When I awoke the next day around noon, I immediately noticed I was alone in the bedroom and still naked. I went down the stairs and retrieved my clothes from the living room. After dressing I walked through the downstairs, calling for Derek but he wasn't there.
In the kitchen, I found a note he had left for me that read "Sorry Tris, had to run and didn't wanna wake you. Help yourself to whatever you like."
I smiled, thinking it was cute he left me a note instead of texting that. However, I didn't linger very long. I had a paper to write and since my laptop was back at my dorm, I figured I'd go back and try to write it while Derek was out. That way I have all of break to do what I wanted, and hopefully what (or who) I wanted wanted to do what I wanted to.
As I walked back to my dorm, I was replaying the previous night's events in my head. The encounter lasted a good while but the actual sex didnt last very long. But even still, it was mindblowing. Even beyond the physical, it felt so sensual and there was an ache I felt in my heart just thinking about Derek prematurely ejaculating from his excitement to be fucking me. An ache that hurt but in a good way.
I thought about texting Derek and telling him I'd left and why but I remembered he said he liked to chase. So I figured that was a bit of an indicator how I should handle the situation. I'd wait until he texted me when he got home.
But I waited all day and night for that text and it never came. I began to worry, wondering if maybe he'd realized he wasn't into me. I wanted to text him so bad but I wasn't going to be just another puppy dog begging for his attention. It took a long time for me to fall asleep that night and when I did, I didn't sleep well. My anxiety was so high and I was feeling pretty stupid. I convinced myself he'd text me tomorrow just so I relaxed enough to drift off to sleep.
But I didn't hear from him the next day and then all day the next either. I was so hurt and confused. I probably typed up a message and then deleted it about a dozen times over those couple of days. On that third day after, Tori ended up calling me and begging me to come out with her to another party at the same house as the other night. I finally agreed reluctantly and she came to my dorm to ensure that I got ready.
"We're gonna make sure you're looking cute, one of those boys has to be gay and we are going to get you a boyfriend before the end of the year!" Tori insisted.
I felt an awful twinge of hurt in the pit of my stomach and I knew it was because I'd already found the guy I wanted. But Tori's brother didn't seem to feel the same. Regardless, I was all for trying to look cute because I figured Derek would be there.
"Yeah I guess...be kind of hard considering I'm in the closet. But speaking of boyfriends, what happened with you and Stephen the other night?" I asked, trying to change the subject but also genuinely curious if she'd finally gone past second base.
Spoiler alert: she did not. I couldn't help but laugh when she told me about how he practically begged her to sleep with him. I asked her if she was worried he'd lose interest and go after an easier girl.
"Not really, if he does then he isn't the guy for me anyway. It's not like I'm waiting for marriage but he hasn't even asked me to be his girlfriend officially yet." I always admired her self-assuredness and conviction. It seemed to run in the family.
"Right, why buy the cow if you can get the milk for free?" I joked with her.
"RUDE!" She exclaimed in mock outrage. "How dare you call me a cow...But on the whole, a pretty accurate observation. Guys are gross. Besides, I can't leave you as the only virgin in our group can I?"
My face burned red hot and something in her eyes told me she registered it. But she didn't say anything. Tori was a great friend, she'd never press me for anything I didn't volunteer and I appreciated that about her. But my stomach bubbled with guilt knowing I'd slept with her brother.
Finally, she was satisfied with my look (which was the most stereotypically closeted twink look possible) and we made our way to the party.
"I wish John and Ana would go ahead and tell us they are fucking. What do they think they are, future Oscar winning actors or something?" Tori said.
"I know right, I don't get why they haven't told us," I responded, before adding "but I'm sure they will when they are ready." It was probably my own guilty conscience speaking. I didn't like keeping things from Tori, especially something as big as this.
We continued to discuss their relationship and agreed they'd be a good match. We starting joking around a bit and by the time I got to the party, I was smiling. It was short lived.
When we walked into the house, of course the first person I see is Derek standing with his douchebag friends. We caught eachothers eye and my smile immediately fell. He looked like someone had just struck him in the face and it wasn't a happy look obviously. Of course, in typical Tori fashion she had to run over there and drag me with her.
"Big brother!" She shouted loudly as she threw her arms around him, intentionally trying to embarrass him as she always did. Derek half grinned, half grimaced.
"Annoying little sister!" He said back and picked her up. I remembered how he'd picked me up the other night and for some odd reason, I felt a twinge of jealousy. He looked at me.
"What's up Tristan?" He said to me dispassionately and immediately I noticed him calling me by my first name.
"Not much," is all I got out. I felt like I was gonna throw up. So he does regret the other night, I thought to myself. I excused myself, using the excuse of going to get a red solo cup of beer like the one in everybody elses hands.
I chugged my first cup from the keg and refilled it. I stood alone in the kitchen trying to collect myself for about ten minutes. I decided the only thing I could do is act like nothing happened and try to have fun...or at least appear to. I finished my second cup, refilled it again and grabbed an extra cup for Tori.
When I returned to the larger crowd in the living room, I immediately noticed Derek and Tori with the usual group of guys and girls surrounding them. Derek seemed like he was just soaking in the attention this time. I felt a sharp pain in my ribs before I pushed it from my mind and rejoined them.
Throughout the night, Derek would flirt hard with the girls and throw little snide comments my way. Subtle enough but still obviously shady to the point Tori kept throwing him confused looks. I did my best to laugh them off but it really did hurt. Bad.
"Hey Tori, why don't you and Tristan just skip all the bullshit and fuck already? The sexual tension between yall is obvious," one of Derek's douchey friends said, knowing full well that wasn't true but just trying to embarrass us. Derek, who had been concentrating on a conversation with a girl who was leaning all over him, lifted his head up and watched intently.
"Shut up. We're just friends. And sorry Tris but I'm already seeing someone," she said to me, kissing me on the cheek in a mock-apologetic way with a smirk.
"Well damn, that's disappointing," I said sarcastically back. Then I heard Derek speak up.
"Be careful Tori, bet Tristan will ditch you for disappointing him," he said with a slight edge to his voice.
I was stung. I didn't understand where it came from. It made no sense to me and I was kind of surprised. Like I said, he'd made some borderline rude comments but this is the first one that very clearly wasn't some sort of joke.
"What's that supposed to mean Derek?" I spat out with unintentional aggression.
"Ya'll chill, Derek what's gotten in t---" Tori started to say, looking from one of us to the other.
"I'm just saying, he seems fake to me. I get the vibe Tristan is a bit of a CLOSET asshole," interrupted Derek, glaring at me and emphasizing the word closet.
Tears immediately welled up in my eyes and i threw my cup down on the ground followed by turning around as quickly as possible to walk away, hoping to get away before anyone realized I was moreso hurt than simply pissed. But it was definitely a mix of both and I cry when I'm angry anyway.
As I got to the door, I heard Tori go off on Derek. By the time I'd slammed the door behind me, tears were rolling down my face. I was pissed but mostly, I'd never felt so hurt.
I had thick skin for sure, but it was different with Derek. I'd let my guard down some with him and I felt like I could trust him. He'd made me feel so secure with him but now, I wondered how someone who seemed so sweet could end up being so cruel.
It wasn't even what he'd said, it was just the general attitude he had after I gave my virginity to him. Despite how it may look, I was very much in the same boat as Tori in wanting my first time to mean something. And Derek's words had disarmed me enough to believe that he was the guy I wanted to give everything I had to. Maybe that's silly since I gave it up to him at the first chance but its not like we'd just met. It felt real at the time.
I was about halfway back to my dorm when I heard feet shuffling behind me and heard a familiar voice.
"Tristan! Tristan wait!" It was Derek. I kept walking.
"Leave me alone Derek," I said loudly.
"No, we need to talk!" He fired back authoritatively, right behind me at this point.
"No, you NEED to leave me alone," I sobbed, starting to cry again. He grabbed my arm and stopped, stopping me as well.
"I left you alone for three days, you owe me an explanation," he said rather angrily.
"For what?! Gonna claim I seduced you? I took advantage of you? And thats why youre being such a dick to me? Leave me alone Derek," I said, glaring at him. Silent tears shining in my eyes, he looked taken aback.
