Longing for You

Not much changed with Hop and Theo's relationship unless Elise was around, but Hop could tell there were little changes that Theo was putting in place. He wasn't nearly as touchy feely with Hop as he usually was, putting some physical distance between them while they both figured out how this all affected their relationship. Plus Theo was trying to spend more time with his other friends, like Trevor, and now River.

Some things didn't change though. Theo was still there at every single football game cheering Hop and his team on, though now River was joining him and Trevor in the stands. Theo knew River usually went anyway, though Hop had no way to know that. The guy that River liked was on the football team too, though they weren't as close of friends as Hop and Theo were.

Much like Theo was always there for Hop's games, Hop usually went to support Theo for the sports he was in that Hop wasn't. So when the first swim meet of the season happened, Hop was there in the stands with some of their other friends. Elise was there too, since most of the women liked going to the swim meets. Hop was used to them commenting on how small the swim uniforms were and how hot the guys on the team were.

Theo was standing off to the side with Trevor, both of them wearing track pants while they waited for their turn to go up, though they had both long ditched their shirts. River caught Theo's eye as he walked along one side of the pool towards the stands, but Theo didn't let his eye linger. He gave him a nod of his head before he went back to talking to Trevor, and River came to sit not far from Hop.

"Ugh, Theo is so hot," one of Elise's friends, Jasmine, said. "I'd kill to lock that guy down in a relationship."

"Well, he is single, but also a slut," Elise commented before she looked over at where Theo was standing. "He's too much of a try-hard if you ask me. I mean, no one just naturally has hair that color."

Hop knew just how much trouble that hair had gotten Theo into all through school, as well as in his family. It wasn't exactly a secret that half of his family believed the paternity test had been falsified in some way, despite his dad usually shutting that down. From the corner of his eyes, Hop saw River hide a smirk. Hop knew why he was smirking, of course. River had seen Theo naked, and anyone who has would know that the color of his hair was definitely natural. His pubic hair, as well as his leg and arm hair was a similar shade, though he kept most of it shaved off for swimming.

Hop had a random thought about suggesting that Theo dye his pubic hair tips to match the hair on his head but dismissed it as being out of bounds. The announcer gave the announcement for the next group, and Theo stripped out of his pants and threw them over one of the benches. He used his hands to slick back his hair and pulled his swim cap on.

"That speedo does only good things for him though," Jasmine said while fanning her face.

Hop had to restrain even more inappropriate thoughts, leading him to volunteering to get the group snacks. Theo watched Hop as he walked by and then he got up onto the starting spot for the swimmers. Hop was able to grab the snacks and get back right around the time that they started the race. Theo bent down into position, his eyes on the water, and then the buzzer sounded and he soared into the air and sliced down into the water.

Once Hop had distributed the snacks to everyone, he had the chance to really watch as Theo swam his laps. He was really something to behold in the water, and it was no wonder he had gotten scholarships for it. His tan skin moved through the water like he was meant to be there, and he flipped himself over at the opposite side and was back into the lap before anyone could really seem to see him do so.

Everyone was on their feet cheering as Theo came in first place. He came up out of the water and smiled humbly at everyone, like he hadn't just destroyed the rest of the competition with how fast he had been.

"And Theodore Jameson in with a new school record!" the announcer cried out. "This boy is on fire for his senior year!"

Hop couldn't stop himself from pointing out that the announcer really needed better patter, "Fire comments in a swimming competition?"

"Would you prefer they point out how cool he is?" River asked him. "Or how he's splashing in with a new record?"

"Something!" Hop agreed, "I mean, how hard is it to point out he's no longer wet behind the ears or some such!"

"It's not about making puns," Elise replied with a roll of her eyes while River chuckled.

Theo pulled himself out of the water while Jasmine made a comment about watching them get out of the pool being her favorite part. Everyone could see why too, as Theo's muscles flexed while water cascaded off of him. There was a brief flash of white as he climbed back up and readjusted his dark blue speedo.

"Maybe the hair is natural," Elise commented with a smirk. "What do you think about doing a double date with Theo and Jasmine? Maybe see if he'll settle down finally?"

"I'm not into double dates. Plus, for some reason Theo's been avoiding me lately," Hop commented with a shrug.

"Oh really?" Elise asked, suddenly more interested. River seemed interested in this conversation too, as he pointed his ear toward them while watching Theo over by the pool where his teammates were congratulating him. "Are you two starting to drift apart?"

Hop shrugged uncomfortably, his expression showing clear annoyance. "I guess it was bound to happen eventually, I just never bothered to imagine my life without Theo right there. We've known each other since forever."

Elise looked sympathetically at him and rubbed his shoulder. "Sometimes people simply outgrow each other, even childhood best friends. Theo has been making new friends lately. Maybe he's getting ready to fly the nest now."

"I hope he sticks around long enough for me to figure out how to afford an apartment close to campus," Hop said, taking on a thoughtful expression.

"I don't imagine he'll leave before he graduates," Elise commented flippantly. "And besides, eventually you might think of moving in with a girlfriend, you know."

"Theo would never leave you high and dry," River added, making everyone look over at him. "He's thoughtful and kind, and cares about people, especially you. I've seen it shine brightly enough through his constant worries of being good enough in the short time I've known him."

"I don't doubt that he'll stick around until we graduate -- he's on the lease for the house we're renting! But I also know he's been looking at graduate schools and I've been reconsidering my major. Journalism is great and has been an easy time for me, but I don't think I can afford a living with that profession in today's socioeconomic climate," Hop said, deliberately ignoring Elise's remark about moving in with her.

"Well, you did say grad school is important to him," Elise said, miffed that he ignored that but trying to hide it. "He's wanted to be a vet his whole life, hasn't he?"

That was true. All through middle school and high school, Theo had been helping animals all around the neighborhood when he could. If he didn't have a way to help them himself, he would take them to the vet with whatever money he could make through his allowance, which he saved up for that very purpose.

Hop nodded, "Yeah, him finding an injured cat in our neighborhood was how we started hanging out together in fourth grade. He knocked on my door and asked if she belonged to us and I helped him find her family. We pretty much spent that entire summer scouring the neighborhood for distressed critters and helping them."

"Well, everything will work out how it's supposed to," Elise told him. "Even if this is the end of the friendship, you'll move on and be fine. It's not like you can't live without Theo or anything."

Hop gave her a look that illustrated how strange he thought that comment was. "I doubt it'll be the end of the friendship. It just means we'll hang out in person less. I just don't have any other friends who have known me for so long."

No one said anything back to that as they all looked over at where Theo was celebrating their victory with his teammates. They had their arms around each other and were jumping up and down while chanting about U of M. Once the celebration died down, the swim team disappeared into the locker rooms to get showered and changed into clothes again.

Hop noticed when they walked out of the locker room that Theo had changed into a long sleeve blue t-shirt with their school mascot on it and jeans. He had recently redone the tips of his hair, making them blue and gold to match the school colors for the first meet of his senior season.

The group fell into place around Theo as they walked back toward the house. They'd discussed before the meet that they would fall back to their house to get ready before heading to the swimmer's frat for the afterparty. Hop had a paper due soon, so he didn't plan on being too much of the life of the party this time so he could spend some time in the library in the morning. He had told Elise this and she had readily agreed that his academics were more important than partying.

As soon as they got back to the house, Theo made some protein shakes to pass around with the athletes that had competed that day. Elise was watching the two of them closely, and Theo was definitely keeping his distance from Hop. She didn't make a big deal of it, but Hop could tell she was pleased with that. Once they were done with the shakes, they went over to the afterparty to celebrate the victory. Theo grabbed a drink as soon as they got there, preferring to be pleasantly buzzed for the night, but not overly drunk.

Around the time that Hop was going to head out to study, Elise had disappeared again. Hop also noticed River and Theo gravitating towards each other, and since he was watching them closely, he noticed when they slipped out of the party and headed back toward Hop and Theo's residence, likely to hook up. Deciding to give them the time they needed, Hop headed off in search of Elise.

He didn't find her, but by the time he came back around, enough time had passed that he figured Theo would at least be in the bedroom, if not done with what they were doing. Hop was proven right when he came into the house to find the living room empty, and everything in the bedroom sounded quiet. Hop could see the jacket hung up by the doorknob though to let Hop know that Theo was occupied, which got Hop's mind going back to Theo's confession of feelings.

What would it be like to reciprocate those feelings? What would it be like to actually date Theo? That affection that Theo had backed off on would come back, maybe even more so. Holding hands, kissing, and sex would be part of that too, right? He had seen only a ghost of what that could look like when he walked in on Theo and River, but it was cemented into his head now.

Hop had never considered his own sexuality before now but lately it was all he could think about. He had never really defined how he felt about some things, he had just assumed, like everyone else seemed to, that he was completely straight but these questions tumbling through his mind gave rise to deeper questions about who he really was.

And in the center of it all was Theo. Sweet, compassionate, selfless Theo, who generally put others ahead of himself and tried to make everyone feel comfortable and happy. Theo, who was handsome and sexy but not confident in the way Hop thought he probably should be. Which, of course, left Elise as the ultimate monkey wrench in the works. If he even began expressing his interest in the things he was considering, she would ruin Theo's life just to get back at Hop.

And that was unacceptable to Hop.

About an hour after Hop had come home, River left with a head nod to him before he walked out the front door. Their house was a smaller one near campus, with one larger bedroom, a bathroom, and a kitchen and living room all in one room, with the washer and dryer right next to the kitchen. There was a basement for storage but not much else than that.

The bedroom was large enough to fit two full sized beds, and when Hop came in, he found Theo surfing on his phone while he laid on his back on his bed. He had put down the top sheet for sex and now had that ripped off and put into his hamper. He had opened the window and turned on Hop's fan he kept by the bed to air out the room from the scent of sex. He had his blanket pulled up around his hips but he wasn't naked anymore.

"No Elise tonight?" Theo asked him without looking away from his phone.

"She keeps disappearing at parties," Hop said in consternation. Ultimately he shrugged it off.

That made Theo look over at Hop. "You know you could do so much better than her, right? Like, the sky's the limit for you. So many women and men would happily have you. Probably quite a few non-binary people too."

Hop sat down on his bed with a huff. "I can't break up with her right now. She might decide to get back at me by outing you to your family. Even if we 'proved' you weren't, the scrutiny they'd place on you would ultimately fuck everything up."

Theo frowned and sat up. "I hate the idea that you have to date her longer than you want just to protect me. It's so messed up, and I'm sorry I got you into this."

"I kinda got myself into this, Theo. Not you," Hop said, almost tenderly.

Theo couldn't help but let out a laugh at that, because in the long run, Hop was right. Theo had only gotten him into this most recent issue, but Hop had started dating her. Then he laughed harder, and fell back down onto the bed. "Yeah, you really screwed up when you asked that one out, man. If I ever figure out how to time travel, I'll tell past you not to make that mistake again."

"I would appreciate it," Hop responded venomously but with a chuckle to let Theo know he was joking.

Theo continued laughing for a moment and then looked over at Hop with a smile. The smile softened down after a moment and Theo looked serious again. "You know, we could just pull the plug and let the chips fall where they may. Maybe she'll succeed, but maybe my dad's homophobia will work in our favor. 'There's no way my oldest son could be gay! That's unacceptable!'"

"It just seems short-sighted to rush into something that's... questionable at best without being as careful as I can to make sure it doesn't ruin your entire life," Hop said. People tended to assume that he was the typical muscle bound jock, but Hop had always demonstrated a careful thoughtfulness that Theo found incredibly comforting.

Theo gave a small nod. "Yeah, you're right. I just hate having you trapped like this, especially when I feel like I take some of the blame. Just...be really careful if you have sex with her again. If she feels her control slipping, I worry she might try to baby trap you."

Hop kind of shuddered at that thought. Theo gave him a sympathetic smile, and this time, now that he was paying closer attention, Hop could see the love that was behind the expression. Theo knew he was supposed to be working to get over Hop, but it was hard when Hop was being so thoughtful and kind. This was exactly why Theo had fallen for him in the first place.

Hop yawned and stretched before pulling his shirt off and laying down on the bed. He couldn't sleep with his shirt on, it always got twisted. If he had been paying close enough attention, he would have realized how much the simple act of removing his shirt affected his best friend but he was busy mulling over the situation with Elise. Theo turned over in his bed so he wouldn't be so tempted, staring at the window while he considered his own problems.

Now that he considered it, he might have some ways to reduce the fallout from him coming out, but he would need time to put it into place and he didn't want to get Hop's hopes up for nothing, so he didn't say anything. He just made a list on his phone to remind himself.

This was the routine they fell into as swimming and football continued. They would be there to cheer each other on at their sports, but other than that, they kept a distance with each other until it was bedtime. That was the only time they really connected, so long as Elise wasn't there.

They connected to each other most in dreams. Theo had been having dreams of Hop for as long as he could remember; ones where Hop had reciprocated his feelings and kissed him with passion and fervor while carrying him to the bed. The dreams were something new for Hop, though.

The dreams ranged from sweet and tender, to hot and heavy at times. More than once, Hop woke up from a particularly steamy dream with a raging erection and nearly woke Theo up, shocking himself fully awake and leaving him with some very complicated emotions. Theo had been having the hot and heavy ones for years, so he was used to waking up achingly hard and quietly tiptoeing to the bathroom to take care of it before Hop had seen it.

The only thing that seemed good to either of them right then was that both the football team and the swimming team were having a hell of a season. Because of that, the parties continued on, and Elise kept disappearing, much to Hop's annoyance. And Theo continued to see River, which came with some other emotions for Hop. He had never experienced jealousy before this; his few "serious" relationships had still sort of felt disconnected for him. Almost as if he wasn't fully invested.

It made Hop wonder if this was what Theo had been feeling all these years with every single relationship that he had gotten into. Theo had had to watch them all from the outside, silently suffering, never saying a word to Hop about how he felt. It gave Hop a better understanding of the quiet suffering Theo had been going through for years.

Hop usually just took a long shower on the days that he woke up feeling aroused, but he began to notice that this was happening more and more as the end of the football season was approaching. He also noticed that he had not been intimate with Elise since hearing about her intention to ruin Theo's life.

Slowly, over time, Theo had been talking quietly to his mom's side of the family. He had been talking mostly to his grandparents, but he spoke to one of his uncles as well who had a good job in tech. The longer this went on, the worse it felt for Theo, so he wanted to get his financial ducks in a row. He was very clear about why he might need the help too.

Hop knew that Theo was given his mom's maiden name when he was born with the shock of platinum hair, because his dad didn't believe he could be his son. He gave in after the paternity test, but Roberto Santiago had always been much closer to Theo's younger brother, Mauricio. Everything that he might have showered on Theo was given to Mauricio instead. Mauricio got the family name, family heirlooms, praise from the family, and more.

It had always hurt, but it did come with some plus sides. The Jameson family had always disliked Roberto because of it, and tried to do what they could to make up for the lack that Theo likely felt, including his mom. Which meant that if there was something about Theo that Roberto would hate, the Jameson family would likely crowd around to support Theo.

Theo's guess had been right too. Now he just had to figure out what he was going to do. Hockey had already started up, so they were getting busier than they had been. Hop had always been the star on the hockey team, but Theo did well too. He preferred being one of the players in the background, and it was nice to see Hop up close in a game like this.

The party they went to was celebrating one of the big football wins, leading them into the final games of the season now. Theo was there because River and Trevor had talked him into it. Theo couldn't help but watch Hop as the party went on. Elise disappeared at some point, and Theo noticed it this time.