From deep in the bowels of Hell, the Prince of Darkness releases his hordes of foul, evil and dysfunctional minions bred for the sole purpose of showing up to roommate interviews. And I, Theodore, the legal head of household, must sit here through each horrifying, grueling one on one session with these abominations and remain cordial, collected and most of all, patient. They range from militant bull dykes to future residents of Death Row, closet Pyromaniacs, far-too-energetic athlete types, big, drunk bullies and I even had a bookworm shut-in who was possibly a mild agoraphobic. His fat, frightening mother did most of the talking. In all honesty, I felt bad for him, and I almost said yes, but then the image of his mother and I being on a first name basis made me reconsider my decision.
After he and the giant land mass grace me with their absence, I glance at the clock. Shit, almost 6:30, and the shut-in was the closest I came to nodding my head all day. It was almost time for me to shut the doors and choose the lesser of a thousand evils, but I hoped that maybe I would get lucky and some perfect match would walk through the door at any moment. However, Lady Fortune seems to be on the rag as of late and something told me my prayers were far from being answered.
Great, another knock at my door. What wretched, withered creature of the Abyss shall it be this time? Perhaps a frat guy who gets his kicks from torturing small furry animals? A mad scientist who will rebuild all my household appliances into evil, sentient carnivores? With a deep, exasperated sigh, I open the door and there stands a perfectly normal looking guy with a charming smile on.
"Hi, I'm Travis, am I too late for the open house?" He slides a tuft of his long, dark hair behind an ear and gives me a pleading look with a pair of the purest, most electric blue eyes I've ever seen. I can't help but smile in return and motion for him to come in.
"Not at all, dude. Make yourself at home."
His smile lengthens as he walks by me, nodding his head in thanks. "This is a really nice place. You must take good care of it." I follow him into the living room and take my seat across from him like I did with every applicant before him.
"Yeah, I'm a bit of a neat freak. I don't expect my roommate to be, but I don't want a slob either."
"Oh, right, of course." He glances down with a sigh. "Listen, I'm sorry for being late, I work in theater, and it's hard for me to get out of work on time, you know?" Ugh. //Theatre??\\ Is that slang for being a male stripper or something? I knew this guy was too good to be true. He must've seen the look on my face because he suddenly bursts out laughing. "Omigawd, I can just imagine what you may be thinking. And you're half right. I'm not exactly reciting Shakespeare, but I don't take my clothes off either, so don't worry about it."
I suddenly feel shameful at having been so judgmental. I'm not usually so closed-minded…I was probably letting today's misadventures get to me. I rake my fingers through my short, light brown hair and smirk uncomfortably. "Shit, man, I'm sorry. What exactly do you do?"
Travis tilts his head and gives me the most genuine, forgiving smile he could muster. "Don't be. I dance in a sort of Cabaret. It's reminiscent of the 1920's…really classy stuff." I was suddenly drawn in, wanting to hear more about this man. It looks like Lady Luck had a smile for me up her sleeve after all.
All evening, we sat there and talked. It was as if perhaps we'd known each other for years and were merely rekindling an old friendship. After the first hour, we stopped talking about being roommates and just talked. The subjects varied greatly, and I ended up confiding in him things I wouldn't normally let complete strangers in on. He confirmed my suspicions that he was gay, not like it was hard to tell by his mannerisms. By a quarter after nine, we both decided we were hungry, and instead of letting him go home, I told him I would take him out to celebrate me finding my new roommate. Needless to say, he was ecstatic.
All during dinner, I half expected him to make a pass at me. I know how stereotypical that is, but I'm not a bad looking guy, and he seemed to have pretty good taste in just about everything. To my surprise, the whole night went by and not even a hint that he was the least bit interested. In a way, I was relieved, being that I'm not gay and I wouldn't have gone with it anyway, but a part of me was almost disappointed; as if wondering if he thought I wasn't good-looking enough for him. When we parted, he told me he would finish packing this weekend and be by to move in on Monday. He tapped my arm and thanked me for dinner, but that's it. I sat up all night thinking about what a sophomoric idiot I was being. I finally fell asleep around 6 in the morning.
By Monday, my place was spotless and ready to be occupied. By 8 in the morning, I was sitting restlessly on my living room couch with nothing to do but wait. I found myself so excited, I couldn't stand to watch T.V., listen to the radio or read. Luckily, by around 10, my doorbell rang. I hate to tell you how fast I sprang up to answer it. The door swings open, and instead of my roommate, there stands a young lady about my age moving boxes from a U-Haul to my front doorstep. She looked a lot like Travis, probably his sister helping him move. How sweet.
"Oh, good morning! Where can I put these for now?" She gives me the same charming smile, only now with rich, chocolate-painted lips. They were definitely related. I point by the couch and blatantly check out her ass in that tight leather skirt as she bends over to put the stuff down. I couldn't get over how amazingly hot his sister was.
"Morning." I rub the back of my neck, trying to act all innocent when she turns back around to face me. "I'm Theo. You're Travis' sister, right? What's your name?" I put out a hand for her to shake.
She stands there wide-eyed for a moment, blinking at me. "Omigawd, Theo, you don't recognize me? It's me, Travis."
My jaw hits the floor and my heart drops into my ankles. All I can do is muster up a fit of nervous laughter and shake my head. "What?? No way. Stop fucking with me."
"I'm serious, Theo, this is what I do. I'm a crossdresser. I'm sorry if it freaks you out, but I'm comfortable this way." Jesus, and I was checking out his ass! "So are you gonna help me with these boxes or what?" He smirks, trying to change the subject.
Not knowing what else to do, I grab a box and start helping. After a while of awkward silence, I wait until we're both in his bedroom catching our breaths over some ice water to ask him one of the many questions burning the back of my tongue. "So how…I mean how long have you been doing this?"
"Dressing like a woman?" He smiles, and my eyes follow a bead of sweat that dribbles from his temple and down along the length of his pale jugular, past his collarbone and disappearing into the top of his blood red blouse. "Ever since I was little I guess…dressing up in mommy's clothing, you know the deal." I suddenly shake myself out of my stupor. Yes, he looks like a woman. Yes, he's unfathomably hot, in fact a lot hotter than most of the women you've dated. But there's something hidden down there that none of your past girlfriends had that you don't want. Remember that.
"And do like…your parents know about this? I mean, are they okay with it?" I take a seat on a box and stare deep into those deep blue pools of his, enthralled.
"My parents come to almost all of my shows." He giggles. "It took them a while to accept me, but they're over it now. I'm still their only son." He arches one of his delicate brows at me. "Why, are your parents going to freak out over you rooming with a transvestite? Are they going to think I'm some sort of depraved, kid-touching pervert?"
"Probably." I laugh, not really meaning to insult him. "My mom's idea of a career was being a loyal housewife and my old man is the typical old-fashioned, armchair sports fan who uses the words 'fag' and 'fairy' like 'is' and 'the'. I'm just gonna tell them you're a woman. That might get them to lay off of the 'when are you getting married and giving us grandchildren' stint they've been on."
"And have them pester us to tie the knot? No thanks, I'll be a man when they're over, thank you very much." I was almost insulted by that remark.
"C'mon, let's get the last of the stuff inside, it's supposed to rain later." I lie, wanting to end this conversation and get the work overwith. He merely nods and walks out in front of me. I can't help but glance at that ass again, then internally smack myself for it.
That night, I help him unpack a bit and get himself settled. I show him the little tricks needed to work my shower and stove, and warn him about the loose floorboard leading to the balcony. He cooks dinner for the both of us, and I'm thoroughly impressed. "Wow, you have impeccable style, talent, and you can make a mean meatloaf. I think this is the start of a beautiful friendship."
He covers his mouth and chuckles at me. "Well, dear, from all the stuff I found in your fridge, you seem like you enjoy cooking as well."
"I do, but that doesn't mean I'm any good at it." He laughs again, and I decide I enjoy hearing that sound. Our conversation strays into our past love lives over the course of the night, and from the way he describes his past boyfriends, he seems to go for the clean-cut, intellectual type, if a bit artsy. If I were gay, I'd be right up his alley. After dinner, I stand in the doorway of his room, watching him make his bed. We both have work tomorrow; otherwise, I would recommend we go out to see a movie or something. I just enjoy hanging out with him, he's such a relaxed, easy-going person, so good to talk to.
"Okay, Theo, thanks for all the help, but I'm going to have to kick you out now so I can get changed for bed." He smiles, but his tone of voice is semi-serious. I nod, take one last look at that unbelievable form of his and retire into my bedroom to sufficiently berate and lecture myself on the merits of keeping my hormones in check. I end up jerking off three times to the thought of bending him over the arm of the couch and plowing my dick in between those thick, plush ass cheeks. Only then am I able to fall asleep.
