeth brilliant white.
Brad let go of Sid. He knew his smile was phony but he forced himself to keep it on his face. He shook Dwayne's hand, dimly noticing the newcomer's strong grip.
"Come on in," he managed.
They walked into the house. Brad avoided Walt and Sid's gazes, knowing that he'd give himself away in an instant if he met their eyes. He realized that he was shaking and his palms were sweaty. No way could he go through with this.
"Guys, could you excuse me a minute?" His voice sounded forced and unnatural to his ears. "Be right back. Help yourself to something eat. Drinks in the kitchen."
He tried not to hurry too obviously as he headed toward the bedroom. As soon as he was there he flung himself into an armchair near the bed. He was panting and his heart was thudding a mile a minute. Get a grip, man. Brad leaned back, closed his eyes and willed himself to calm down.
Just as he was starting to feel a little calmer, there was a knock on the partly open door.
"Brad?" Walt's voice called. "You okay?"
His heart sank, but there was no escape. "Yeah, I'm fine. Come on in."
Walt's face was creased with worry.
"What's wrong? Are you sick?"
"Not exactly. Sorry I'm being such a flake." Brad looked at the floor. He had to say it. "Listen, guys, I'm not sure this is going to work."
"What do you mean?" Sid asked.
"Well," Brad said, "You didn't tell me that-"
"What?" Suddenly Sid's face darkened. "Are you saying you have a problem with Dwayne being black?"
Brad sighed. "It's not that simple."
Walt looked sad. "Brad, Dwayne is a good friend of ours. We thought you would like him." He shook his head slowly. "If he goes, I'm afraid we can't stay either."
"Damn right," Sid said. "We don't truck with racists."
At that Brad's head snapped up. He glared at Sid. "Don't be so quick to throw around that word. Take it from me, you don't know what's going on."
"Then Brad, maybe you could clue us in?" Walt asked. "And Dwayne too?"
Silence. Then Brad nodded. "Okay."
He followed them back to the living room, where Dwayne was sitting on the couch. His smile when they walked in was a little strained.
"Everything okay?" he asked.
Brad sat in one of the other chairs. "Not exactly." He looked Dwayne in the eye. "First, I owe you an apology for running off. That was rude."
Dwayne nodded, but didn't say anything.
"I'm going to try and explain." Brad heaved a sigh. "Okay, here goes. I was kind of thrown when I saw you." He held up a hand as Sid opened his mouth to speak. "Hold on."
"In college I had an African-American boyfriend." Sid made a noise and Walt shot him a glare.
"It's true," Brad said. "His name was Maurice. He was a great guy. Hot as all get out, too." He grinned at the memory. "We met in an intramural basketball game. Maurice-Maurie's team just blew us out. Totally worth it, though, when I saw him in the gym shower after."
His face clouded. "At that point I had no problem dating a black guy. None at all. Maurie was not only a stud, he was sweet. I still feel bad about how it all went down."
"What happened?" Walt asked.
"Some of my friends weren't as open-minded as I was." Brad sighed. "They didn't use the N-word or anything like that. They bad-mouthed him to me, said he was cheating on me, that kind of stuff.
"I wasn't that strong. I started believing the trash they were talking about Maurie. Finally found an excuse to break up with him."
Brad looked down at his hands, which had clenched into fists. "Maurie took it really hard. We never talked again, even at graduation. But that's not all."
"A nice guy like him had plenty of friends, gay and straight. Some of them were even on the football team, big strong guys. They didn't take kindly to some white guy treating their brother like dirt, as they saw it.
"One night I was walking home from the library and four or five of Maurie's buds began following me, talking trash. They caught up to me, started pushing and shoving. I fell down and the kicking and punching started.
"It was just dumb luck that a campus patrol car came around the corner before they had a chance to do real damage. Even so, I was pretty banged up. Broke my nose and a rib. Spent a night in the infirmary. Told the cops it was too dark to see who they were.
"Maurie must have told his friends to back off, because nothing like that ever happened again. Still, it made the rest of college pretty scary. I was fucking glad to graduate and leave that place forever."
He found he was trembling. "Even now I sometimes wish I could talk to him. Tell him I'm sorry."
"You could still do that." Sid's jaw was set.
Brad shook his head. "Maurie died only a few years after college. HIV. Still not sure why I'm around when so many guys I knew back then aren't."
He looked Dwayne in the eye. "I haven't dated any black guys since then. So seeing you today freaked me out a little, I'll admit it."
They sat in silence. Then Dwayne got up and came over to Brad, laying a hand on his shoulder.
"I'm sorry about what happened to you, man. Maybe this isn't the right time."
"Thanks," Brad said. "No reason for you all to leave. You enjoy yourselves. I'll just go out for a while and come back."
"You can't do that," Walt protested. "We're not going to kick you out of your own home, for gosh sakes. Listen. Why don't we just get ourselves some drinks, relax, just talk. Heck, we can watch TV. No pressure."
Brad considered this. "Well, we decided to meet here because I had a pool. We could go out there. It's a nice warm night. It'll be safe. I put up a nice high fence." He smiled. "We could sit out there, have a few drinks. Watching TV's kind of lame."
"Sounds like a plan to me," Walt said.
A few minutes later they were headed out the back door, drinks in hand. They settled into the deck chairs by the pool. Brad noticed that Sid had pulled out his phone and was checking it.
"Sid," Walt said. "Put that thing away."
Sid shot him a look, but clicked the device off and put it down. By now darkness was beginning to fall. Brad went back into the house and came out with a spray can of insect repellant.
"In case anyone needs it."
"There's another way not to get bitten," Walt observed. "Get in the water. Do you mind, Brad?"
Brad laughed. A bit of his good mood was returning. "Mind? That's why I invited you guys over here. Be my guest."
Walt twinkled. "Okay if we go in our birthday suits?"
"Sure. I won't turn the lights on out here. Just don't make too much noise or the neighbors will wonder what's going on."