I am Taylor. I was born and raised in a small town in southern Georgia. It's the kind of place where most people stay and live out their whole lives without ever leaving. Go to school, get a job, get married, make little replacements of yourself... I spent the first 18 years of my life dreaming of the day I could finally get out. No offense to the people of that region, but I never felt like I belonged. I was never much into hunting, fishing or football. I found most of the people there to be closed minded and overly opinionated. I had little in common with them.
I had always been the smallest kid in my class. This had led to being picked on and bullied all through school. I would get pushed and knocked around for no other reason than being small. I was called names, including every homophobic slur imaginable, and laughed at on a daily basis. I developed a thick skin very early on and became immune to their abuse. I never had any real friends throughout my childhood. My parents didn't understand me either and I never shared with them the torment I would suffer. I decided early on that being the best student I could be was my only hope at getting out.
I am gay. People always ask, "When did you know you were gay?" For me, the answer is - always. Or, at least from the time that the imagination begins to turn sexual. I have only ever been attracted to other boys. Because of the small southern town I grew up in, I never felt free to be open about my sexuality or who I really was. I never even told my family. I was awaiting the day I could finally escape.
My family didn't have any money so I knew I would have to be self-reliant. I had a perfect school transcript and a high ACT score. I applied to several colleges in the northeast. I wanted to be far away from home, but close enough to make the drive in a single day. My hard work had paid off and I was offered a full ride in the Science department at a good school near Boston based on my academics. I was liberated.
I used the money I had saved from my part-time high school job to buy a used car. I drove up at the earliest date allowed, moved in to my dorm and found a part-time job to cover meals and expenses. This is where life would really begin for me.
My first two years of college were relatively uneventful. My roommate was a nice enough guy, but we hardly saw each other. In addition to my regular classroom time and studies, Science majors also spend hours each week in labs. Of course I still had my part-time job as well. I was too busy for any kind of a social life. I mostly kept to myself. Maintaining my grades was my top priority.
My college has limited on-campus dormitories, so during my junior year I found myself sharing an off-campus housing unit with three other guys. It was still covered in my scholarship, so financially, everything was fine. I had just turned 21 and despite have three housemates, I felt independent for the first time.
My housemates were all big guys, at least compared to me. Chad, Sam and Mark were all involved in sports in some way. They were all at least six feet tall, ranging from 175 to 220 pounds and muscular to varying degrees. I was 5' 5", just shy of 95 pounds and didn't have a visible muscle on my scrawny body. Physically, I still looked like a little boy. The other guys took to calling me Little Guy.
Chad, Sam and Mark were not just well-built, but they were good looking guys too. They seemed very outwardly heterosexual, always talking about girls from around campus and whatnot. I had still never come out of the closet to anyone in my life. I was so busy all the time I just didn't see the point. It never even came up with my first roommate. Now with these new guys, I'm not saying I thought they wouldn't be okay with it, but why even bother. There was no reason for these three guys in this situation to be the first people I share my most personal story with.
My schedule was still full and hectic so I wasn't in the house as much as the others. I would come and go at odd times. When I was there, Chad, Sam and Mark began to tease me about my size. One day Sam asked me, in front of the others, if I bought my clothes in the men's department or the boy's department. Chad and Mark laughed and I tried laughing it off too but he wouldn't let it go.
I answered, "The men's department."
Sam said he didn't believe me. He grabbed me by the hips, spun me around and bent out the back of my waistband. I was like a limp ragdoll in his powerful grip. He announced to the room, "26 inch waist, 28 inch inseam! And he has to cuff the legs!" He pointed down and they all looked and laughed.
Mark asked, "How tall is he?" He took me by the shoulders and pushed me against the wall. He placed his palm on my head and marked a spot on the wall with his finger. He told Sam to get his tape measure. It turns out that I hadn't grown any more since my last check up more than two years ago. Mark measured and proclaimed, "5 feet, 5 inches."
Chad said, "Are we in college or are we in middle school?" Another big laugh.
Another day, I was reading in the great room in a single chair off to the side. My feet were on an ottoman. The other three were sitting together on the couch playing a video game. When they had a lull in their action, Mark observed, "Hey Little Guy, you've got some tiny little boy feet over there. What size shoe do you wear?"
I wanted to ignore him, but they all became interested quickly. I was sure these big guys were all at least size elevens. I tried to think of a size that was small enough that they would believe and big enough that they would let the issue drop and not come over to investigate. I tried, "I wear a nine and a half."
I guess I exaggerated too much. They didn't believe me. All three were up off their couch and moving toward me. Sam and Mark each grabbed an ankle tugged my Nikes right off without bothering to untie them. Chad bent back the tongue from one of my well-worn shoes and read my size. A big smile spread across his face, "Nice try Little Guy." He told the others, "He's a seven and a half!"
They all howled with laughter. They were still holding me by the ankles. With my small feet, when I wear man-sized socks, there is a bunch of empty fabric somewhere. I have to either wear the socks with my toes to the end and the sock heel comes up my calf or I wear the sock heel at my heel and there is poof of extra sock past my toes. I had the heels matched up and my small feet were swimming in the big socks. Chad grabbed for where my toes should have been but only found empty fabric. He laughed again and asked, "Do you even have feet in there?"
They slipped my socks right off and examined me like three doctors consulting on a baffling case. I flushed in humiliation.
Mark asked, "Guys, how old were you when you wore a seven and a half?"
Chad said, "I was in seventh grade, so I guess about 12?"
Sam said, "Dude I was in fifth grade. I was 10." More laughter all around.
One of them let go of my ankle and wrapped a hand around my foot. I tried to not show a reaction, but I am sensitive and I flinched a little at the touch. Chad said, "Look his foot almost disappears in my hand." More giggles.
Chad let go of my foot and discreetly swiped my arch with a finger as he did so. I involuntarily jerked my leg back in reaction. Sam and Mark didn't notice. Chad winked at me.
Sam and Mark let go of my ankles and all three went back to their couch. I bent my knees and tucked my bare feet between the chair and my body. I didn't want to make a show of gathering my boy-sized shoes and man-sized socks in front of them and subjecting myself to potential further ridicule while re-dressing. As I pretended to return to reading my book, I contemplated why Chad had tickled me, not once, but twice.