Ray had been uneasy for most of the day. As he completed his patrols, did paperwork, and attended to general police work there was only one thing on his mind: Dylan. The day before had been a challenging one. It started out fine, with Ray being invited to hang out and watch as Dylan instructed a martial arts class at a nearby studio. It was yet another step into Dylan's circle and into his life. The ex-marine and instructor explained that he was friendly with most of the staff and students and that they often hung out after class. Ray had a free afternoon and figured it would be a good way to further get to know the man who had been monopolizing all of his time.
They arrived separately, with Dylan going straight there from his main gig; managing a gym. As Ray entered the building, he found two men in the area near the front counter. One was a young, attractive Latin man of about 5'7 wearing a name tag and a t-shirt with the studio's name on it. The other was a face Ray was surprised to recognize. Leo. A roughly six-foot even, twenty-something black military officer that Dylan - a now forty-one-year-old man, had started an unlikely friendship with. He had really only seen the young man in person once or twice, both times while working out with Dylan and there had been no contact. Ray had found a roundabout way of asking Dylan about his mysterious occasional workout partner and gotten a few details. This would be the first time either had actually spoken.
"Welcome, are you here to try out a free class?" asked the man working the counter. He was likely familiar with all of the students and recognized Ray as a newbie.
"Actually, I'm just here to watch. My, uh -" Ray paused. He'd never uttered the words "my boyfriend" to himself or anyone else. In a split second he was filled with doubt. What if these people didn't know Dylan was gay. Anyone who met him would assume that he was straight and if he never corrected that assumption...
"You must be Ray," Leo said, mercifully pulling Ray out of his thoughts. "He's just here watch Dylan do his thing."
"How'd you know?" Ray asked.
"Well Dylan said you were a bodybuilder..."
Ray perked up in preparation for a compliment about his body.
"...and you're wearing sleeveless hoody as a shirt so I put two and two together," Leo said with a dry wit.
"HAHA," Ray said, sarcastic but amused. "And you must be Leo.... Dylan said you were funny."
"I try," Leo said with shrug as the other young man chuckled and led Ray over to the couches.
The studio had a bit of a garage-like feel to it. It was medium-sized and the right half of the floor was covered with a blue mat. Before that sat a row of old couches set up for observers where Ray took a seat and waited. It wasn't long before Dylan emerged from the changing area at the back of the building, his six-foot-three-inch frame covered in a black gi tied with a purple belt, and went about running the class. He looked totally suited to the role and walked the mat like he belonged there. The instructor also walked the mat like he'd be totally at home in a bare-knuckle boxing match. The cop watched as the mostly male students did warmups before circling around to watch Dylan demonstrate the day's lesson. After breaking off into groups to practice, with Dylan making the rounds for coaching and advisement, it was time to spar. At that point that Ray saw Leo make his way off the mat.
"You're not sparring today?" Dylan asked his young friend.
"Nah. Can't risk getting injured,"
"Oh, right," Dylan said suddenly remembering what must have been a previous conversation. "You got your fitness assessment coming up. I don't think you'd get hurt but you still don't want to risk it."
"Nah," shouted one of the other men jokingly. "He just doesn't want to risk messing up that pretty face!"
Most of the men chuckled. Dylan simply smirked and shook his head.
"You bring your camera?" He asked.
"Yeah," Leo replied.
"Mind taking a few snaps during the sparring?"
"No problem."
Suddenly a loud bell rang and the two-man groups began grappling. It was entertaining enough, but Ray's focus shifted to Leo, who made his way around the mat, sometimes crouching, at times prone, and at other times off in a corner taking pictures with fancy looking camera. The way he moved around the mat had a sort masculine gracefulness and he might not have seemed out of place in a Calving Klein ad. He wasn't at it long and after slipping on his shoes, he made his way over to the area near Ray's couch to rifle through his gym bag. Ray had to admit that he was intrigued.
"So, are you some kind of military photographer?" Ray asked brusquely.
"Nah, this is just a hobby."
"What do you do in there?" Ray asked, coolly.
"I'm a medical laboratory officer, for now."
"For now?"
"Yeah," Leo said, a little bit of excitement creeping into his cool demeanor. "In a few months I'm going to Turkey for six months. After that, in the spring, they're sending me to grad school in Colorado. It'll add to my original commitment but I wasn't planning on separating any time soon."
They talked for bit and even though their conversation was brief, Ray could understand why Dylan would like this guy.
Something started to bug him though. What was the extent of his friendship with Dylan? Early on, when it became clear that this was more than just sex, Dylan let Ray know that he was still friends some of the guys he'd hooked up with. John, a friend who let Dylan stay and his place (and who was also nice enough let Ray fuck him) was one, but what about Leo? The two seemed to have a platonic, "bro-like" friendship. But Leo was handsome. Very handsome, and not in an average sort of way. That thought, unfortunately, was like a gateway as Ray, ever cognizant of his surroundings started to notice something else.
Once or twice, Ray thought he caught a passing glance from some of the guys on the mat. It shouldn't have bothered him. He tried not to let it bother him. But it did. As Ray looked around and saw all of the men in the room - men who were friendly and familiar with the man he'd come here to see, he couldn't help but wonder about what types of relationships they may have had. Had Dylan slept with any of them? Dated them? Was he still involved? The questions started to burrow into Ray's mind and he suddenly found himself uneasy. That uneasiness started to branch out as the visitor started to wonder how much these men knew about him and Dylan. He knew that Dylan and Leo talked about most things, including sex. Which meant that Leo probably knew about how they had met. What happened in the shower at the gym. Did anyone else know? This was all so different from fucking random men while out on patrol. How much did the others know about him? Ray tensed and felt the mild soreness from where Dylan fucked him that morning. That triggered a flash back to Ray on his knees in Dylan's office. He started to clam up, not knowing what would be worse: people in Dylan's circle knowing all about him or them knowing nothing.
After several rounds the sparring came to an end and the men in their loose-fitting gis gathered around their instructor for a final word. Most of them headed for the lockers to grab their things while several milled about chatting casually. The original plan was for Ray to hang out a bit but instead he said a quick goodbye and then bolted.
When Dylan showed up at Ray's place shortly after, he noticed they the man was clean and freshly showered. His first thought was that Dylan must have showered at John's place before remembering that the studio also had a shower. But he hated that that's where his mind went. Jumping to conclusions and feeling so anxious. If he had been more experienced, he might have been able to maturely explain his discomfort. But this was his first real relationship. He had said and done things with Dylan that he'd never done with anyone else. He not only felt things that he had never felt but also things he didn't even think himself possible of feeling. And, as they stood in the living room of Ray's immaculately clean apartment, all these feelings came spilling out in a way that was far less calm than Ray would have liked.
"Have you ever dated any of those guys?" Ray asked trying to sound reserved and failing.
"Who?"
"The guys from the studio, your classes."
"Dated? No." he said, as if that would be the end of it.
"Hooked up with?" Ray continued.
"Maybe a couple."
"What about that bar you go to?"
This question was met with a pronounced wall of silence. Ray let it hang, letting it be known that he was still waiting for an answer.
"An ex works there," Dylan finally said tersely.
"And?"
"And what?"
"Do you still talk to him? Hang out with him. Fuck him?"
"Do you still fuck your patrol guys?" Dylan shot back.
"That's different, they're disposable. If you're spending time with a guy you used to date that's completely different."
"I don't go there for HIM." Dylan emphasized the word "him" with a palpable disdain. "I barely say two words to that guy."
"But -"
"Let's just drop it," Dylan said becoming agitated.
Ray wasn't finished. "So, are you ever going move out of John's place?" he asked testily.
"I hadn't really thought about it lately," Dylan said, surprised at the question and at the tone. "I mean, I started looking for a place but then he said I could stick around as long as I wanted."
"I bet he did."
Dylan was confused. "You had fun over there, right?"
"Is that all this is!?" He said, gesturing between the two of them. "Fun!?"
"I don't know?" Dylan said, now caught off guard. "I mean it really hasn't been that long."
That was true but it still angered Ray. The argument that ensued was tense, uncomfortable, and confusing for both parties. It ended with Ray standing alone in his living room, not quite knowing what to do next.
Now, as Ray exited his car after a long day's work, he dreaded going back to an empty apartment. He had wanted to text Dylan but didn't know what to say. Climbing the stairs to his place, he tried to think of the right thing to text. Or maybe he should call? Even at the age of thirty-four relationships were new to him. They were something that he had avoided and now he was not equipped to handle his current situation. He was so lost in thought that upon reaching the final flight of stairs he was startled by the large figure sitting at the top, just outside his door.
Dylan was waiting for him. Ray froze for a moment, unsure of what to do. But the sudden, intense feeling of relief that washed over him was eye-opening. He finished the climb and they both went inside quietly. It was Dylan who immediately ended the silence.
"I started looking for a new apartment," the big man said in a conciliatory tone. "Made appointments for walk throughs at a few different places. I'm leaving work early Friday to check 'em out. You were right."
Ray breathed another sigh of relief but still didn't quite know what to say.
"You look tense," Dylan said empathetically. "How about I give you a massage and we can talk this out."
